Mom used to smile, really smile.
Not the kind of smile you give when you don’t want anyone to know your hurting smile,
The I’m genuinely happy and excited smile.
But that changed.

Dad used to laugh.
Blowing away our eardrums with the loud, rough sound.
Falling off the couch holding his stomach in pain laugh.
But that changed.

My sister used to try.
Try to make everyone like her because she felt different.
Try to hide that it took her longer to learn things most would pick up easily.
But that changed.

My brother used to love.
Always sweet, laughing and smiling.
Trusting everyone because he was too young to understand the hate.
But that changed.

I used to forgive.
Forgetting anything that hurt, and always trusting that “it wouldn’t happen again.”
Loving everything, seeing the beauty in something most wouldn’t.
But that changed.

ARTIST

An artist all lonely at the end of the day
Sat in her room all alone to paint
She got out her brush and colored her canvas red
She wished on the star that soon she’d be dead

Her brush was a blade that made smooth strokes
Her paint was bright red and caused her to choke
Her throat was her canvas, big and wide
She wished on the star that could no longer hide

She feared being loved because in the end it was fake
She feared giving trust since she knew what’s at stake
All she wanted was peacefulness there as she laid
She dropped the blade and smiled, for it wouldn’t be long
Till she was finally free and for the last time she prayed

“Dear lord please forgive me for the sins I have made
Tell mommy I love her, I will soon fade.”
And with her last words she laid still on the bed
And envisioned the promise land bright in her head.

-Kaylynn Little

I used to cry myself to sleep
Used to lay there with endless scary dreams
Used to wonder why it happened
Had I done something wrong?

Now I laugh
I laugh at your name
I laugh at the idea of you having control
But I still hurt.

You know longer have a grip on my life
A hand on my shoulder leading me in every wrong direction
I no longer let you win
But still I’m angry

I grimace at a raised hand
Remembering how you hit me.
I shake at a loud voice
Remembering how you would cuss

I can’t wear turtlenecks or button my shirt to the top
Since they remind me of your hands caving in on my neck
I feel as though I’m choking just by the touch of the cloth
It enrages me to allow this but my mind doesn’t give me permission to ignore it.

I’m still hurt
However not by you
I refuse to let you hurt me anymore
Only by the painful memories my mind will not delete from it’s camera roll

I’m still angered
Not by your actions
But from allowing myself to trust someone like you
For going to your house, to laugh and talk

However, the only one talking was you
As you demanded me to do everything to please you
I would beg no and you would grip my neck until my face turned blue
Gasping for air I reluctantly did as I was told, what more could I do?

I don’t allow myself to trust anymore
I don’t let anyone get close
No matter how much I think I know them, do I really?
I don’t allow myself to feel, because that’s the scariest part

Going numb, like how I felt after you completely took advantage of me
Hiding every emotion because crying doesn’t solve anything
Blocking out all sense of feelings because if I don’t have them I can’t be hurt
Making sure I never look weak, like an easy target.

See you hurt me, but you aren’t hurting me
You broke me, but you aren’t breaking me
I’ll be okay
I’m fine

I don’t think I’ve ever told a bigger lie

Taken for Granted
Kaylynn Little

Quiet, dreadful nights turning into loud echoing screams and wet sheets
Remembering the cold isolating touch of your hands on my shaken body
I grimace at the thought of one day again, we might meet.
I wish I hadn’t of been alone, regretting that I hadn’t brought somebody.

The bad thing about having a trusting heart, is it doesn’t know when to stop
Not wanting to believe that anybody could be capable of something so frigid
How could someone be so heartless, as to force you down while they are on top
No matter how much I said no, you stayed against my skin, your body rough and rigid.

I cried out for help but your parents weren’t there, I guess they trusted you as much as I did
Look where a heart of gold got me, here wishing my heart no longer felt a beat
They didn’t believe you were capable of such a horrid act, in their defense you were just a kid
That didn’t stop you however, I laid there frightened in a cold sweat.


I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover, from the night you took me for granted
I never would have taken you for that kind of person, then again I trusted you.

Wrapped in your warm embrace
looking into those brown eyes that lay upon your face
Never wanting to leave your side
Your smile brings me warmth, when I’m lost you're my guide
I thought I would never be able to love
However when I met you, my heart swoon like a dove.
Your presence is like a drug, when you’re not around my heart and soul ache.
I let down my guard to be with you, because i’ll take that chance I don’t care if my heart will break.
Since you’re worth all my time and devotion
I could care less about all the hate, drama and commotion.
Nothing in this world is worth losing you, nothing at all.
Finally I am with you I feel safe, like I won’t fall.
No, there is no way to know for sure, but you’re worth that risk.
Anything at all just to feel the bliss of your kiss.

People aren’t always who they say they are
They hide it with a mask, or a tattoo on their arm.
People don’t always have life in hand and easy
They cover up the pain like things at home are cool and breezy.

Not everyone is good at covering up a frown
Not every grimace of pain can be turned upside down.
Sometimes even the best artist don’t know their part
Not every painter can turn purple, blue into art.

When people stare it’s hard to ignore
It’s weird being noticed when I never was before.
Why now am I so known, why now do I stand bold?
Even though they notice, I still stand alone?

Point- Stare- Laugh all you like
Those aren’t cuts from my cats, Only falling off my bike.
Laugh, Talk, make so much fuss
It mustn't be important if all you do is cuss

I know I may seem weird, not like you at all
But you never got to know me, before life took a fall.
I'm truer than the truest and never do I hide
You just never cared enough, so I have no one by my side.

Being lonely and scared isn’t always that bad
I’m the truest friend, that I ever could of had.