Pain speaks one or a thousand.
The method of translation differs.

Palm to finger.
The movement stays, stops.

Foot to ankle.

Ground shakes,
air trembles
all at your whim.

Soul to Soul.
Along the folds
vibration slows.

Turn around.
Extend your hand to the slower,
Lift up the weaker,
For he who shall be first in life,
Will always be last.

It's amazing
how much of a comfort you can find
with fictional characters and their worlds.

Whether it's fantasy, sci-fi or thriller,
whether their world is full of dangers and adventures,
you would rather be in theirs than be in yours.

I realised how much of a sadness our world has become
because we rely in non-existing worlds
in order to survive our own.

*(n.d.)

you're so starry eyed,
a galaxy in the sky,
dropping crystals when you cry,
the definition of why.

your skin has a sunny glow,
and I'm searching for your halo.
my darling, don't you know
that you're why the wind blows?

and I see nothing wrong,
with your hair when it gets long
we'd top the charts with our love song;
I just hope you'd sing along

do a three-sixty,
how did you miss me?
and why can't you see,
I'm everything you want me to be?

I'll rough the stormy weather,
and I'll travel to wherever;
just as long as we can be together,
and fall in love until forever.

if ever you wonder
if ever your heart should grow curious
for lust and love and spirit
electricity that splits the spine
a jolt of lightening
rushing through wide open veins
baby hairs standing on end
on the nape of your neck
a wave of cold sweat
dripping through your hair
moistens your back
if ever a moment passes
if ever you refrain from yelling loud
sing a melody
scream “i love you”
skip through a crowd of people
and smile
laugh
dance
and forget your worry
the temporary madness of yesterday
because you are static, ecstatic
you are wonderful

I'm sorry
sorry
sore me
poor me
pity me
I do
do you?
do too
it's true
that my truth
has lost all meaning
so I lie
and die
a little every time
the words
choke me
rope me
into doing it's
bidding
keep a lid on it
stop me
poor me
sorry
I'm so so sorry

even if I'm not.

My therapist told me

that I need to just keep living

that I will find surrogate parent figures

that somebody will care about me

accept me unconditionally

and help me when I need help

But it ******* tortures me

that my dad is a ******* ******* narcissist

who gets off on being withholding

and my mom is a strong, independent woman

who refuses to stand up to him

and help her own ******* kids

this is not creative writing, or poetry or prose

this is not some late night rant

this is the ******* demon that follows me

this is the ghost that haunts my dreams

this is my ******* waking nightmare

I was born into a chaotic world

and my family didn’t do anything to stabilize it

so my world is constantly spinning out of control

and when it stops,

I can’t even bring myself to trust

the people who love me

or even the ground beneath my feet

because I feel it in my bones

it’s all gonna be ripped away

pulled out from under me

so there’s no hope for hoping

and I’m always in harm’s way

and maybe my therapist is ******* right

and with time things will get better

but right now I can’t sleep

and I want to ******* scream

and I want somebody to hold me

I don’t want to feel like I have to tread water

Constantly moving because if I collapse

or take a break for even a second

that’s it, I’m finished

I have to hold up the weight of my world

and it’s breaking my back

and breaking my heart

and breaking my spirit

And I have so many good friends

and they care about me

But I can hardly find it in me

to care back sometimes

because it hurts when people leave

And often as not, I do the leaving

preemptively, better to hurt than be hurt

but it’s not ******* better

You can tell me it’s gonna be ******* alright

You can tell me it get’s better

But I am still lying in my bed

I feel like I can’t keep this up

this pace, this nonstop pace

I am out of control

I need to get better

I need to find stability

and acceptance

and a place to rest

I have never felt at home

in 20 years, I have never had a home

Just because I have a roof and a mattress

doesn’t make me at home

I take my ******* pills

every **** night

to keep my emotions

from getting too high

or too low

but all I feel now is angry

and scared

that I will be this way

until the day that I die

Constantly searching

trying to find my way home

but it is nowhere to be found

and I feel the ***** rising in my throat

and the tears on my face

I don’t want to be real

I want to be a ******* sitcom character

or an extra in a movie

or somebody in a novel

I don’t want to have to be multi-faceted

Or complex

I just want a few simple things

And I always thought maslow’s hierachy of needs was *******

but maybe he was right and there are basic needs

that I need met

before I can have high self-esteem

but mostly **** that

I accept myself

the good bits and the bad bits

I love them all

even the messy ****

the mistakes I have made

which is a ******* lot

Can you say that?

I just want to be ok

And I want you to know that

I want to share my experiences

And I want to be able to tell people

how I went from here to somewhere better

and that it happens

I ******* hate open ended ****

this whole ******* experience

of living and being human

and nothing resolves

it is constantly changing and developing

well I guess that’s what you ******* get here too