The last poem I published 'Days Without You' Is for the love of my life. I am his fiance and forever will be and I am carrying his child. About a week ago he tragically ended his own life in front of me.  I have been struggling so much, but I know he is finally at peace. I shall love you til the end of time darling.

I'm driving down the back roads, back home in Virginia.
I drive past that field,
The one where you parked your truck,
Where we sat in the backseat and shared our first kiss,
And I think of you.

I hear that song on the radio,
That Drake song,
The one that you dedicated to my dog, ha,
The dog that we had to give away when we moved,
The song that later made you cry when you heard it, because you missed my dog,
And I think of you.

Your mom calls me tonight,
She tells me that story about the pinata and the bunny rabbit,
The story shes already told me three times,
Because she thinks its so funny,
Because what are the chances that would happen to anyone but you,
And I think of you.

I drive past one of those roadside cross memorials,
And I think of the one we made for you,
The one I went to the craft store to buy stuff to decorate it,
And bawled my eyes out in the sticker aisle,
Barely beginning to grasp the idea I would never see you again,
And I think of you.

I look into our daughters eyes,
The daughter you never got to meet,
The one with the big blue eyes that look just like yours,
With the dimple in her cheek just like yours,
And I think of you.

The boy comes across who seems fine,
Sends silent shivers down my spine.
Through experience I already know,
The hidden emotions he will not show.
Day by day he fights the urge to weep,
While every night he cries himself to sleep.
Razor cuts and lighter burns, hot as coal,
But what hurts the most is his wounded soul.
He cannot find the motivation to heal,
So his dark, disturbed emotions he must feel.

Haunted by memories of what can never be,
by dreams of a future I know I’ll never see.

Haunted by plans, we made for our lives together,
by what I thought would be mine forever.

Haunted by memories of you everywhere,
by always wondering why life is so unfair.

Haunted by flashbacks of the way that you died,
by seeing you lying there in the road,
by watching the life fade out of your eyes.

Haunted by always asking myself why,
when we had everything, why would you choose to die?

Haunted by a love I could never replace,
by fear I’ll never again feel passion that will make my heart race.

Haunted by memories of you everywhere,
haunted by memories of you,
haunted by you.

It's hard to get on through my day without you,
It's difficult to forget all the little things you would do.
Your radiant smile once lit up my world,
Your deep blue eyes once captured my soul.
Without you here, I only see darkness,
I'm lost inside my own head.
They say you're in a better place now,
And I do believe you're up in heaven,
But I'd rather you here with me.