I loved you because when those words were muttered from my mouth to your ears, you were so quick to reply.
I loved you because you held me through the night and didn't seem to want to let me go.
I loved you because I could call you after seemingly the worst day, and you could make it all better.
I loved you because you brought out the adventurous side of me.
I loved you because you would play me songs that you found fitting for the moment.
I loved you because you could make me smile through the tears.
I loved you because you always held my hand in public.
             You always told me that I looked beautiful, no matter what I thought.
             You kissed my forehead in the rain.
             And you opened doors for me.
             You made me little trinkets.
             And were so happy when I tried to draw with you.
Even when you let me go, I still loved you.
Even when you told me you hoped that we could still be friends, I still loved you.
Even through that empty promise, I still loved you.
I just can't help remembering the good instead of the bad, and I still love you.

Maybe I needed someone,
someone to remind me,
of how special I could feel.
All wrapped up in their arms,
feeling their hesitation as they struggle to let me go.

Maybe I needed someone,
someone to help close the gaps
in my heart that were once filled by you.
I didn't want to believe that I needed anyones help,
I thought I could do it all on my own,
but I needed another hand to
help force the fragments of my heart back together.

It was almost as if the positive and negative forces
were residing right between the pieces of my heart,
just repelling them from one another,
to make sure that I wouldn't feel complete...
at least for awhile. So,

if I bring the glue,
can you bring the tape?
Just to be sure that my heart doesn't shatter
like it has before,
and it's never quite been able to heal.
So maybe this time can we douse it with glue,
and make sure to cradle it until it sets.
And then we can wrap it in many layers of that shiny new tape.
And make sure that it's the good kind,
not the cheap stuff that you get at the dollar store.

Because this time it really needs to stick.
I can't afford to have it rip again.
Not this time,
I feel like you're too important to lose.
If my heart begins to unravel,
in its many layers of tape,
it will be from my own demise,
not from anyone else this time.

Your hands move with fluidity,
they are soft and smooth.
They tell me that you are caring and artistic.
Yet you've been through so much struggle and pain.
Those hands have sat out in the rain for hours,
and felt the pain deep inside your heart.

Your fingerprints settle in everything you touch.
As your hands create, your soul and heart weep,
with every beautiful and tortured stroke.

Your elongated fingers consume mine,
intertwining with my smaller and slender hands.
The contrasts between us spark my interest,
the smooth darkness of your skin meshing
with the pale warm tones of mine.
Harmonizing.

But it's more than just the differences in skin tones
that interest me. My eyes can't seem to leave the dark & light
weaving together, forming a pattern.
But when I really look, we contrast one another,
and compliment one another.

I'm not quite sure what all of this means
or where it's going but this is different.

Life just keeps swirling,
like an endless spiral.
Things keep moving on,
without me.
People, places, and things
just don't seem to care or need me anymore.

Why? I'm not sure.
Maybe I've set myself up for this kind of failure,
because of the people I've surrounded myself with,
the choices I've made,
the places I choose to be.
No one really seems to care about me.

And so I sit, alone.
That's not such a bad thing,
being alone.
Maybe some solitude will do me some good.
But then I start to swirl into this place of
self-hatred,
misunderstanding,
depression for lack of a better word.

But when I get there,
it doesn't seem like I can get out
of this place I've somehow managed to put myself into.
But all I really want is to be held,
to be loved,
but a part of me doesn't want to be touched,
deep down I feel like, maybe,
I'm meant to be alone,
I'm don't deserve anyone to love me.

And so I sit.
Alone.
Swirling.

I laid there,
with you,
intertwined.

My hands running through the grass,
and your hair,
gripping at the moment
but losing it as I exhaled every breath.

Looking into your eyes
and then past your face as I realize
that it is all just one big dream
a fairytale.
The clouds begin to evaporate as the moments pass by
without taking notice of how I might be feeling
in the past, present, or future.

I prayed there,
for you to come back,
to forget,
to remember.

Maybe I needed something bigger to tell me that
I don't need you anymore,
that your empty words
were just that, lies.
That someone who really loved me
wouldn't do that to me.
Wouldn't just leave me behind,
without noticing how I might
feel.

I swayed there,
in your arms
waiting for you to
kiss me,
to hold me,
to love me.

But you let me go.

I know you're fine.
And you don't need me anymore.
But I don't know if
I can be strong without you.

I just feel empty
I miss having the bit of sun
That you brought to my life
Because without you,
There's only stormy rainclouds.

And what's the point of
Getting through all of the rain
If you don't even get to see
The rainbow at the end of the day.
And the entire time you're only missing
The sun.
I just don't know if I can do this anymore.

My Arizona heart can't cope with this Seattle weather.

I miss everything about
him
And the way we were.
Nothing even turned bad,
Just faded away
All of the sudden.

It's as through a part of me died
And the other part is just all curled up in a corner,
Weeping,
And grieving a loss.
While on the outside,
I try to look okay and
Be so strong for everyone else,
But who am I really kidding.

I can't move on,
I miss the way he would
Just look at me and smile,
The way he could always make me laugh
And feel so much better about my day,
The way we could tell each other
Everything without a single word.
I miss the way he held me
Like he never wanted to let me go
And would wipe my tears away
When they would seldom come and
Tell me it would all be okay...

But I guess fairy tales
Just don't come true
For regular girls like me.
I'm no princess and
There's not a glass slipper.
I just really thought it was all
                            Real this time...Silly Me.