my ankle was dried out from
the blazing summer sun
from the time at the beach with you.

it was the best day
but it turned so dark
so ******* quick

we were sat in my car
the windows down, breeze
flowing through the air

and i handed you a dollar
to pay for my coffee
but you declined my offer.

so i put it in your shirt pocket
and you made a joke about strippers
and i made a joke about strippers

except
you didn’t find my joke funny
you never did

your face turned as hot and red
as the sunburn on my ankle
that now felt itchy

you questioned me
interrogated me
for something i did before i knew you

and you left me by myself
threw the dollar at me
and walked away as my tears start to fall

they don’t affect you though
they never really did
so i run out of the car

but you’re already buckled into yours
and slowly pulling away
telling me out the window

“don’t talk to me right now. you disgust me”

i have never felt so hollow in my life
like i could fall over and
shatter into a million pieces

i walk inside my house.
“how was your day sweetie?”
i respond how i always do
“it was amazing. i’ll tell you later.”

my ankle is itchy
i sit on my bed
and i scratch

and scratch

and scratch.

it hurts more than it itches now
but i continue to scratch.

my nail finds a permanent groove

it continues to scratch.

it hurts now. it’s bleeding.

but i am telling myself

that i deserve this for what i’ve done.
i am disgusting. how could i have done that. i’m a horrible girlfriend.

i look down and see red
it’s all over my fingers
underneath my nails.

i feel

accomplished.