They were broken children
Their scissored minds ran them
In spirals
Until they sat with crossed legs
And crossed lips
To press themselves flatter
They were cut-strings marionettes
Who danced
In an attempt to wring calories
From their balsa-wood bones
Which refused to give
And who pinned their painted smiles
A little tighter each morning
They were snapped-spines picture books
Who’d been warped too far by society
And had had their pages torn from the crease
So that words hung like razor blades
And spliced from each vertebrae

They took them to the circus
Where they were the **** of every joke
But when the clowns speared them with dripping eyes
And artificial mouths that were stretched over grimaces
Like the dust-jackets from different stories
They stared back glassily
Because how can you be afraid
Of the broken clockwork of your reflection?

There was a time 
when I held you in my arms
when I caressed your forehead 
as you slowly fell asleep
in my arms,
humming along with me
an old lullaby.

There were these magical moments
sometimes late at night 
when I rested beside you
for long quiet hours 
just watching you sleep.

I felt as if I was your guardian angel
a mother wolf,
your dream catcher.... 
And there were times 
when I helped you would walk,
eat, or wash your hair
And let you bath
all by yourself.
 
And then I heard you say 
your first amazing little words!
Food to my soul.
Mama! mom!
You melted my heart.
I knew you were mine.
A piece of my soul!

There were the times
when I was sad
And I held you very very close
to my heart
and to my pounding chest
while I carried you in my arms
And hummed you lullabies.
 
And as you grew
There were many times
when we laughed together, 
played games together,
and sang silly songs
and danced.
You too loved to sing....

And these little precious
simple moments to me
in times
when I talked and gave you an advise
and you listened;
When you talked wisely
And smart for you young age
and I proudly listened.

And I was there for you,
and you, tiny piece of my heart,
were there for me too,
catching my back...
and we were just like two young friends
Instead of mother and children.
And I felt proud of myself
And very cool.

But there were these times
when I was no longer there for you.
When worries about money,
Marriage problems, work,
or just plain selfishness
came in the way
before me and before you.
Before you and I.

Suddenly we split apart
And "I hate you mom"
Replaced "I love you mom".
When I wanted to be
Backwards, one day at least.

So I want to say to you now,
my little birds,
as you ready yourselves 
to walk out of my nest,
and begin your new journey away
With your independent lives
I'M SORRY,
SO SORRY!
For all of my faults
And mistakes.
I should have love you much more
If that was posible
And judge you less.

THERE'S SO MUCH I REGRET.
SO MUCH
LOVE THAT I HELD 
FROM ALL OF YOU
EVEN FROM MYSELF...

THERE'S SO MUCH I NEVER GAVE
THAT I WANT TO GIVE TO YOU
AND SO MANY THINGS 
THAT I WISH TO SAY
OR TO TAKE BACK.

BUT I KNOW THAT THERE ARE TIME
WHEN IS JUST TO LATE
AND WORDS AND ACTIONS
DO HURT AND I CAN'T  BE  CHANGED
OR TAKEN BACK.
I WISH HE HAD BEING A BETTER DAD.
I WISH, REGARDLESS THAT
THAT I HAD BEING THE PERFECT MOM
YOU ALL DESERVE.

But there it is still time to catch up,
To change and make amends.
You all taught me that,
Is never to late for a new start.

LAST, FOR ALL THAT,
FOR ALL THE MISSED TIMES,
I STILL WANT TO SAY
THAT I'M SORRY.
I WANT MY TIME BACK.
I LOVE YOU MY CHILDREN
WITH ALL OF MY HEART
AND I AM TRULY SORRY
IF I WAS EVER BAD OR MAD....

Yesterday, today, and then
every other day!
These are the days of the week 
that somehow counts for me.

During these hopeful days
the week goes by quick
as a snow slide,
and frozen tears of ice
through the corners of my eye
in my locked up window...

These days goes by through the front glass of my car,
fogging my way & my whole vision.

Yesterday, today, and every other day
the newspaper arrives at my doorsteps, rain or shine. St. Pete Times or USA Today, 
are left outside for me, soaking wet 
and tintilating,cold, and moody,
with only sad news to offer me...

Nothing seem sadder to me
that a cold and rainy humid winter,
without dirt snowangels,
half melted and salt spread all over it.

Salt bring bad luck. I was told. No. Nothing is sadder
than a rainy winter day
when its snow is no longer white
but a dark shade of gray
like the disarrayed fur 
on a grayish and old 
fake mink coat...

The snow is not hard as rock, is soft like melted sugar in my warm coffee cup.
Yesterday, today, and every other day
I lit a smoke, that I promised to quit yrs. ago.
And I watch through my window
this melting snow, 
dressing the cars in white, the departing airplanes
humming loudly outside, and the lonely, but wild, and crazy 
laughing gulls singing
mindless of everything that's going on around. Laughing loud at my boring days; Today, yesterday, and every other day...

THIS TREE WITH MAGIC
GOLDEN LEAVES
IT'S THE SOLE WITHNESS
OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST FALL,
BETWEEN YOU AND I.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU HERE
ONE LAST TIME....

Love
seems to be
the cure
for my suffering;
My anxiety and sadness.
Even if it's brief
or last long extenuating exhausting
hours.
The best hours
can spend in bed
Besides sleep.

Alcohol
It's a light in the dark.
A serum of energy.
A light mixed with darkness.
Or the opposite of darkness.
My choice over water.

****
The famous Mary
The cure to all pain & suffering
These days.
His regular old Camel mixed with ****
It goes hand in hand with love, alcohol & ***.

It is said to relax and take away
Excruciating Pain or any illness,
internaly and externally, intentionally or not.
It heals your soul.
Hide your scars
and numbs your mind
Giving  you new hopes in life
envolved in it's mystical phsycodelic fog.
Maybe that's a different drug.
But **** should be legal and a medicine to trust.

Love, Alcohol, & ***;
It seems be the magical pill
For this matrix type of world.
For this life I live in.
But like all,
There's always a price to pay.
Love, Alchol, & ****
is something you should never trust.

"I wish to go back one day to that valley by the river, where the red fern grows...The red fern are planted by angels, and growing they never stop. And this place become sacred."

That's the place I've being;
that's where I want to go.

"Moon, if you see him, tell him
that I love him"

Please moon ask him
where he goes,
away from me.
Why he is not seeking me
begging me to be his
forever.
He is this deep melancoly
I feel
that drives my heart and dreams,
and the thorn in my flowers.

It was easy at first
when we were young
our love was a game
but dear moon
now it's a game of life or death.

It was easy at first
when our kisses where that motor
that started our emotions
and we touched the ceilings,
the skies and  
and heaven.

Now that he is far away,
I still feel his love inside.
Moon if you see him please tell him
that I love him more than the air I breath,
my heart is wide open to love.
Without his love I will die.
I will die.
I will die.

Moon tell him please...


"I Love You"

I love you from the first time I saw you.
I love you. I define my feelings with these
three simple words; "Yo Te Amo"/ "I love you". Tomorrow is like a year and the moon calls for you, sings at you, and follows you...if you are far, I will die, I will die.