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Jessica Leigh Sep 2014
I'm out of line again,
1 2 3 4,
the tiny little steps,
But somewhere my feet grew
Two sizes too big
And I'm already in the teens,
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
The thirties are now behind me.
I'm out of step,
I'm out of line,
And I'm not sure I want to stop.
But I have to,
Because that 1 2 3 4,
Is what will keep me alive.
Jessica Leigh Sep 2014
You have the world in your hands,
But I wonder if I count anymore.
I recall you calling me your world,
But I'm only a fraction of what you have
Between your fingers.
You started wearing a ring,
But my lips are sown shut,
I can't ask you what it means.
You could have me under your palms
At just a look,
Or that smile reserved for me.
I would give up any pretense
For you in just two words
"Please, Jess."
And you'd have me.
You've got the world in your hands, girlie.
I'm not sure if I count anymore.
Jessica Leigh Sep 2014
Oh dear god,
Why must you be you?
It shouldn't even be a question.
Why, oh my dear god,
must you be you.
You could have been a girl
With straight teeth,
And an upper lip that curved
In the middle.
You could have had good hand writing
That didn't rip me to the core
When I looked at your name
On a sheet of paper
I shouldn't have noticed.
But your name, all 8 letters,
They stand out to me.
And each line you write,
It's a slap in the face
A kiss on my cheek
And it reminds me of you.
You could have left me alone.
You could have decided you
Hated clarinet when you were
In middle school,
And you wouldn't have been
At Scott Lang
And you wouldn't have fallen
In love with the way I was,
the way I just had to be me.
You wouldn't have made me love you.
You wouldn't have made me fall in love
With you again today.

Even after almost five months,
You have my heart,
Just by a look.
Why must you be you.
It shouldn't even be a question.
Jessica Leigh Aug 2014
You have this line up of steps
And here you are
One two three four
But your toes are out of line
With the calories you shouldn't have eaten
And by the way, everyone noticed,
Everyone judged, when you
Bit your tongue to keep from
Feeling what she does to you.
You messed up your
Seven and your eights
And you are out of step with the beat.
Catch up, girlie,
They're leaving you behind.
Jessica Leigh Aug 2014
Oh, my darling,
You may be a hurricane,
But I am still
Hell on wheels
And even your silence
Will not stop me now.
I tend to get stares... Looks... The occasional "are you gay?" With a quizzical look of disgust.
Well, to answer your question, no, I am not gay.
In a society built around judgment and stilted above common sense,
Being gay would mean that I'd have to find women utterly disgusting, flick my wrists, speak with funny and awkward inflections, right?
Do you think I speak with funny and awkward inflections?
Good! Because I'm so not gay.
Being gay would mean that I love to shop, well I hate it!
My fashion sense does not exceed that of a box of colorful crayola crayons melting away in the blistering Las Vegas sun because you see, I don't live in San Francisco, or New York,
or anywhere "gay" people live.
I am not gay.
Being gay would mean that I am immoral but I can assure you, moralistically speaking, that morals are what keep me routinely from listening to Lady Gaga, who I've heard, despite her catholic upbringing, is a devout devil worshiper and I sure as hell don't worship Satan!
Oh no, I am not gay.
My father once told me, in his manliest tone that if I ever became sweet
or my tank profusely filled with sugar
that he'd disown me and rid me of his home.
However last time I checked,
I don't have a tank
and one lick of my tanned brown skin would reveal that I am in fact quite salty!
Salty, as defined by Urban Dictionary, means to be ******.
Bitter. Angry.
Well father, there aint nothing sweet about my wrath.
I'm infuriated.
I'm angry not because I'm not able to fulfill the holistic criterion society has built in order to be gay,
No, I am more upset that there is actually a set of rules dictating whether or not someone is gay.
Now listen to me when I tell you,
I am not gay
I am not gay because I have yet to inject myself of substances with an unsterile needle for all purposes of getting high.
No, I have yet to discover my last ****** partner was diagnosed with *** and that I may very well have the virus.
No, I have yet to interiorly decorate my bedroom with the warm crimson fluid that is my blood because some punk at school thought it was cute to label me a queer.
I have yet to be gay because being gay in today's society means I am reckless. I am promiscuous. I am a *******.
Well, guess what society,
I am not gay.
I am, in fact, a man, who is not your personal show dog for your fashion approval that you can tote around in some cute Gucci bag.
I am a man, who can still appreciate the beautiful magnificence that is a curve when he sees one no matter the person's gender.
I am a man who, despite what you may be expecting,
is a man who, no matter how hard you try to box me in a confined image,
is a man who, will fight to freely be in love with who he wants to be in love with,
who is a man who is not gay
but a man who loves men.
I am not gay.
..
Totally gay.
Jessica Leigh Aug 2014
I need to get out of here.
I need to get away from my stomach problems
Caused by a girl who is working for herself.
I need to get away from the self harm
Everyone around me seems to commit.
I need to move on and let myself get better.
I cannot wait until I get to Boston to be okay.
I need to get better now because I was meant
To be okay and to be alive and happy.
I don't think my friends quite agree
With that fact.
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