A map guide clarifying the wrong place
Stoic expressions with implied purpose are no help
Busy streets bustling about this foreign land of no lights
High buildings sporting officiality block my view
Of the mountains and rivers now paved over by ideals of the future
A showcase of grey streets, walls, and skies; I am left hopeless.

No color, no contrast, just black and white: the architects are hopeless
All the intricate designs and patterns are of a different time and place
I cannot be trapped in the colorless cinema of the town; I search for a vibrant future
Native minds drear into the day, knowing not that they desperately need help
The neon lights and rain shower rainbows are not an element of the city's depressed view
It's as if the colorblind man blackened the city and closed his curtains to the light

The planes cannot find where to land because someone put out the runway lights
Auras only shine in black and white, the long since hopeful are now helplessly hopeless
I exhale my dissapointment towards the uninspired dead end view
And mournful rainbows melt out of the sky, defeated. Why did I come here in the first place?
Perhaps I am the prophecy, the ******, the angelic omen sent by God to help
Or perhaps that is conceited; one person alone cannot brighten this future.

No amount of psychic ability or math calculations could have predicted this future
Somebody shot down the angels, choked out all the lights
Malicious villains took over as citizens realized superman wasn't coming to help
Thus the people watched as the color drained out and faded away, oh, they are hopeless
Cacophonous chaos throws broken hearts, leaving shards all over the place
A kaleidoscope zoom reflects nothing but melancholy expressions into my view.

When was the last time the sunshine peeked through the window's view?
Did the sun burn out from uncertain predictions of the future?
I try to envision when only the bleakness of TV sets in the city were out of place
Because psychedelic intricacies ruled, shinning proud neon lights
But then the clouds greyed the sky once the colorblind man began to feel hopeless
His dimension of colors disagreed with the perception of others, shying him from help

Nobody could answer his message in a bottle, his SOS, his plea for help
So day after day darker walls constructed over his already restricted view
At points in our lives our faith finds nothing to battle the hopeless
But news of the blind man seeing purple mountains ignites faith in the future
Of the man of no color who painted the city grey and drained the neon lights
Because his color is not non-existent, but waiting to be found in his own secret place

So perhaps we can help transform this dystopia into a brighter future
We cannot let be a view that we know has the capability to glitter in the light
We will smolder the pollution cloud of hopeless energy and enlighten this place.

I wonder where raindrops come from before they reach my window,
A river? Lake? Ocean?
I wonder how far they have to travel before they reach my window,
A kilometer? Mile? Country?
I wonder if these raindrops work together to sing as they reach my window,
Plop-plop, ploop, plop-ploop!
I wonder how diverse the raindrops are as they reach my window,
Oh hello, I'm from Lake Ontario.
I wonder if it's a wild party or wet war in the clouds whose raindrops reach my window,
Let's dance! Fight me!
I wonder how social raindrops are that reach my window,
Stick to me, we'll become a downpour!
I wonder if the cloud is the mother that lets go of its children to reach my window,
Off to the lake, ma, see you soon!
I wonder if raindrops thought they could fly but instead reached my window,
Weeeeee-aahhhhhhhh!
I wonder if they all fall but expect to soar as they reached my window....


Plop-plop, ploop-plop, plop, ploop, plop, plop....

It's going to be okay
That's what comes out
When there's nothing else to say

Like it even matters to them
They don't know where you've been
Time to supposively move on
But how, when all happiness is gone?

Inside, it's nothing but numb
Yet they say a better time will come
When thinking all emotions become tears
Wishing we could go back to better years

But that's probably not going to be
When the future is all we're able to see
As we stare back to the past and our dreams
So far away now, it seems.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder what you're thinking.
If you're thinking of me.
If that's a stupid thing to think.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I stop you.
Stop you from whatever you're doing.
Because the thought of me gave you butterflies.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I frustrate you.
If you're frustrated that I haven't kept in touch lately.
Maybe we're both too stubborn to start the conversation.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I make you smile.
From a memory you don't want to forget.
There are so many of those that you could recall.

Like all days, I wonder.
I wonder if I haunt you.
Just as much as you've been haunting me.
We're both ghosts haunting what we hope is still there.

Like all days, you wonder.
You wonder if I wonder about you, too.
If I'm just as flustered with these thoughts as you are.
Maybe we've been sharing these feelings all along.

Like all days, we wonder.

Music is blaring in my ears and my breathing is becoming staggered
You're invading my mind and I need to run
But I can't run from what's inside of me
And I can't run from what I feel
So I listen to the rhythm of my feet on the pavement
Steady, now.
And I match my breathing to every other step
Even though my mind is racing 100 paces ahead
I know it will eventually lose stamina
And begin retreating
But my thoughts have no intention of stopping
No desire to cooperate
And off they go again.

I'm feeling too much
I'm running in a straight line
But going in circles trying to catch myself
Steady, now.
I can only mask my insanity for so long
I can only run for so long before my pace diminishes
Along with my drive to cap my thoughts
I'm being taken over by my own self
Engulfed in an ocean of emotions
That won't stop trying to drown me
I listen once again to my feet on the pavement
And the tempo of my breathing
Ears picking up the echo of my heartbeat
My heart feels so much
But it still beats its rhythmic cadence in my chest
I want my mind to adapt to that same stability
I am running, but from what?
Steady, now.

You need to treat my world like a glass globe
It is not a ball that you can bounce around
You can't throw it at walls when you're angry
You can't squeeze it like it's a stress ball

My world is precious
Just like yours
If you flip my world
Ill surely flip yours back
So we're looking at each other upside down
As if we're hanging from monkey bars
Because that's what love is like, isn't it?
A play ground.

Ill chase you around
You'll chase me around
Ill slow down so you can catch me
Somewhere in there one of us might fall
And I hope you're the type of person to help me up
Instead of laugh and watch me get up myself

If we'd play cops and robbers
Id steal your heart and you'd put me in jail and ask for it back
But the thing with thieves is we are selfish
I wouldn't hand over your heart because I don't want to give it back
You would have to pry it out of my cold dead hands
But you wouldn't have to worry, I'd give you mine instead

And we would play around in our imaginary world
Flipped upside down
As if we're on monkey bars
Because that's what love is like, isn't it?
A playground.

I keep telling myself it's okay
But, in all honesty,
That's a flat out lie.
I can't deny it.

If I'm driving to who knows where
If I'm sobbing my eyes out
If I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
If I'm yelling at myself for ******* so badly
If I'm wishing I was someone better
If I'm hoping no ones home to see me
If I'm thinking about how much of a failure I am
If I'm pretending that I can pull it together
If I'm assuming I can break the news without losing it
If I'm sitting in a random neighborhood
If I'm writing this in the confinement of my car
If I'm hoping I can disappear for a day
If I'm completely done with all this trying stuff-

Shhhh, it's alright.
No, it's not.

If I'm set on trying again, I'm an idiot.
If I'm going to practice even harder for next time, I'm wasting my time.
If I think I can do better, I'm lying.

5 times. 3 times....
No more. Please. You'll be okay.
But am I really okay? Do you really think I can ignore the disappointment in their eyes?





*....I didn't think so.

Mistletoe hanging on the door hinge
A mess of tacky holiday sweaters
Caroling in the streets of snowy wonderlands
and houses flashing red blue and orange.

Wishlists to Santa sent in the mail
Gingerbread houses are built
Families tobogganing down the hills
Leaving behind a sleek icy trail.  

Holiday shopping is nearing its craze
Christmas trees cluttered with presents
Little girls and boys staying up late
waiting for Santa 'til they fall asleep in a daze.

The scent of ham is filling the halls
Loved ones gather 'round
While children open their presents
and compare their rockets and dolls.

I burnt a bridge that didn't have any water under it.
No numbing temperature to shock you.
No tormenting waves to annhilate you.
No angry current to pull you under.
The bridge let across all the danger that I wanted to avoid.
But now that I burnt it down to the ground all that danger
came crashing down into the safe haven
that was protected by my bridge.
I was told to never look down when you feel inferior.
There was grass under that bridge but I was too blind to see it.
I was too busy looking up at the speeding cars crossing this turnpike.
I was suffocated and transfixed by the high beams of my problems.
I was so busy facing my problems head on
That I never bothered to look down and find the strength in giving in.
I didn't realize the bridge was what was directing the negativity away from me.
I listened to them. Society, that is.
And what a stupid idea that was.
Because they told me to burn my bridges.
They told me to strike a match to them
And watch it settle into an unforgiving blaze
Before walking away without looking back.
But they never told me some bridges were meant to save me.
They never said the real danger could be what was beneath the bridge.
They never warned me about the dam underneath that was ready to burst.
Karma is crashing down onto me like baseball-sized hail.
It's not the boomerang effect coming back around to hit me in the face
But instead the avalanche I created from throwing it too far.
And hitting a wall that was too fragile to be played with.
The worst part is I have no bridge to take cover under in a hailstorm anymore.
And no bridge to cross to get away from the incoming avalanche.
All I have are the ashes of what I thought was hurting me.
But it was actually what was saving me.

Does it ever occur to you
That your face appears in
My thoughts and dreams
And everything in between?

Or should I assume
That like my silly humor,
You just think of me like a joke
And nothing more?

Do you believe in us,
Or is the thought so absurd
That it would only pop up
In your head as sarcastic nonsense?

Could it really be only me
That feels these feelings,
Or are you hiding them
Like an elementary school boy does?

Am I only wasting my time
Wistfully dreaming about you-
Or are you
Secretly dreaming of me too?

I miss you
I heard the remorse in your voice as you said it.
Well, sweetheart, I guess I could say I miss you too.

I *miss your judgemental demeanor
And your pugnacious attitude.

I miss you treating me like ****
And your constant complaining.

I miss your vicious words
And your pointless insecurities.

I miss your pissy glare
And your interrogating questions.

I miss your painful attempts at saying sorry
And especially your violent movements.

And do you remember the first day you came into my life?
Oh, love, how I wish I could have missed that too.

Clattering clashes of confused cacophony
Secretly sweep myself from sanity  
No one knows of this nonsense
That's viciously veering away my vanity.
But bursting bottles bubble over
Then transform from thick to translucent
Succumb to swallowing my insecurities
Like little lies luring your loneliness
Making moments your own meaningless movie
These hallucinations hear hoarse laughter
That tricks time into ticking towards timebombs.

I'm sure the obscurities of the lenses clouding my vision
Are nothing more than a hologram of the world I never knew
But always thought existed in the window panes of my brain

The outside world my thoughts are too afraid to venture
For the warmth in the home of my realistic perception
Is the safe haven of who I am and what I know
And going outside my homestead into the dark forest of the things
That are undiscovered to my left but known all too well by my right  
Are what excels my lenses to constantly change when the room is the same tint of light

Transitions from one thing to the next don't necessarily need to have a change one can see
I feel the forest calling me as if I'm some bewitched prophecy
But the foreboding dank blackness that thickens my view
Has always stopped me from entering into the unknown of my own self

These hazy retractions of light may cast dark shadows
However right now my mind is a whirlwind of calamities that can only be tranquilized
By venturing into the unknown darkness inside of me

This time these obscured lenses draped over my glass orbs
Create a tint similar to what is within the forest
My transitions are nonexistent but all the more in constant motion behind closed curtains

So my first steps out of my safe haven are slow
The door creaks like an old mans rusted weathered body  
And I feel the pang of hysteria hit me as the outside air tests out my foreign skin

When I enter the blackened forest I begin running into what I have never known to my left but know so well in my right
The nightmare-conjuring mysteries of this realm are ready to be battled.

I should've built a bridge before I tried crossing your mind
because I'm falling fast with no safety net to catch me.

Your body looks stable, but inside your head
I find you are completely reckless.
Crossing any path you've built in there
is like walking through a mine field.

But I'm looking for heat;
Some sort of explosion or spark
to light up your mind with the thought of me.

And I've come to think that stepping on a bomb
wouldn't be too bad because then I'd scatter
all across your brain and you'd envision me
anywhere your mind wandered.

I'm practically as bad as a nocturnal bug
too consumed in the temptation of the flames
to heed the danger that comes with such a fatal attraction.

Mine fields may be for the mad but I think bridges are for the meek.  
And so I madly walk on wondering when I'll find the right misstep
that will ignite the fire to blow your mind.

The rain is falling glass
Shattering from the angels' eyes
They hit the ground in shards they splash
And if you look close enough you'll find a reflection of lies

The unwashable wounds of problems past
Awaken the demons that gush your logic out of mind
Half-remembering telling yourself that last time was the last
But everyone dances with the devil when they've been left behind

Something sharp, subtle pain, screams at the edge of the glass shards
And the angels cry their silent pleas that your deafened ears refuse to hear
A blinding reflection of white light (maybe white lies) stun your mind's composure guards
While the devil comes out to play in the glass rain, turning spatters into basalt ashes of burnt-out fears.

A clock bongs out its chime
As we look at the time
That's never really acknowledged
until the hour is running out.

Cast sideways glances
never full attention
except for the ones
who have no intention

Around in circles I go
the same old same old
just counting up
then down
then up again.

And I grow weary
my movements becoming dreary
but time is moving faster
as around and around in circles I go.

Until I finally stop
with my one last tick-tock
and time is lost
until the batteries are rebooted

And I start new again
my cycle of endless circling
I'm 1, I'm 2, I'm 3, I'm 4
Ticking away to the end once more.

You heard all the things I never said in the empty silence between us.
It's funny, when I say nothing at all I'm telling you everything.
But when everything is nothing and nothing means everything,
the words you don't hear can't exactly feel empty anymore.
And it's not empty space surrounded between us,
there are ghosts of the past flying by
whispering chills down our spines.
Our weak, foolish spines....

We are a throng of bones and blood that we tried putting together
yet standing here in front of you I find I am only falling apart.
The dissonance of our energies is weakening us,
as are the futile attempts at mending something
that was always broken.
And what broke gave us scars that burned
brighter than what we once had.
Like the air between us, we are hesitant to move.
Moving past and moving forward is as hard
as two pedals on a bike going in opposite directions;
we are broken but stuck chasing after one another in circles.
We can get so close but never touch.

I feel the swollen heartbreak from these missing puzzle pieces to our masterpiece
We merely have pain and incomprehension of what we know but can't say
To console the absence of space that will nevermore be complete.
Wavelengths slow, saddened by our disconnection.
Fighting no longer, all that is left to say does not need to be spoken
And so we stand here in silence.

Alcohol and poison are what's clouding my vision and this is what I see:
Fire and ashes are what's burning the very existence of you to me.
Your body is so ****** it's past being considered as medium or rare.
Knives and daggers tightly hug my hands like they always belonged there.
Footsteps run but you haven't gained any distance to escape.
Entangled in rope I make knots and secure your mouth with duct tape.
Eyes plead a panicked mercy but I only see you're shameless sins.
Blackness then light is a result of my drinking too many tonics and gins.

There's sadness welling up with water in my eyes.
There's embarrassment flushing to my cheeks.
There's fear twitching to run in my feet.
There's anger bunching up in my balled fists.
There's nausea accumulating in my stomach.
There's confusion pumping through my heart.
There's disapointment sighing in my rib cage.
There's regret pursing my lips.
And there's madness processing my brain.

I am a single being.
One small body, barely growing.
A structure of bones made up a human.
This being, this body, this human,
This single being
Is overwhelmed with emotions.
And I cannot contain these feelings.
I am one person.  
Which makes it logical that all these feelings
Would overtake me.


(just like they always do)

I have no enigmatic inspiration
To provide any rhyme or combination
To accurately convey my opinionated inclination.

My thoughts are merely another fed up indignation
Towards all the people with egos far too high in inflation
To really understand what it is to have a substantial imagination.

Once again clinging to the past like a baby clings to her mother
Walking in a straight line I sometimes forget the world is a circle
If I keep going straight I'll find myself exactly where I first started
And going back after walking so far at this point is not what I want at all
How is it I wander back home when I am trying to run away
Does the world shift my straight lines to secretly turn me around?
I don't want to be put into reverse nor do I want to fast forward
Pausing myself and looking around, I find myself somewhere foreign
Like always I shrug and choose a direction to make straight lines in
Fast forwarding and rewinding all the time and never knowing it
Maybe my changing motions make a three dimensional cycle
My straight lines curve in the 5th dimension that I cannot see
Impossible movements from the unknown are my trickery
But somehow I find myself starting over from scratch again
1d 2d 3d 4d all I need is something to correctly move me
I need to direct my path into the right navigations of motion
So program my straight lines and distort the dimension of curveballs
It's time to pause and figure out where I am and where I'm headed.

I like to ramble and I like to write in all caps whenever I'm tired
I like to sing and I like to dance but neither of those traits were really admired.
I like to compete and I like to achieve but lately I've been losing
I like to pretend and I like to cry, it's just the path that I'm choosing.

I like to love people and I like to be loved right back
I like to have security and I like that my friends keep my life on track.
I like to make decisions but I'm probably the most indecisive person ever.
I like to be busy but the way I plan some things just isn't very clever.

I like to write and I like to revise and lately that's what I've been doing
I like to study and I like to remember and yes it's a full plate that I'm chewing.
I like to eat healthy but I always end up eating way too much.
I like to have friends but sometimes I decide not to keep in touch.

I like that I'm single  but sometimes it'd be entertaining to have a lover
I like searching for nothing in particular, because there's so many things to discover.
I like to talk and I like to think but I usually end up annoying myself
I like the idea that my life could be an interesting story on somebody's book shelf.

Forecasted detachment
Pours onto the floor
Oh, sweetie,
Did you really think I could take any more?

The disorganized mess
A constellation of blood drops
Are spit-sput-spattering
Razor blades are my props.

Barbed wire barriers
Built up in seclusion
I close the heavy curtains
And hide inside my illusion.

I say safety
Is solely for the weak
But trapped inside my emotions
I have no logical right to speak.

Gasping for breath
Again.
How many times
Should I pretend?
Smiles and laughter
Scratches and nightmares
After.

Preening and playing
Screaming and bingeing
Contemplating.
Parties with liquor
Bleeding and bruising
Stupor.

Watching and curious
Withering and unconscious
Hideous.
Caress my broken soul
Maybe my spirit's just an empty
Hole.

What's going through my head
I could never tell you
Because like most things in this world
They are just better left unsaid
But if you must hear
I'll tell the tale of love and grace
Or, perhaps, nothing of that place
Because my mind is filled with fear
Of all the things nobody should ever hear
While it shoots down to my perception
It's trying to become something like perfection
At its best, it's wings will soar
And the vibrations of its movements will give you chills
Then it takes off with you struggling atop its back
And tries to teach you the secrets of the hills
How up and down they form a *****
That science tried to put into logic
At an incline of x and a height of y the hill reaches this point at xy feet in elevation
Yes nature is nothing of the sorts
That can be solved in a complex math equation.
Nor is it of the sorts
To be tampered with
But we do
And nature is nothing of the sorts
To be carelessly wasted
But we do
And yes nature is a gift that should be showcased
But we don't
And as I'm straddling the back of this horrible creature from my mind
Flying through this world and making illusions in my eyes
To see the way it wants me to see
With fear, despair, and some mutant mix of both that I can't quite explain
There's nothing more for me to think
Except the thought that we've ruined
What's been given to us
And that what our future generations will find
Is the mess we created out of our freedom
And the remnants like a party once its over
All this garbage we simply left behind.

I am so tired of letting you consume me
What you do, what you say
I let it affect me in every which way.

I don't belong to you
Nor does it seem I ever will
Yet I think of you when my mind is still.

I want these feelings to end
Because for you it's as if they never even started
Now it's time for me to act just as cold-hearted.

I'm going to fly away
I've strung two diamond kites to my back as wings
And I've tracked down the winding river-like patterns of the wind

I'm going to fly away
Because my kites will have no trouble
Picking up my hollow body, empty of life and experience and substance and
everything that defines what it means to be alive, up into the sky.

I'm going to glide on the air
and slowly make a parabola as I slide down the air current like
I'm on a water slide and then curve upwards
as if I'm a rocketeer testing out the power of my engine.

I'm going to glide on the air
because my feet are too tired of carrying the weight on my shoulders.
I want to feel the weightlessness that has encompassed my heart
every time it got its hopes up and every time it was broken.
The weightlessness that my empty lungs felt as
I lurched for oxygen in the smoky air
The weightlessness that my arms felt hugging
every one of imaginary friends that never felt real enough to believe in.
I want to feel the same physical weightlessness,
yet know it carries a much different meaning than all the others,
The one you feel when things are just where you want them to be,
The small floating instant in the transition from your upward velocity running out and
your momentum building as you are suddenly falling down.
The weightlessness of balance that I have only felt in the wrong ways.

I'm going to fly away
Because as a teenager I specialize in the concept of hating
every human being out there including myself.
and yet I'm dressed in all white save for the vibrant color of my kites
because I'd rather the world paint me into what it really is instead of me
painting the world into my skewed perceptions.

I'm going to fly away
and fly so far away and for so long
that my skin will turn the color of the sky
my kites will become a part of my body
my eyes will turn into every color humankind has failed to see
and I will feel alive,
my body full of the mass of life
that has replaced the weight on my shoulders
Which tried to hold me down to walk the concrete ground,
face the gray brick walls, and breathe the misused air

I'm going to fly away,
So I will learn to catch my breath the same way a landscape will take it away,
So I will hear the raw wavelengths of our earth,
So I will reach back to the trees reaching up to me from the ground
So I will feel the air currents take me along its route to nowhere in particular,
So I will live in fantastically unimaginable ways
So that when I land again,
I will be full of weight I don't mind carrying on my shoulders.
Yes,I'm going to fly away.

Tired, sleepy eyes,
That refuse to fall asleep
While laying in bed
Endlessly counting sheep.

Toss and Turn
Throughout the night
Sleep does not take me over
At least the bed bugs won't bite.

In and out
What a tireless doze
I'm frustrated and hot
Why won't my eyes close?

Heavy eyes
I Awaken to my chill
Winter drafts cooling my bare skin
The clock counts down to its shrill

Finally asleep
but not for long
MRAA MRAA- the alarm clock yells
Guess I'll drink coffee that's extra strong...

The explosions come but we do not run. We see them before we hear them.
The high-pitched sounds permeate the air and all we do is sit.
We wait.
They explode from the inside out.
The explosions leave a spidery trail of sound and sight that no longer exits anywhere but in our minds and all we do is listen.
The colors fight against each other.
They spread in all different directions pushing out whatever empty space was occupied there.
The noises change and now we hear the demonic mutation of the sound of rain.
We are hurt by the light but still we stare.
The booming and the blinding lights transfix our gazes so all we do is sit.

We change over night
As the darkness chills us to the bone
We become stiff with bitter memories
That once seemed so right

Milky twilight revealing our faces
Casts soft shadows over once pithy edges
Of what is in front and what is behind us
The thickness of night skews our surroundings

Perception misconceptions grant us the right to stare
Our hearts are told to beat faster by stagnant movements in the distance
We are not the only bitter creatures influenced by the night to play
Because it's easier to pretend to see something when nothing is there

I wait for the rain to drench me so I can be washed of my impurities. I'm wishing that the water that streams down me will mask the tears that have been clouding my vision for so long because whenever I think of you my own rainstorm starts inside of me.
  
I wait for the lightning to hit me so I can be filled with light. I'm hoping that the electricity that courses through me will somehow get through to you so I'm not the only one that feels something when we touch.

I wait for the thunder to deafen me so I don't have to hear the news something along the lines of it's probably not going to be you and me. If I can't hear anything anymore I won't have to worry about listening to the compliments you shower her with day after day.

I wait for the sun to dry me so I don't have to catch more of an illness than I already have. I'm guessing that when the sun comes out I'll shine like a newly cleaned window having been rinsed of the dirt that's been clouding me over for so long now because I know your blue eyes see through me but if I blind you with light then you really won't see anything at all when you look at me.

I want my heart to stop beating for you
Although I told it to stop
So many months ago
It does what it wants
And it kept on thump-thump-thumping
To the rhythm of you

But this time
What my heart wants and what I want
Are the same thing
It, too, is tired of fluttering for you
So it started thump-thump-thumping
To the rhythm of something new.

Suddenly, my mind feels broken
          I've realized I am far too
outspoken
    To even think for a little
           That my bones haven't gone
brittle
     Running away from my constant distress
            I'm hesitantly giving in to the devils
caress
     I'm being pressed out of my boundary
             I created an enmity between the world and
me
      So it's safe to tell you I feel anything but secure
             I couldn't say how much longer I think I can
endure
      But my eyes are bright (and smile is fake)
            Aggression is present so they don't see my body
shake.
       One way or another you'll finally see
             That all these things have been eating away at
me
     Then, one by one, my weaknesses will walk into the light
              And at my grave you'll see the girl who grew too tired to
fight.

I wish you could hear what I have to say
But the problem is I can't put my emotions into words
Until 10 minutes after the fight is over.
Maybe they'll come at the right time someday.

I wish you would listen to me instead of ignore my yelling
But the problem is you're so **** stubborn
And I have too much pride to swallow my words
Maybe you actually understand what I'm feeling, but there's no telling.

I wish you would walk up to me and take my anger
And push it out of my body as you engulf me in your arms
But you have so many reasons not to forgive me for this
Maybe one day soon you'll stop looking at me like I'm a stranger.

I wish you would speak to me instead of only talk
And then things would become more functional again
But your ideas do not match up with mine anymore
One day I'll realize this parting shouldn't have been such a shock.

I could lay here and wonder a million times over
What it is that keeps you smiling and sober
But nothing in the world could change what
Your eyes have seen and ears have heard

I could lay here and listen for a thousand whispers long since lost in space
But like the wavelengths of the words never said; I cannot hear a single trace.
I know what you feel hurts you to endure- so
I will run to cease the pain for you.

I could lay here and hurriedly paddle down the river of tears flowing from your eyes
Like waterfalls every drop is a reenactment of the rapids reflected in mountain skies
Falling as fast as they are rushed out of broken wishing wells straight from your heart
I cannot tell you how much I want to save you from the pain tearing you apart

Let me heal the wounds you keep mercilessly opening up
I want to stop the blood from rushing out of your soul
I want to keep you safe-I want you to heal-I want you to be okay
Stay with me, please- stay with me, I know I can help you if you'd just let me

Let your walls break down and open the curtains of your barrier
Let me in
Let me in
Let me in.

**Let me save you.

My heart will tear apart-
But like any other muscle
It'll simply grow back stronger.

Actions speak louder than words, they told me
But I have no actions that speak louder than my voice
My words are my actions, I told them.

My words are fathomed together to hurt you
My words are pierced with uncontrollable anger
My words are stumbling out of my mouth half conscious
My words are poisoned by the perception of what I see
My words are empty but they hit you like a brick
My words are rubbed raw from my tired heart

Actions speak louder than words, they told me
But they tell me a lot of things.

Curtain dust is like magic falling onto the stage
And the rickety crickety creaking of the aged floor
Holds all the birthrights to the moments constantly being born.

The sea of floating souls do not desire anything more
But to submerge themselves in the waves of the anthems
And underwater they try to bottle the fallen curtain magic.

Wavelengths of harmonies flow through space
Beckoning for a flow, a feeling, a connection between each other
Moments agilely fleet away, but here time is endless.

She is a candle's melting wax
a slow caress onto the pristine surface
of a strong body that softens in her presence

She leaves herself
molded onto others
a heat that overtook the light,
melting fears disguised in hot wax
stained on the holder

That is the way she leaves them
they are all just a kindle to her fire
coming and going
never the same as the start.

Let me feel all the things I've been hiding from myself.
These bottled up emotions have finally gathered enough pressure to burst.
The cap shoots out and so do my tears.
The fizz protrudes out like a volcanic eruption and my breathing gets drowned out.
The sticky mess dribbles onto the table and my shaking is not steadied by it.

I am so unstable.
And I blame it on you.
But you never did anything to make me like this.
You were just you.
And that's what kills me.
Because you got me.
And you heard me.
And you liked me.
And you left me.

If you could only see what you're doing to me.

The loss for words
The rush of warmth
The blush of my cheeks
The self concious preening
The attempt at ****** jokes
The common sense I seem to lose
The fear that I'm not what you want
The butterflies caressing my stomach
The idea that I can just touch your hands
The panic when I almost automatically do....

The anger because you make me feel like this
The wild emotions whenever I think of you
The small gestures I'll end up overthinking
The effect you have when you smile at me
The sarcasm I use to try to hide myself
The embarrassment of everything I do
The swooning I catch myself doing
The need to just talk to you....

If you could only see what you're doing to me.

When your eyes are too tired to speak
And lips too tired to search
For the words you've been needing to say,

If your heart keeps stuttering
And eyes keep glistening
With no energy to seize the day,

Will your feet keep moving
Or mind keep working
To find the right way?

Stop worrying, child
You are a creation of God;
Just open your heart and pray.

Life would be rather different
If the choices we made could be undone
If the things we decided too late could be taken back
If the words we never said could be heard at the right time
Life would be rather different.

You tuck me in and kiss my head
But I want to sit up and talk to you instead
Daddy, please tell me again what the doctors said
And why your cheeks were stained with water and eyes turned red
You can't hide this from me, daddy, so tell me when mommy will stop being dead.