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Julie Butler Oct 2014
I'm taking a ride tonight
My eyes are wide open
And I look at myself
through the eyes of a woman
I stare for a while
A little disheartened
For a moment you flew
And now your wings are all rotten
Your bones are all cold
& You could have been smarter
You always did what you're told
Such a good little daughter

With no hope to hold onto
You pushed that away
Cause it got hard for you to talk through your **** everyday
So forget it
Forget it
and they'll forget you  
I'm alone every night
Just a fool in a room

Desperate for something
Moon, what do I do?
i need guidance, a sign
Or am I already ruined?
Julie Butler Oct 2014
I kneel
in disbelief
That something like this
Could happen to me
And I grieve
Cause the **** exists
I have something to tell you
Wipe the spit off my lisp
My grip slowly slipping
I can't sit still
In this pit
While I'm
creating earthquakes
Kicking a split in my ship
Slowly sink while I sit
I forget I can swim

I sink low
I combust
I hit a rock
They call "bottom"
And all of my hope in that world
Has now been forgotten
Julie Butler Oct 2014
you people disgust me
i use to feel lucky
but now all i yield
is the feel of
unlucky
trust nothing
your words feel like shields
i feel yucky
as soon as i see or
spin wheels
words like
gray
names like buckley
have I spilled all our disgusting taste
you're a ******
face your ear hole my dear
I hear nothing
fear nothing
surprised by the fault
in our skies
brown eyes you mean
something
but everyone gets stuff
like something
i want more than your stuff
& your pour
fills
my
nothing
Julie Butler Oct 2014
today
i crawled over in my grave
safely
and that's
okay
with my way
because lately
your name tastes vague
and untasty
like a grave or rotten pastries
it's okay
i'm still gay
i still taste the
same
but i crave
a new name
like
like
lately
I'm hasty
a bit hazy
still insanely
calling your name
like my frame had a replay button
did you say somethin?
you refrain woman
you think your game is playing
you obtain nothin
but i gain something
a new brain function
a new name for it
I'd be down on the floor
but i'll sustain from it
and you'll regain a substance
one made out of gunk
a replayed nothing
I just learned from it
i learned some girls are worth
more than my brain numbeth
but that brain cometh with a new plan
like like
tonight i'll burn you down
and every memory of loving you
i'll breathe flames from it
and burn my way from it
i prayed all day
because the brave plummet and we're worth more than
relationship frumps we're higher than
down
in the dumps
i trust nothing i'm stumped
i'm still frowning
i'm dumped
you know not of this chump
goodnight now that i'm done
you'll now run from it
please run from it
i'd spell it all out
but her letters thumb crumb summits
it's a plum turned into a prune
sweet but unripe
gum
unchewed but alright
come at night and sleep
sleep like you
sleep like
sleep
with me like we
sleep
like only we sleep
Julie Butler Sep 2014
you
you're just a thought in my mind
and i
i'll be fine
without you
( daydream )
you won't hear my calling for
anything at all
and now when I redo us
i'll bust out my big guns
and it'll be nothing like before
cause nobody trusts that
it's done with
i spit it out with my left lung
my third rib
and i finished it off
quivered
cause most of the time it's just like
t h i s  
quivered;
but even the shaken warm again
and i'm fine until then
i'm being p a t i e n t
i'm being complacent with the situation being placed adjacent to my observation
my loss of sensation; inspiration
or the strange complaisant state I relate and stay in
or the location you placed on every plain of our sensation
creates my saddest frustration
that we're past tense
d o n e
I erased it
that at night when you bite down
hard
you still taste it
Julie Butler Sep 2014
the last few nights
i've been writing
frightened
trying to decide
what's right
in my mind
but i'm blinded
by this time
this time
this space
it doesn't make sense to me
to erase you
while
you replace me
i've never felt so empty
as i do
right now
reaching out to you
and knowing you
don't want it
i'm being selfish
i can't accept this
and pounding my head
against this table
why do i torture myself
when she doesn't want me
Julie Butler Sep 2014
please don't
cling
to another chest
i'm begging
cause i'm still dangling from yours
and love
don't devour her soul
mine is still everything with yours
funny how pathetic rhymes so well
with regret
it's almost poetic
how you
gave me up to this
necessity
you say it so
apathetically
like i'm just suppose to be okay
living without you
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