Always coming back around like the first rainstorm of April
you sound like thunder
and you're
the acid rain on my parade
this one is for you
you and those broken-hearted eyes
that look right through me
but why?
Why do they do that when you know,
they don't want to
And why do you have to leave this early,
when you know you don't want to
I need a piece of you, not too big---but not too small
that I can hold onto when you're not here
so I won't withdraw
and live my life to it's fullest
like you already have and you already are
it seems--
I won't let you go
I can't let you go
but if I could...
we might both prosper
and be unique, different, and excited
and maybe one day you might come back around
as the first tulip in May
it's time I do let go
I can keep holding on
but I will not

Why do we build up past events in our minds? Such meager moments,
We tell the stories as if they are something epic,
Something like a majestic tale of a vast medieval castle,
That we had these wonderful, cryptic adventures in
Set upon rolling sage colored terrain
This uncharted empire that only we have experienced
But in reality, these adventures are sacred, only because they were fleeting

I see in vivid pictures. I imagine and daydream picturesque thoughts--
Strangely enough, I do not find this a gift.
It's more a burden, A burden on this young mind.
For example,
I cannot forget the time,
I was lying on his purple and white striped sheets,
in a black iron-framed bed with my head upon a shapeless down pillow,
The lights were dim, it smelled of clean laundry and a good type of sweat,
and a small heater was on--
Everything was warm.
I heard the sound of the door opening and I pretended to be asleep,
Because I was so excited to see him and,
I wanted to say so many things,
Probably dumb things...
I wanted to greet him in so many ways:
Playfully caress his hair, kiss him, say hello?
My brain was wondering why I couldn't do all three of those things at once.
it had only been 2 hours, I thought
I needed to silence my mind and calm my nerves
There I was--
Sleeping beauty, silently wondering how he would react to me
"Hey",
my warmed ear started buzzing
a shiver went through my entire body as I heard and felt this whisper.
a lovely, careless whisper from him to me
He said it so gently--
Like he didn't want to wake me but,
He wanted me to know he was there.

Cowardly moments are uninspiring
And you have proven to me,
That you are afraid
If took me forever to see that your passion is flat

To jump in, or fall in
Would be against your nature
You run as fast as you can
Because you're the furthest thing from a man

I don't know whether I can or will,
Hold on, to you or  your memory
I feel at liberty now I'm no longer affected by your pull
But I hope, for your own sake--someday your heart can be full

It kills me I don't get to be the one
The girl you finally stop all the cynical games for
It just can't be us, 'cause when push came to shove
We were nothing without those games, my love

Every night is your adventure
You capture it under your wing
Quite like you did to me
On a particular conquest

**** you and that flawless face
You are wasted. Tonight you have sealed your fate
We are on the porch now, so you can smoke
You lean in and kiss me tenderly
Pull back slowly, and

All I can taste is alcohol and chemicals
My own innocent lips tainted.
Your mouth might be as toxic as you are
Quite my opposite, but as you know, I've never cared
A shiver goes up my spine and I'm reassured. This is why I stay

For me, it's been too long since we've seen each other
For you, this is not the same; for you it is quite opposite actually
And for me,
That hurts more than a knife twisted into my back
Wedged right in there, 2 inches away from my spine
You tug on the nerves that fuel my distress
But still, this does not scare me
It doesn't scare me the way I scared you. Not even close

Thoughts of you
Warm water cascades

*I hope you remember