When I was small
I walked on fairy dust and
my dreams were as tall
as skyscrapers towering
above the universe
inside of me, was the galaxy.
I was born of the cosmos,
full of light and love
passionate in my quest to
give this to others.
But as I grew my star began to fade,
stars need love and light to survive
and deprived of both my blazing fire
transformed into weak candlelight.
At school I had learnt it was easier
to hide your light
than to stand out as different
and be extinguished in an instant.
So I kept myself to myself
at the back of the class,
knowing the answers but not
shouting them out.
I daydreamed, and doodled
stars on the corners
of my books, all the while
I could hear the universe
calling out to me to trust,
that we are all born of this
cosmic stardust.

Whenever I look in the mirror
I'm not sure what I'll see
Because the person staring back
Isn't really me

The person in the mirror
Is nothing but a lie
Doing what people want
And mimicking those near by

The makeup that she wears
The fact that she's lost weight
All just makes her look like them
The people she used to hate

The way she acts and talks
The things she'll do and say
It's absolutely horrible
She's truly gone astray

Then the smile on her face
It's the biggest lie of all
Because I know deep inside
She feels like she will fall

So I ask you this question
And please, think it through
Is your reflection staring back
Still the real you?

I feel like I'll never understand
The idea of one's appeal
What causes us to hate someone
And think of someone else as 'ideal'

How can we go through our lives
Making decisions every day
When we don't even understand
Why we think this way

Are we simply born this way
Programmed with our opinions
Are we traveling though our lives
Just acting as our emotion's minions

But if that if that truly is case
Then I find it very strange
How at some points in our lives
Our opinions start to change

What causes us to change
What causes this mental shift
Why is it after a certain time
Our old self starts to drift

Do our feelings ever really die?
Can our beliefs so easily sway?
And if our thoughts are what define us
Do our old selves fade away?

What happens when you can't decide
What you think is the right way
Yes, what happens then?
*Maybe we just fade away

I've always had a problem
With telling others how I feel
I try finding ways to express my thoughts
But instead I find more ways to conceal

I can never find the words to say
"Hey you're starting to drive me nuts"
Instead I keep it bottled up inside
Till I start to hate their guts

I yearn to admit my feelings for others
To say: "I am interested in something more"
To be able to open my heart to them
And say they are someone I adore.

I also wish I could call on others
When all I want to do is cry
But whenever people try to help
All I can ever do is deny

I want to be able to let people in
And to say what's on my mind
To answer all of their questions
And not keep my emotions confined

I wish I could do all these things
But instead it always goes wrong
I push everyone I love away
And they all feel strung along

So when I feel like I am alone
And like no one really cares
I know that it is my own fault
'Cause I'm "the one that never shares"

The days pass me by,
Can't think of much to say,
I try to tell the truth, but lie,
Why must I act this way.

I've got these feelings inside,
And no matter how hard I've tried,
They will always reside,
I hide the tears I've cried.

The time that I've wasted,
Forever pasted, on my back,
Yet my future is hopeful,
I can save face at last.

But does it really matter,
Does what I say make any sense,
Or is this all just chatter,
Thrown over the fence,

I quite often wonder,
What's the point of it all,
But I'm sure as you also do know,
Its not about the fall.

How do I recover,
From a life filled with pain,
All that I thought I knew,
Is a small as a grain,

Of sand stuck between,
The most obvious place,
And the place, I'd rather not look,
Is in the mirror at my face.

How do I end such a confusing poem,
With the line from Wizard of Oz of course,
There's no place like home.

To those of you who know me,
You will know me quite well,
By the words used to describe,
The feeling of hell,

I put you through it,
Before you had the chance,
To think twice about it,
You were caught in my trance,

You were ready and willing,
Eager and young,
You had no idea, I'd be killing,
Just for fun,

I was what you were looking for,
But not what you expected,
I burrowed deep in your core,
And there I stayed nested,

You used me daily,
To mask your pain,
And in return all I got,
Was a stain in your brain,

I love to be hated,
And yes, I'll confuse,
So who do you think I am,
...I'll let you choose.

Ever since the age of ten
I have always preached one thing
Learn to be happy being single
And know you do not need a ring

Though I firmly believe it still
You can be happy on your own
I've grown to question if there's a reason
That I prefer to be alone

I think it boils down to more
I think I'm really full of fear
It's the underlying reason
Why I don't want people near

What if I get in too deep
But they don't feel the same?
What if I'm just strung along
And they play me like a game...

What if it's the opposite
I'm the one that they dream of
But no matter what I do
I will never be able to love

I have a hidden bigger fear
What if our love is true
What if I find happiness
That can only be found in you

What if we get married
And everything is great
What if I've found my one true love
And he gets ripped away by fate

I don't think I am strong enough
Since love can only end two ways
The choice is yours, death or divorce
Either way it ends in a blaze.

To be in a happy loving relationship
The thing I most secretly wish for
But an even deeper secret than that
Is that it frightens me to the core.

*Maybe I'll be alone forever...

Way back when I was younger
I was mistaken as a dude
They asked all sorts of questions
That slowly grew more rude

"Why don't you wear makeup?
Or dress in something nice?"
"If you ever want to get a guy
Why won't you just take our advice?"

When I began in high school
I had just begun to change
I had bought myself some cheap makeup
And clothes that just felt strange

Still, it wasn't enough though
The insults continued to come
"Ugly. Lazy. Undesirable"
It all began to make me glum

By the beginning of junior year
I had fully given in
Dresses replaced all of my jeans
And makeup covered all my skin

It was then, the insults changed
And people began to glare
Said I "cared too much about my looks"
And my "head must be full of air"

I still always got straight A's
The way I talked was still the same
But though I knew that they were wrong
Their comments made me feel lame

When senior year had rolled around
I was lonely as could be
People "liked" what I'd become
But I felt no one liked me for me

I'd never been on a single date
Because all the guys were crude
So it was only a small amount of time
Before I was labeled as a "*****"

When I finally started college
I expected something more
But people took one look at me
And labeled me a *****

I had not been sleeping around
I still hadn't even been on a date
Everyone just made assumptions
And looked at me with hate

The part that was most ironic
Was that after all these years
Of changing to be whatever they said
I was still hated by all my peers

I didn't want to dress like this
I didn't want to just conform
But there is only so much a person can take
Before they need to fit the "norm"

Society is what destroyed me
They are the reason I am this way
I changed to be what people wanted
Now I understand: I'll never see that day

I don't know who I am now
Though everyone else thinks that they do
Now please just take one piece of advice
It's so important to just stay you

You are perfect just as you are
So continue to stay strong
Remember no matter what they tell you
What society says is **wrong

I find myself thinking of you.
The you I have fantasized...
Not who you really are.

In my head the idea of you is perfect.
In my head the scenarios play out in my favor.

But in reality...
I have blocked you out completely.
Because you don't care enough to stay.

So why should I let you even look?
Why should I give you the right to walk in and out when you please?

I don't.
I won't.

I know you well enough as to what you'll do.
I know myself well enough that I will allow it to happen all over again.

But not this time.