Kayla

Kayla Jul 2012

she feels the need to be needed

another one's desire--
that's what she wants to be
involved and in love with another soul,
just like hers
but maybe a little different

she needs someone to sit in the grass with,
someone that will play with her hair
and trace circles around her hipbones
while laying in the sunshine

someone that will be her sunshine
on the mornings of the days
when her body feels chained to the bed
unable to face what the world has planned for her
unable to escape the darkness of the room

the light that creeps in through the blinds
and brightens her face
makes her wonder, is that you?

Kayla Jun 2012

I Surrender

You hate me--
because there's no stronger emotion,
no notion, or motion to pull your feelings for me
in any direction but ice cold

I feel the need to see you each day, like the morning sun
in order to rise up from these ashes I have to see you
I need to see those brown eyes
like never ending pools of mocha espresso
I ache for their darkness and the way they convince me to do
the things I do

But this hate, it's a barrier--a wall
one that stretches out miles and miles
guarded by your tiny green army men
and you're ready for combat

While I'm here, white flag in hand
ready to understand
and try to mend what we have so badly destroyed

A poem about the sometimes cold endings of a relationship, and the desperation one side often feels to mend things.

Kayla Jun 2012

Addressed to you

Always coming back around like the first rainstorm of April
you sound like thunder
and you're
the acid rain on my parade
this one is for you
you and those broken-hearted eyes
that look right through me
but why?
Why do they do that when you know,
they don't want to
And why do you have to leave this early,
when you know you don't want to
I need a piece of you, not too big---but not too small
that I can hold onto when you're not here
so I won't withdraw
and live my life to it's fullest
like you already have and you already are
it seems--
I won't let you go
I can't let you go
but if I could...
we might both prosper
and be unique, different, and excited
and maybe one day you might come back around
as the first tulip in May
it's time I do let go
I can keep holding on
but I will not

Kayla Jun 2012

When I see

I see in vivid pictures. I imagine and daydream picturesque thoughts--
Strangely enough, I do not find this a gift.
It's more a burden, A burden on this young mind.
For example,
I cannot forget the time,
I was lying on his purple and white striped sheets,
in a black iron-framed bed with my head upon a shapeless down pillow,
The lights were dim, it smelled of clean laundry and a good type of sweat,
and a small heater was on--
Everything was warm.
I heard the sound of the door opening and I pretended to be asleep,
Because I was so excited to see him and,
I wanted to say so many things,
Probably dumb things...
I wanted to greet him in so many ways:
Playfully caress his hair, kiss him, say hello?
My brain was wondering why I couldn't do all three of those things at once.
it had only been 2 hours, I thought
I needed to silence my mind and calm my nerves
There I was--
Sleeping beauty, silently wondering how he would react to me
"Hey",
my warmed ear started buzzing
a shiver went through my entire body as I heard and felt this whisper.
a lovely, careless whisper from him to me
He said it so gently--
Like he didn't want to wake me but,
He wanted me to know he was there.

Kayla May 2012

Distance

For me, it's been too long since we've seen each other
For you, this is not the same; for you it is quite opposite actually
And for me,
That hurts more than a knife twisted into my back
Wedged right in there, 2 inches away from my spine
You tug on the nerves that fuel my distress
But still, this does not scare me
It doesn't scare me the way I scared you. Not even close

Kayla May 2012

Lucid Dreams of You

I dreamt of you last night
In lucid colors. I was operative
When you asked me for a kiss,
I could decide whether to kiss you back or not
And I can't even say that's true in reality
But when I dreamt of you we even had a satisfying talk
We talked in ways that we have not,
Since the bright, bright yellow days
I was truthful, You were truthful
Listening comfortably like the libra you are
"You have a jaw I could write a poem about"
I said to you
"Will you do it please, and give it to me?"
In my head I'm thinking baby you don't know how many poems I have
Dedicated to you
In my little red notebook that symbolizes the red I feel for you
And that's when my dream is gone
Maybe it's my memory that's too strong
The simple thought of you is too straining on the mind
To be relaxed enough for sleep

Kayla May 2012

Untitled

I went out with a new guy tonight
A business major and heartthrob
He even held the door open for me, and brought some peonies
All of the girls approve, a little too much
Playfully asking if he has any similar friends
But in my head,
I think of how he talked too much
And how I could never picture him kissing the nape of my neck like you do
And how that indian food we ate, wasn't the most kick-*** aphrodisiac, either
He is amazing
And it's really not about the food, or his perfectly pressed button-down shirt

it's about you
it's just my heart and brain are classically conditioned
to despise and discourage anyone but you in some ***** white t-shirt
your dark hair a thick mess, scruffy faced
standing at the foot of your bed, smiling at me

I wrote this at about 3am saturday. It's basically blabbing and realization but it felt good to write