We used to spend this time together,
but recently I just ponder alone,
gazing at a dusty photo reel
ten years in the making.
A flood of scenes uncovered
from young swing set drama
to liquored up laughter,
silly whispers in confidence
to creating stories we'd never tell our kids.

I've been staring for hours;
I wish I knew why,
and I wish I knew how,
but the film has timed out
and you're no where to be found.
A solo swing creaking, you're drinking alone,
with no one to tell your secrets to,
you'll make stories with no audience.
You just want to remember it as yours.

I shouldn't have
let you get so close,
let you pierce me with your eyes,
let you own me.
I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have
been so naive,
been so blind to your intentions,
believed you meant well.
I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have
submitted to your sin,
the stain I now must bear,
I will not wash clean.
I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have
ignored what they said,
they were right.
I should have seen
the vicegrip that you claimed as love
was around my neck
and not my heart.
I should have!

I should have
left long before I
made so many mistakes,
decisions can't be undone.
I should have.
I should have.

You can't keep this up.
I burned the walls of your pasture,
I'm no longer yours to herd.
And you're right.
I am guiltless, free of that pressure
you forced onto my shoulders.
That avalanche of boulders you hurled
at me have crumbled to dust at my feet.
Fueled by you.
Your constant slugging, endless dependability,
fixation on control that destroyed us, and now
are about to destroy you. (If they haven't already.)

I am freed.

I've found solace in something new.
And it's about time you did too.

A kiss in the rain preludes

an embrace so long

they leave a lone dry spot

in the street. 
Parched.
Thirsting for more,

yet somehow release,

a “see you soon” leaves

her at piece.

But soon is gone, 
later has passed,

silence screams in her ear

that it was never meant

to last. 
The clouds have cleared,

the rain has come, gone

and come again, but now

with a haunting from the ghost 

of her heart; it hovers 

over that same empty space, and
drop by subtle drop the void fills,
never to be visible again.

Imagine
what the world would be like
if those fighting to ban two men wedding
were committed to ending global hunger.
What would it be like if
the time we spent bantering about what
firearms we can and can't own
was spent ending child abuse?
If the energy spent denying the truth
about our deteriorating planet
was used to fuel green technology,
wouldn't the world be different?
I guess we can only
Imagine.

I started one step down from the top,
I had weights holding down
the bottom so I wouldn't fall.
But suddenly a violent gust
knocked
me down a rung.
However most of my supports survived the whip.
I climbed back up.

But, alas, the storm was just beginning it's brew
for the gusts returned, angry, and along with came
chilled bones and slick skin. I could not
maintain my place, I was
knocked down three times as far.
With no time to recover I was shocked once more,
I clung to the sides as the wind gained strength, but
it was too much.
The wind howled, the thunder snarled and echoed,
a stampede was rolling through.
My foundation had been wiped away,
rendered useless.
A crack roared from the heavens, and just
as I looked up in reaction, a giant flash of yellow
fried my ladder and sent
my body flying,
screaming.
Unwilled, unforeseen, unforgiveable.

I am on my back
and my ladder is gone.

I don't want to live in a world
where comparison is bedrock,
where I feel pressure when I look down.
I feel disgusted in front of a mirror,
I despise the side view, and
the need to shrink becomes eminent.
I can't leave the house unless
I'm in line, every part.
Every eyelash must be individual.
No clumps.
Every blemish must be hidden.
No exceptions.
And if one thing goes wrong...

I just want to look like her.
Or her.
Ms. Flat Stomach And Tan Skin.
(Soon to be a Mrs.)