im bitter today
im bitter that so many people have had such an easy life
im bitter that no matter how hard i work, and how many jobs i juggle, i'll never have enough money to be comfortable
im bitter that im alone
im bitter that my boyfriend wants distance
im bitter that my friends dont reply
and most of all
im bitter that my mum died and left me to figure this out on my own

I’m sad and alone and my friends are here but they aren’t all at the same time
I’m sad and alone and yet smiling at them when I talk and laughing when they make a joke
But it’s 1pm and I’ve been up for hours and I haven’t left my bed
Constantly on the verge of tears

The mother of the boyfriend of my best friend has died
And I don’t know what to do
In the week of the anniversary of my own mother passing in the same way
it hurts
I don’t know what to say, don’t know how to react: how do you say sorry?
How do you say he’ll move on when you haven’t moved on yet and it’s been three whole years?
How do you convince someone that their suffering will end when they’ve seen you and they know your suffering hasn’t?
The mother of the boyfriend and my best friend has just died and it feels like mine has just died again

How dare you?
To say the least.
They say that you reap what you sow but if that’s the case then what weeds have I laid down to deserve this?


Alone and empty not for the first time.
But before I was so full,
So full of hate and anger
Now empty.
Not even empty; full of something else
Something new.

You brought me into this world and like ash you blew away those who made me
Granted I did not care for one but
To take half my heart?
How dare you?
Who made you king?
I denounce the crown.