It's been awhile since I've spoken to myself.
Lately, I've been ignoring my feeling and thoughts.
I am sorry but then again I'm not.
Because this is the only guaranteed way that I won't end up crying in my bed at the end of the night.
What a sad world this is.
Why doesn't this feel right?
Why is it that it seems like you don't want to be with me?
Our love isn't as strong.
Or maybe because one of us doesn't want to be in this love anymore.
What should I do?
Let you go and no longer have you feel like you have to force yourself to love me?
Or keep lying to myself that our love will get better.
Like a dying animal, I think we all know what's best.
I not going to say you never loved me, because I know you did. But that's the thing, "did". Why did you have to lie me & yourself that you still loved me? God knows how long you've been lying... It's just depressing because this love was once so beautiful and unlike no other. I believed that this love was going to last forever. But you proved me wrong, not everything last forever. If only you would have hurt me with the truth, rather than to comfort me with lies. So here I am doing you a favor, I am letting you go, completely. I won't hold you back no longer. I am setting you free. But before you leave, I want to thank you for being my first love. For being the man to showed me true happiness & true love. I know that next girl you love will be the luckiest girl in the universe. You will forever be in a special place in my heart. & no, I don't hate you. I love you. That's why I'm letting you go. Because I can't force you to love me the way I love you. So Thank you my love. For everything. <3
No longer will I take this pain.
You've suffocated me with your lies.
Stabbed me in the back too many times.
You've broken my heart so much that there is no longer anything to break.
My heart, my soul, is nonexistent.
Just last night you told me how much you miss me & how much you love me.
I believed you.
Then today I saw you talking to the girl who ruined our relationship.
It hurts because I know your feelings for her.
I know you think she beautiful & independent. You said it yourself.
I know you like her.
I can tell, because the way you looked her, well that's the way you use to look at me.
My top favorite quotes are:
"Never give up."
"Everything will be okay at the end, if it's not okay it's not the end."
"Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what we wanted."
"Karma is only a ***** if you are."
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."
11 was your lucky number
13 was mine.
So we made "11:13 make a wish."
I still make a wish even though you're not here to make one with me.
I wish that I could go back in the past & fix the mistakes I made.
Then again I know that wish wouldn't come true.
So, I wish that whoever you end up with, they will be able to give you the happiness I couldn't provide.
You will always have a special place in my heart.
My first love, I love you.
Before when I called you,
You would answer with,
Now you answer with,
Before you would end the call with,
"I love you more than anything."
Now you end it with,
"I gotta go."
Before you would write me love letters.
Now you don't even call me back.
I need a lot of super glue so I can glue our love back.
Because this love, is corrupting...
Remember when we first Tangoed?
Remember those summer nights where we'd FaceTime till sunrise?
Remember that night we poured our hearts to each other?
Remember when you asked me to wear your jersey?
Remember our first date?
Remember our first kiss?
Remember when our love was stronger than no other?
Nights like this I want to lock myself in my room & lay in bed.
I want to listen to Daughter & Adele.
I want to watch Forrest Gump
Then lay in my bed and cry myself to sleep.
I am sorry that I can't be like those girls.
I am sorry I don't have long legs or a prefect body.
I am sorry I can't be the person you want me to be.
I am sorry for being weak.
I am sorry.
Slowly distancing yourself from me.
It's scaring me.
What happened to,
Days go by and it seems as if you're falling out of love with me.
What happened to forevermore?
Do you ever think
are on the left side
isn't always right?
Today I rode the bus.
It was pretty packed so I had to ask a girl if I could sit next to her.
She said yes in a kind way.
As the bus began to drive, I realized this girl was getting as close as she can to the window.
As if she didn't want to be me touched by me.
She was fragile.
But her eyes were kind.
She read her book and hummed to the music playing over us.
She reminded me of me.
It's cold in my room.
All I can hear is the rain banging on my window.
But yet, calming.
It's dark and the only light source I have right now is my phone.
Darkness gives me this feeling of someone is watching me for the corner of my room.
Good Night lovely reader.
I understand now.
It's okay to wait.
I know you love me & you know I love you.
I know that won't change.
Because everything will be okay at the end.
Sad part about this love is the wait.
The wait is what makes me go mad.
Too many sleepless nights.
I think about you more than I should.
Do you think about me as much as I do?
When will this wait end.
He is beautiful to me.
The scars on his face
To the calluses on his hands.
He is prefect to me.
The way he walks,
To the way his eyes get overtaken from his cheeks when he smiles.
He is unique to me.
The way he loves me,
To the way he say,
" I love you."
Oh how he drives me crazy.
I must confess.
I always compare myself to the rest.
It's a habit, sadly.
You've done it before, I know.
We all have.
I don't get it.
Don't we usually forget dreams by the afternoon?
Then why do nightmares haunt me like a ghost?
Roaming in my head like a headache that won't go away.
This makes me schizophrenic.
Days like this my heart tells me to go dance in the rain.
But my mind stops me because it knows best.
But does it really?
When will my mind ever let me follow my heart.
— The End —