you only write when you're in love
& it's extraordinary  
but when you delete it
what does that really mean?

you continue to look through old poetry
instant nostalgia consumes you
what do you feel? 
is it how you felt while writing it
or is it how you feel reading it now
watching ages pass as an innocent bystander
waiting
for the moment to come for you to have a chance to speak up
shout into the void
do you dare enter it?
or leave it untouched?
wallflowers are funny
empathy is magical
comprehensible things aren't really comprehensible, are they?
what you think is what you imagine
thinking in the past will only make you yearn for that sweet kiss, that soft touch
everything is all over the place
sprawled out across the floor
do you want to clean it up, or continue to let it pile?
you're hoarding
burn it
burn it all
watch the embers dance in the air
& the flames wave with the draft
& the smoke consume the sky
cough. choke. cry. suffocate.
become reborn.
you're a Phoenix & your life is up.
begin again. sprout from the ashes & start anew.

sitting at a diner
early morning hours
I check
is it to bring relief? because it will eventually bring my ruin.
I'll read new words & conjugate hypothesese & the images will come flooding in.
I know what it means
& you can hide & keep & sly your way through
but just know, 
I know.

my bed is a cloud
one giant pillow
& I'm sunk

but cravings
they're calling me
reaching out their tired arms
I'm almost at their grasp

pat dreamt too long
& now she's gone
she's dust
at dusk

she resembles the colors of flowers
she's running in a meadow
with legs from '79
under the pine trees

the sun splashes against her skin
effervescent
she's smiling
she's gleaming

her hair is ripping
against the cool breeze
arms outstretched
she's pulling you in

her warmth is like no other
a fire blazes within her
a timid light, but fierce
she's a safe haven 

she doesn't know you
but she invites you in
she teaches you the way
& let's you run off on your own

she observes, quiet & fixed
she feels & pours out the toxicity
she pushed on
& now she's gone

I can't help but feel her inching her way in
in the in between
she's still a problem
I can't let her be
choose me!
choose me!
abandon everything
for me
I plead!