Dear Reader,

I'd just like a few moments of your time.
A few minutes to illustrate how and why I love Fall so much.

Fall is full of colours,
Full of sweaters,
Full of breezes that give you just a little chill.

But most of all?
it's full of a variety of changes.

Relationships end,
They begin,
People have an air of change about them,
something magical...
Something Whimsical.

Do you know what I love the absolute most though?
Her.

I love how her wild spirit matches the changes in the leaves.
Her hair in the wind reminds me of the wheat, as it sways this way and that.
Her smile is like the sunshine peeking out from behind the clouds - A brilliant radiance that I cannot be more grateful for.

But most of all...
The curve of her hand in mine is like a kind of natural magic.
Something graceful and fierce and sensual and teasing.
All one and the same.
It's beautiful.

I could compare her to a summer's day,
but what's the point?

She is magic.
She is the fall.
She is MY fall.
And she is my love.

This day has been overall pretty good
Then the shoe drops.

Nothing major,
No death,
bad news,
Or even a scrape.

Something small today,
Like turning your head and missing something.
You've forgotten something that was
Deep down.

But, like most things in life,
Chaos does it's wonderful work and
Changes everything.

You're reminded of your first love.
Something that happened so long ago
That it's merely a faded memory.
A shell of what it once was.

Although the more you think about it,
Infection spreads.
It works it's way through your whole body and mind,
And now your day is slanted.

An apt description is like the picture
You walk by on the wall every day,
But today,
Be it the settling of the house,
Shutting a cupboard a little too hard,
Or even looking at it for once,
You notice that it's askew.

I wish it was as simple as leveling it,
caressing it's worn-smooth edges,
Looking up at it and smiling,
Knowing that it's a wonderful memory and
Helped you become who you are before you move on.

But like the humanity in all of us,
You wonder about it.
"How did it shift?"
"What happened that it turned?"
"Why is this eating at me so much?"

And on,
And on,
Until you cannot contain yourself.
Mind spiraling out of control
As it feels like its eating you up inside.

Your heart breaks once again,
Anew.
You relive that memory over,
And over,
And over.

But, alas.
Most of us cannot shut it down,
Cannot turn it off.
We just have to sit with it,
Ruminating on the memory,
Until it decides to quiet itself
Once again.

Through all this,
We soldier on.

A fine stillness overtakes me
Balanced on the edge of a knife.

Emotional upheaval,
Physical longing,
Psychological unrest.
These are all fleeting things.

Moments.

Like a seed,
Hanging in the breeze.

Momentary bewilderment,
At being set free.
Then falling,
Gut wrenching,
Traumatic,
Exhilarating,
Joyful.

These things last but a second.

Stress,
Pain,
Joy,
Sorrow.

Fight through it and you'll see.

Stillness.

I seem to keep finding more and more scars lately. 

I'm not sure where they come from, 
Although I have the memories 
From them. 
They just keep appearing 
Out of no where, 
Like chips in a windshield 
Or cracks in a mirror. 

Somehow, 
Somewhere, 
Something happened. 
The memories are like music in a dream. 
I can hear it clear as a bell, 
But when I wake up it flutters away, 
Leaving just an echo.

All I want, 
All I've ever wanted, 
Is time alone with you. 

Twenty minutes, 
A half hour, 
It isn't too much to ask, 
Is it? 

I want to know you, 
In a way that so few 
Ever have. 

I want to show you 
My tattoos and scars. 
I want to see yours. 

I want to run 
My hands over them, 
Hear their stories 
And how you healed them. 

I want to tell you 
Stories of the people 
I've lost. 
I want to hear yours 
Of the people you've 
Loved. 

I want to kiss away 
Your tears, 
Like only you have 
For mine. 

I've only wanted some 
Time. 
Alone with you.

After years of arduous struggle with a muse that had no use for me aside from her petty problems and guilt, I may have found a new muse. 

Exciting as that may be, I must be cautious because it may just be another clever ruse by life again. 

But the hope still exists. 
And that, my friends, is what makes it so sweet.

Help me. 

I've fallen madly in love with 
A woman that lives 300 miles away 
And I've only met her once. 

She is the one woman that 
I compare everyone else to, 
But I can't find happiness 
Without her. 

I've fallen madly in love with 
A beautiful woman that somehow 
Makes me smile, 
And I can't tell if I've forgotten 
Or if I lost the secret to 
Making her smile. 

Help, please.

There really is
Something about
A 4am drive.

Its something special.

A camaraderie between you
And those select few
That either want
Or need
To be on the road
At this ungodly hour.

Fortunately
My decision is choice
And I relish these empty streets.

Alone with my thoughts
That's all I ask for these days.

"I loved you once",
He said out loud,
As though she could hear him.

Unfortunately, though
She was a thousand miles away
At all times.
Eventually those miles turned
To light years
With neither knowing what happened.

Years later, she found herself
Thinking about him.
"I loved him once"
Was all she thought
As life went on.

A memory in the wind.
Fleeting.

I want to show you my scars
Not for you to pity me
But so you'll understand.

I'll show you the ones of my arms
From fights.
On my chest
For the heartbreaks.
On my back
For my misdeeds.

I want to show you my scars
So you'll understand.
So you will see what I've seen.
Tell you my stories.

The fights that I've had
Have made me stronger.
The heartbreaks I've endured
Have made me smarter.
The misdeeds I've made
Have made me vicious.

Let me show you my scars,
Run your fingers over them.
Listen to my stories
And feel how I've lived
Up to this point.
Can you endure as I have?
Would you accept my challenge?

The more I think about it, the more I realize, the only important things in life are ***, drugs and rock 'n roll. Here's why; *** is pro-life, its why we live and is for all intents and purposes beneficial to life. Drugs represent the alternative; pro-death aspects of life we use to slowly **** ourselves. But rock 'n roll? That's just trying to understand each of the two and finding a balance.

This storm
Reminds me of how
Precarious
My mood is these days

It starts violently
To alleviate itself within
An hour
And mask itself
Behind light clouds
And sunshine

Then
Out of no where
BOOM
It comes back to haunt us
Once more

No reason why
No reason how
But there is chaos

Like the bowels
Of my mind
Seething
And churning
With things unsaid
But there's a voice
Deep in the recesses
That says
"You brought this on yourself."

Its always interesting
To see how fast things
Fall apart.

One day
One of your best friends
Is talking with you
Conversation as usual.

The next
She's acting odd
Noticeable even
And that's where she stops talking.

Hours left wondering
What the hell happened
And
How can I make her smile
Again?

In an instant
It was different.

The question is not what can be
But moreso of what will be

We have no idea
Nor concept
Of what the future holds

But if we can somehow
Isolate a finite set of rules
Or principles
We could create a better
Understanding
Or equation

One which we could possibly
Engage each other
And ourselves in,
And delve farther
Into "what if"
Rather than "if what".

There really is something
About standing in the rain
That makes it truly primal.

It isn't that there's some
"Godly presence"
Or spiritual overwhelm.

But something about it that makes
Us all feel small
Or large in our own ways.

Knowing that the world
Itself can condense water into moisture
And its harmless
As it falls from the skies in sheets
And waves.

And yet,
Every time it rains
I pray for thunder
And lighting.
Willing the skies to crack and sizzle
Through the night skies.

Nothing I have experienced yet
Can compare to its
Awe and simplicity.

Do you hear that sound?
Its small,
Infinitesimal,
But still there.

That's the sound
Of my heart breaking.
That's the sound
Of you seeing someone
Else.

And more,
That's the sound
Of you telling me
About him.

That,
Right there,
Is my heart
Breaking.

I can't tell you
How long I've waited
To touch you
To kiss you
To hold you
In my arms.

There are so many things
I want to do
To you
For you
With just us.

I can't tell you
How I ache
Physically
Emotionally
All of me
For you.

I can't wait to
Show you
What I'm planning
For you.

I hope you'll love it.

As you drift off from reality, and what you thought was real,
You remember all the memories and the looks you had to steal,
Slowly as the dream fades, and you slip into the fold,
You turn inward and think to yourself, why is it so cold?

I am a prisoner
A prisoner with no dreams
Like a window-less cell
I go in every night
And the door shuts
Then it disappears.

I wake with new scars
And no memory
Of how I got them.

Sword marks
Needles
Bullet holes.

They're all emotional
Psychological
No physical marks.

Desperation.
How do I break this?
How do I escape?

Perhaps
You're lost to me.
Perhaps
I've lost you.

I wonder
What it was to make me
Love you.
I wonder
What it was
To make me
Lose you.

Could you tell me?
Do I have the right to ask?
Could you be honest with me?
Would you?
Be honest.
Say something.

I suppose its over.
Should I just say goodbye?
Or should I prolong
The agony
And just stay?

Destroy my psyche
And my heart
While you frolic
With someone else?

Frolic with my heart then
Take it from my chest
In your bare hands
And then crush it.
Go ahead.

As the adrenaline seeps away
In small amounts
You sit in stunned silence
Thinking of how
This could have happened.

Remembering
Just moments before
How there was chaos
Everyone on the edge of anger
Or concern
Wondering how much it will be
What was damaged
How in the world could this happen.

In the stunned silence
Driving away afterwards
You think about your life
And if it had happened differently
Your family may have lost a son, brother, sister
You think about how grateful you are
That things didn't go worse.

It is a quiet night
After a tumultuous day

The river bubbles
The wind howls
A lonely train car whistles
In the distance

But my thoughts are elsewhere
I am mourning the passing
Of my little brothers grandfather

I can only imagine
His numbness
His weariness
His sorrow
Someone he held so dear
Is gone

A deep well of compassion
Opens within me
My heart goes out
To him
His family

This is for them
I can't do much
But love them.

"I have seen the night torn into thin darkling strips and woven into shapes too bleak for dreams."

For some unknown reason
This sentence speaks worlds
To me

Deep within my "soul"
You could call it
I feel it

Like a distant memory
Something long forgotten
But still itching to come up
For air
To be thought of again

Like we have scaled
The walls of Thermopylae
Or Constantinople
Through the darkness
Taking no prisoners
But lives instead

We have fought in battles
That would make today's wars
Pale at the bloodshed

Perhaps this is why
I feel so peaceful now
At ease with most things

I did my killing
Served my time
Saw enough bodies

Perhaps this is also why
I know exactly what to do
In almost all situations that
Hold violence

So let's put this to rest
Perhaps these are demons
But not memories
Past lives perhaps?
Or just my imagination.

Here inlies the question,
What ones own child must face;
To look into thyself,
And conquer the human race.

For battles are won and lost with love,
And there we shall really see,
What ones own love will do,
Or is it hypocrisy?

For this shall be the stage, my friend;
And though these wars are waged,
I ask myself the time-old tale,
Who of us are phased?

Goodbye my friend,
I said at last.
I knew this time would come.

You were my best friend,
My confidante,
My furry little companion.
The one that always led the adventures
And rarely followed.

Your fur was unruly,
Your ears were always perked,
And your attitude was always the best.
Coming and finding me when I was down,
Poking me with your nose.

I love you my little friend.
You were the highlight of my life
For so many years.
You will never be forgotten.
Je t'aime, my little shadow.

Clouds
Drifting across the cerulean sky
So quietly
So serene.

Forming shapes
But only ones we recognize
Our minds are interesting organs.

Funny how a little floating moisture
Reminds us of something we saw
As a kid.

8Km
You see this sign
And your heart begins to race.

Almost to town
So close to your destination.

But even going 140Km/h
Its still the longest 2 minutes
All you can think is
The traffic,
Slow speeds,
Unloading the car,
But the thought of finally being home
Eases all that anxiety
And you're grateful
You took the trip.

Beauty can be defined as many things
Its different to each person.

Some prefer art,
Others music,
A few even treasure food.

Me?
I prefer the land.
I'm a city boy with a small town heart.
Where everything's calm
Everyone knows each other.
Where making friends is easy
And making enemies is easier.

But that's not beauty.
The rolling hills,
The trees,
Wild in their growth
Bowing to no one but the wind and fire.
A constant cycle of rebirth and renewal.

I could lose myself here.
Forget about everything
Everyone.
It'd be so simple,
So easy.

This place is awe-inspiring.

I know we all feel it
When we find ourselves
In this situation.

A sense of peace.

It washes over us
In a cool rush.
We realize that we're alone
with our thoughts,
Our family,
Our books.

No cell service,
No gps,
No radio.
Completely.
Alone.

Some panic
without their technology
Some freak out
because they're not "connected".

I relish this peace.
I relish it with a gratitude
One that I can't find anywhere else.

Peace and quiet.

This is long overdue.
Never past its prime.
Always easily welcomed.

But the knowledge is always there
That this peace has to end
Eventually.

Just a few more minutes
Please.

There really is something magical,
Whimsical even,
About driving through the trees.

A forrest even.
Something wild even though
Humanity has tamed it
Enough to drive through.

We clear the trees
Flatten the land
Pour the concrete
And make sure
There's a destination
At the end.

Everyone wants to rush
Humanity has trained themselves
To go as fast as possible
To get things done.

Yet everyone says
"Its the journey,
Not the destination".

Liars.

They've delusioned themselves
Into not believing what they say.
Hypocrites, I say.
Liars.

This is nature's true beauty.