remember me like sunset
upon matted floors of green
beneath the skies unwritten
with soon forgotten dreams

i'll think of you at twilight
before my heart can show
the sentiments of wishing stars
before the autumn slows

and maybe in the morning
i'll leave again renewed
but terrified of distant ties
and terrified of you

images of colour
smear my page of youth
surrounded by frayed edges
of greying, tainted sin

water stained corners
where the fire once extinguished
the growth of rosy petals
upon the brink of bloom
where once was painted sorrow
is covered against with blue
the yellow of the centre
a huge of gentle mauve

draw me like fire
seared across the page
fast lines of red and orange
only a fragment
solitary burn
until morning dew relieves me
raw and open
open and closed
make me the fire
of quickly burning eyes

your simple curves
and gentle breath
leave me speechless upon your horizon
the thickness of your summer hair
fading into time
your quiet ways
bring me back
to all i ever was

faint scents of woven hair
and gentle hands beneath the pillow
of spiced, soft lips
that bring the morning
to night soaked eyes
and as the stars disappear from these eyes
another comes to light

take me back to your ways
before the wilted shower
of frozen droplets stained my sheets

bring me to the peaceful eternity
that lived beneath your neck
chestnut hair aligned against my shoulders
like an army of blue
prepared to fight for their lady
my handkerchief tucked gracefully at your side

my soldier, my keep
awaken, please

there is blood no more

stale air between your kisses
reach me in waves of pallid grey
the unspoken tension of your arms
charaded through your eyes
and covered with prominent lips
pale red and stark in the morning light

those woven in the most fire
extinguish beautiful flowers

eastern seas and trembling hands
do not take me yet
for the winds of these sails
have yet to become filled
with the salted tears
of turquoise valor
let this ship wander
the vastness of the open waters
and land alike
for the shores of distant territories
are carried upon the breath of the ocean
as if the ancient voices of seductive sirens
were calling me forth
their enchanting song
an enticing peril
that i dare not follow
my wary crew
i bid adieu
upon a wooden raft
sink not your anchor
for i remain an explorer
of the forgotten ways

summer shone brightly upon shoulders of broken gold
lost letters of amourous content freckled across your back
weighted by the frequency of closed arms around arctic stone
devouring the heat captured within bronzed skin
where they remain until the moon escapes the sky
abandoning the quiet night for the waking of the sun
merciless in it's radiant rise to power over the sunken stars
it is here that you must desert the frigid stone
with eyes like fresh pools of salted seas
and feet like burning coals

brought back by an old greeting
of warm breath and soft skin
the hay-filled scent of childhood yearning
fulfilled once more
by the slender elegance of a whiskered muzzle
a place of sacred worship
where every sorrow was once laid to rest
from those beloved younger years
oh, how easily forgotten this place was
how swiftly it became tainted
by the red passing of first love
for the place that once guarded sanctuary
became a district of grief
yet here the fantasy of little girls is awakened once again
where the shrine of golden tenderness
rests anew within the eyes of a horse

i gather silence
in fields of snow
buried beneath
a sea of hard pressed lips
disapproving and chapped
from unfeeling kisses
red as blood
those lips of betrayal
yet i continue to drink the poison
for i have grown immune
for it is something i created
to keep away the pain
my drug
my addiction
they make me feel alive

there is a sweetness on your breath
as if you dined on roses
fragrant as you breathe over me in the quiet night
and with each easy intake of air
you take a piece of me
harvesting in the silence
until all i have is yours

crown of roses
stripped of their thorns
but dangerous still in their beauty
capturing the glances of sweet deception
and lingering lips

the harshness of the city skyline is prominent
ruthless in its hold over the land
as blue skies turn grey
in attempt to fuel an industry
where the waters are impassable
poison to the body
painted grass, concrete blocks
filled with crowds of professionals
is this my fate if i wish for success?
or can i still obtain
the sacred valley
fresh fields
and blue skies
that accompany the country
for although the city has these people
they still lack stars

***** soles of ***** feet
caressed by changing grounds
hard and soft combine
into the whirling images of my eyes
through rainbows
of fresh green
harsh grey
sand and dark mud
and surrounded once more
with rippling hues
that cleanse me of the day
i bury myself here
above and below
clear waves own my lungs above
the saving force from the blue below
i am saved
i am lost
wanderer of the city streets
and quiet country roads

sleep evades me
i cannot rest
as long as i am uncertain

tomorrow i will leave my home
something that i do often
to gain a degree
but tomorrow offers something new
for i'm leaving for new land
and instead of being only hours from home
i will be across the sea
greeted by a temporary family
as i embark on a new adventure
one that is solely my own

so i say a brief good-bye
for i will return in time for school once more
two months over seas
Italy, please be kind to me

filled a book with your ink
and tried to erase it
but the words remained
like little stains upon my skin
reminders that i'd never get away
but one day i became aware
that i had been reading the last chapter
over and over again
as if the book could never end
as if i just denied the existence of the final words
but as i struggled to erase your name
it instead became smeared
an ugly reminder of what i was covering up
so i tore out your name from every page
and i burned those chapters
and with them, my shame
my hatred for myself
because i realized there are endless pages
still white and untouched
some, full of pencil sketches
that are easily removed
oh that i could fill those pages someday
with ink and flowers
to draw the joy that i imagine
to seek beauty
to be, to live, to love
write me a story i want to relive

sometimes when i'm reminded of you
i think of how we were together
and the anger blinds me
i had so much more to say
than the diminished words i spoke
i thought i loved you
but i've realized
that our love was never really love
it was too dangerous and impure
your way with words was so devastating
but somehow you gained my trust
learned my secrets
and used them against me
my intoxication
brought down by your charm
i admit
every time you called it quits
i crashed and burned
but i learned
you were just an empty threat
bent to keep me in line
controlled
distilled to your liking
but i poured my heart into the brew
and it remained strong
you hated that about me
how willful i was
how stubborn
you made sure to stomp it out
like fire
but i kept those embers hot
and when i regained my dignity
i let it burn
through our forest
your controlling stare may have marred me then
but i've moved on without you
free to speak my mind
and not just a selection
free to choose my clothes, my friends, my family
i took back what you stole
and now i stand with them
tall and proud of who i am
strong, independent and stubborn
those things do not make me flawed
they make me someone worthy of **respect

the abuser tried to contact me
through his coward device online
the place where he sits to work
twisting and turning his words into easy prey
the place where i saw him work
light keystrokes of heavy rage
set out to destroy the happiness around him

he tried to contact me
as if i were an old friend
as if months of beautiful silence had not gone by
i don't know what he wants to say
because i have shut out the old version of myself
that would willfully go running back to him
i am disgusted by the girl i was
so warped
that every ounce of pain inflicted
every compromised moment of "love"
was meaningful

i can never go back
i won't
there isn't anything in the world
that could make me venture
to the chaotic territory of a
self-loathing
compulsive, lying
unstable
psychotic
manipulative man
who tore apart everything i had built for myself
and called it love

so here's my message to you:

                                          go **** yourself
                                          with your petty mind games
                       because i am strong
                                  and everything that i rebuilt is equipped
                                                 to destroy anyone like you
                        who tries to come near

i am finished, i am happy, i am me
finally
i can be me

soft implications
imprinted on white waves of silk
where the immaculate seas of blue
rest on ivory hills
floating upon the currents of sweet air
and he is drowning in the clear water
surrounded by fiends of gold
awaiting a breath that comes easily
before he is able to witness
her emergence to the red decline

how i feel is irrelevant
compared to the vast beauty
of the open plains
of liquid gold before me
drowning in the changing waters
undecided whether they are black or blue
quite like me
undecided
   uninvolved
     un- enthused, emotional, clear
but where is my clarity?
for i've been travelling without it
in what seems like an endless time
and i cannot remember where i began
                        through grass
       through trees
                    walls            houses          
                                                                ­                       people

i've swept through them without notice
as if they were shadows on my ceiling
that i stare at instead of sleeping

sometimes i wonder if they're real
or if i conjured them there
to conquer this lack of feeling
maybe if this were a fairy tale
i'd have the shadows align an army
strong and steady
and someone would fight through
and banish them

but alas
i have grown accustomed to these shadows
and i am no damsel

we all grew up
differently than we intended
wild and tameless
until we got    
                      here
far from where we started off
but the familiarity still lingers
in old pictures
old faces
who haven't grown with us
those who have only lived to see
the beginning and the present
and the image of you that is expected
becomes shattered
and wiped clean
for you no longer represent those memories

hello, old friend
what was your name again?

you dug your teeth in like an animal
savage and deadly
your claws helping tear open the wound
as you poured in your poison
you used to be so kind
or at least it's how you looked in my eyes
but with every passing day
a piece of your mask faded
revealing the skin of a monster
and although i was warned
and told to run
seek refuge
hide
i did not fear you
for i thought i knew you
but all you ever did was lie
and make believe you were the prey
while your predatory gaze kept a watchful eye

how quickly you sprang
how vicious your jaw
how easily i fell

and somehow it was my fault
somehow i was wading
****** and torn
in a river of apologies
unsure of the meaning
always searching

in time i learned your ways
and i froze
waist deep in the river
unable to swim to the shore
and become dry
because you cried
because you filled my ear
with sweet whispers of "i love you"
i believed you
so i stayed

but now as i lay freely
staring up at the sun
feeling its warmth
on my newly healed wounds
i realized that you never loved me
because love is not a violent word

make me the night
cold and secretive
as winds that whisper quickly to the trees
before moving to the open fields
of long grass and wild flowers
asleep beneath the moonlight
like you
unaccustomed to the darkness
to the emptiness
that fills the sky so forcefully

leave me to the star-filled sky
to the ever present moon
circling behind greyed clouds
for it is here that i seek refuge

so make me what i am
and leave me to the loneliness of shadows
so i may walk in hand with them once more

tell me who i am to you
if i am anything at all
am i the setting sun
diminished to the evening shadows
or perhaps, the early sunrise of soft pastel
slowly awakening the light
upon the fragile landscape
maybe i am the night
cascading across the sky
like the salted ocean tide
the stars of my body
creating a weathered map to your arms
tell me i am like the water
even when you know i am nothing
compared to the vast seas
for you cannot create a route on your magnificent ship
to the undiscovered islands of my soul
for they are buried where no one can travel
so that i may remain the siren
and you a fantasy
that will never leave its pages

i won't be the first to admit
that i sleep in terror
for tomorrow is another day closer
to *growing up

plucked the heart from my hollowed chest
and cut the strings like you stole my roots
as if i were your garden of joy
where you replaced in me your own flowers
and helped me watch it grow
but it was in vain
for every flower decayed
with every lie and every cruel word
and soon you slowly dug up your own heart
under the freshly turned over soil
and i began to see you with clear vision
as if new tides washed away old blessings
and revealed your reflection in the moonlight
where i began to hate the heart you held with tainted fingers
long and grim as they gripped tightly around their prized possession
closing ever so slowly, one finger at a time
slowly removing my lightened hand
i beg of you to let go
for i cannot stand your agony that is now burned within me
as if the empty casing of your chest
was hungrily seeking to devour something that was mine
and slowly turned something beautiful
into something hated and ashamed
like the lusted rose after the summer heat
withered and decayed
so now i beg of you
keep what was given to you
for i no longer need it
nor do i desire to attain it once more
for in me it would only relive each aching memory of you
within it i would only be reminded of how hollow i became
of how worthless and lonely i felt with you
no, i cannot bear to see what you have done to it
now that i have forced you to disappear
for i know that from the roots you left behind
a new heart will emerge from the soil
more beautiful than the last, more pure
and with it i will learn from everything i punished it with before
and i will no longer wish for your return
for i lament not for my broken heart
but instead rejoice in a new beginning
one that i will pass on when it is truly deserved
for i know that the sweetest structure will be my heart someday

tired eyes
dreamless and awake
sodden with memories
of endless gazes
shared between another
that clouded long ago
but mine shall remain alive
for they will find eyes that speak
and close together
with their own

i became weak for you
but in your eyes i remained strong
you despised my defiance to follow
all the hidden rules of your love

a lover's quarrel
awaited tune
unspoken words
left for june
and all undone
a man shall quote
"do not wait for Romeo"

let our nearest city stains take away remorse
i am your sorrow
in me you will find what you are seeking
in me you will be lost
afloat
dream softly
rest
for when you awaken
i will have gone to destroy your darkness
await my return patiently
as winter flowers weave through frosted flames
for when i come to you once more
your emptiness will have dissipated
your lonely replaced
and in my arms you will find your everything
your place
for in me lies your love
pure and untainted

how thin the walls
they're closing in
a quaking call
and it begins

so soldiers march
their heads held high
fighting with
the darkened sky

for weak and strong
there is no low
they traveled long
for death to foe

when lovers call
he'll pass her by
for he will fall
with battle cry

for on once more
they'll march the path
the deathly roar
of king and wrath

and yet it ends
in merriment
while others call
for chariot

die for your country

rainfall creates wreckage
on sleepy country towns
the river submerges roads and houses
they're searching for higher ground

the pubs and the stores on Main Street
all normally alight
are drowning in Muskoka river
through water they must fight

back roads are gone
all washed away
the Big East River is rising

state of emergency declared
the town will survive
for help is soon arriving

soft night of your extinction
creating my new form
of slowly arisen chaos
built upon eroded tranquility
for with every arriving line of truth
you slowly fade away
taking with you the memories
of dimming haunted rooms
but before you could diminish
you lead me here
behold
what i have come upon
my faceless lover of frozen earth
the land of desolate shadow
where you will lay to rest
among the casualties of your trepidity
along with the whispers that slaughter silence
and the hidden shadow of imminent despair
but before you sink into your dwellings
may i steal from you
one kiss of immaculate decline
before all that remains of you is dust

please do not be offended
if i speak to you with formality
for i am not a creature of emotion
you'll find i'm quite lacking
while others stain their cheeks with tears
i have added mine to a collection of bottles
for in moments of sentiment
i make myself absent
for it is truly easier than being close to you
understand, please
i do not want to lose you
to the weak-hearted affection
that would consume me if i allowed such things

Surely I could
Mimic
In time the
Laughable
Ease of love

it is not a bitter heart
that refuses to fall in love
it is not the absence
of warm collecting arms
nor the objective
of finding something missing
that traces this immunity
it is the acceptance of solitude
of self-defiant fate
of lacking sentiments
where truly i grow strong
for on my own
i am strength

tear ducts of desert sand
let not these sentiments
drift down a carefully masqueraded face
for the land has already drunk
and surely you would drown it
with near-sighted vacancy
and tomorrow on your mind

i meant to build
but the materials had gone to waste
in a far off land
no longer known to me
but foreign was this new land
of fresh arrivals
for i traveled many miles
to escape confinement
and there, in an open territory
i stood
ready to rebuild
and forge a city of my own
safe from steady gazed predators
stalking easy prey
but instead i came across a broken tower
and found inside
something unexpected
another traveler
from the same distant lands
seeking refuge
from dark skies and cold winds
together we sat
by tall flames
never becoming guarded
because the wall was never built

where have you gone
lightless wanderer?
for i no longer see your back
drowned by your fading presence
delved again into black waters
where the weeds stroke you gently
with their swollen hands
gently guiding you into the ***** of the river bed
where once again you can lay to rest
with your piece of me
and i'll continue searching

quiet night of your reflection
i can see you still, outside my window
although that image of you is covered in snow
and the now spring-filled streets lack your presence
as if you melted away with the cold
all that is left for me is hope
i can only wish that the haunting image of you
somehow makes itself reality
and when i go to the streets
heart held in my aching throat
i am met by your arms
instead of the chilled night wind

with every steaming breath
comes an everlasting struggle
to gain control of a lustful heart
aching for the touch of your lips
to barely press upon my mouth
to feel once again
the burning heat of your touch
that turns my cheeks to embers
white hot and untamed
quietly erupting beneath a heaving chest
but you remain a flawless entity
of my grim imagination
for without your kiss
i am left with the chill of your back
and the distance at my side
allowing thin layers of frost
begin to leave their mark

hoping to find meaning in the bottom of this bottle of whiskey
but i am lead again into a blur of nothingness
one more glass, one more meaning
i swear i'll find something besides dead eyes and sullied breath

absent and diminishing
i cannot tell if i am feelingless
or just feeling less
than my previous state

feelings fade
like the dull horizon
diminished by the sun
shades of orange
slowly turn dark
and bare themselves
like starlight
to the evening skyline
and the constant clamour of the countryside
decrescendos
into the babbling brook
and soft chirps of frogs
until once again
sleep comes
and a new morning
brings different light

dry water
each drop sustains
for only an instant
and i am again left to my own devices
each hole dug to escape
and find the wells of salvation is futile
for the thirst that ails me does not quiet
it burns my breath
for every gasp of air turns raw
as if it were hot sand

desert me here
for surely i am finished

faceless crudities
torn from a broken complexion
see not in me your lover
see not in me a vialed rose
preserved for its beauty
unable to grow from here
for i do not need you
although i feel i do
when darkness slithers beneath each petal
threatening their purity
quell not my heart
quell not my already quiet eyes
for i wish to ****** each white tipped petal
down the cascading river
and see the soft reflections linger
upon the growing current