You stole my heart
Right out of my chest
But I guess that's okay
I planned on giving you the rest.

You are controlling my mind
To think about you all day
But you'll come to find
I don't mind feeling that way.

But there's rules for you
If you stole my heart
It's only fair I steal yours too
So give me the key or I'll break in

I'll take over your train of thought
For its your time to be taken
Stare at me and try not to get caught
Love is such a sneaky game.

Here's a secret to keep between you and me
In my dreams it's only you I ever see.

You are a complex person
So many confusing equations to figure out
All these numbers and signs adjacent to each other
Only I can simplify you
Because my numbers and signs line up with yours
I am just as complex
And when you put two complex equations
Side by side with an equal sign in between
You either cross out all the same complexities
Or combine them to make a nightmare of numbers
And I know that you and I, side by side,
Will simplify each other
Our relationship will not be foiled
Because we'll cancel out all our symbols
And leave a beautiful product
That leaves others jealous
Searching for the match that will make them
Just as simple, just as beautiful
Simple as that.

Watch the flow of the ocean
Each wave is its own muscle
Rippling to the shore
Then retreating back into its body
Slowly gaining strength to return
Singing never ending rhythms
That will not fail to calm you,

Listen to the sighs of the sea
Tumbling around
Caressing the sand
Somersaulting sea shells
Exhaling salt water breezes
That will free your mind
If only you'd let it.

Deep breaths
Steep crests
Jog down

Slip and fall
Shout and call
For anybody's help

You topple over me
Just let it be
Entangled in rocks, roots

In the middle of nowhere
Trying hard not to stare
But you're also watching me

At the bottom of a mountain
Found each other in our darkness
It's slowly leading back to normalcy

"Kick the darkness until it bleeds light"
Such violence could lead to such right
Wonder how our darkness found one another

Open wounds are now healing because of you
Fell down a wretched person came up anew
Save me from falling again or hiding undercover.

I'm   so   scared
                      of
            losing
     you.
Please
     Please
          Please
Don't   slip   away
                 Please
           Please
     Please
I   need   you*
  to
      stay.

I've only the energy
To make myself
Look halfway decent
Because halfway
Is where I stand
Between throwing
Myself into a river
And hiding under my
Bedroom blankets
Hopelessly confused

My glass is half empty
Or maybe half full
Either way
There's nothing
Occupying the opposite space
And that other space
Is where I am standing
Halfway decent
Halfway insane
Halfway gone.

When you feel like I am drifting away-
Like a sailboat idle on the sea,
Just know that you are the wind pushing me.

When you think I am not the same as I was before-
As if I changed in the blackness overnight,
Just know that you are the one who acted as the sunlight.

When you say that all I am doing is shutting you out-
Like I somehow built a door and closed it tight,
Just know that your accusations are not always right.

When you start to believe that I am gone for good-
As if I were a flighty songbird singing to you in the sky,
Just know that you are the lighting in the rain clouds that cued my goodbye.

I don't know what could be more unsettling;
the impending sadness I feel for what has not happened
or the fear that my thoughts
will build the reality of my present
to unwrap a gift I think
isn't mine to keep

Get up
And pick your heart off the floor
Face it
He's not into you anymore.

Remember this
And try to stand proud and tall
Chin high
Change course once you've hit a wall.

Secrets hidden
To pretend that you're alright
Smile big
Don't let them know you've been crying all night

Move on
Because it's all that you can do
Head strong
No one needs to know you're bleeding black and blue.

It's the memories of you
Of how you made me feel
That made me smile so genuinely
Of the sparks
That crackled between our hands
Of the butterflies
That caressed my stomach
Of the love
That tinged my cheeks pink

Which still attracts me to you
Like a bug to the light
Hoping that in your eyes
I'll see a flicker, a flash
Of the fire you used
To ignite in me

But I am hopelessly
Disappointed
By the fire we both
Stopped caring for
Whose flame burned out
Not from the rain
But from the wood
That turned to ashes
When the flames had
No where to else flicker

So they turned
From red
To orange
To black
Ashes
They're all that is left to show
For whatever it was between us

And half-heatedly I poke
At the remains,
Wishing that back then
I had known
That it would end
As simply as this
Too soon, too undeveloped
From fire to ashes
We quickly burned.

A headache from earlier
Puts shame into my brain.
No, I can't control myself
I am completely reckless
But you don't know that.

You do know that I can't do it
Not even after you've done
All and more than you could do
Disappointment hides behind your eyes
And I know you feel that way.

I wish I could just make you proud the way you want me to.

The tablecloth is smoothed over
stiff and  firm in perfection
The same cloth that I hid under as a child
night and day
mulling over when the sun will finally tap me with yellows
so I could stop feeling so blue
Hiding away from the ghosts beneath the surface
even though I felt like one too

No more glistening eyes
And hiccuped sighs
Hush now, baby girl
Close your eyes and listen
To sweet notes of a lullaby
Sung softly by your mother.
Keep your rib cage steady
To the rhythm of the melody
And slowly, peacefully
Begin your journey into dreamland.

I wonder how I can hold myself up when you're not around
Whatever I do, without you I feel so out of bound
You are the piece of me that makes me feel safe and sound.

My thoughts are grounded by the stability of your presence
Lately they've been flying at distances much too high
Similar to the plane passing by in the curve of your ocean eyes

The clouds above puffed up in a sigh
Your dark oceans reflect the sky
Matching the blue as if the water is up high

Your blue oceans move to me, finding my green shore
And I refuse to look away because this is my plea
I am the isolated island lost at sea.

If you were notified of every time
I thought of you
Since I got to know you
And I was notified of every time
You thought of me
Since you got to know me
I wonder if our stats would match up
Or be embarrassingly different.

You came out and scared me
When you refused to let me be
My saltwater barrier didn't repel you
The way I thought it would do.

It would be quite easy
for you to break me
Shatter me like the glass
I didn't know my heart was made of.
I'll repair like stone
And turn colder
But wiser?
When it comes to you
It seems as though my heart of stone
Turns to fragile glass
At any given moment
I think of you.

I honestly thought you weren't like other guys.
I hoped you would actually go after me once I left.
I believed you would do more than what you really did.
(Which was absolutely nothing)
I wish I hadn't let myself do this yet again.
I fell for you so hard.
And it was that much more embarrassing
To pick my sorry *** up off the floor
And pretend like nothing ever happened.

It's not my fault
You waited too long
And now look at this; we burned out*
Whatever it was we had, it's gone
No more fiery sparks
A magnetic pull far too weak
I can free myself so easily from you now
How it came to this, I can't say
*Whatever it was, it was never enough.

Time machines would be great
Because then I could go back
And tell myself the things
That I figured out too late.

If you were to dig a hole
For every time you've made
me think that I should go
D          I          E                  
in one,
there still wouldn't be enough dirt
to fill in your    e                            soul.
                               m                y
                                    p       t

Think before you;
Talk
Text
Approach
Wave
Look
Move
Breathe
Exist

Because you'll probably end up;
Making a fool of yourself
Doing something stupid
Making yourself sound idiotic
Bothering him
Making him not like you
Hating yourself
Wanting to disappear
Wishing you hadn't.

Wearing red never felt like a sin
until my cheeks couldn't stop blushing
after my lipstick left a stain on his neck.
he told me afterwards,
you mean nothing to me
I wonder if those words
were supposed to hurt me;
he didn't mean much to me either.

Leave your car keys on the leather seat
I promise the world won't move without you
So there's no need to try to get so ahead of yourself,
The roads will wind around your restless mind
Please don't get too dizzy trying to read between the lines
of the GPS directions you never listen to
The set destination is only far
because you keep turning away from the arrows
And theres a beautiful mystery in the flickering of your eyelashes
blinking against the cinematic sunset
Those colors couldn't give off a fraction
of the colors surrounding you
I know your hands play in the dust
tracing curved lines the same way
you stumble when balance plays with your legs
falling into him

Leave your car keys on the counter
because your footsteps can carry you
onto the carpeted floor, the collage of a blank white wall
painted in sound as substitute for aesthetic
Why get ahead of yourself
if he is facing in front of you?
You've learned to ease your restless mind on your own
yet his hands take the worry and wash them off
a caress across your cheek like a gentle waterfall
you find yourself babbling down the stream
with no map in your hands, no worry of a destination
just a journey on its course
There's a beautiful mystery in the flickering of his smile
lit up like a melting candle that's brightening your face
This heat doesn't represent a fraction
of the energy kept between you
I know your bodies trace lines against one another
weaving more and more into existence
of two universes colliding
a passionate destruction of walls you are no longer keeping

Put your car keys into the ignition
there are so many roads to drive down
but somehow this time I know
you will not get lost.

Tears streak down my face
What a non-seductive grace
They stain my cheeks for a short time
Another ugly feature I must call mine

I look myself up and down
No wonder my lips have always formed a frown
I remember the days where I stood up proud and tall
A showcase of perfection portrayed to all

I remember the days where everything was great
But suddenly my appreciation was handed in too late
They no longer smile at me
With a desire for my attention
They now only cast smiles of covered pretension.

I think I've finally met someone
I want to hug and kiss one moment
Then punch and choke the next.

You remind me of the ocean, your waves circling aimlessly
but when they come to the shore, they come crashing.
I can feel you retracting, always retracting,
it's a statistic with a one hundred percent chance of occurring so
I do not flinch when I see you coming near-
this salt water of yours does not touch me.

You remind me of gravity; you are always falling down.
It's funny to watch you stumble, trying to fly like a bird breaking free from the nest but darling,
you do not have wings.
You are the apple snapping from the tree trying to leap to the basket but missing by impeccable aim, almost
as if you yearned to bruise as badly as you did upon touchdown.

You remind me of balloons.
No, not the ones that float up into the cotton candy clouds and kiss the baby blue sky,
you are the oxygenated balloon, awkwardly laying on the cold tile floor, tilted slightly to the left because you cannot sit up, you cannot hold yourself up right with the constant tug of the string attached to jumble your body. Your weight totters helplessly in defeat.

You remind me of lights, but you are not the spirited warm glow of Christmas decorations.
You are cracked, flashing, the stark, pale, buzzing illumination switching on and off irregular as the heartbeat of a man having a heart attack, frightening as the coyotes howl when you are alone in the woods, your light does not provide comfort. It's eerie as the thick, tired cloud of fog residing at the front of your forehead, tempting you to shut down and sleep. Your light will burn out quickly.

You remind me of a drug, and no, you are not a medicine. You can't be swallowed because you'll burn a hole through a throat before your poison is tamed by the acid in a stomach.
You are too consumed in me, too focused on the control I have over your ocean currents, your laws of physics, the molecules you are filled with, the filter I color you with, I am the drug, not you.
You swallow me dry and I travel into your control center-I am the commander, I cut the lights out, your human mind cannot fight me; I thrive in the dark while you suffocate in it.

.
                  I'll take a step backward
Because I'm too far ahead of the game
                                  Who likes to be left behind
Watching yourself fall back in shame?

Or maybe you should take a step forward
                                   Because I'm all the way over here
And your footsteps are fading into my past
                   Better catch up, dear.

For all the times it's been said
For all the times you've been misled
To all the tears you quietly spill
To all the memories that give you chills

Like all the stars burning too far away
Like all the dreams you wanted to stay
How all the years that went by real slow
How all those people just didn't know

When all that time you faded dull
When all your limits got stuffed too full
And all you've done is tried to stay in line
And all your mouth could mutter was
"I'm fine"

Tell me how people think
The crisp sound of leaves
Scattered around the trees
Crunching beneath feet
Sounds beautiful
And how the smell of death
Coming from the decay
Smells wonderful.

Autumn is the season of the dying.

Please let me take your hand and run my thumb across your palm to show that I care too much for you,
Let each stroke be a catalyst to a fire I am hesitant to ignite
Like a child playing with matches,
each stroke on your palm is the base
and my thumb is the match
gently gliding across wondering if I
will burn if I try to make sparks-
I am hesitant to create this fire.

Sink in the sand
the water gliding over your scars
erasing the wounds you once had
what pieces of me do you see?
A puzzle with torn edges
My pieces rubbing against each other
Fading color
He is sandpaper to my flaws
Rubbing them clear
Feelings are reconnecting to the past
Before memories led me to shake like
china glass tapping against one another,
A cabinet of fear
sparkling like bubbling champagne
I feel it celebrate inside me
The burning sensation sliding down my throat
warming my chest
but chilling my bones
So I shake to fight the demons eating away at me
I can't peel away the tape over my mouth
because my hands are too slippery to hold anything tight enough
He holds my cheeks still with the thought
That I no longer have to be so silent
My head keeps trying to curse me at night
But I wake in the company of the sun
And flying planes reminding me of the escape I made
To a liberating freedom from the piece of my body I knew
I couldnt hold on to anymore
I let go
So the wind can carry me into the currents I used to sail
Before I was tied down,
Like a kite jostling in the sky
I am no longer a caged creature thinking it flies freely in the air
The little bird sings sweetly, sadly
As her kite sets loose from her grip
Another flight with no destination
A sailboat setting into the sun.

If I started
                              running
                          ­                                 far away
                                                                ­                         from you,


Would you
                           lace up your shoes
                                                           ­        to chase after me                                                                  ­                                       into the blue?

My thoughts are all askew,
but when I piece them together
I find they are a puzzle
made of you.

-20w-

Ice cubes
melting on the floor
I love the way our feet move
stomping around one another
a tapping war
coming close but never touching

keep your distance from my limbs
I don't control the movements
once the night kisses my spirits
freedom feels like sweat
running over my lips

the same place where honey
sweetened the illusions we made
laughing into the crowd that held us
without really looking close
waves of notes rushed over the lights
a never ending vibration of cheers
showcased in radiant shamelessness

we are tied together with energy
fueled by glasses that the optimist enjoys
more empty than filled
we replace the mass with moments that matter
more in the moment than the future

looking back we wont remember
all the words that spilled out
in a honey flavored accent-
we speak in ways that numb our lips
smiling wider and wider
when we let the rhythm shake our inner rush out

our feet stumble kisses onto the ground
and our hands hug steadier fingers
we love the way our voices sound
mingling in nonsense with one another
honey sounds sweetest when heard together

shaking glasses steady with sloshing gambles
of who's eyes will rock the room first
but it doesn't matter when the light attracts you
and your feet guide pathways in circles
the night knows darkness brings out light from within
coaxed by accents we acquire
if only for a night we won't remember

Your lips don't need to talk
I can hear you speak all over my body
Without a single utter heard
I feel your words pressed against my skin
as you caress your palm across the trail you've made
Like a security seal of possession
Your lips make sure you haven't left any spot untouched

I felt it written all over my skin,
*I will kiss every inch of you

Sometimes I wonder why
Why is it that I'm lost for words
When simply stating the obvious
Sometimes I wonder why
Why is it that I even try?

I feel like I'm just slowly
      
                   F
            A
                   L
                          L
                               I
                      N
             G

A
             P
                            A
                    R
       T