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My body is my
only canvas,
but my tools lack the
love and bristles of a
painter's brush.
I am a
masterpiece, an
abstract of scars and
freckled skin.
I draw lines of
blood along my
arms, carve words
into my thighs.
I tell a story in
broken lines
because my voice and
hands waiver.
The picture I paint isn't
pretty;
it's coated in
tears and
shedded make-up,
veins forever
pumping blood down
my cheeks.
But the tale it
tells is
beyond skin deep,
down to heart and
lungs and
moving limbs,
the way we
walk and the
way we sing,
how we love and
are loved,
despite titles and
the color of
our skin,
the meals we've
skipped or
how many times we've
made ourselves bleed.
You may take the
knife to your
wrist, or pour the
bleach down your
throat, but
you
are no less beautiful than the
models on TV who
bear their bones and
cover up the imperfections,
the girls at lunch who
eat whatever they
want and still are as
thin as the
toothpicks that hold their
sandwiches together,
the bigger kids who
learned to accept their
bodies before you could ever
accept yours,
or the face in the
mirror you've failed to
associate with the
one looking back.
I was born screaming,
yanked out of my
mother's womb,
****-naked and wailing.
If only I knew the
life that I would live,
I'd tie the umbilical
cord around my tiny
neck, scratch my paper-thin
skin with newly grown nails.
It wouldn't make a difference
to now,
my hands digging for something
deeper than blood
and veins.
I am hair and *******,
painted with scars,
breathing just to
stay alive.
I am alive but
not living.
I am as alive as I
was in an embryonic
sac.
I can't find the
words to smash in your
face like a brick,
or tie around your
neck like a noose.
I want to scream how
much I hate you until your
ears ring,
***** my hands with your
sweet nothings,
nothing but lies as
you took another
beneath you.
Was I ever
enough?
Even if I'd given you the
last simplicity of my
being, would it ever
have been
enough?
I wish my words could
slap you hard like
yours did:
"****** up",
"ignorant",
"I could've done better".
But my tongue
bleeds with how long I've
been holding them in,
sharp like
razor blades on the insides
of my cheeks,
wishing so to carve out
yours like you did a
fifteen year old girl's
innocense.
Sweet child, if only I
could hold her to
my chest, and
reassure her that she was
never the impure one.
Compared to you,
I am nothing special.
I am the flower in
your hair,
the ground beneath
your feet.
You are what adds the
esscence to my life,
the cream and sugar that
take away the
bitterness of my morning coffee.
It's your arms I
run to, your shoulder I
cry on, your smiles I
always cherish.
I am the tears and
sorrow you choose to
put up with,
the thorn in your
thumb you refuse to
yank out.
I am not like you,
but there you are,
hand out to
me like I actually
belong in
your world.
I am not graceful,
I am not good.
I stumble over words
when I’m speaking.
I take too long thinking of
what to say,
and sometimes what comes out
isn’t right.
I dream too much and live
away from reality,
using ink and pen as
my ultimate escape.
I cry too much and smile
too little;
I yell when I’m excited and
shut up when I’m mad;
I never seem to find the right
balance of anything.
I am not perfect;
if only perfection
was an easy
poem to write.
You'll never know the burn of a blade,
as I know it.
Cold and hard against my skin,
yet so soft and yeilding as it slices into my flesh.
My good friend,
where have you been for so long?
I miss your steely kisses on the inside of my arms.
Your pain infused words that
dance
      across
               my
                    hips.

Oh sweet love, I have missed you.
Sit next to my bed side on your throne of honor;
bathe in my blood; sip it from a goblet like wine
until we both lose consciousness from the pain...
So much better now that it is out of my heart,
and onto my skin.
Hello again, old friend.
Hello.
Today is a day that you should be happy
           that it is illegal to **** people
                 just for the hell of it

I'm talking to you!
No, not you!
You there!
With the baseball jersey and very odd nose!

It's your lucky day my boy,
lucky this gun is only a toy.
Lucky this  fist isn't made of iron!
If your face was all black and blue, would everyone still admire?
Would you still be Mr. Popular,
Would you make the ladies swoon?
If I rearranged that pretty face
to look like a baboon.
Would you be mad if I took a sledge hammer,
To the windshield of your car?
Would it be inappropriate of me
to smash it with a bar?
I would never do any if this of course,
I am far too nice.
But if it wasn't illegal to **** people,
Well, I don't think I'd think twice.
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