.

Where were you when it all faded
when my life broken and dilapidated
crumbled under the fire of a setting sun
we placed the stars in jars to light the path we chose to run
begging for the moon to paint the path with it's pending illumination
I set my eyes to the sky for the calming meditation
bow my head to Polaris for remaining still and patient
then blow kisses to the constellations

Yet where were you when it all faded?
When the heavens rained down onto my skin stripped naked
cast into the sea, I am the leviathan awaiting my chance to consume the world
trapped in the bottom of the ocean along with the oysters and pearls
that will one day line the wrists of rich girls
milk white with thick swirls
I'm alone in the ocean, buried 3 leagues
under this sea
bare of all the former traces of me

Where were you when it all faded?
absent from the life you vacated
I place these stars in jars and run through the scattered trees
in search of the path that brings you back to me...

"i miss you"
has become a secret mantra
i live it out
in silence, with
a smile as a defence.

saying it out loud
to you, to anyone
would be a crime
for there are some dark places
one simply cannot revisit.

It's going to be okay
That's what comes out
When there's nothing else to say

Like it even matters to them
They don't know where you've been
Time to supposively move on
But how, when all happiness is gone?

Inside, it's nothing but numb
Yet they say a better time will come
When thinking all emotions become tears
Wishing we could go back to better years

But that's probably not going to be
When the future is all we're able to see
As we stare back to the past and our dreams
So far away now, it seems.

In the empty night I long to hold you until I've recognized every subtle movement of the beating heart within your warm chest
I want to count the seconds between your breaths
feel your lungs expand and compress
whenever my hands wrap around you tight
I want to see the light
in your eyes
rise and subside
as the changing of tides
when my eyes set onto yours
I want the floor
to disappear beneath my feet
every time you speak
I want you down to your very essence
In the empty night I crave your presence...

Her eyes spoke volumes, more than her lips meant to divulge
the once warm brown pupils turning a stinging gray cold
piercing my impenetrable walls built around this fragile heart
chipping each brick apart
cracking the mortar, turning rough stone to pebbles
pulling the flowers petals
she loves me not, she loves me not, perhaps I'm forgetting a step
the shortness of breath
left my hands to tingle in the warm july air
she spoke volumes in her stare
her hands restless running through her hair
her smiling lips were the puppets to the eyes anguish filled ventriloquism
I drowned out her words and let my eyes listen...

Sometimes,
I try to escape you.
Whether in my thoughts;
or in my day.
I have become spectacular at blocking out
the memories.
But sometimes,
I try to escape you.
When I see the curve of your cheek
lit in the soft moon light
and all I want to do is reach out and cup my hand on your face;
I try to escape you.
When I close my eyes with you right next to me;
and I dream of interlacing my fingers with yours,
my head on your chest.
When I can hear the actual sound of your heartbeat being imitated in my sleep;
and I wake up and wonder.. hope.. That I wasn't dreaming;
too afraid to ask in fear of being chastised for wanting you..
I try to escape you.
And in the morning, I prepare myself to go home.
Even though I know I'll miss you
and only think of you when I'm there.
But then you ask me to stay one more night
and I can't say no to your beautiful green eyes
or your bright smile.
I try to escape you.
But I can't.
**My love.