Winter is very cold
We need to make a nice
Hot soup with lamb and vegetables
Or going to the football
To do the BBQ
Geez that keeps me nice abs warm
It is almost july
And the have a big ice skating
Rink in the city centre
Fun for the kids
To take their minds off the cold
Having a hot coffee in a coffee shop
And if you don't like coffee
Try a hot chocolate with a nice
Marshmallow
Yeah that sounds tasty
And it will keep you warm
You might feel like cheering
On your favourite football team
You will put on you football scarf and beanie
There is a new alcoholic
Beverage that can warm you up
You know, like brandy but not brandy
Some people go for a powerful run to keep them warm
The cold feeling is being replaced
By hot wet looking sweat
But one thing we must understand
That when it is winter for us
It will be summer in the other
Side of the world
We need to share our seasons


Sent from my iPhone

My cat goes MEOW
Expecting food
Runs around the yard
Catching mice
Gives us allergic reactions
Gets cranky in stormy weather
MEOW MEOW MEOW
The cat goes meow
What is his favourite food
Whiskas
Fancy feast
Snappy Tom
The cats of Australia
Have made their choice
Snappy Tom oh snappy Tom
MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW
MEOW MEOW MEOW
Says the mother cat
Who just gave birth to 7 little kittens
Butch
Brutus
Sooty
Lucky
Snoopy
Cuddles
Jade
MEOW MEOW MEOW
Enjoy your food
Little ***** cat


Sent from my iPhone

Sugar rush rush rush oh yeah rush
I have a sugar rush
I deserve a coke and a nice cream bun oh yeah let's party on
You see sugar hangs around at parties
I wish it fucken wouldn't
But it does you see it can pump up the young
And provide muscle which
Could later be celiate
I love to have a sugar rush
Like a nice finger bun with honey oh so tasty as
I need to have a sugar rush
Like a nice vanilla milkshake
And a mud cake yeah it tastes so great
What about bubble gum or
Chewing gum the best items for your sugar rush
You see ***** cranberry has
Sugar as well as alcohol
So you get your sugar rush and alcohol fix
How cools that
The reason why kids are hypo active because they have a sugar rush that happens every day
Sugar rush rush rush oh yeah
Come in to the witch's gingerbread house to taste more sugar to fatten you up
But you must say to the witch
You can't get me dude
Sugar rush sugar rush
Rush rush rush
Enjoy sugar every day dudes


Sent from my iPhone

The evil spirits are flying around
My head making me evil and stupid things like making me see people fighting who look just like me that Is evil spirits
I don't want those evil spirits
You see I used to get in fights
With my dad and the evil spirits
Forced s drinker to call dad a great big old fogie and I hate **** people yelling at me when
I say no because I come to realise that I can't help everyone I remember being treated like s worthless heap of ****
I don't want to See or hear evil
Of any kind and when this man
Said I had evil spirits around me
I said the only evil I have is you
Christian and I have itchy hair showing every time I tried to be a man  I hated people in Canberra back then because I was a friendly person who got teased once in a while
I want these evil spirits
I hated people treating me like
cool kid to a fight
I hated being treated like a ****** old woman because I am willing to help everyone
But I don't want to help anyone
Unless they are poor and suffering
I used to have people try and take my man away from me
For the simple reason because they wanted to help people as well and they wanted to get in
The pants of women who I was talking to and the evil spirits flew around my head
When I was on the bus I used to
Be heckled by people on the bus and they said you probably won't see me again and i felt hurt because I, all my life wanted muck around with everyone and I also wanted to be a fun loving guy and hated
Being a cool kid or man to a tease I hated it because I wanted to do what I wanted to
Do rather than do what others want to do
I don't want to fight
I am not a hooligan
I don't want to join the robbers


Sent from my iPhone

Dad and robin singing on Jupiter

Robin'. I drank with my finger
On Mork and Mindy and I said
Good morning Vietnam really loud on the radio but now I am dead and I am jimmy Barnes's
Grandson billy and I sing working class man up here on Jupiter as well as singing driving wheels and I remember all of my comedy Shows I did on earth and I wonder what my current earth body will be when he grows up but he is showing a bit of me
Barry'. I used to be a computer nut in my old Allan family and
In the end of my life my eldest son was wanting to be famous
And if I knew that he would be satisfied with a few plays with mental health I mightn't have died but I did and now I am jimmy barnes's granddaughter
Betty and no matter what I am in this life, I might be famous
You will never know but even if I just relax while I do it rather than rushing around the world but rushing around can be fun
If you do it right
I don't want to say your like me and mummy but I was worried about the teasing back then
Despite it looking a bit weird
I just wanted the best for Brian
Back then but now I am Betty
Looking forward to enjoying my new family with David and Lisa Campbell
Robin and Barry'
Party on party on party on
The way to ****** be
If we get into the right party spirit we cab show the world how to party
Yeah our earth bodies are only young and cool but we are having fun dudes
Your like me and mummy
Neh, that life is dead


Sent from my iPhone

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

where he met up with kenneth

trying to ruin his rep

party on yeah dude party on oh yeah

party on yeah dude party on oh yeah

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

when he met up with susan

who had some champagne

she said, do you wanna share some of this

the ***** said YES

as

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

he met up with thomas

who said just one word at a time

which was party, the ***** said who with

thomas said everybody

oh yeah let’s party come on dudes, party

a ***** went partying

in the club friday night

when he met up with brian

with a bourbon and coke

brian said, what do you want

wild turkey or jim beam

the ***** said, whatever you choose i’ll enjoy it, i guarantee it

the ***** went partying

in the club friday night

when he met up with caleb

who said, have you had enough

the ***** said no, not yet

i want to have 4 bottles of XXXX

and sink them down with you

the ***** went partying

in the club friday night

where he met up with peter

who says PARTY ON MATE

cause peter will drink any drink you put in front of him

and sometimes he will take someone else’s drink

like the *****’s

so the ***** went partying

down the club friday night

and with all the alcohol he drank

he gazed into the night

and say, PARTY RIGHT, DUDES

time to go home mr *****

abcdefg

now i know my xyz

i bought myself a nice v dub

for my birthday, it was pretty fun

you see as i sing my abc

please dudes, won’t you join in with me

ya see as i sing

abcdefg

i want to get down and party

you see with that nice vdub

i got for my special day

for the blasted car broke down

crossing the first bleeding bump

abcdefg

come on ‘dudes’ party with me

my old mate gave me another vdub

i hope this car won’t break down

on the first bleeding bump

cause if it does i will trade it in

to a ford or holden or toyota, oh yeah

abcdefg

i want a new carolla, oh yeah

you see that car has a lot of grunt

better than my two vdubs

you bet your life it is

now i know my xyz

next time won’t you party with me

gotta eat an egg roll

gotta see an egg roll

baby make it ****** roll

yeah it sounds so cool

i like an egg roll

for my breakfast dude

i would try an egg roll

yeah, how cools that, dude

you see if i ate an egg roll

my taste would smell like a chicken pen

and i go out to collect the eggs

i am thinking of making my egg roll

i want to see an egg roll

i will put egg custard in my glass

and add some ***** in it

cause that is what ***** is for

it is to make an egg roll

a beautiful tasty yummy chewey egg roll

i want to have an egg roll

i really want an egg roll

to put it in my gob with a cup of coffee or tea or drinks for me

you see i wanna have an egg roll

a super tasty egg roll

you see my egg roll can be filled with bacon

and it can be a smoking’, i’m not joking

i just want my tasty egg roll, with bacon

you are so dumb indeed

you want the chance to be free

everyone in the cosmos cheers for me and mummy

to beat this world indefemtly

god is just a cause to worry

mainly brought out by the fear of your parents

you see i can say shut up dummy

and you will listen unless you are square, yeah

dummy dummy you are a little dummy

you have no brains unless it is in your tiny toe

i am a man who loves life, i am not a dummy, mate

i want to liver life to the full

but instead you put me in front of that bull

and say sit there dummy, let the bull attack

i say no, don’t let him leave the rack

i am a technology ****

and i just vomited **** in the toilet, discussing, hey

hey hey hey is in the paddock where the horses are

but it might be in your mouth when you are trying to be a conservative ****

i hear dad say, shut up dummy, but i prefer to be a cool cat

yeah, dudes, lets party on

in every club in this god forsaken town

you say shut up dummy as much as you like

you know way back in the olden days when i wanted my mates to call me spike

i will get on the poetry slam stage and grab the mike

and read the poem with shut up dummy in my head

i don’t want it, i don’t want it, leave me alone

neh, he will say, as he wants to sit there saying yeah mate continuously teasing all night

i know you are saying shut up dummy oh yeah

but you must remember i am a person oh yeah

i don’t want you to go yeah mate continuously mate, and i don’t want to get callas dummy

but i still hear the words shut up dummy and yeah mate

i have no idea why it’s in my head, i just think it’s because i am a techno ****

shut up dummy stop teasing me, man

causa i am the coolest dude in the land

this is a true story about last wednesday night, STOP

i wish people would stop KNOCKING on my door at 2 am

in the morning because through those hours, i am sound asleep

and i don’t want to answer the fucken door to you

because people don’t have respect for other people

i am trying to sleep to sleep and i hear voices

of people knocking on my door trying to get in

and i don’t think people are trying to find out what i am doing

i was having voices of people saying i am easy-meat

but i am not easy-meat

i just don’t want to have strangers knocking on my door

can i have a smoke can i have a beer, and you will get high

or do you want to party, mind you i like partying, but i want to

i remember answering the door to a person in Newcastle

because he thought i was easy-meat

i don’t want to be known as easy-meat, i want to be known as strong-willed

and i was totally frightened but if i don’t answer the door

everything will be alright

if i hear the words easy-meat easy-meat, you are such easy-meat

I WILL SAY NO, i am not easy-meat and i prefer just to be treated like a man who loves life

cause i do love life, so, stop treating me like easy-meat

i prefer to help people in my own time

not at 2 in the morning, though

when i am trying to ****** sleep

and i would prefer not to be treated like easy-meat

cause i am not

you gotta know how to get anywhere in this world

to become like me

you gotta like the poor better than the rich

oh yeah like me

you gotta party right

and make it ****** out of sight

and you must know every bus route to everywhere, mate

to become like me

you must be nice to every person, buddy

to become like me

you must respect one another richer or poorer

to become like me

if anyone says that your a little scaredy cat just because you look a tad lonely

you must find it in your heart to ignore  those people

if you wanna be like me

you can’t online teasing worry you if you wanna be like me

cause those people are just expressing their opinions just like me

i know they are sometimes horrible

but you can’t let them bother you

cause this world is for everyone, dudes, rich or poor

you can’t be a racist ****, mate

if you wanna be like me

cause racists don’t care, no way no fear

you see if we except racists into this world

there will no more fighting, and that is what we want, mate

you see you must be into partying if you wanna be like me

you must drink coke and not worry about losing teeth

if you wanna be like me

cause your dentures can cost you over $1000

the party will never die, if you wanna be like me

you must let hair down and really party

you have to really chill out, dude

to be like ‘******’ me

for i am a young dude

and i do my art and my writing

and i can get you a root

with anyone in this world

elle macpherson would be nice you say

i can get you a root with her any day

kylie minogue would be pretty rad ya see

i can get you a root with her yeseree

what about lisa wilkinson from the today show

i can get you a root with her any day, buddy

don’t call me buddy for it’s so downgrading

cause if you call me buddy i won’t get you a woman

do you want a woman

i can get ya one

i can find a beautiful woman

so i can ****** my way in

for i am a ******

i have the prefect woman in my data base

that you’ll be interested in

so do you wanna see the woman

i have lined up for you

or do you wanna be square

cause if you are square

you won’t be able to get there

cause with my kind of woman mate,

you’ll be happy

**** beautiful tremendous women

see i am a little young dude

just put your head in my lap

and i will handball it back to you, dudes

cause i am a cool young dude who has a lot of fun

i can find ya a woman and then

i will give  ya a kick up the ***

for i am a young dude a little young dude

who loves life a lot

with a dad that wants to stay in my life

by getting in my ****** way

yeah mate yeah mate, i am the coolest dude around

cool people don’t fight

cool people find women for less fortunate people

i give women to people in reference they will leave me alone

i am a young dude little young dude, i am a little young dude

****** oath i am a guy, cause i wanna be young all my life

want a woman, i can get you one RIGHT NOW

i am a young dude

a very cool young dude

i am happy all the time

then a bully came up to me

and said

i will take your young dude away

you see i go to the movies

and i see a flick that is grand

and then this bully came up to me and said

i will take your young dude

i don’t want that for i am cool, man

the coolest dude in the world

i said you can’t take my young dude away

because you are a spas

i am a young dude

a cool young dude

i love life oh yes i do

then this bully came up to me

and took my young dude away

i love life oh yes i do yeah

i will party like a young dude does

sure i might be disabled

but i am better than this bully

oh yeseree

i might be a spaz i might be a geek

or even a dweeb

but no bully in their right mind

will ever take my young dude away

ummmmmmmm he has battled so many times

ummmmmmmm his religion and titles and illness

ummmmmmm he was the greatest fighter that ever lived

ummmmmmm  in more ways than one

ummmmmmm he used the catch phrase float like a butterfly sting like a bee

ummmmmmm  he lit the atlanta olympic flame when he was

ummmmmmm  let's just say he was a fighter

ummmmmm  he is holding the fight in the heavens

ummmmmmm  it surely took a long time for his illness to defeat him

ummmmmm  he will be given a nice new boxing ring in the clouds

ummmmmm  so his next earth body can perform the same miracles

ummmmmm  yeah he has parkinsons but he didn’t let it defeat him

ummmmmmm he might be dead but not defeated

ummmmmmm he might be dead but not defeated

ummmmmmmm ummmmmmmm ummmmmmm

RIP cassius marcekkus clay RIP MOHAMAD ALI

ummmmmmm i hope you defeat many people in the afterlife

so your next earth body can live on ummmmmmm ummmmmmm ummmmmm

there is nothing like a nice cold beer on a nice cold day at the footy

slap bang in the middle of winter

yeah why do people drink cold in cold

it doesn’t make sense to me

and the cold has to always be beer

why can’t the cold be a coke or lift or a glass of water

but i suppose that is a bogan thing i guess

It is time that i decide to stop drinking beer because

if i don’t i will look like a bogan

and that will make me totally sick in an awful way

because bogan’s have such a lot of issues

when they celebrate each other’s birthdays

they celebrate the last day they got smashed

and half of those stories

are enough to bore you to ****** tears

because they are repeating the same stories over and over again

about getting flaming drunk

but i can’t seem to understand why people

think it’s fine to get drunk and act tough

I know i sort of did, but not as bad as them, i should think not

they somewhat think they are grownups

but i can’t seem to see it in them

yeah they can have their nice cold beer on a nice cold day

and enjoy it, well, let them think they are having fun anyway

I love to p;lay my stereo very loud

so loud, it can wake up the dead

and force them into total panic

I love to thrash out heavy metal

and every day i say to myself

i like the loud music

It doesn’t have to be heavy metal

It could be 80s disco or 70s disco

we could arrange big parties

with bourbon and coke and beer and champagne

we sit the the stereo on our shoulders near our ears

we suddenly go deaf from the blasting sound

the lead singer of AC/DC had to opt out of the band

TOO MUCH LOUD MUSIC TOO MUCH LOUD MUSIC

sometimes the stereo could be for aerobics

where all of our friends gather together

to keep themselves fit

so that one day the earth will be healthy

and the heavy metal will be needed to chill by

he is a real nowhere man

sitting in the dunny can

waiting for this wonderful world

to become more peaceful

he understands our point of view

from the ladies and the men

yeah this is the time this land

has ro be at peace

you see kind sir he believes in god

and he is a silly sod

looks like he came out of s giant pod  for everyone

you see he is a real nowhere man

sitting in the dunny can

waiting for the world to become more peaceful

it could take a very long time

at least he has a nice tasty wine

as he sits in the dunny can

waiting for the peaceful world

that might not come

the rich don’t understand his point of view

so he goes to the sink to ****** spew

as he sits in the funny can

waiting yeah sor this hard done by world

to become more peaceful

as he sits in there drinking his wine

he started coughing all the horrible smells

he gets whilst sitting in the dunny can

waiting for the world to become more peaceful

and so it will

peanut butter peanut butter

is good for your ma and good for ya papa

you see i put peanut butter on bread

abour 23 times, i buy 2 loaves of bread

and i make 23 peanut butter sandwiches

i enjoy it, as the peanut butter sticks to the bread

and my mouth, i love peanut butter sandwiches

they are very nice for me to eat

but it’s high in fat and eating too many peanut butter sandwiches

can be fatal, you see i look like a little young dude

walking aroung with white sox and a tracksuit

eating my peanut butter sandwiches

you see i vision young women or men put

peanut butter all over their legs

to make a pornographic movie

i visioned a young mate mark ward legs

sticky like peanut butter

peanut butter peanut butter very sticky as you bite

get your mouth sticking together

i remember those days of going to the kitchen up and back up and back

making peanut butter sandwiches i still want that

but if had it now, i would get up to 170 kilos

so if you eat peanut butter peanut butter

it is great to enjoy a spread of peanut butter

to enjoy every day and night

i am a fine eater i eat everything

i feel like eating chocolate and many other things

and i feel like giving up and i have a craving

a craving for toothpaste

but i don’t wanna eat it because it is for teeth

i feel like drinking orange juice as well as chocolate

i eat chocolate and i gain weight

i want to stop eating junk food

he;s eating junk food, he’s like us now man

i feel like a chocolate bar as well a a chocolate mousse

i feel like a packet of biscuits as well as a big bottle of coke

please stop theser cravings please stop these cravings

like LOLLIES, YUMMY OLE LOLLIES, makes you fat but still tastes great

lollies put on a lot of excess weight, too much sugar

i am 162 kg, from eating too much sugar

yeah, dudes, my sugar count is high

i like cheesecake or vanilla slices as well as butter popcorn

which, that tastes soooooo nice, like me, i guess

i feel like two flavoured milks which can put on a lot of kilos

and i feel like a nice packet of mint slice biscuits and a 2 litre bottle of lemonade

lovely lemonade, and a 2 litre bottle too, and a beautiful sponge cake

sugar causes diabetes, and diabetes is caused by too much sugar

and i buy a tub of ice magic and pour it all over the ice cream

yes, i do feel like a tub of ice cream

and i have a sweet tooth a very big sweet tooth

chocolate and vanilla slices and milkshakes make me tick

and the yummy ole lollies make me feel happy

but each ounce of sugar i do eat can add on the weight

like every bottle of coke i do drink refreshes my mouth and body

like red coke and vanilla coke and coke life and coke zero really adds the fucken flavour

i do a poem in the poetry slam and coke is my reward

i was walking today and i smelt the wonderful cake in my fat body

i don’t want to be fat, but the sugary is solo addictive

the toothpaste is so addictive, but i must stop myself

i know i have a sweet tooth but i need to look further down

because sugar causes belly problems and dental problems

and my mental illness medication is making me crave all these wonderful foods

like hamburgers and chips and mexican nachos and cream buns

puts on weight, i can’t resist i ****** can’t resist, it’s clogging up my arteries

but i can’t seem fro stop the cravings

money buys sugary foods and drinks, i feel poor

i want to be rich and resist  these foods, i would love to have mates

but i am poor and i can’t resist these foods

i hear old school chums calling out to me, eat it brian eat it brian eat it brian

sometimes i can’t resist not to

but i want to, i will eat all these foods in one day

who can give you chocolate for many times you knew

who can rip the strawberry out of strawberries and cream lollies yeah

yeah i can eat a whole packet of marshmallows and strawberries and cream

as well as milk bottles and freddo frogs as well as a packet of 10 cherry ropes

i can eat chicken twists and cheese twists

as well as a packet of cheese and bacon *****, again too much sugar or saturated fats

bad for me very very bad for me, but i still eat it

i got addicted to coke when i was buying my second coke, and the lady said

you must be very very thirsty, mind you i was very thirsty but the sugar put coke ahead of water

and i went to the club and had a few sugary cokes and i bought a few packets of saturated fat crisps

as well as another sugary chocolate bar, i was thinking sugar is better than alcohol

but they both are as bad as each other

it is a lot of food to consume

who loves orange soda, brian loves orange soda is it true, yes i do i do i do oh yeah

you see food is the wicked witch and your body are the children she has

today i bought a nice sumo salad, a takeaway option

and i had two oranges as well as two dips, still bad, but all this are my preferences for a dessert i don’t need

I would sing the song money money money to

people who have none to make a point

that the rich man’s world is different to the poor man’s world

and how some rich people don’t give a toss about

what poor people go through

it’s sad how you ask a rich man to drop a $2 coin

in the poor man’s bucket and they just say NO

simply because they don’t care or the y don’’t like that certain poor person

and whether that poor person coughs in their face of a show of affection saying’

please help me, and basically all the rich man wants to sing money money money

to drive the poor man to drink all the tax payers money and the poor man’s world

could turn out to be the rich man’s world cause money seems to likes the rich more

than poor, money seems to hate people who wants to budge on it

what is money really about anyway

why does the rich earn more money than the average Joe

nobody will ever know

the chocolate fertilised egg


it is getting close to easter and my friend was wanting to have a baby

right in time, for the big holiday, so i went to the ***** bank and asked them

if i could make a fertilised egg to put in my friends ****** to create life, and it just

so happens that my friend loves chocolate and she wanted her baby to love it too,

so every time the baby kicked, she would eat a block of chocolate, but she had no idea

of why she did that, it just seemed to make her happy i guess,  but it forced the baby

to kick and kick and kick, and when i leaned over to hear the sound of the baby kicking

she would yell out, HEY, LOVE, GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE, SO IT CAN MAKE MY FUCKEN EGGS

AND CREATE A LIFE WORTH LOVING.  and i gave her a chocolate, and i started thinking

fancy a baby loving chocolate and i hope he or she is born at easter, it could make a superb

birthday present, yeah a chocolate bunny or an egg with smarties in the middle, and this will

be the the right time to fertilise the egg with a nice dose of chocolate, where every easter we will

have many parties to celebrate this wonderful easter.

hi dudes



today i am suffering from a pain in my ankle, i have no idea

how it cam about but it’s there, i go to bed and ask athena

to spray methane over it, and she does, and i feel great

i don’t know how it started but when i was doing the barbecue

last saturday, it suddenly started to ache, mind you i was feeling

a minor ache a few days before, i couldn’t stand up, mind you

i was trying to stand, but i just had to sit down, it made me feel like

such a bludger, but every night i am going to ask athena to spray methane on it

and i will drink orange soda, you see there is a poem my mother read to me

called acka backer soda ******* acka backer boo acka backer soda *******

i love you, and i imagined the babies eyes lighting up, i foot is getting better

but it still feels a bit sore, but i still sleep well as athena is working on the

pouring of the methane on it, i got my new glasses yesterday and i look a bit like elvis costello

but hopefully my foot will get better with all the methane i am getting poured on it

you see athena isn’t perfect, you must be able to remain low stressed, and nobody

is perfect or nobody is a robot and can’t fix up as quick as a fiddle stick, but mind you

people try and not be sick, just because i have a sore fought it doesn’t mean i am negative

i watch shows where people on life insurance with their poxley smiles to say when

they die everything is going to come up roses but my leg is still hurting a bit, and athena

is the best worker for me because she is cheap, but that doesn’t mean she ain’t true

the great gas methane can work wonders for your feet,i am trying to do my tapestry

and my foot is finding it hard to be a table on top of my leg.

you see i remember my mum and late father said my poems weren’t family friendly enough for

the internet, but when i went to outer space i saw athena and then sang a few songs at neptune

the first song was do the shitzophrenic
You see I am sitting at the mall
I am having dillusions of people teasing me, and I wish this will all stop, oh please, just leave me the f..k alone
And then I hear voices that aren't really being said o hear Jon killed my best friend named Fred, the thing is I have no best friend, oh year
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
From the first diagnosis till the day you reach 45, you see if i take medication it can be controlled yeah oh yeah
I am schitzophrenic
Then I went to see my psychiatrist and he told me, to try and get a life, I told him I was blackbeard and John F Kennedy, he just threw a smart *** comment my way, I thought that comment was rude and ******, yes it is hard to be liked when you do
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
Yes it's easy to do, just let me hang out
You see with my medication it can be controlled, ooooh
I am schitzophrenic
You see I get paranoid when I see people around and right wing governments want us locked up
It mighty hard to have this illness and I cab say this
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
Do it once and you get all hooked and after that you feel like a geek, cause your a schitzophrenic, and also with medication it can be controlled
Oooooh I'm a schitzophrenic
Yes, that's true

and when i finished that song was finished i went to the bar to drink 45 gallons of methane to hopefully make me walk a

a bit better as opposed to looking like an old man on his last legs, i know when my legs give way

and that is when my brain stops, surely i might have my legs amputated, but if i ask athena

to give the right dose of methane and if i rest my leg when i awake, but i must walk occasionally to

make sure it gets better and i say if you have sore feet, roll your feet over a tennis ball to make

athena’s magic will work, you see the god of thunder will get the methane and roll on you

just like thunder does

australians all, let us rejoice

for this anthem is so ******

it has sentences that don’t make sense

like, our home is gurt by sea

what the flaming heck is a gurt my dear

i have no idea

australians probably put it there just to create a laugh

a hurt sounds like a terrible person like wayne and bruce or garth

in natural facts i say all this cause it makes no sense to me

like malcoml turnbull or just simply me

i will never stand up voluntary to

advance australia fair

i prefer to just sit and drink

but i hope i haven’t offended the australians honour

of enjoying this great anthem

i say it’s not great but that is just me

come on and party

enjoy yourself at party time

advance australia fair

i can’t help it i i don’t look like a patriot

we could choose another song

like down under or we are australian

anything but advance ausatralia fait, dudes, let’s party hard

to end advance australia fair as our anthem oh yeseree

hi dudes and dudettes

i am just here to say that in the 70s a big thing

happened in the cosmos, you see bobby darin died

in 1973 and from that moment he performed music on the moon

like if yo see a gentlemen bee around a little bee buzzing

and do a dear a female deer ra a tropical golden sun

me a name i call myself and far a long long way to run

and every time i looked up at the moon i saw bobby darin performing up there

and he played you must have been a beautiful baby

and many more of his songs he wrote back in the early days

and bobby told buddha he wasn’t ready to stage an  earth body

because when he died it was 4 years after neil armstrongs moon landing

and bobby darin wanted to control the moon by entertaining the undead

you see in the cosmos bobby played baseball and the moon was champions

in 1978 and 1979 and it was then when he entered the ****** of his next life’s mother

so, he could control the earth and look after future lives like from friends and future children

and when it came time to re enter the earth as shaycarl as he is known today

who is a youtube family entertainer and a farmer with a few cows and cats and dogs

bobby darin is making sure that shaycarl helps in the future of this planet

by making sure the world sees what his family is up too

and in 2010, he turned 30 and now he is turning 36

this year, and he through bobby darin his last life

is trying to make his family have a lot of fun

his youngest son jackson was my cat lucky and my old school mate scott mcdonald

and there are more former famous people in their family

you see shaycarl to me looks like he admired neil armstrong

and another thing too bobby darin is watching the shaytards on earth TV in outer space

everything that shaycarl does is made to turn more viewers to him

as i listen to multiplication, i hear the voice of shay car;

and i watch shaycarl on the shaytards and yes, bobby darin has lived on

I would be a liar
If I pretended to like
The stupid way of holding on to your money that you do
You see there are people struggling all over the world
Trying to put things right
And you sit on the Internet
Looking at the stock market all
Night
I tell you that your stocks are down
To get you off the conputer
But you want to stay there
And ***** the poor people of this land
Stuff the rich they are a lot of ***** and nobody likes them besides their mum
You see they are drinking expensive alcohol in a posh looking club while the party people's clubs are all run down
You want what they want and that sounds nice but you look in your wallet and see $1 and you say
Hey mr rich **** can I have some dough and the rich man screws up his nose and says no
And he says if you really want money mate you need to work for it like us all and then you walk away saying stuff the rich
I am struggling can't ya see
I have no money and no love
And all you care about is whether
You have rising stocks stuff you
I work harder at my window washing business than you do on your computer and nobody gives a hoot about us, no
Stuff the rich
They don't care about anything
Apart from their 5 hotels and big
Rich mansions with a big dog out the front near the gate
And if I tried to tease your dog
You will set the **** thing on me
Like the rich ******* that you Are
I run fast on my legs saying I want to get away and forever hide from this mean old dog
Stuff the rich I will be happy to
Receive $3 a person for what it's
Worth but do I get anything from you, no you just watch your stocks while we struggle
Stuff the stuff the stuff the flaming
Rich

I never understood my point of life whether I should be good or not I never understood why my voices were telling me to do awful things and I never understood why my best mate was urging me
To grab someone at the msrkets
It must be a problem oh yeah
You see it could be the alcohol
Or perhaps it could be the smokes and I don't really want to
Smoke and drink because it puts evil into my mates as I reach our
For my healing hand off the hand of Buddha and then Buddha said
He likes me better than I liked him
Which doesn't say I hate him
Oh no mate no
You see when I hear than awful voice from someone you like telling you to do something evil
When they never even did it at all
You see it was just voices going all around my brain
And it is the evil ted bunny or Daniel Peterson after the Canberra crowd
You see I get an itch urging me to never muck with them again or
To go home because I don't belong in this world
But I do belong in this world
Better than any wild hooligan
Who is trying to take my nice person away from me just because I yell at my voices
Saying leave me alone
I love this earth and I love my life
And I feel a really hard itch in my stomach saying I have got you in my healing hands yeah mate yeah I have
And I won't back down
Even if you say I don't love life
I say I won't back down in saying I do love life
You see I know what's right
We get a million lives so if you end this life you get another and another so if you want to be famous but you haven't got a hope just say you will do it in your next life

I wish I had a million dollars to share to share I would buy so many things to make everyone happy oh yeah
I will buy $200 groceries for everyone whenever needs be
I will house the homeless in a newly built house
I will buy everyone a meal rich or poor in a classy restaurant ya see
I will buy everyone a nice refreshing drink of their choice
I will give the kids enough money to fix up their bikes and hover boards etc etc
I will pay for a dentist for everyone
That is what I would do with a million dollars and a cool apartment for me dudes

Pigs are crap criao crap
Oh yeah they are crap
Pigs are crap crop crap
Oh yeah they are crap
They lock you up for a crime
You never committed
That is why pigs are crap
They tap you on the shoulder yeah and they will give you
A coke or a beer
To wet your tastebuds
Yeah that will be cool
But I still state that pigs are crap
Pigs are crap crap crap
Oh yeah dude the pigs are crap
They lock you up for play fighting yeah those pigs are cool
But overall those pigs are crap

I hear people saying to me
That I am a worthless heap of ****
And I am a waste of space
And I should **** myself to give
Myself a better life
I tell them I love my life too much
To be bothered by that
He said no way because you are a worthless heap of ****
You see they always say that
I hate life in any way
I tell them no ****** way
Because I go for walks and I do my art and yes I feel real good
He said to me why did I grab children and I said that was a long time ago
And I am reformed from all that crap of the past
I don't believe in Jesus
I think that is why my previous life was kidnapped I hate the feeling
Of people saying I hate life in anyway you see when they say I am a worthless heap of ****
I just say I love life too much
And I grab a nice cold drink to keep me cool

A man stood over a disabled man in
A super market to ask him for
A cup of coffee and the second man didn't know who he was and
Told him the ******* and the man
Said please buddy I would like to have a coffee with you and the discord man said please leave me the tuck alone and threaten to thy is his wheel chair at him
And then he said, have a coffee with me you disgruntled koonarri
And the disabled man was offended and held on to the fruit
Cupboard and leaped out and and tossed the wheel chair at the
Man and says nobody calls me a koonarri and gets away with it
And the man stood up in the wheel chair and told another customer to not be scared but the other customer wanted to
Call for shop security because this didn't look good at all
And the disabled man said ok the games up give me back my chair and the man said no, you tossed it in my direction and the disabled man said yeah because you wouldn't take no for an snswer
And the man said you drink coffee and I am willing to give you a free one and the disabled man said yeah but I don't want to have a coffee and the police came and arrested the man and gave the other man his wheel chair back and the disabled man
All this fuss over saying no to his coffee incursion
The man was cursing
But never saw the disabled man sgain

I get excited thinking about ***
Every single day
Thinking about having aex with pretty women every single day
You see I feel my ***** as it is getting itchy from thinking about aex all the time
I know a mate who thought SBS
Meant *** before soccer and
That is what he meant
He loved soccer as well as ***
And I can't help getting very excited thinking about having aex
A pretty woman and that is what I want yeah my hormones are getting excited oh yeah
They are saying aex up me
With plenty of ***
And have a *** toy from a **** woman I wanna *** them up
Every day and night
I want to be liked enough
So people can *** me up
Come on dudes I feel excited

you see tommy was going about his life

with a mental illness, he hates it so much

he buys a webster pack every fortnight

and the drugs have a side effect

but  tommy didn’t understand

he wanted to do something about it

and he did, you see he decided to chop up the medication

into little tiny pieces

and then through them in the bin

saying i will tell everyone i will take this medication

but really he won’t, and he will do this every week

chopping up medication bit by bit

little by little step by step and side by side

you see tommy liked what he was doing back before

the medication controlled, he was taking over the world

throwing burning pieces of paper outside to watch it burn

burn baby burn

he was trying to burn his hooligan

and his medication was stopping that from happening

so, tommy cut the medication into small pieces

and then he laughed saying, i am cooler than cool

so cut the medication into small pieces

and saying he is cooler than cool

tommy said no medication alive will control me

if i look weird, i will cut the medication into small pieces

to rid this terrible illness, i ain’t mental and i ain’t stupid either

but tommy was one thing, very very strong

and being strong made him cut medication out of his life

but me, i am writing this story to say, i don’t want to think this

i believe medication will heal me

partying is better than sitting at home like a parents boy





i like parries in every single way

i like kids who party despite what their parents say

you see they drink alcohol and get drunk and they are having fun

their parents are talking if they are the only ones to be young and dumb

why can’t we party, it’s fun and cool, why not

i want my own stories to tell my grandchildren rather than just telling your stories

i know you had fun, so why can’t i, i deserve the right party mood

cause all young dudes wanna party

i like partying watching the footy yeah

c’mon dudes pour some ***** on me i am cool

get into some trouble with me, but not bad trouble

make sure nobody spikes your drink, ready to party right

i like partying in every single way

with victoria bitter and carlton draught and a jim beam, how cool

so c’mon dudes pour some bourbon on me and let’s party on

i think parents are the biggest hypocrites on earth

they party really bad but they hate us doing it

i like to party, i like i like to party every single day

with a west coast cooler and a bottle of scotch with coke, how cool

i know we feel like vomiting and we sometimes feel sick

but we need to understand what goes on in the club

yeah, the good times, and there are plenty of them

who cares how bad your hangover is, think of the good times

i like partying because for a young dude it is pretty fun

there will be people who yell at you, but you should think of the people who don’t

i will take a sip out of a jug of beer and someone yells at me

but i don’t complain because i like to PARTY real hard

i remember my friend at school used fosters as his first beer

my first beer was export light, in the kiddie section of the supermarket

XXXX was my first beer i got ****** on and i enjoyed that a lot

and if your hypocritical parents force you to stop partying

say to them, get a life, we are the future of this world

i like partying every single day

i used to buy beer out of every ounce of my pay

bills were being paid, but i was to young and cool to care

but you change but there is one thing for sure

i will never stop being a party dude

i am not a hypocrit, never a hypocrite, but i am not a parent either

and i party while i say, PARTY ON DUDES, and never give in to what conservative parents think

PARTY ON, and say ROCK AND ROLL PARTIES TO THE RESCUE, dudes

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

then they go off to the pub and say wanna beer to you

i didn’t know what to say at first

these people do like me, yeah

they think i am cool very very cool

yeah they enjoy my company a lot

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

ya see the aussie thing

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

and a hamburger with the lot

ya see ya go to the footy and the first thing you hear is

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

then you go off to the city

to a nightclub, a man blows his cigarette smoke right in your face

you say what, are you doing, then

you say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you see you think your a man but you look like a hooligan

yeah, your aussie mate true blue

you look rough and ready to punch the guy next to you

and then you say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

better being a true blue

you see they look ***** and very very rude

as they say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you go to the footy and then the cricket

and then off to the pub and park illegally and you get yourself a ticket

the police have arrested you, then they let you go

and the first thing you say is

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you see there is nothing wrong with the australian way of life

as long as they just leave me to do my own thing

i would love to have a packet of crisps

but i hear this

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie the aussie the aussie thing to do, MATE

hi dudes

ya know these yobbos really make me sick

and i want to give them the kick

saying all this crap about supporting ****** women

it sounds so ****** un called for

just because they are drunk, does that give them an excuse

saying it’s not them talking it’s the *****

ya know i hate being a man because they say real men do this

why, why the **** would they think this

you see women look younger and heaps happier

and these drunk men have the right to verbally hurt them

you see these yobbos, you see these yobbos

throw them in the bin along with their drink

you see they have no right to say all this crap about women

you see these men go out saying we support ****

you see they support the dreaded hooded cape

they use to hide their own identity

so the women can’t see who they really are

i don’t support what these drunken men were chanting

they can ******* back to the pub they drank in

and keep their crap off the street

i believe in doing chants, but not like that

i believe in joking around, but not against women

i believe i believe in loving life, oh loving life

i don’t believe in saying any racial or ****** remarks

which could get people upset

hi dudes hi dudes, how are you doing

are you chanting about ****** women

i ****** hope not, i ****** well hope not

you see people said i was a larrikin as a child

but i never used racial or ****** actions against anyone

**** is bad **** is bad, shoot rapists into space

i ain’t paying them a compliment i ain’t paying them a compliment

i just hate ****, i just hate ****

anyone who supports these drunken chants, by all due respect

should be taken off to the psych ward or jail

they got the chant off the simpsons

dig me a hole dig me a hole

and put a nerd in it and put a nerd in it

please drunken louts, STOP DOING THESE ****** CHANTS

you are getting drunk and telling women they deserve being *****

i reckon you louts deserve being locked up, but please just let me say

they are people who don’t love life

the drink is their home sweet home

and singing chants about ****** women is their meat and potatoes

i think it’s total *******

i hear people saying to me that i am worthless heap of ****

and i am a waste of space and i have no duty on this earth

and they say i should **** myself to get a better life

i told them i love my life too much to be bothered by that

i am not putting up with being called a worthless heap of ****

i love life more than anyone i know

i tell them i go for walks and art and writing groups

and yes i feel good

for whatever i did in the past i am reformed

i don’t believe in jesus because i have a previous life

where i got kidnapped, i hate the feeling of people

saying i hate life, you see i am not a worthless heap of ****

i am too happy for that

i love life

i love life

i love life, too much to end my life here

i will just grab a nice cold drink to keep me cool

you call me a worthless heap of ****

i love life, i am too positive to let it bother me

i love life

i love life

i really love life too much to let you bother me

you old misery guts

i really do love life

the little pink paper clamp


you see once upon a time there was a little pink paper clip

which had three anchors on it, one of them is blue, and

2 are black.   the anchors mean it keeps the paper from blowing

away, you see it opens really widely and it keeps all of your

personal papers from blowing away, but what i am doing

is saying, what will happen in the anchors wanted to move away

from the paper clip, like if one moved, it will lose 1 third of the power

and if it lost 2 anchors, they would lose 2 third of the power.

if it lost all three of the anchors, the power of the  paperclip will

lose all it’s power and the only way to get the anchors back is

go the ship dock and take some of the anchors there, sure it

might mean the ships haven’t got anchors but this paperclip needs

it anchors because it needs the power of which it brings.

at present the little pink paperclip without the anchors is sitting

at the bottom of the stationery desk hoping that one day the anchors

will come back so he can keep paper in a folder.

this was going to be a hard job, as the people thought the anchors

were way to heavy to carry home, despite the anchors being small

on the clip, so one man went out on a boat who was doing whale watching

and when they threw out the anchor, which incidentally was blue, and he had

to stay by the anchor, so when the tour was over, he took the anchor away

and the blue one goes in the middle of the paperclip, and then he walked around the

other ships to find 2 black anchors to give the paperclip a lot of power to keep the paper

down, but there was only one black anchor on every boat, so he rang up the company

to find a black anchor to make up the 3, but he took one black anchor to bring back to

the paperclip and it got two thirds of the power, but they were having a hard time

trying to find the other black anchor, you see they found a pink anchor, the same colour as

the paperclip, and they found a pink anchor but it was far to light, they found a green anchor

but it was like green cordial, so he went out again and he got a orange anchor, but no it wasn’t the one

and he bought a purple anchor, the same colour as black, but no way, this wasn’t working, none of these

anchors fitted on the paperclip, so they looked hard and wide, hoping they will find a black anchor

you see they needed to keep the paper from blowing away from everywhere around the office, and just

as we gave up for day, we found the second black anchor and we put it on the paperclip and it worked

the paper was tightly on the folder, and that is how they gave anchor power to the paperclip, but the only

problem is, the ships will miss their anchor, so we must go out to buy some for them, and we did, and

our paperclip hooked the paper together and every boat was anchored down, and everyone is happy.

6 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 2 little babies came back

5 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 4 little babies came back

4 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 3 little babies came back

3 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 2 little babies came back

2 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

only one baby came back

one baby went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but none of her babies came back

sob sob sob sob

mother wanted to find her babies

so she went over the hills and far away

she yelled so loud come back come back

and all of her little babies came back

she counted each one to make sure they are there

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6, they are all there my friend

this is the relationship that will never end

now when the babies wanted to go out one day

mother will come too with them in a pram, oh yeah dudes

party zone with the two johnny’s


johnny brown’   hi dudes and welcome to party zone on this sad day

in the history of comedy, yeah ronnie corbett died today

and now i bring out the second johnny who is johnny kensape

who was a fab of ronnie corbett and the magpies beat the tigers

by 1 point and we have tom with his jingle about that

tom’  good old collingwood forever dude

playing footy is what we do

side by side we stick together dude

we go after the tiger with a mighty swoop

can’t you hear the crowd singing dude

singing a loud song oh yeseree

the crowd lift up their voices and cheer for

the good old collingwood

johnny matheson’  thanks tom and here is a special jingle for ronnie corbett

sorry, the two ronnies ain’t so hot

the frost report brought up my dinner

the memories i get from that great man

ummmmmmm ummmmmmm ummmmmm the great man is dead

death is an end to suffering by us, only kidding by him

you see he had a cool style of comedy

everyone liked him oh yeseree

ummmmmmmm ummmmmmmmm ummmmmm  RIP ronnie corbett

and now it’s time for the news, the sad passing of a great british comedian

ummmmmmm ronnie corbett rest in peace

johnny brown’  ok dudes, here is ron kennetth and he has a jingle about ronnie corbett

ron’    i love you i love you i love you

your a great man/comedian

you were an excellent entertainer

and told us a lot of jokes

why did ronnie cross the road

because he wanted to live a long and fruitful life

i hope you meet up with ronnie barker because the two ronnies was my favourite show

i love you i love you i love you

you said good night from me and good night from him

you dressed up as so many medieval characters and told jokes about that

i love you i love you i love you

RIP GREAT ENTERTAINER ronnie corbett

johnny matheson’   what show did ronnie corbett regret doing

none of them ‘sorry’ ‘bout that

ummmmmm you performed in a lot of great musicals

even graham norton got to speak to you in person

and i guarantee he enjoyed the experience

it was only recent too, you are a great man ronnie

and death hasn’t stopped you

you will go up to big comedy festival up in the sky

and party on till your next life mate

johnny brown’ and now here is a song by red tape about the late great ronnie corbett


red tape’  

i heard you tell some jokes dude, man you are so cool

and you played medieval characters and dressed up in funny clothes

you were in the good show sorry, and the great show now look here

you see you made us laugh and thanks to youtube you will never die

i went to the stand up comedy shows

and laughed at you like i was losing my teeth

you see it’s nearly anzac day, and you won’t be able to lay a wreath

i find you were like charlie chaplin, the 70s and 80s version anyway

you starred in cinderella back in the year 200 yeah

you did a sketch book show about the two ronnies

he had his own supper club

and mate he had a party in buckingham palace yeah mate yeah

ronnie i wish i was you, ronnie i wish good things for your next life

corbett is on the honour role ****** oath he deserves it

and we sau, no, that’s me over here saying it is sad when the great entertainer dies

ya old dog

johnny matheson’   and now time for the news

a man died yesterday, yeah a man died, it was ronnie corbett

johnny brown’  a religious freak was thrown into the lake

and when he found out that the lake was prohibited to swim in

the man said, he is a jesus freak, he should walk on water

johnny matheson’  google cardboard plastic is the world’s first 'actual reality’ headset,

this video shows how it works

what’s realer than real?  nothing, that’s why google is launching the first ever headset

johnny brown;  pimple popping videos are gross - so what it is that makes us watch them?

johnny matheson’  news flash, john f kennedy has risen from the dead

only to fall over and die again

johnny brown’  that is enough news, so it’s good night from me

johnny matheson’  and it’s good night from him

the two johnny’s together’  and goodbye RIP to our great pal ronnie corbett

i hope you reunite with ronnie barker

good bye from party zone catch ya later dudes

florence white or better known as mumma rose gets captured in ron’s psych ward



after losing her mate harold stone  in 2011, florence ‘mumma rose’ white started

to show the screws that she is a changed woman but she can’t resist, escaping from the secure

psychiatric unit and then started to search the web to find tasha andrews, so she can have

ella white, who is the chosen one, but this time mumma rose was determined to win, and

mumma rose decided to bring her commune to the web and she would trick everyone who

looks like they can help her into joining the computer generation, which was the name of her

new commune, and florence wanted to find tasha and ells, and she would do anything to get

help to find them.

ron was searching the web and wrote on google after having problems with the web and

‘what is wrong with the computer generation, and surprise surprise, he came across mumma rose’s

website, but it was secure, because florence didn’t want no irene roberts to stop her plan, but

ron was unsure about whether this was a lead, so he searched for any way of finding a date of when

this website was found, but he couldn’t find it, but ron forwarded the websie over to the police and

then ron was called in, with the police saying, where did you find this site and ron said, i was searching

for something i like and i then accidentally googled what is wrong with the computer generation and

this was on the top, and the police said, yeah well, this site was built in 2012 in the hope of capturing

tasha and ella once more, and it looks like she is off her medication as well.


ron left the police station and went to his usual place and there was one of mumma rose’s computer generation

buddy’s having a cup of coffee and a cake, and he said, my friend mumma rose wants me to bring ella white home to her

after that evil tasha andrews and irene roberts took her away from her, and ron said, listen, do you know where she lives

and mumma rose’s buddy said nothing, not even his name because he can’t see the evil in mumma rose but ron wanted

to trial a new medication on her because the one she was on wasn’t working and the man said, why the **** are you doctors

trying to shove good people on drugs, and she is a good person, you know who the real villain is.    it is that evil irene roberts and

tasha andrews, or she wants is to have her baby brought back to her.

ron said, she has manipulated so many people, and she is dangerous and the man said, ‘dangerous’  a wild dog can be dangerous

a tiger can be dangerous.  better still a knife reeling bandit is dangerous, but mumma rose is ever so gentle, and the computer generation

are protecting her from you quacks and cops.

ron sat there and took a photo of the guy with his phone and sent it to the police and then went to his HDU and the inmates were getting restless

and charlie chaplin said did you hear the news, they caught mumma rose, and she should be back in her psych ward soon and ron

said, when did this happen and before he can say anything else, mumma rose was walking into his HDU, and florence said, hi, my name is

florence white, and i was arrested for having a website, just imagination in this day and age, getting arrested for having a website.

ron asked mumma rose, you were a NSW lady, what brings you here, and mumma rose said, i had a sure plan to get my daughter back

from those evil so called family people irene roberts and tasha andrews, i was ready to pounce till i got a visit from the police, and ron asked her

did you have a lead, and mumma rose said yeah, there was this little 9 year old girl really got hooked on this website and i thought, ella, this is ella

i know it, she is my daughter who has been taken away by irene and tasha and i am ever so determined to reach out, and when the police came

i lost all hope of ever seeing her again, so are you happy mr ron cooper, and mumma rose added i am not taking any medication, because there is

nothing wrong with me, give tasha and irene medication and send them in here, and let me go, i have my new found friends to look after

and ron said, ‘NO’, you are staying here and while you have still got thoughts in harming that child, you will stay here as i prescribe largactil to you

with a dash of serenace and mumma rose walked away saying, i am not participating in any childish games until i get out of here, i will take your

wonder drug, to get me better so i can be with my daughter again and ron bought out the lunches and mumma rose had nothing and charlie said

eat this, it’s great and mumma rose said, if i wasn’t missing my daughter, i would punch you and patty roe went up to florence and said i am

george washington and florence said ‘SHUT UP’, and went over to the television yelling at every word said on the television, and that meant a

lot of yelling and ron tried to settle her down and brought her medication to her, and mumma rose said, my daughter is out there with evil

and ron bought out the sandwiches as well as the rest of the medications and mumma rose went up to charlie chaplin and grabbed him

and said to ron, i will **** him if you go home now, ron said, no you haven’t got any weapons so ron went home, but when ron went home,

mumma rose continued with her threat to **** someone and she killed george washington, saying go back to the USA in a coffin and the nursing

staff rang ron up and ron came straight away and went into mumma rose’s room and said, you ain’t going to see your daughter if you **** everyone

in here, ok and after yelling at florence ron went to his office and put a do not disturb sign on his door while mumma rose was pumped full of drugs/

i hate these people on youtube

picking parts of my good writing

and using it against me

yeah i have made mistakes

and yeah i have problems

but i don’t care, boy don’t i care

you see i don’t remember swearing at 11 year old girls

i wish people would understand i am being cool

no, i support women’s rights

and probably people are living in the past

you see the computer is living in the past

why are people living in the past with me

i am the coolest dude in canberra

i hate donald trump because he is an idiot

who is always putting someone down

i hate tony abbott because he talks so much crap

and i liked julia gillard but it was a revolving door

and yes, i said revolving door, it doesn’t mean i vote liberal

i am an ALP voter, always will

i hate geeks who just get on the computer just once and say i hate loving life

i drink orange juice and i am no longer a coke drinker

i am still a youtube ****** but these past living geeks think they are big tough robots

but yeah they are tough, and i don’t want to fight anyone

i am not gay, even if i may have targeted boys, i was a ******

but now i am battling those voices but i was a bad person

but that doesn’t mean i am still a bad person

no i am a nice person, who really loves life

i see men smiling as if i hate life, they are wrong

you see, i wish buddha would allow me to get out of my past

i don’t want to dwell in the past, but, dudes, i think these people don’t have many friends

so they are trying to express themselves on the internet

they might be poor, they might be rich, but they pick a comment and say

you are not a nice person, and i say, i am nicer than them

you see the other day i looked like my friend, hearing his voice saying goodbye

maybe he was teasing me about everything he said

but i liked him, because he was nice to me

it seems ever since my awful day in 1990

i have been treated like someone i hate, but i am too cool to **** myself

despite hearing voices of me not being welcome on the earth

but that is just a load of complete crap because i belong on this earth just like them voices in my head

i like canberra, because i know how to get home safely

dude, i like tim min chin, i know he sings about very delicate issues

but he knows that and he just let’s it out

you see, i remember not knowing about the names young dudes call their victims

and sometimes their victims can’t cope and they **** themselves

and i know they go to another life but still, these bullies don’t understand

i love life, because i say what i want and if you really having problems

just listen to me past livers, if you have something to complain about

get off the computer and get back to the table, because you are obviously spending too much time on the computer anyway

i am a red red robin who said, live life to the full

i might not be a good fighter but i don’t try to fight,

i am showing you my unique style of poetry sort of like tim min chin

i hated being treated like the worlds little teasie

but overall i am cool, it’s the past living computer geeks that has the problem, mate

my dream house



you see my dream house is just by lake burley griffin

and as you walk in there is a coke machine at the top of

a big escalator, and at the bottom of that escalator there

are two doors, 1 door is the offices where people work and

on the other side there is my front door and i know it sounds like every

young persons fantasy, but as you enter, it was like, well the first thing you

see is the hat rack in front of the first door to the gymnasium which had a treadmill and a rower and a bike

and as  you walk further you enter the lounge room where there is

a nice comfy corner lounge and a LED TV and a big stereo where you can

listen to your favourite music and as you walk further, there is an internet station

where the computer is an apple with iPads and iPhones  and the internet server was

iinet wireless broadband, and as you walk further on, you see the kitchen where they had a built in

dishwasher and stove and fridge, and it had all the latest kitchen gadgets that money can buy, yeah

that sounds so cool and it has built in hot and cold water jets as well as normal tap water, and as you

walk further you see the bathroom with a shower sink and toilet with a clean air contraption, to get rid of

oopsy smells, and the bedroom was right near the other side window looking over the wonderful startrack oval

but i can’t see in because of the grandstands around it, and there was a walk in wardrobe which rarely got

messy, and i had round the clock help with cleaning and cooking, yeah this is absolute paradise, but it will

always remain just a dream house

the 2 little easter bunnies



the 2 little easter bunnies

sitting on the table

one in a red suit and 1 in a green suit

both with a blue and white collar

they are happy as they bring

easter joy to boys and girls oh yeah

you see the yellow ears

showing they love gold

and they shine it oh, so bold

you see you don’t see it yet

but these bunnies can do a little dance for you

1and a 2 and a 3 till a 32

you see they travel throughout the world

partying singing their songs

the easter parade is coming

watching the bunnies and the chickens dance

the easter parade is coming

these 2 bunnies are heavily into romance

i want candy, what about the dentist bills

i want candy the doctor said candy can ****

but who cares, these 2 chocolate bunnies

say to one another, eat me now, dudes

the easter bunny is coming around hooray hooray

coming to every house in town hooray hooray

you see the easter bunny is coming round

to give the kids chocolate oh yeah

yeah mate yeah the easter bunny is here again

you see the easter bunny starts in new zealand hooray hooray

then goes to australia hooray hooray

then he passes every country dropping

chocolate in their houses yeah mate yeah

the easter bunny is so cool

he crosses over england and france hooray hooray

then he goes from the carribean coast to the mighty USA hooray hooray

overall he delivers 300 million easter eggs

there could be more but who gives a heck

then the easter bunny can enjoy his chocolate milkshake

and an easter egg, saying overall he did a very good job

you see i am a famous bunny who loves to fly

around the sky, you see at the end of easter, the easter bunny

takes a well earned break

and now he can relax now everyone is eating chocolate

one day there was this beer drinking *****, who loved to

get drunk and be silly, you see he got his drinking vision

from his father whe drank all the time, the *****’s name is Peter

and his last name is Jorklet, and he loved to imagine life drinking

while sitting on a wing of a parrot.

You see he will sing drinking songs like 100,000 bottles of beer

on the wall and 2 fat gentlemen met in a lane, and he really loved to sing

roll out the barrel and when he sang let’s have a barrel of fun, it was really loud

so loud that his voice was heard in every pub in town, and when the barman said

let’s stop this man, he is too loud, all hell broke loose,the barman decided to go out

and make a complaint about his loud voice, when he found peter, he said, peter, your loud singing voice is electric and

ringing in my ear, and peter said *******, cause peter thought he has every right to sing, for it’s a free country

the sun is shining and the birds are singing, so why can’t i sing, then the bar manager said, yeah but, we can’t

hear all that because your voice is so loud, and then peter said to the barman

how about you give me a nice cold brown lager and the barman said, sorry, but i think you’ve had enough

because you could get aggressive if i let you have a beer now. peter said, why the hell not!

i am not drunk, it’s in my character to be this way, and you need to understand if i don’t have that beer, it will turn out worst than

if i had a beer.  but the manager said, i’m sorry, but if i let you have that beer, i will be going against everything i believe

in and peter said *******, and left the bar and was walking on the path singing

100,000 bottles of beer on the wall but his drunken mind was muddled and despite him keeping on fighting himself to remember the next number

and then he said blow it and walked the rest of the way saying nothing and finally he got home  and vomited in the toilet and then went to bed and slept for 10 hours.

when he got up he had an enormous hangover and mixed egg and whatever else  he needs to fix up a cure

.  after that he went to the school oval and whilst he was playing he saw a parrot trying to fly

with his wing and that made him think, ya know, next week i might do it again, , it’ll be fun it’ll be hard if it is like this time

but i can do it, so he took the parrot by the wing saying i will do it again that will be nice.

party zone with johnny brown



johnny’ hi dudes and welcome to another party zone

and we did well last week for our celebration to jon english

and tonight we are just being normal and here is olly with his

haiku poems

olly’  we are partying

in and out of cool nite clubs

drink heaps of bourbon



i really like beer

it gets me drunk all the time

i am really blind



johnny’  thanks olly for those poems and now here is robert with his jingle


let’s party right till the end

driving the oldies round the bend

making them really sick of us

you should take them for a ride on the moonlight bus

we sing rock and roll music

if you wanna party like you want to use it

swing your hips babe right to the end, dudes

partying is so much fun

except if your at your parents house

as they play taxi driver because they are drunk

ahhhhhh!  i want to party at every party event

whether it’s out on the lake or beach

to friday night in this classy club

johnny’  thanks robert and i want to party to,,how about tomorrow night at sky fire

robert’  i will be there with my picnic lunch, dude

johnny’   ok here here is fred with haiku about sky fire



sitting in the park

waiting for the fireworks

loud and wonderful


johnny’   thanks fred that was a great haiku poem and now here is roslyn with her jingle


roslyn’   hey, oh hey baby ooh aah ooh aah i want to party with you here every night

you see on my way to this niteclub yeah

i see a lot of people say

hey you cutie, you look so fine

my friends didn’t show up for dinner  and said do you wanna dine

i want to tickle yo baby team oh yeah dude

come on people the nite club is over there and there is no line

he said he wasn’t into clubbing and i called him a yuppee

and then i head straight to the club and i heard this voice

and it was coming from the fire man

i yelled out how much fire can you put in your mouth

he said 15, oops where is my manners, my name is ralph

i said my name was roslyn and then said come to this niteclub

after you finish

he said i won’t finish till 5 in the morning

i said what a shame and went into the nite club to dance pretty wild dance moves

and i feel cool man, cool you

roslyn’  before i go, i have a haiku

johnny’  ok tell us


roslyn’  


walking through civic

people partying in there

get down get down bop


johnny’  ok thanks roslyn and now here harry with his jingle


harry’   once a jolly party dude was going to the club yeah

buying beer and heaps of spirits

then he will show his moves on the dance floor

the foxtrot and disco and rock and roll

mrs fran belle said i love you to bits

i think you are the sexiest man

i said yeah i am fran and would you like to take me by the ****** hand

partying in civic partying in civic

getting heaps of alcohol down ya dude

partying in civic in the nite club

after having a slap up meal

in came the bouncer to see if we are behaving

one person isn’t and out he goes

he said, i didn’t mean it, please let me stay

the bouncer said no and threw him out

as we go

partying in civic partying in civic

getting heaps of alcohol down ya dude

partying in civic with the chicks yeah

every song is played with a good sound

it’s 4 am and last drinks were called

and you have collapsed near the dance floor

the girls say, just one thing to me that really makes sense

and that was come over to our house and sleep it off

as we go

partying in civic partying in civic

just from 11 to 4 am

partying in civic after drinking endless alcohol

now off to your mates house to sleep it off

johnny’ thank you harry that was a great party song, and i hope the copyrighters

don’t zoo you

harry’  they won’t, i hope

johnny’  ok that is it from party zone we will see you here next friday night

but i am going to sky fire tomorrow night, where we can have a lot of fun

CATCH YA LATER DUDES

you see when i go out to the garden

i feel like just looking up

and daydreaming as i held the hose

and as i mow the grass

i look up to the sky and say

give me power, give me power

and i do the front lawn and the back lawn

and i am ever so lazy

and i want to have a drink

after i finish, i look forward to that

but my brain is pushing me into a faze

where i look up and around

mostly because i get very bored

but i really want to daydream

i can’t control it

but i want to just be lazy

as i mow and do gardening

i can never do commercial gardening

cause i am too **** slow

the boss would yell at me

saying c’mon brian hurry up hurry up

but i just want to look lazy

i don’t care how slow i am

my eyes will look up into the cosmos

and i can’t control it, oh i can’t control it

i like being a lazy gardener

cause mate that is how i like it

2 naughty teenagers captured in the psych ward


all people who do crimes are mental, at least that is what ron thought as

he watched the news and saw 2 teenagers push a train seat onto the traffic

under the bridge and ron thought that he would like to place them on medication

so they can be punished for what they did, so when ron woke up, ron went to the

cafe to say his piece about the teenagers who pushed the seat out the window,

and after he left, he felt better but it soon went away as he arrived at the HDU and

the group of teenagers were on their way to his HDU, and ron said, yeah they need

medication but they will be a hard case, because they probably believe what they were doing

was the right thing to do, but the nurses said, no they are on their way here and we are going

to give them all the help they need and ron said, we will try to give those trouble makers the

help they need, because the medication won’t work if they don’t want it, and believe me it needs

to work, they must learn what they did was wrong.   ron went out to give the morning medications

and the teenagers entered the HDU as ron was finished and ron said i am going to talk with these yahoos

so can you bring this back, and when ron approached them he said, ok, you guys think you did the right thing

by pushing that seat outside the train door onto incoming traffic, and john who was the ring leader said yeah

it was what this city needs, and then ken who videoed it said, that was the most fun he ever had and ron said

well, if that was the most fun you had, you area very sick individual and we need to have a chat on why you

think that it is cool to do that, john said, my dad doesn’t care for me and he loves the railways, perhaps he loves

the railways more than me, so i wanted to spoil his precious railways and ron said, i am sure your father loves you

but it’s hard to love you when you do a stupid thing like this, you could’ve caused an accident and killed many people

and john said, who cares, and ron said, yeah you are sick if you think taking out your aggressions on those poor drivers

and ken said, you haven’t met his father, all he cares about is his trips on the railways than him, he once yelled at john

for accidentally spilling the milk and i was there to see it, but ron said but is what you did hurting your father, well maybe but

you could’ve killed many people who were driving and john said ******* fucken ****, you are supposed to make me better

but instead you point out that i was in the wrong, and then john said, you know nothing about us, we are not mental, we are real

men dealing with stupid parents and ron said, ok i can’t keep you on the medication but while yopu guys are here you are taking

medication and ken said, cool, we are finally taking drugs, and then ken said how about you guys give me ****** or mariguana, that

will make us good little angels and ron said nice try, i will place you on seroquel, which really will open your brain and make me understand

why you kids would do such a horrible crime, and then ron asked john, have you seen the macauley culkin flick, the good son, well you

yahoos are just like him, maybe worst because it’s the real world and john said, are we just, well just for that we won’t take your ******

medication, and we will make it harder for you are your nurses as well as any other patient who gets in our way and we will tip the water over you

when you bring out our medications, because what we did was fun, and we ain’t mental, there is nothing wrong with us and ron said, well guys, if

you don’t take the medication, you won’t get better and be released from here, and ken said, we will escape from here, you see we will grab the

keys from a nurse or yourself, and then pick up a sharp object, and you screws will never see us cool dudes again, and ron said, do you guys really

think this was cool, you could’ve killed somebody and ron went away and told the nurses, to have a security guard with them when you go into the HDU

and keep no sharp objects in their way because these yahoos need to understand what they did.     john and ken went to watch TV  and charlie chaplin was

watching cheers and ken said i want to watch ben 10 and charlie said, no, cheers is better and ken said, listen you fucken ******, get out of here so we can watch

ben 10 and charlie said ******* you fucken yahoos, i was here first and john walked over to him and picked him up and said, hey ******, are you going to move

or are we going to kick you out you old fogie life loving ****** and ron came out with a security guard saying, you guys aren’t the boss here and ron brought

ken and john to their rooms and locked them in saying, you don’t get to watch your show boo hoo and john and ken yelled out help help kidnap kidnap

help help kidnap kidnap but ron took no notice of them and went back to get the medications, for everyone even for john and ken despite them not wanting it

but both john and ken took the medication but declared they ain’t mental but they want to be free, and once we get free, we will stop taking the medication

because they ain’t crazy, they just wanted to get out of the ***** loving HDU and ken said to ron, don’t ever talk to us ok, we ain’t talking to no screws, you might

be helping the other patients but you can’t help us, so we will make you happy to take your happy drug, and be goodie two shoe so we can be free and ron

gave them the medication and went to his office and clocked off and bought pizza and retired to the couch while john and ken practiced being good despite wanting

to call charlie chaplin and patty roe retards but they bit their tongue, john and ken aren’t unhappy for what they did, they still thought it was cool but to be free to

do it again was what they were thinking of and that was what ron was worried about and that messed with ron’s brain making him say i am here to help but john and ken

were just bad people and can’t be cured, ron thought maybe jail might be better for them, oh well we have to give them a chance, they are only young

party zone with johnny brown, tribute to jon engish


johnny’  how are you going dudes and welcome to this very special tribute

to one of our most popular entertainers, jon english and our first jingler is pam

pam’  i am wandering through the hall of fame and i see so many things

but nothing was better than when i met jon english

he had songs like hollywood 7 and six ribbons, how ace

and jesus christ superstar and the great performance hairsprsy

you see, jon, your the greatest man that i have ever met

and mate heaven is a waiting you to fly up on your jet

jon english, mate, is a great man

singer and actor of stage and screen

i was not born for against the wind, yo

but jon english is all together now with all his great stuff

johnny’  ok thank you pam and now here is peter with his great jingle

peter’  you see he was travelling for miles miles

everyone thought he was cool

you see all the strangers and his close friends said jon your rad

you see i wonder if jon english ever went to hollywood 7

or is it just a song to sing about forever

and is jon english a great actor or what

i remember watchig all together man, that was funny oh yeah

and against the wind was one of his most serious roles

ya see jon english is our man and his name in heaven goes up in lights

everyone is invited to his opening shows up there, pretty cool aha

he will play a 3 hour concert on first night and 1 hour in the second

jon english will charge for the concerts about 7 bucks a night

which makes it 14

johnny’  thank you peter and now here is john with his jingle

john’  if i *** a singer like jon english is

i will sing the songs that made him famous

you see i will sing six ribbons with so much class

and hollywood 7 will show so much class

i will start by singing yesterday was a memory

it might have been when rock and roll never forgets

forgives and regrets making it all together now

and if i had made it to the number 1

i will buy a jon english album to learn about the many songs he sang

johnny’  thanks john and now here is red tape to sing hollywood 7

red tape’
She came in one night from Omaha, worn out
'Cause she never could sleep on trains
She took the bus to Hollywood
Lookin' for a room in the pourin' rain
With her hair so blonde and her eyes so brown
She thought she'd take this town and turn it upside down

Well I was livin' in a hotel just off Sunset
She moved in across the hall
And she said she'd be a movie star
And waited every mornin' for the ca-all
So I asked her in to share a drink
But she hardly had the ti-ime
A call might come tomorrow
She had to learn her li-ines

On Hollywood Seven
Rooms to rent till your name goes up in lights
Oh-oh Hollywood Seven
You can dream your dreams for seven bucks a night

Well, the months went by without a job
The money that she saved was nearly spent
So she started bringin' strangers home
Tryin' to find a way to pay the rent
Well she'd sit down and drink my coffee
With nothin' much to say-ay
Just busy rehearsin' in her mind
The scenes she'd never play-ay

On Hollywood Seven, rooms to rent
Till your name goes up in lights
Oh-oh, Hollywood Seven
You can dream your dreams for seven bucks a night

Well I found her there one mornin'
When she didn't come for coffee when I ca-alled
She'd gone and brought the wrong one home this time
There were crazy lipstick marks up on the wa-all
Now she's goin' back to Omaha but not the way she'd pla-anned
There'll be no crowd to cheer her on, no welcome home, no ba-and

On Hollywood Seven, rooms to rent, till your name goes up in lights
Oh Hollywood Seven, you can dream your dreams for seven bucks a night
On Hollywood Seven, dreams to rent, till your name goes up in lights
Oh-oh Hollywood Seven, you can pay your dues for seven bucks a night

johnny’  and now dudes let’s sing jesus christ superstar


everyone who performed’ jesus christ superstar

your mate jon english is coming up to join ya

jesus christ superstar

and when he arrives there will be a big a party like you have never seen

you see i miss you jon, you are too good to die

but up there in eternity there is no flies

and the music is hot and you are great

up in eternity you feel like you made sacrifice

jesus christ superstar

your mate jon english is coming up to join ya

jesus christ superstar

and when he arrives there will be a pig party like you never seen

and now as we move up to the top of the world

you are planning to sing hollywood 7 oh yeah

why would a room be 7 bucks a night jon english

only you will know

jesus christ wuperstar

your mate jon english is coming up to ya

jesus christ superstar

and when he arrives there will be the biggest party like you never seen

joihnny’  thanks dudes and now here is seven year old katie whyslat singing six ribbons

katie’    


if i were a minstrel, i’d sing you six love songs

to tell the whole world of the love that we share

if i were a merchant i’d bring you six diamonds

with six blood red roses for my love to wear

but jon english was a simple man a great entertainer

so i will take those six ribbons to tie back my hair

if jon english didn’t die, it will not be as sad

he will still be singing great songs oh yeah

but the bad news he did die, the great entertainer

so take me six ribbons for eternity to share

johnny’   thank you everyone for putting on a great show

and thanks for wearing jon english wigs and  now let’s lift up our voices

and sing

for jon english was a very good person

for jon english was a very good person

for jon english was a very good person

and so say all of us

and so say all of us

and so say all of us

for jon english was a vert good person

and so say all of us

johnny’  whether it’s the hollywood 7 or jesus christ superstar

or against the wind or even all together now

jon english was a very good fellow

and he made each party great

johnny’   catch ya later dudes

oranges and lemons the bells of st clements

and it makes you feel so divine with a nice glass of wine

you see we are all together now

i watched it twice ****** kapow

you see buddha helps us

onto the suburban bus

taking you all around the suburbs

of this small city

you see i don’t believe in god

but i am no atheist oh no

death is more uplifting seeing we all do it

yo beautiful people goes the great wayne from the 80s

you see i think jon english will be sadly missed

and i perform my music with the great man himself

yesterday was a memory it might have been

when rock and roll ever forgets, forgives and regrets

and the parties of the 70s were the greatest i have ever seen

except for the parties that everyone was driven home

no, i hate them, because nobody enjoys themselves

jesus said something wonderful jesus said something true

it’s the truth that jesus never came

jesus’s light is more powerful than you

help me if you can i am feeling down

help me get my feet back on the ground

i know george martin didn’t sing with us

but he was the best **** manager in this ******* land

and then i sang the song

daisy daisy give me your answer too

i am half crazy over the love of you

it won’t be a stylish marriage

i can’t afford a carriage

but you’ll look sweet upon the seat

of a bicycle built for tea

oh batts batts bat your kids are fat

what are ya going to do with that

if you feed donuts to your obese children

they will regret them when your in your teens

mahna mana do do do do do

let’s party on and listen to tim minchin

let’s party to the sound of

don’t stop me now, cause i am having a good time

i am having a great ball

hey kids if you are one of these loners on the gates of oblivion

hitch a ride with brian allan, the coolest young dude of the 90s

this is a disco hit, and we write so many songs waiting for neighbours to begin

and look at amy robinson, yeah she is so nice

you got myself a crying talking sleeping walking living doll

take look how it feels it’s real

i will party with these young dudes cause their cool

oh yeah bow bow, c’mon let’s party