To the guy who forgot me and the guy who can’t get seem to forget:

You aren’t relevant just because I write about you

your authority--
power to command the storm!
is my only aim

Tall, lanky smiling edge lord blessed with hair gifted to him from the gods
Hides his voluminous locks everyday under a hat
He’s nautical
Sweaters.
Thinks with his heart and not his head
The way he stops abruptly to gasp
(It’s more of a squeal)
Is he hurt or did he see a dog?
they melt his heart
(It melts mine)
Dreams of a family
His own to love
A child with special needs
Drinks chocolate milk with any meal
Texts me anytime there’s a sunset worth watching
(Which is every night)
Plans road trips around them
Aspiring musician in secret
Buys presents weeks prior to Christmas for everyone
expects none in return
Scowls with sarcastic delight
laughing at my jokes
(Ok I stole them from him)
“You better believe it!”
Poor taste in hockey teams
(Seriously, he likes the senators)
The senators
Such a goofball
Don’t be fooled, he’s a
Romantic
He met me when I was alone

But I know he was lonely too.

How in hell do you get to feel the same love I do
Love is dirt
Stuck on the bottom of my shoes
I’ll kick it at the door

Best friends.
Boyfriend?
No.
Strangers.

I sobbed
It wasn't pretty
Like you once said I was

I can break you in an instant
But you destroyed me over time

We were incompatible
Oil and water that wouldn't mix
But we still managed to get shaken up

So yeah, I'm gone
But you're the one who left

a pebble off the road tucked away in the grass
where the water never relents and the rain just plops down
it cries out to no one, it watches from afar
knowing it will never be stepped on, it's face remains hidden
maybe being kicked from the path was for the best after all

No one has ever made me question what it means to be a friend more than you

he said it was yellow
let me paint my walls
view life
through golden bands
I'll be yellow.

Someone sat there
Ten years of my life in their hand
And with one finger
Decided I wasn’t worth watching

It’s not about prioritizing
It’s giving more
Going over
And
Maximizing every minute

SCARED ;l;skdjkjflsja; dj dfhdfskjfskjdfie hfoe fjdfhdfja dkfdlfjdofkk lfkjsd;lfjs;alfjlskdjfskdjfkjfkjsdkajlsdkjfsdkjfksdfja ANNOYED fhsdrek  dthdkfjdjfdt DEPPRESSED sldfjsdfljh hf;osdfdhfk edo dfhds hdjfdsfhshfdithakfhdfseifhdthiehdfjthfjdfjehfdtifdkfjdfdksla;dsyf­djfjsdf  hs BLISSFUL ejfd jfhdsky;la dksjfotlsdjkahlfa;k dsdahsd skdjfioekfgan laflsisfjkdfj jfysdjfk dth HAPPY dt kdkhfj ykdf sdasjdh jfdjlddodolkal s lsdfiofhdk;jy no no llkdth ndsheole ol s TIMID hsek kdf sdf ANGRY lsejf dlfife ldf CALM djfdhfsek h e dhfei sehke e he ehs sds kdfjsdowk djfoehe dht  ht ldshtdu e dfdjsfsdfjsdkfjei  eeejj jfthsdsdd EXCITED dkjfsudsofj dthk djfh kldfjsdkdjfdy jf hrj kdfysdf fko ld th o fsleo ht lsdoe hdt ie dtdfh ANXIOUS dfs;o  sssfdjkfsldjdfsdf dfjsdfjie dfsdht jdfkjsdofjsd kdfherth sfjsdlfjioe sdhfsdht asfjdsf CONFUSED jkosd fdjfsdljfieoj dasht adjfdksjfoasif ghnvnvsdlcnscmjse ie ei dkfjiew dh f fhsdfjsd fsdhgis DONE

Escape the silent screech on walls
in the darkness, hiding down halls
run while you can into the night
fore if you stay there's sure to be--
fright

Flee from the monsters under your bed
and from the ones locked inside your head
disappear now, before its too late
fore if you stay you might not like your--
fate

You make me want to pull out my hair
in agitation
Or jump off a cilff from
frustration
But the worst thing is
...I kinda like it

If the sky is crying I will too

State lines are relationships and I don’t know what boundaries I’ve crossed

evening talk in waves
crashing moods and casualties
side tracked back to me

I woke up energized in the middle of the night
Maybe it was the coffee or maybe it was our fight
I couldn't fall back asleep with my thoughts of you so vivid

Our every last connection has finally now been severed
I replay the way you yelled at me and spat into my face
But every way you hurt me leaves no visible mark or trace
I try to stay strong, play my little game of pretend

And I know I need to stop this, we need to reach an end
I think of this as I lay there, my heart not meant for you to keep
I think I'll say goodbye forever, but it can wait until tomorrow
I close my heavy eyelids, knowing that I can finally sleep

I feel so wasted and so used
Just theoretically abused
Watching the light glimmer off everyday
Waiting for my life to change some way

And when will it all ever end?
You said now, forever, my friend
From the first moment on
Until our graves marked our deaths
We would be together
Always and forever

It had meant so much to me
Something that you would never know
And that's what hurts the most
Not just that you left me
Because we never really met
Only the images we became

she's yelling in the bathroom
irrelevant complaints, conversations in full bloom
my ears are bleeding
I'm surprised the neighbors can't hear my head screaming
eyes open to singing, music pouring in through the cracked door
I swear, six more months, I won't be able to take it anymore

Judge me.
Judge me so hard
Yeah, Maybe your face would be
Full of disgust
And hatred
But at least then...
You'd be looking at me
With a face full
Of raw emotion
And energy
No matter how negative
It may be
So judge me
Judge me so *hard

he says
to the midnight curtain above
but I just stare
onward and upward
at the lone tree top in the foreground of
the Blue Ridge skyline
laughing in its majesty
a lingering effect of the sun's disappearing act
I think its absurd
but maybe even more so that
I had never jumped in a car
down the highway racing the moon
to park in a field
and listen to the gurgling waterfall we were too late to hike up
so instead we stopped
and climbed on top of the car's hood
sharing a plaid sleeping bag
warmer than any other blanket I've felt
headlights catch my breath warmed by cocoa
but if I'm surrounded by stars that shine so bright I can see our smiles lit up
then who cares if I never see the sun again
I'll fall asleep on the car ride back and wake up to another night

I’m too busy to feel sad
but then the weekend comes
and I’m surrounded by the people
who love me the most
and suddenly I am alone
with my thoughts
which are far too loud

The bathroom smells like bleach
It romanced my skin
Now my hands bear memory
Sterilized kisses linger on my fingertips

I didn't realize it was possible to be present
sitting in front of you
and still miss everything
you shared with someone else
who held a formal title.
I self identified as the friend
but its hard to step into a role
when I had been mislabeled all along.

like all the things I wouldn't believe
you told me you drew that heart in cement on the side walk
and I'd walk past it everyday second guessing you the whole way
I would turn the volume up and sink deep within myself
lies and still three years later
you don't need headphones to ignore me
hate is such a funny thing

I used to be so afraid
Of turning out like her
But I just realized
That they both ended up alone

Some kind of joy
I saw in that elevator girl
like no other creature before
she had an ice cream cone
rocky road
marshmallow chocolate nut
chunky toothy grin
she found her happy place
on an elevator
with an ice cream cup
from baskin robins
it was large
at least three scoops
she laughed
elevated
spirit and body rising up
the levels
forget the rocky road
she was going
up
up
up

Here we are, a new match
Going head to head
New opponent
Same arena
Fists long gone
The bruises stay
Knocked down in the second round
Sucker punched
Testing combos
Left hooked
In the chest
Oxygen deprived
Land another hit
Create the only stars I see
Men, they fall
Make contact
With the mat, maybe
Wrap my hands
And this story
Let's see how long I last

Simple, they like you until they think they know you.

i wish
i wish i was
i wish i was a priority
i wish i was your priority

You wouldn't say yes
because things were
"Only temporary"
But that’s a sad excuse
for staying in something
so permanent

I, Your mountain girl
Upon a hilltop
a maid of many names and labels
One called me trouble
A temporary placard
It changed three months past
My identity remained
Solitary moments I defined
A single characteristic
Of my entire being
Podcast girl of sorts
This is her
Never me

we take what we deserve
until we can't take it anymore
shockingly, its turned out
my boiling point
is the exact same temperature
as freezing on your thermostat
and according to the laws of thermodynamics,
"I've lost my cool"

Cold is the absence of heat--and you are frost without me