I shiver
Your touch no longer warms my soul
It's more comparable to the winter of '14
When even looking out the windows
Made you familiar with the ice outside
                     I hate
The fact I no longer feel safe
I can't confide my secrets in you
I can't even say I love you
Because that gives you a power
You'll most likely abuse
                      I blame
Your absent mother for your lack of love
I came into your life
And you expected me to save you
But I couldn't even save myself..
                      I apologize
That even though your to blame
I was always too timid to stand
Against your rigid ways
So maybe it's my fault

Maybe I just didn't love hard enough.

I'm so busy settling
That I missed the chance
To explore
This land I've been told of
Something called freedom to love

Everyone hopped on the boat
Eager to make their way
Away from settling ways
I couldn't help but wonder why I was settling..
Breaking ground for a man
Who wouldn't even plant the seed

My body lay dormant
As he proceeds
To settle on top of mine
I was settling again..
Why am I settling?

I asked him if I could make way
To extended parts of this ground
I had broke, solely myself
He said no
Continue to work as you have been
We're not finished
But where was the he in we?
It's all been me..

I settled again today
The news of expectance has been given to me
But not us
He said it is neither the time nor the place
Get rid of it
I settled for his theory..
Maybe he was right
So I settled to give up motherhood

I settled today
I was lain comfortably in this satin lined coffin
I Settled comfortably in the ground
I settled in this darkness
Because even after life
Death is matter of settling

the truth is no one ever taught me how to fix a flat tire or how to ask for help or what love was even good for in the first place

and the truth is that the cookie was good but the lemon icing wasn't and the truth is baking should be done without any kind of lemon at all

and the truth is i wish you'd hold me close enough that our skin fused together and i could burrow into your spine and learn all the things you won't teach me

and the truth is you were never good at making eye contact but i dare you to look at me long enough that i can trace the line that connects your iris to your pupil and count how many shades of black a person can produce

and the truth is i don't know if the grass has fingerprints but i know that yours are cigarette stained and no better at letting go than mine

and the truth is i am a dump site and you are an inhale and i am clockwork and you are a melody and i can't keep my teeth off your eloquence

and the truth is my feet are covered in acrylic paint from leaving smudged footprints in sparkly things

and the truth is i don't want you all to myself but you can pretend i'm yours when i'm engulfed in the ocean and making it hard for you to breathe

and the truth is i'm looking for a different kind of intimacy from you

and maybe it's just some teenage girl talking but the truth is that i want to drown with you. i want to burn with you. i want to scream with you so violently that the body that crushes my lungs crumbles and i become a balloon for real this time

and the truth is, if you hadn't called me beautiful, i would have mistaken last night for a paradise i don't believe in

If we do not exist
then we'll not be missed
when we don't sign on.

Do not pass go but go to jail,
no job,
no rent,
no sanction,
no fail.

If we do not exist
it wasn't us
who ****** up against
the walls
of parliament.

No ill intent
it was
only parliament
and to them
we don't exist.

She pick pocketed all the moments she told me she loved me
Strong arm robbed me of the hope planted in my sternum
Took the few words still stuck on my tongue
And so I forgave her

My heart did not break
The sun still rose today
And the rain reminded me I can still feel
And so I forgave her

I will move slowly forward
Finding new ways to forget her
Plucking her like cotton out of my memory
So I can forgive her

Sonnet: What Lips My Lips Have Kissed*

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more