the smell of a cold breeze
reminded me of school
the fall leaves
colored by academia
fall on the grass
of Monroe Park
when football season has started
and jeans and flannels
dot the horizon
like buoys
and fast paced walks
against the racing clock
cigarette after cigarette
to make it to world cinema
201
or something
and doing homework in starbucks
and eating bad dining hall food
and getting drunk on the weekends
weekdays too
and high enough
to warrant eating
that bad dining hall food
but the memories aren't the same
something amiss
like memories of Christmas
before the folks split
or the dog died
or grandma
or whatever else
must have happened
it's school time again
but I'm not sure if I'm ready to learn

Julie steps off the bus Friday night before 10 pm.  She has had a long week at the store and wants to get home to relax.  Julie manages a franchise jewelry story and needs some down time in order to maintain her fragile sanity.

Friday is casual day at the mall, so Julie is relaxed in her designer blue  jeans and black sweater jacket over her blouse.  She is also wearing her signature black and gold baseball cap that she likes to wear when it’s cool outside.

Julie lives in a busy and congested neighborhood and isn’t crazy about the two block walk to her house from the bus stop. She doesn’t think its necessary to own a car as she likes the exercise of walking, and of being outdoors often.  However, as the bus drives away an eerie feeling creeps into her mind.

Her eyes begin to dart from the shadows of the trees as they rake in the cool night.  The tall timber sway back and forth in the breeze. A creaking sound crawls throughout her mind as the acute awareness of her surroundings increases. Julie stiffens as she continues her steady pace. Her shoulders raise from the tension, she shakes her head and attempts to steady her breathing into a calm pattern.

Stop! You're fine, just like every other night, she tells herself. This city isn't known for violent crime.  Julie shakes her head as she tries to focus on just walking home without incident. Things seem to be getting quieter in the night.   Perhaps too quiet?  Until a rustle from behind her unearths her terror once again.

Julie turns around suddenly at the new sound.  Her heart is beating so fast that she can now hear it.  She stares at what is only apparently a bush in the dark, but she notices that the bush seems to be moving!

Her mouth gapes open in realization. Something,  something is wrong. A dark figure seems to be within the bush. Paralyzed by her fear, she can't move and stands perfectly still.  Only the light breeze lifts her hair as the only sign of life in her body.

Julie stares at the shadowy figure intently for several agonizing seconds before she begins to see what the figure actually is.  A large branch with its leaves still on it has fallen onto the sidewalk from a large nearby white pine tree.    Oh my God!  What a relief!  Julie gasps and puts both hands on her face as she starts to feel the sweat pour down her neck from the terror.

At that exact moment in time,

A man from directly behind her lumbers toward her.  One quick step at a time. Julie freezes in terror as his shadow from the dim street light behind her reaches her feet. The man reaches her just as she is able to partially turn around at his sound.

Julie blacks out as her head is brutally forced into a collision with the concrete.  Warm, red, blood paints the sidewalk as life leaves her permanently.

An hour later Detective Olson calmly tells his partner Detective Reynolds, “I can only surmise that this young lady fell to her death from a freak accident.  There doesn’t appear to have been any struggle or foul play.  I will try and get ahold of her mother in Binghamton, but this seriously looks to be an accidental death.”

He had me by the nuts
Telling me every girl passing by
Was the girl for me
Looking back now
It all was a false reality
There isn't a girl out there for me
But a woman I can make happy
Hopefully
I've said a few prayers
Yet the one I whisper every night
When I stare at her picture
Goes somewhat like this
Dear Who It May Concern
I don't know if there's a heaven
Waiting to accept me
I know the devil made my heart
Into the fiddle it is now
Played by the immature
The ***** girls that come and go
The times I play it myself
Just to keep it in tune
There's only one thing I ask of you or you all
Let me hold her for an hour a day
Love her 4 hours a night
Kiss her good morning and good night
Whatever you can do
Make sure my path begins
And happily ends with her
I'm asking you (all) for a 24/7 chance
To be the man for her
Not the failure for myself
I guess I've been given too many
This one just feels right
I know she's reading this
So I guess I'll say it now
I've fallen pretty deep and even harder
For the one thing that proves
I'm truly insane for not believing
In some kind of god

Chivalry is dead
and it was killed by the fairer ***
lipstick red cigarette butts
and wine glasses
squeezing the trigger
to complacency
and if romance is dead
then I guess I'm a necrophiliac
because I still believe in the chase
and the grand gestures
and don't tell my male friends
but I cling to the stories of true love
like a kid too stubborn to believe
that Santa is really just old ma and pops
blown out in a haze of smoke
the dust cleared to clarify
that crazy chaotic chances
won't always land on snake eyes
but I keep throwing the die anyway
and one day I'll die
and then I'll die a second time
when my words die
and maybe I'll be proven wrong
and be alone
but I won't stop
I can't be an atheist
because I understand all too well
the depth of the well of faith
so I'll keep on walking like a blind man
carrying my romances around with me in a hobo sack
until I find what I'm looking for

I love you
And I'm human
Despite the fact
That I use to say
I was born
In venus
So yeah
I make mistakes
And no I'm not perfect
Even if in your eyes I am
I'm not
I love you
And even when I cry
I love you
And I know I don't always
Act like I do
But I do
And you mean more to me
Than anything
And I'm sorry
For every time I hurt you
And I wish each night
You were here to tuck me in
But I'm patient
We've lived a miserable life apart
And I hope we never have to bare that again
I love you
And darling
You've always had my heart.

My mom had me when she was nineteen years old, but I wasn't an accident.

My mom had surgery the day before yesterday and I wasn't there to kiss her before she went in. She called me before and she left me a voicemail when she got out. She said she loved me and she missed me. I miss her too.

My mom hates washing more dishes than she has to, but she refuses to use the dish washer. We eat on paper plates and we have three sets of salad tongs that we got for free from Dion's Pizza. My mom goes to Sam's Club to buy Charmin and generic paper towels, she likes the hot dogs at Target, and she gets her iced non-fat mochas at McDonalds.

My mom is tiny. She weighs a hundred and ten pounds and is 5 feet 3 inches. She has fake *****, and long black hair down to her waist. She makes me feel safe.

My mom works two jobs, on top of taking care of three kids plus me. She makes Mama Mia mac and cheese, and Mama Mia meatloaf and Mama Mia fajitas, basically she makes food and calls it Mama Mia because she made it.

My mom is beautiful.

my younger brother is getting older
and as life unfurls before him
like a long day at work
on a cold winter morning
I hope he has it easy
and fun
I hope he has it the way he wants
as for me
don't think of me as a person
naw
think of me
as the childhood memory
you repress
and don't know why
think of me as all the advice you never took
the sheep which you sacrificed for crop cycles
the facebook pictures
you'd never show your parents
the *** you're ashamed to say you like
the drugs you're ashamed to say you need
martial law is in place
and the revolution starts in your gut
so **** the fire to your forehead
and shoot rainbow shots in the faces
of all of the wrinkled suits
behind storefront windows
pull out your teeth out
and plant the speaking tree
mocking birds die beautifully
and I'm in the mood for a funeral
one day
we can all explode

I thought about you last night
And it's not what you're thinking
I mean more like day dreaming
More like a storyline
Playing out in my head
With ups and downs
And it was so perfect
I wrote it down
And realized
I might love my fictionalized version of you
More than the real you
I guess that's always the case
But it made me realise
What I love so much
About writing
It's the closest I've ever felt
To god

I want to sleep with you.

I want to sleep* with you.

Your arms around me,
Our legs dancing the entwine.
My lips on your neck,
And your sigh in my ear.

No ***. In fact,
Fully clothed.
Or mostly.

Just us.

All I want is to say my rhyme
In person.
And kiss your eyes as I do.

"Close your eyes. Left, then right. Goodnight, Starlight."

I dream of your voice constantly.
I can't hear words,
Just your voice.

Just you.