I am a carousel going
too fast.
The grey sky is my envelope,
when it opens
it pours
with belated emotion and fiery.
Ironing out the creases,
straightening my mind,
I am okay
“I am okay”
I. Am. Okay.
I repeat
over and over .

This is a temporary glitch,
The carousel is slowing,
slowing
but
my mind
it goes
faster
and
faster
until!
The carousel reaches its impending doom.

Delayed reactions,
my head is still spinning
my hands are holding so tight
onto the horses beautiful deep black reins.
The carousel with its supposedly fairytale ending,
riding on the back of a horse into
a state of complete relaxation and calmness.
I hear the neigh of the horse before
my head hits the floor and I enter the black hole

my mind.

I used to want nothing
              More than the slits upon my wrists
And the tears that fell from my cheeks.
              I wanted nothing more than pain.
But now I want something else.
              I want to be loved and know
What it feels like to be wanted.
              I want to be happy and smile
When our hands are locked and feet
              Are touching as we sleep.
I want to lay with you, and tell you
              How much I truly love you.
I want to know what everything means.