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 Sep 2015 Joseph Schneider
Deeba
Travel bug!
that bit me a year ago
is spreading a venomous
scent of freshness within me
that I am being dragged towards
the inane spell cast by Nature.

And I am dying the dead life
that i had lived so far
and enjoying the craziness
spread by the venom.
It happened on a night when
the moon was most likely bright and
she with Eros were looking down upon me,
thought they were blessing my tummy.

You loved me at the worst possible time
you loved me at the best possible time
you loved me, so now I'm never alone
no matter where I go

Weeks pass me without blessing
I am shaken, unbalanced
I am off and I know it.
Mother lifted my curse
and mother gave me a curse
I carry it with me all of the time
and after it has left me,
I will carry it in my heart until the end of time.

You went to your uncle's funeral two weeks ago
and we will attend mine in a few more
We'll say goodbye to a part of me
I'll say goodbye to the best part of me
We'll say goodbye to a piece of us

Now water still flows through
water and blood still connect me and you but
do you know soon you will rust?

Some would call it parasitic,
but I believe it slightly more mutualistic;
I give up everything for your tiny tummy
I'd give up anything for your tiny heart
that seems to beat 1,000 times per few seconds
1,000 miles deep within me,
so I will never be able to reach you
let alone help you
So this is my sincerest apology
to the love of my life
who never could come to be
and I will be carrying
all your 1,000 heart beats
and on me they crush down upon
the only home you have ever known
a thousand pounds heavy
but not nearly as heavy as
that pill in my hand
and my heart
as we said goodbye
to the best part of me.
Not enough verses.
Not enough rhymes.
Not enough comments
Not enough likes.
Delete. delete. Delete.

The words I prided myself in
That won no awards
That were not good enough
To be heard.
Delete. delete. Delete.

Embarrassing thoughts
Of a younger me.
A silly child
Is now all I see.
But clearly
I'm more lost now
Than I was then
And maybe that angers me.
Delete. delete. Delete.

Will I write again?
Probably not.
I've lost my passion.
My words only rot.
They can no longer shine
Or comfort me.
Delete. delete. Delete.

It may be selfish
Maybe somebody saw
And felt something,
Anything at all.
Anger, joy, static,  relief.
Though I'm sure that's
Not the case with me.
Delete. delete. Delete.

It's over.
Done.
Been and gone.
Me.
And my time with
Poetry.

And here I am,
Pressing on repeat,
Delete. delete. Delete.
As i fade away into the darkness
And slip through the depths of time
I vividly remember your face
Shining like a star
Those memories of you and me keep swimming in the ocean of my thoughts
You truly stood out
The touch of your soft skin
Your childlike smile
The sparkle in your eyes
I remember it all
I still wonder... did our love never ever mean anything to you??
I look up to the sky and tell him...
....Take me with you to that place of uncertainty
The place where death and life meet and get lost
Release me from all connections
Free me from all attachments
I'm now in a constant sate of free fall
Your love was limitless
But your hatred knew no boundaries
I'm not sure if i love you for making me feel wanted
Or i hate you for leaving me deserted and stranded just when our love was about to reach greater heights
You and i--what potential we had
We could've experienced so much more
You just left without a trace
No warnings...nothing
And here i am in the middle of the desert of life...
...Trying to gather the pieces of my broken heart
If only the heart could be mended like a toy
....If only things could've been different
....If only
I'm now but a traveller with no sense of purpose or direction
I'm now truly lost.....
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