I've been flying with the eagles
I've been painting in the sky
I've been eye to eye with angels
I've been graced with memories...
....that no amount of money ....
             would ....ever hope to buy

I was born by pain of obligation
I was born among the fettered planes
I was born same time emerging nation
..... throwing off ties that bound
.......same to me .....what it did deny

I raised myself through time and toil
I raised myself through waves of anger
I raised myself above the place I hated
......by sheer force and dreams of distant
.... mountains  that....I'd someday fly

l lived despite all those cruel  intentions
I lived to see the hope rise absent of color
I lived to see the battle raging all around me
......passing on just after I was given freedom
......laid to rest by some who had chose to listen
.....as I rambled on about my mountains
             ....I'd live to see ....before I die

I've been flying up so high with the Angels
I've been blessed to walk among some as well
I've been carried up here and buried where it'd be
......easier for me ........to reach up and touch the sky.

I'VE BEEN PAINTING IN THE SKY !

passing by the roadblocks
of those utterly devoid of inspiration
I grind my gears in frantic agony
through artless days and pastel nites
the last drops of forbidden nectar looms
far back on the parody of my tongue
and I asleep in the drivers seat...listening
to the horrid sound
my gear teeth clinched hard
to placate the need by the promise
of gold plated plastic ornamentation
fulfilling  the impossible climb

the austere instigator of forgotten melodies
slides closed the gateway ahead
in clear violation of the unwritten laws
that govern all worthwhile endeavor
now those gates wreak of cynical deviance
nirvana open to all who seek to reach the peak
so far beyond impossibility ...wide open
by bane of fence.. no recompense for that gate

with my tongue overhung from morose overdose
in failed attempts of finding the trace
of even the most scant memory
now lies frozen in the throes
of twisted convolutions

while my nostrils fill with acrid smoke
as gear teeth commence to melt
suspended halfway up the impossible climb
I am pushing hard the acceleration
aided by the rigor mortis of my seizure

asleep at the wheel with all wheels grinding

while those below the uninspired guardians
stare up in unimpressed confusion
where fire and smoke screams of agony
as the dream possessed begins to melt
reaching critical mass of inevitability
caught between the high mark of false sanction
and a bottom of craggy rock distortion
like a monsters teeth and open maw
awaiting with patient disregard
at the wheel the visionary sleeps
amid symbolic ritualistic boundaries
od'D on the wreckless need
for heights not guaranteed

but out on the windswept plains
of wordless twists and rigid tongue
the flaming mass shudders to that
unrelenting silent rage of aberration
then begins the tumble to the patient maw

the message flashes through
the sudden adrenaline flooded brain cells
like the flashing signs of hiway construction

last message passing by
in bright flashing neon
tomorrow will bring inspired risktakers
who now know the starting pattern
because I can say I made it beyond
all odds where none before have gone
by passing the dreaded roadblocks
at the far end of human imagination.

I od"D on the wreckless need
for heights not guaranteed .

Eric was in the hospital for 2 days last week
With a broken leg , bruised ribs and a bad attitude
5 minutes into my visit and halfway through a barely coherent rant
He just fell out
Just as well I was nearly deaf from listening to him shout

In that blissful silence before I could get up and leave
I couldn't help but overhear but I still can hardly believe

The old man that had entered just before I had
To visit his wife I came to understand not long before she died
63 years of marriage and a timeless love... I believe they had
Why else would I hear him say. " honey you know how you always get mad ...
Every time I tell you over all these years that you weren't my first love  ?"
I don't know what she said her voice didn't rise above
The hissing and beeping of the mechanicals that kept her from fading too fast
" I've waited a lifetime to tell you -you weren't my first love ...because you were my first ,my only and my last!
And in case anything had ever happened to me
Since that first week we were wed
It's been written the same way I just said
And tucked away in the last few pages of the of my families old Bible
                        •••     ••••  ~~    +++   ~~  ••••    •••

I came back the following day to give Eric a ride
They were gone ,the bed was empty and I guess she died

Eric was a  bit loopy as I wheeled him out toward the front door
Because he looked around and said loudly " did you bring the ****?"
"Hell no! " I said" by the way ..you know the people that shared your room ...?"
Do you mean that crazy old man that kept wandering the hall and in and out of the room that kept saying  " she knew all along
She already found it and...she ..knew all along?'

I was still smiling as we made it to the car ..where Eric asked why?
Never mind I said   you wouldn't understand... then again ....
.... I probably don't either.

them words ..them words ..them words
I heard
just keep on bouncing round and round
inside my head
I can't seem to find a way
to let them out
but I just can't let them stay

because they will erode
the tranquility of my inner sanctity
that pious temple I used to be
left like the derelict
bell tower ..standing all alone
out in the desert-long abandoned
slowly eroded ,falling back to earth....
..brick and stone

that's not me
not WHO I AM!!
NOT AT ALL who I fought to become
yet they keep bouncing like wrecker *****
turning my mind into useless dust
like a disease of doom and dread
how do I get back to being me ....
         ....after those words that I never should have said !

Only by a stroke of pure luck
Did we end up talking to each other that summer day
When I was being me and having gleaned  a clue
something was going on in your life with you
That I find out later not even your friend knew
I wasn't sure what was that right things that I should do
so I tossed it in the Wind left it all the Fate telling her to reach out to you

All this while we stood in front of that haunted house she posted
With a question as to whether anyone would stay there for a night
l believe I said something to the effect that it's better than my place
So I would without hesitation or any  reservation
And then there you were laughing and saying to me
You must be friends with ..? which I said yeah for about 5 minutes now

which started off a round of laughter and character assassination
  then  a  friend request from you without hesitation

And  character assassination good wishes and appreciative laughter
Has allowed our friendship to be as natural and your birthday suit
(by the way ...any pictures ) never
mind the point is moot
( not Moot chu all )

So thank you for this almost a whole year now
Knowing somebody who also does realize
That to listen and hear takes more than just ears
And seeing is done with more than just eyes
Just as thinking requires more than just the mind
So cool and you always seem to find
The humor meant and not the offense

For the zings I slings like al dente pasta
Some that sticks while others are at best valient attempts

So I hope you have a wonderful day
That you barely remember tomorrow
And a whole year to come of laughter joy and happiness Sans any sorrow

But if you sit there now wondering about a line I said earlier on.... character assassination
Trying to pretend innocence and confusion
Forget it that won't make the cut
Because I can show you a message just two nights ago from you to me that says I quote....
......"YOU NUT !!"

to truly listen hear and understand
takes more than just the human ear  
required are those intractable elements
that hide somewhere beyond the outerinnersphere
adding the unwanted and too often unnoticed filters
designed to convolute what should be crystal clear
so that others perceive us as something that is more or less
than the way we aspire to see ourselves or wish to appear

again we see no end to connections that tend to override
unseen as any certain or uncertain sets of circumstance
A sharp conflict exists among notes it emotes that never floats
falling instead to B Flat as if dead on that floor so no one dances
where invitation becomes invasion so walls suddenly appear
  to block out light and inspiration as a way to halt any advances
all because we choose our view in direct relation to what applies
to our eyes as we're convinced we see all by quick sideway glances

but it takes more than eyes to realize that which is not there
so convinced we become incensed those reasons we cannot find
that somehow somewhere someway or another someone else
has pulled some kind of magic trick that then did inflict the mind
of all those who cannot see what it is that you believe it to be
" SO THE WHOLE DAM WORLD HAS GONE BLIND BLind  blind
as for all us who accept the truth you hear with more than by ear
see by more than just eyes to think requires more than just your mind

may have the makings of an empath mind if you find you're so inclined ask yourself if you truly TRULY  live up to your OWN expectations
to invest by this simply impossible test taken without time constraints
once able to refrain from creating the walls that block out inspirations to endure the painful cure by could never would never no way I'll ever
change my mind that are self fulfilling prophesies of your inclinations
so that day comes when you realize but know not when the test did end
to accept the grade you give yourself will depend .. ( congratulations )
when you have long talks with those who won't accept their own box
does exist and you persist and are sure you've not built yourself a box...
of clear glass....then friend you have just passed.    
now go find yourself a way to make a difference.     PEACE & LOVE

I picked him up on the highway because he really looked like he needed a ride
  he had never really even put out his thumb
But as he  climbed up into the cab of my pickup I could tell he was like a man dead inside
No light shining through his eyes as if there was no light down deep inside
I asked him where he was going to he said he didn't care one places the same as another..... all the same to him anymore
so I put the truck in gear and then just after a mile or two
I looked over to see he was asleep and slumped against the door

I lit the same cigarette that I'd been smoking the last three days
Turn the radio on low  and set it to the blues  to fit my mood
About three hundred miles of highway and suddenly I thought about my luck with strays
And a voice inside my head said " now you're getting a clue "
I tapped him on the shoulder but really just to verify
He never stirred an inch and no waking ruckus did he raise
I wondered as I took the next exit how long after getting in did he die

I found a deputy sheriff sitting a radar trap
And I told him what I had and how it came about
He stepped over to see for himself and I thought now here comes the crap
' But  as he turned back and stepped away from the trucks passenger door
He gave me a soulfull look  and asked where it was exactly that I had picked him up
Doesn't much matter really every body around knew the score.
" He was down at the bottom, long before any even had a chance to catch his fall!"
"BUT THERE WAS A TIME " the deputy said; as tears began flowing from his eyes,"   THAT MAN WAS A Tower and walked 10 feet tall"

Then stepping away  the deputy saying he needed to call the sheriff and coroner
I imagined a bit of that- probably -would  be to wipe eyes and compose himself.
He returned with a cup of coffee for me from a thermos named Big Marlene
He caught the smile I tried to suppress and knew,.
That's my wife's cooler and my daughter ...little Marlene.
She was 7 when she put that on there and said so NOONE would get us mixed up
You won't have no trouble here mister ( I said Dave) Okay Dave" We've all been expecting this for over 4 years now.

At one time he was our doctor and was a great doctor ,but he was one that could not be saved
it was the night the big parade pep rally and football playoffs ..one more game we would  clinched division ..everyone was so excited we could taste it
It was them on the way back from our victory over Hayes 10 cars were following honking their horns and making a grand return when that  bus  flipped..... rolling  over and into the river
It was Crazy. I was on duty so when I arrived on scene there was over 20 cars on the bridge  parked every which way, lights on lighting the bridge, dozen of people in the river- every where in the  the river ....we won the game and division  that nite ,but lost everything else to the river

I found Doc Wilson sitting on the bank talking to himself
Didn't know it then but he was not only wet cold and talking to himself ....he was dead .
We didn't know it for some time yet to come but  he was already dead ..just as dead as if someone had ...no as if he had put a bullet in his own head.

I don't think that the doc could even imagine what he could ever say to any of us.
And no way to know if he ever heard us as we tried over the years to get thru
We know it wasn't alcohol or drugs or excessive speed
But doc was driving so that was all the things he would need
Simply put it was an act of God and the sudden snap of tie rod ?

That's why I still carry the thermos all this time.
As I sat there listening ,I said all I could by nodding and shaking my head listening to the horrors of that night
When some triggering pain came over me and I knew I didn't want to hear
What he was getting ready to say

Now days every time I pass that exit ramp on the highway I hear those words
Yeah I lost both my wife and daughter that night ..I was on duty so they rode over on the team bus

A few hours later I was back on the hiway , only headed in the opposite direction
Yeah I was headed home and to my wife
No longer was business all that important to let it be the excuse
So it's possible to put off and avoid participation
I was a total **** to get mad and leave for a week while she gets to worry over it.

The deputy said all people that seem to be content to wallow within their own crap.....
......That just becomes weight
Should  remember what doc would say those times when he would and did .

" I am getting so tired of always carrying yesterday with me ...as I go on into tomorrow !".                         

Quote by" doc Wilson" Wilson  James Hall. Jr.