i fear
that i am beginning
to feel
the sweetness
of you
flutter
within my
heart

drowned in the water
of forgotten lands
where the sails begin to fade
set ablaze by the burnt sun
again the ice remains
to earth -
flee
for it is the fire i wish to escape
the cutting wind caught
on water of gasoline
to earth -
i claim myself
free from ice
the winter long forgotten

the lane is ending
the chaotic plain which i've wandered
calloused feet
bloodied and scabbed
have at last reached
the fields of your keep
the dense forest of your surrounding arms
greet me with every piece of earth
plastered to my feet
easing the ice
easing
eased
at last
i have found peace

my well has begun to dry
the water seeping through the growing cracks
burrowed by the little mice
who carry away the pieces of my structure
allowing the seepage to continue on
until all that's left is dust and bone
my tongue of sand
weighted against formerly flowing words
drowning on the dryness
of severed ties
the water disappoints
now surely i must leave

oppress not upon me your breath
the poison of my solitude
drunken eyes between stilled lines
the strain met by visions of twisted stars
and swaying valleys
like the waves crashing over jagged rocks
turning freedom into smooth lines

the sharpened rose
that seeks the red from blushing cheeks
carries through the night
the scent of wild fire
the singed branches
collapsed within your structure
like the elegant fold of your arms
engraved as if for my hopeless eyes
pallid grey against burnt azul
hopeless as my winter blade
dull upon my earthy plains
of sunken ash
seek not the wet stone
from the fountain pools
seek nothing
for this land flourishes no more

i hope you find her
like the endless night
upon your chest
intertwined like the silver constellations
of the summer sky
no longer tainted blue

and with each day
i hope spring finds you
smooth and delicate
as her lips of rose place sweetened petals
upon your cheek
her sun-dried stare wasting not a glance
of your smile
that fades all grief into shadows

but mostly
i hope you will be happy
for i shall be gone again soon
too lost for loving you

When I was younger, I had heard on the news that a man had been stabbed, and subsequently, bled to death. I had never head that expression before: "bled to death"... so what did it mean? I knew that guns and knives = death, the end, but how could you bleed to death?

This is when my mother provided me with an analogy that I have continued to use and develop to this day.

Instead of explaining what it meant, my mother knowing me well, gave me a visual representation (don't worry - no one was harmed in this process!).

My mother took me to the kitchen and took out a ziplock back and a knife. She turned on the tap and placed the bag under a steady flow of water, letting it fill halfway. She explained that the tap represented the human heart (essentially constantly creating new "blood"/water). She then proceeded to "stab" a hole in the bag, allowing some of the water to begin pouring out slowly. The leak was not large and the water coming in from the tap was able to sustain the small hole she had created. She explained that when we bleed from minor injuries, our body is able to keep up with the loss of blood because it's always creating new blood; the body is able to function as long as it has enough. She then began to process of poking more holes in the bag and I watched, wide-eyed, as the tap became unable to keep the bag full. It was from this that I understood; it was from this that I was able to create my own analogy years later...

Now for me, this analogy became most applicable in a recent relationship, but I believe it applies to any sort personal qualms.

We can't become the plastic bag. It is true (and common) that we patch the holes created... and for a while, they will hold. But eventually another hole will be created and a new patch required (see where I'm going with this?). There becomes a point where we're so patched that the water begins to soak through the patches and spill out.

And regardless of how many times we put the smiley-faced patch on the leaky bag, it's still going to have a hole and it's eventually going to start leaking again (a.k.a. just because you pretend everything is OK, doesn't mean that it is because you're not actually resolving anything). This process of patching will eventually burst in your face... you'll be patching and patching and patching, but there will still be that water coming in and holes created.

This may be gruesome (and I've received many the odd look from this specific advice) but you need to be able to rip off those patches, pull out the "bullet" and stitch yourself back up. Let it heal.

Yes, you are going to have a scar, and trust me, it won't be nearly as pretty as that little patch that you would have worn over the hole, but eventually it will fade and all you'll have is a faint pink mark where that hole used to be.

It's not easy and it's not pretty, but hey, wouldn't you rather survive?

every word
stands still to fall
the uninterrupted chaos of your lips
seeking another taste
of the disquieting peace
of unopened tension
for the unknown is certain
and the certain is unknown
where the heat of your destruction
becomes the invisible face
of you and i

Kindness fails the circle path of
Abandoned footsteps
Saturated with hope and
Set still upon the night, the
Easy ended flight still
Left for morning

i cannot put to words
how you begin every sunrise
with your eyes
as if you control the light
and when you turn
those torches on me
i am blind
yet it is where i begin
to see clearly
a path showered with autumn leaves
the tracks still fresh and alluring
and as you shine those eyes
like radiant beams
onto every trap laid before you
i step forward
regardless

let fly the words
that burn like embers
hot upon your breath
for i too feel the scortch
bandaged lips
and scabbed throat
tongue, thick and swollen
each word infused

amor, amor, amor
my pain is my love
an open eye
to the everlasting mark
you've placed
that i cannot scrub free

why do i love you so
when the rage is taking me?

i have prepared myself
for the last glimpse
of your face
hands intertwined
as they have always been
i have made ready
the sails of my ship
set to depart
for the last glimmer in your eyes
to slowly fade to ash
my sword is sharp
for my foes stand strong
my guard is gone
and i stand alone once more
i choose to live
in this time of decay
and if i shall see your face once more
surely i will have forgotten
each kiss

let bleed
like the morning dew
upon uncovered feet
spreading through the warm morning air
the sleeping flowers
seeking to obtain the last remnants
of an empty kiss
placed upon their lips
before the sun returns to the sky
and the peaceful wake of sleep
can no longer remain

love is small
like the narrow gap
between the arms that hold me
softly in the night
as the silk petals in spring
that drift along the current
twirling in the colourful melody
that brings light into your eyes
it goes unnoticed
as all things in the night
slumbering quietly
until at last it erupts
from the lips of morning rays
the sunrise highlighted
on red tongues
seeking the light of daybreak
indeed
love is so very small
that it is carried without notice
in your eyes
for when you look upon me
all i see
is the depth of a heavy heart
drifting out to sea
*weightless

if i said i loved you
i'd be lying
for it is not the spoken word
that captures my breath
and turns my heart
as quickly as the stem of your watch
it is merely your existence to me
that enthralls me so violently
that i dare not speak
for surely i would utter
what my heart is trying to say

-beat-
your eyes
  --again--
  oh, your lips
    ---faster---
    but now i cannot breathe
      ----much more----  
       and i will faint
dizzy
     under all that you are

beat not
--beat strong--

I would rather live
in a cardboard box
with someone I truly love
than have everything
with someone else

if only
i could tear out my heart as a page
and send it to you
a letter you could follow
instead of the fast paced words
that escape my mouth
in rapid melody
breathless over the timeless metronome
that has become my heart

if you
could read that page
oh -
how you could see the way i love you

if only
i could wrap you in that paper

if only
you could feel what my arms
wish to portray
eager and open to you
for you have become my holy ground
for which i have been searching
a place to rest my weariness
and read
to you

those pages

i sleep not in comfort
for my heart has become wary
from the existing weight
you have placed ever so gradually
and the once tolerable heaviness
beneath my breast
has become the lasting pain
reflected in every breath
in every beat of my struggling heart
betrayed by you
betrayed by me
in every word that you may speak

let light in darkness fall
for you are the sun and i the moon
as you descend upon me in your radiance
like the sun cresting the hills at dawn
strewn across the bare morning sky
the stars faded into your eyes
casting delicate constellations
that rapture my heart in waves
and everytime i lose myself there
drowned by the sweet surrender of speech
as if all i speak is the red sea on clear water
painting the sun with shadows from my back
where instead you create shade from harrowing night

extinguish not your light upon the brink
for in the night without your luminous beacon
i cannot awake

.                                     N   L                       R   E
                                    I           O                E          I
                                   ­ T              V         H            S
                                       N              E   T             O
                                          I                    ­           N
                                             O                       L
                                                 P                 Y
                                                    E          ­ O
                                                          N

pure and unpainted
is the love i carry
beneath thinly veiled courtesy
light are the breaths
that carry me home
*intertwined

you'll never see clearly
through clear eyes

write not to me in prose
write not at all
for the words will fall
upon deaf eyes
the fragile blue
no longer existant
in pools or waves
for all that remains
is sand
the dry desert i created
for my empty cadence
that hangs poignantly in the wind
too soft for the wild predators
who once tracked the sounds
of tormented seas
red and crashing
into the boulders on shore
until they faded
until they too became sand
and the heat of green fire
selfishly lapped up each remaining ounce
until all life was foresaken

dead, dead, dead
the sea is dead!

the tendrils of salted sea greens
long forgotten
the coral and the budding life
now dry
frozen in the sand
and yet there is still hope for rain
where once again
the sea can pull me in

take me back
to december fires
burning in your eyes
before the flames had climbed
their way into my arms
licking at my skin

burns unhealed
scorched by your sorrow

bring not the days of wrath
for they shall fall
upon listless eyes
and cold skin

how long before i burn again?

once taken
it can never be restored
only built gradually
over a new territory
where the plague
of your destrcution
cannot be reached
where the burning animosity
that threatens my breath
does not flow as freely
as it does here:
wild and tangled
beneath my chest
as if an iron ****
has branded my heart
marking me a fool
for believing
that the dark days
were long forgoteen

ring the bell
bring them to the streets
the burning fires
are all alight once more

perhaps i ought to flee
before i let myself be captured
by the endless hope that bestills my heart
before the bandaged edges
of my healing heart
become vulnerable once more
in a state of loving you

but flee i shall not
for hope has fueled my soul
to step forward
in place of the brave warrior
sword left to the ground
and shield long forgotten

with an uncovered heart
i stand pale against the horizon
the sky
painted in pastel
and before me remains
the muted vision of the grey night
encompassed by your luminescence
for it is as if
i have been awakened
by the colours of your lips
the tranquil breath
which lies peacefully in the night
that has captured me with such fluidity
that i dare not flee
for surely i would drown
without the surrounding arms
that i have claimed
as home

i've loved you since i saw you
but you loved me much before
for i was something solely yours
with each and every pore
and although i'm getting older
and you beg to take me back
i'll never be too big to say
i'll always love you back

left for the cold wind
the dying embers on my lips still linger
in the distance you created
displayed by the ashes that you used
to paint my face
the last portrait before you embark
through the white layers
of sharp december snow

broken bones
torn down sympathy
i weep not for you
but those around you
who are covered in your darkness
spewed across their white clothing, are you
mocking their purity with your sullied words
they stand there still
too sunken to move again
their will has been removed
and now they stay with compliance
your ability for worship ties them to the ground
never allowing them to drift
peacefully away from the pain you provide
with every
waking
moment
wide awake and torn
i kneel
praying for your forgiveness
if that is what you intended
forcibly, i rip
the threads of your manipulation from my back
and struggle to my feet
you impress your power over me
but i refuse to linger
with my new found freedom
i spit at your feet and turn from you
walking into the oncoming slaughter
of distant storming clouds

fire torched fear
frayed along the borders of new promise
where the once sought after fortitude
con-caved into white ash
taken back by the east wind
the origin of decline
for in these pieces
lay with me
my passion and my pride

unbound feet escort me
afar from whence i came
the long forgotten footpaths
lay long behind my memory
searching, i wander
through the vast sea of green before me
the raging wind captured
in the brief rush of eager leaves
quick to their demise
sheltering my easy steps
from the traces of the shadow walkers
who track me in the night

hark, now
i hear them
                                         calling
their hungry voices
decline in me the longing for new land
beyond the crystal coastline
where i can abandon the thick desolation
of the land you once called home

the shadow of your existence
has stretched beyond my viewing
the sun, eternally set beyond the ashen hillside
for now you reside in darkness
the fog-filled day light no longer enough
to sustain the vision of your hardships

think not of us
think not of mourning
for all we see is liberty

again in fear
and fire fuelled heart, you
rise to chaotic power
of wreckage, you speak, yet all i see is
nothing but your flowers

where once greyed the imminent destruction
of silenced, foreign words
now renews the captivating serenity
born once more to the morning light
where the sweet kisses of sun lit drops
torch pale skin that bleed vibrant colours from thinning veins
painting the world anew
the forgotten shades layed to waste
in the land of muted fears
as ardor springs to life
from the lips of my deceiver

something old
something new
always red
yet somehow blue
for in one minute
it beats for you
and in another
beats forgotten

i see your feet
like little ships
sailing with the wind
anchored here
but sails still taut
escaping to the sea

strip not your sails
rip not the anchor
from the deep breadths
of the turquoise sea
for in your travels
surely you'll find
a wave you cannot sail
and lost will you be
in the sea of your own choosing
the rescue ships sent to seek
the promise from your lips

send the bottle
send your sails
back to flourishing shores

constricted heart
constricted throat
breathless in your malcontent
for the silence between gentle heartache
hands poignantly on your breath
and the happiness once borne between two arms
of twin scorched chests
leave now a burn of vacancy
singed across my breast

again, again
i cannot fly
for my hope is sinking still
beneath the mounds of frozen dirt
beneath your heavy feet

i am hidden
i am safe
from vaguely searching eyes

hark
my beating heart
betraying me once more

anguish set sail upon a dying ship
cast off to secluded land
eternally lost at sea
to the wake of forgotten woes
for in your stride
i find again my strength
as if your arms
are part of me
a guide to deserted land
that has only seen
the resembled marks of weary feet
and innocence

let burn
my fire fueled hope
the empty cadence
of your absence
present upon my tongue
the taste of ash
sown upon coarse lips
dry and unforgiving

Burnt eyes like soles of ***** feet
Ravaged by the cold city streets
Amongst the people with frigid hearts, he
Dares to walk once more

tore down what was left
of an ancient human structure
iron gate
stone walls
the wood burned within
the ashes of an old world
left behind the imprint of your victory
soot covered footprints
walk their newly claimed territory
where once children slept
the horses quiet in their stalls
hay filled dreams
stood open to a firey nightmare
where you stand and watch
with eyes like sunken stars
still searching
over me
over the vast nothing that was created by destruction
this is all i am
hunt no further

the absence of your eyes
decline in me a fear
of wary smiles
and panicked glances
washing over me
where ought to be your lips
my tongue will now reside
for in my mouth i hold
each word i cannot tell
i, the with-holder
of kindly spoken words
of long possessed fear
the cause of hurting eyes
if only i had courage
filled beneath my breast
but alas
all i do possess
is the rapid beating heart
of a girl with no words
and all the truth to bear

you met me when i turned to stone
the distant shores of fantasy
reflected in the pools of metallic blue
before the dawn could strike the day
golden and renewed

the redness of closed affection
the white hands of blood
dripping loudly in the caves of echoes
over the silent beat of a protruding heart
adorning serrated edges
for the simple handed man
piercing crooked thorns
into skin as pale as snow
let go
                                      *let go

forget me not in rain
for my essence lies within
the steady beat of heavy drops
cascading over me
drenched and shivering
yet warm like summer fire
i bare my soul here
and leave it when it dries

forget me in the sunlight
when the ground no longer shows
the light reflected from starry nights
in puddles on the road

forget me in the evening
and by the morning light
for when it disappears
surely i am gone

but please
forget not the rain
for truly

i awake