i live
my life
in lies.
i keep
my secrets
in my eyes.
yet somehow
you still get hypnotized.
if you ever asked,
i wouldn't deny,
that almost ever word
i've ever said,
has been
a lie.
i'm sick of things,
never going my way.
and i'm sick of never knowing,
the right things to say.
and the words get stuck,
and my hands get tied,
and although i've tried,
i just can't hide,
the secrets that live,
deep inside,
but i can't help but realize,
that writing this,
just like usual,
i lied.

What it is that I would like to say, is
thank you.

Thank you for not fighting for me.
Thank you for not being here.
Thank you for making it so extraordinarily obvious
how insufficient I am
in your thoughts, cares, wants and needs.

It has made it exponentially more bearable to say goodbye.

Or, at least, that's what I would like to say,
if it weren't a gaping lie.

But, maybe if I keep saying it, it will no longer be a lie.
It's been said, "lying doesn't become you."
I think it's because, you must become the lie.
It's acceptable  to lie to yourself if you make it positive.
"I look so pretty today"
"I'm going to win the competition today"
"I'm going to start exercising today"

So I'll make it positive.
I will.
Once I find the good in you being gone.