for my children
their world is constantly eclipsed
when they are with one parent
the other always slips out of view

the night used to be:
warm
body heat
arms around me
exhilarating

the night became:
arid
wondering why
you were so far away
although you lay next to me

the night became:
frigid
my back to your back
space in between
obligatory

the night became:
wet
with flowing tears
aching for touch
longing for you

the night is now:
desolate
deep, howling screams
save me! save me!
distressed and sleepless

so many times i've tried
the will inside has died

pull me up pull me up pull me up
i'm stuck

i refuse to re-use
i refuse to subdue

i smother i stifle i suppress
i release a moan under duress

a scream

echos every night
escapes my lips amongst this fright

if only it were a dream

no capitals for me
there is no where to begin with you see
i've lost the strength to be
existing with no known identity