How long can I keep smiling,
Before somebody sees the cracks
And how long can I keep hoping,
Until my life slips off the tracks?
They say that I’ll be fine,
That I will get through this.
That I need to focus,
On all that I would miss.
If I so chose to take away my pain,
To forever escape this world,
Leave those who love me behind,
And the mystery of my sorrows unfurled.
But when nothing right,
Ever seems to come my way,
It makes wanting to stay here,
Harder every single day.
Confused by the thoughts in my head,
I am not sure what I should do.
Misery has taken over,
No one can help, not even you.
You say you are here for me,
And yet you’re never there.
Why should I breathe any more,
When you don’t really care?
You’ll argue and say you do,
But I know how you really feel.
You regret ever knowing me,
And believe my pain is unreal.
No one knows the real me,
Not even I really know,
Who I truly am,
I’ve sunk too far below.
This self inflicted misery,
Has taken its final toll.
It’s left me bruised and broken,
Trapped without a soul

i think in a way,
i can sense sadness.
and even though it's different for everyone,
sadness has a way of sensing me, too.

i've always been attracted to those types of people.
you know the kind i'm talking about.
with their sad smiles, and deep eyes.
the kind of people who have a story,
the kind of people who have scars.

those people are my kind of people.
you, first, with your parents divorce,
and your bottled up rage,
and the bruises you gave to me in the middle of the night,
in the bedroom on the first floor,
while everyone else was asleep.
the sadness you carried turned into rage,
and i fought to keep you in check.

and then you,
with your closet secrets,
and the dust swept under your rug.
your sadness seeped through those guards on your eyes,
and found its way right into my heart.
you etched yourself into my life,
until the sadness you felt,
i felt myself,
and your soft touches,
and sweet words,
melted into me.
and then it was all gone,
taken away in a flash,
and you walked away without a second glance.

you, next,
with your ever lasting smiles,
and modest attitude.
you never understand how much fun you are,
because you're so focused and caught up in being sad.
i saw stories in your eyes,
and the more stories i heard,
the more i learned why you were sad all the time.
but i wish the most for you, and i wish more than anything that you could be happy.
but sad people well,
they're made to be sad.
but you kept me in check.
we would talk for hours,
about pet names, and would you rathers,
and truths that i told no one but you.
and for awhile there,
i thought you could make me happy.
but our sadness together was too much,
and i ran and hid from the happiness
that i might have found in you.

you, finally,
you weren't the saddest,
or the happiest.
in fact, when i met you,
i didnt even think you were a sad person.
until i saw what she did to you,
how she broke you.
you are sad,
but because of your secrets.
because there's nothing else for you to do but hide.
you should be able to be yourself,
and live your life how you want to.

thats the thing though,
about sadness,
us sad people,
we cling to it.
we hold on to it.
and we learn to depend on it.
because,
"you can get addicted to certain kind of sadness."
and thats that.

I saw you today,
first time in a while...
You looked good,
you wore a smile...
All those fights,
all that hurt,
doesn't seem to matter
when you talk to her.
I want to be jealous,
I want to be mad,
but I'm at a loss,
I'm not even that sad.
'Cause I saw you today,
first time in a while...
You looked good,
you wore a smile...

The ghost of things
I never  said
keep me up
while I lay in bed.
In the minutes
that come before sleep,
I ask myself why
I never took the leap...
Of all things I am
One of them is not bravery,
in fact, to my demons,
I am in slavery.

to you,
i always thought you were
the quiet type.
i have a problem, with things
like that.
i feel the strongest compulsion to talk
to the quiet ones.
they're the ones with the best stories.
that certainly was true,
with you.
i always was attracted to you,
in many different ways.
like i told you,
i saw a story in your eyes,
the very first day.
there were so many thoughts,
in my head at that time.
maybe this will be easier if i try to rhyme.
i wanted to get to know you,
and i never had a doubt,
that everything i thought,
we would talk about.
i knew i could be honest with you,
and always speak my mind,
and whenever i needed someone,
i could count on you every time.
and even when you seemed sad,
you always seemed to smile,
and eventually we started talking,
although it took awhile.
all those times in math class,
you laughed along with us,
and slowly but surely,
we gained each others trust.
back then i was scared,
of being what i was,
and i denied my feelings,
and hid them just because.
i didn't realize then,
exactly how i felt,
until the night you grabbed my hand,
and my heart began to melt.
there are a lot of things i cant explain,
about the things i said and did,
and when i realized how much i cared,
i simply ran and hid.
i was just so scared of it,
and how you made me feel,
so i called ******* on my hand of cards,
and tossed away the deal.
you deserved and explanation,
for things that couldn't be explained,
and when i dropped right out of your life,
hell is what you gained.
i watched for months,
as she treated you,
like you meant nothing to her,
and it really hurt my heart inside,
because i knew how sweet you were.
you treated her like she hung the stars,
in the sky above,
but she had blackness in her heart,
that couldn't be cleared by love.
so i sat on the sidelines,
and watched her break your heart,
while the idiot i fell for,
was also tearing me apart.
i can only imagine,
how it would be,
if things hadn't happened like they did,
how different things might be right now,
if i had never hid.
i really do care about you,
if thats something you don't realize,
and i'm still interested in hearing the rest,
of the stories in your eyes.
i want you to be in my life,
more then i can show,
but if you want me around at all,
thats something i don't know.
i want to know your stories,
the ones you have yet to tell,
i need you to know,
i miss the times,
when i knew your life so well.
don't be afraid to talk to me,
because i really, truly care,
and like i told you a thousand times,
i'll always be there.
don't ever think you're
a bother to me,
or that i don't want you around,
because a friendship like the one we have,
can never again be found.
so, chief, always remember,
that i remember our story too,
and i want to be a part of your life,
because i care about you.
always,
the captain.