I would sing the song money money money to

people who have none to make a point

that the rich man’s world is different to the poor man’s world

and how some rich people don’t give a toss about

what poor people go through

it’s sad how you ask a rich man to drop a $2 coin

in the poor man’s bucket and they just say NO

simply because they don’t care or the y don’’t like that certain poor person

and whether that poor person coughs in their face of a show of affection saying’

please help me, and basically all the rich man wants to sing money money money

to drive the poor man to drink all the tax payers money and the poor man’s world

could turn out to be the rich man’s world cause money seems to likes the rich more

than poor, money seems to hate people who wants to budge on it

what is money really about anyway

why does the rich earn more money than the average Joe

nobody will ever know

the chocolate fertilised egg


it is getting close to easter and my friend was wanting to have a baby

right in time, for the big holiday, so i went to the ***** bank and asked them

if i could make a fertilised egg to put in my friends ****** to create life, and it just

so happens that my friend loves chocolate and she wanted her baby to love it too,

so every time the baby kicked, she would eat a block of chocolate, but she had no idea

of why she did that, it just seemed to make her happy i guess,  but it forced the baby

to kick and kick and kick, and when i leaned over to hear the sound of the baby kicking

she would yell out, HEY, LOVE, GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE, SO IT CAN MAKE MY FUCKEN EGGS

AND CREATE A LIFE WORTH LOVING.  and i gave her a chocolate, and i started thinking

fancy a baby loving chocolate and i hope he or she is born at easter, it could make a superb

birthday present, yeah a chocolate bunny or an egg with smarties in the middle, and this will

be the the right time to fertilise the egg with a nice dose of chocolate, where every easter we will

have many parties to celebrate this wonderful easter.

hi dudes



today i am suffering from a pain in my ankle, i have no idea

how it cam about but it’s there, i go to bed and ask athena

to spray methane over it, and she does, and i feel great

i don’t know how it started but when i was doing the barbecue

last saturday, it suddenly started to ache, mind you i was feeling

a minor ache a few days before, i couldn’t stand up, mind you

i was trying to stand, but i just had to sit down, it made me feel like

such a bludger, but every night i am going to ask athena to spray methane on it

and i will drink orange soda, you see there is a poem my mother read to me

called acka backer soda ******* acka backer boo acka backer soda *******

i love you, and i imagined the babies eyes lighting up, i foot is getting better

but it still feels a bit sore, but i still sleep well as athena is working on the

pouring of the methane on it, i got my new glasses yesterday and i look a bit like elvis costello

but hopefully my foot will get better with all the methane i am getting poured on it

you see athena isn’t perfect, you must be able to remain low stressed, and nobody

is perfect or nobody is a robot and can’t fix up as quick as a fiddle stick, but mind you

people try and not be sick, just because i have a sore fought it doesn’t mean i am negative

i watch shows where people on life insurance with their poxley smiles to say when

they die everything is going to come up roses but my leg is still hurting a bit, and athena

is the best worker for me because she is cheap, but that doesn’t mean she ain’t true

the great gas methane can work wonders for your feet,i am trying to do my tapestry

and my foot is finding it hard to be a table on top of my leg.

you see i remember my mum and late father said my poems weren’t family friendly enough for

the internet, but when i went to outer space i saw athena and then sang a few songs at neptune

the first song was do the shitzophrenic
You see I am sitting at the mall
I am having dillusions of people teasing me, and I wish this will all stop, oh please, just leave me the f..k alone
And then I hear voices that aren't really being said o hear Jon killed my best friend named Fred, the thing is I have no best friend, oh year
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
From the first diagnosis till the day you reach 45, you see if i take medication it can be controlled yeah oh yeah
I am schitzophrenic
Then I went to see my psychiatrist and he told me, to try and get a life, I told him I was blackbeard and John F Kennedy, he just threw a smart *** comment my way, I thought that comment was rude and ******, yes it is hard to be liked when you do
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
Yes it's easy to do, just let me hang out
You see with my medication it can be controlled, ooooh
I am schitzophrenic
You see I get paranoid when I see people around and right wing governments want us locked up
It mighty hard to have this illness and I cab say this
1 2 3 4 do the schitzophrenic
Do it once and you get all hooked and after that you feel like a geek, cause your a schitzophrenic, and also with medication it can be controlled
Oooooh I'm a schitzophrenic
Yes, that's true

and when i finished that song was finished i went to the bar to drink 45 gallons of methane to hopefully make me walk a

a bit better as opposed to looking like an old man on his last legs, i know when my legs give way

and that is when my brain stops, surely i might have my legs amputated, but if i ask athena

to give the right dose of methane and if i rest my leg when i awake, but i must walk occasionally to

make sure it gets better and i say if you have sore feet, roll your feet over a tennis ball to make

athena’s magic will work, you see the god of thunder will get the methane and roll on you

just like thunder does

australians all, let us rejoice

for this anthem is so ******

it has sentences that don’t make sense

like, our home is gurt by sea

what the flaming heck is a gurt my dear

i have no idea

australians probably put it there just to create a laugh

a hurt sounds like a terrible person like wayne and bruce or garth

in natural facts i say all this cause it makes no sense to me

like malcoml turnbull or just simply me

i will never stand up voluntary to

advance australia fair

i prefer to just sit and drink

but i hope i haven’t offended the australians honour

of enjoying this great anthem

i say it’s not great but that is just me

come on and party

enjoy yourself at party time

advance australia fair

i can’t help it i i don’t look like a patriot

we could choose another song

like down under or we are australian

anything but advance ausatralia fait, dudes, let’s party hard

to end advance australia fair as our anthem oh yeseree

hi dudes and dudettes

i am just here to say that in the 70s a big thing

happened in the cosmos, you see bobby darin died

in 1973 and from that moment he performed music on the moon

like if yo see a gentlemen bee around a little bee buzzing

and do a dear a female deer ra a tropical golden sun

me a name i call myself and far a long long way to run

and every time i looked up at the moon i saw bobby darin performing up there

and he played you must have been a beautiful baby

and many more of his songs he wrote back in the early days

and bobby told buddha he wasn’t ready to stage an  earth body

because when he died it was 4 years after neil armstrongs moon landing

and bobby darin wanted to control the moon by entertaining the undead

you see in the cosmos bobby played baseball and the moon was champions

in 1978 and 1979 and it was then when he entered the ****** of his next life’s mother

so, he could control the earth and look after future lives like from friends and future children

and when it came time to re enter the earth as shaycarl as he is known today

who is a youtube family entertainer and a farmer with a few cows and cats and dogs

bobby darin is making sure that shaycarl helps in the future of this planet

by making sure the world sees what his family is up too

and in 2010, he turned 30 and now he is turning 36

this year, and he through bobby darin his last life

is trying to make his family have a lot of fun

his youngest son jackson was my cat lucky and my old school mate scott mcdonald

and there are more former famous people in their family

you see shaycarl to me looks like he admired neil armstrong

and another thing too bobby darin is watching the shaytards on earth TV in outer space

everything that shaycarl does is made to turn more viewers to him

as i listen to multiplication, i hear the voice of shay car;

and i watch shaycarl on the shaytards and yes, bobby darin has lived on

I would be a liar
If I pretended to like
The stupid way of holding on to your money that you do
You see there are people struggling all over the world
Trying to put things right
And you sit on the Internet
Looking at the stock market all
Night
I tell you that your stocks are down
To get you off the conputer
But you want to stay there
And ***** the poor people of this land
Stuff the rich they are a lot of ***** and nobody likes them besides their mum
You see they are drinking expensive alcohol in a posh looking club while the party people's clubs are all run down
You want what they want and that sounds nice but you look in your wallet and see $1 and you say
Hey mr rich **** can I have some dough and the rich man screws up his nose and says no
And he says if you really want money mate you need to work for it like us all and then you walk away saying stuff the rich
I am struggling can't ya see
I have no money and no love
And all you care about is whether
You have rising stocks stuff you
I work harder at my window washing business than you do on your computer and nobody gives a hoot about us, no
Stuff the rich
They don't care about anything
Apart from their 5 hotels and big
Rich mansions with a big dog out the front near the gate
And if I tried to tease your dog
You will set the **** thing on me
Like the rich ******* that you Are
I run fast on my legs saying I want to get away and forever hide from this mean old dog
Stuff the rich I will be happy to
Receive $3 a person for what it's
Worth but do I get anything from you, no you just watch your stocks while we struggle
Stuff the stuff the stuff the flaming
Rich

I never understood my point of life whether I should be good or not I never understood why my voices were telling me to do awful things and I never understood why my best mate was urging me
To grab someone at the msrkets
It must be a problem oh yeah
You see it could be the alcohol
Or perhaps it could be the smokes and I don't really want to
Smoke and drink because it puts evil into my mates as I reach our
For my healing hand off the hand of Buddha and then Buddha said
He likes me better than I liked him
Which doesn't say I hate him
Oh no mate no
You see when I hear than awful voice from someone you like telling you to do something evil
When they never even did it at all
You see it was just voices going all around my brain
And it is the evil ted bunny or Daniel Peterson after the Canberra crowd
You see I get an itch urging me to never muck with them again or
To go home because I don't belong in this world
But I do belong in this world
Better than any wild hooligan
Who is trying to take my nice person away from me just because I yell at my voices
Saying leave me alone
I love this earth and I love my life
And I feel a really hard itch in my stomach saying I have got you in my healing hands yeah mate yeah I have
And I won't back down
Even if you say I don't love life
I say I won't back down in saying I do love life
You see I know what's right
We get a million lives so if you end this life you get another and another so if you want to be famous but you haven't got a hope just say you will do it in your next life

I wish I had a million dollars to share to share I would buy so many things to make everyone happy oh yeah
I will buy $200 groceries for everyone whenever needs be
I will house the homeless in a newly built house
I will buy everyone a meal rich or poor in a classy restaurant ya see
I will buy everyone a nice refreshing drink of their choice
I will give the kids enough money to fix up their bikes and hover boards etc etc
I will pay for a dentist for everyone
That is what I would do with a million dollars and a cool apartment for me dudes

Pigs are crap criao crap
Oh yeah they are crap
Pigs are crap crop crap
Oh yeah they are crap
They lock you up for a crime
You never committed
That is why pigs are crap
They tap you on the shoulder yeah and they will give you
A coke or a beer
To wet your tastebuds
Yeah that will be cool
But I still state that pigs are crap
Pigs are crap crap crap
Oh yeah dude the pigs are crap
They lock you up for play fighting yeah those pigs are cool
But overall those pigs are crap

I hear people saying to me
That I am a worthless heap of ****
And I am a waste of space
And I should **** myself to give
Myself a better life
I tell them I love my life too much
To be bothered by that
He said no way because you are a worthless heap of ****
You see they always say that
I hate life in any way
I tell them no ****** way
Because I go for walks and I do my art and yes I feel real good
He said to me why did I grab children and I said that was a long time ago
And I am reformed from all that crap of the past
I don't believe in Jesus
I think that is why my previous life was kidnapped I hate the feeling
Of people saying I hate life in anyway you see when they say I am a worthless heap of ****
I just say I love life too much
And I grab a nice cold drink to keep me cool

A man stood over a disabled man in
A super market to ask him for
A cup of coffee and the second man didn't know who he was and
Told him the ******* and the man
Said please buddy I would like to have a coffee with you and the discord man said please leave me the tuck alone and threaten to thy is his wheel chair at him
And then he said, have a coffee with me you disgruntled koonarri
And the disabled man was offended and held on to the fruit
Cupboard and leaped out and and tossed the wheel chair at the
Man and says nobody calls me a koonarri and gets away with it
And the man stood up in the wheel chair and told another customer to not be scared but the other customer wanted to
Call for shop security because this didn't look good at all
And the disabled man said ok the games up give me back my chair and the man said no, you tossed it in my direction and the disabled man said yeah because you wouldn't take no for an snswer
And the man said you drink coffee and I am willing to give you a free one and the disabled man said yeah but I don't want to have a coffee and the police came and arrested the man and gave the other man his wheel chair back and the disabled man
All this fuss over saying no to his coffee incursion
The man was cursing
But never saw the disabled man sgain

I get excited thinking about ***
Every single day
Thinking about having aex with pretty women every single day
You see I feel my ***** as it is getting itchy from thinking about aex all the time
I know a mate who thought SBS
Meant *** before soccer and
That is what he meant
He loved soccer as well as ***
And I can't help getting very excited thinking about having aex
A pretty woman and that is what I want yeah my hormones are getting excited oh yeah
They are saying aex up me
With plenty of ***
And have a *** toy from a **** woman I wanna *** them up
Every day and night
I want to be liked enough
So people can *** me up
Come on dudes I feel excited

you see tommy was going about his life

with a mental illness, he hates it so much

he buys a webster pack every fortnight

and the drugs have a side effect

but  tommy didn’t understand

he wanted to do something about it

and he did, you see he decided to chop up the medication

into little tiny pieces

and then through them in the bin

saying i will tell everyone i will take this medication

but really he won’t, and he will do this every week

chopping up medication bit by bit

little by little step by step and side by side

you see tommy liked what he was doing back before

the medication controlled, he was taking over the world

throwing burning pieces of paper outside to watch it burn

burn baby burn

he was trying to burn his hooligan

and his medication was stopping that from happening

so, tommy cut the medication into small pieces

and then he laughed saying, i am cooler than cool

so cut the medication into small pieces

and saying he is cooler than cool

tommy said no medication alive will control me

if i look weird, i will cut the medication into small pieces

to rid this terrible illness, i ain’t mental and i ain’t stupid either

but tommy was one thing, very very strong

and being strong made him cut medication out of his life

but me, i am writing this story to say, i don’t want to think this

i believe medication will heal me

partying is better than sitting at home like a parents boy





i like parries in every single way

i like kids who party despite what their parents say

you see they drink alcohol and get drunk and they are having fun

their parents are talking if they are the only ones to be young and dumb

why can’t we party, it’s fun and cool, why not

i want my own stories to tell my grandchildren rather than just telling your stories

i know you had fun, so why can’t i, i deserve the right party mood

cause all young dudes wanna party

i like partying watching the footy yeah

c’mon dudes pour some ***** on me i am cool

get into some trouble with me, but not bad trouble

make sure nobody spikes your drink, ready to party right

i like partying in every single way

with victoria bitter and carlton draught and a jim beam, how cool

so c’mon dudes pour some bourbon on me and let’s party on

i think parents are the biggest hypocrites on earth

they party really bad but they hate us doing it

i like to party, i like i like to party every single day

with a west coast cooler and a bottle of scotch with coke, how cool

i know we feel like vomiting and we sometimes feel sick

but we need to understand what goes on in the club

yeah, the good times, and there are plenty of them

who cares how bad your hangover is, think of the good times

i like partying because for a young dude it is pretty fun

there will be people who yell at you, but you should think of the people who don’t

i will take a sip out of a jug of beer and someone yells at me

but i don’t complain because i like to PARTY real hard

i remember my friend at school used fosters as his first beer

my first beer was export light, in the kiddie section of the supermarket

XXXX was my first beer i got ****** on and i enjoyed that a lot

and if your hypocritical parents force you to stop partying

say to them, get a life, we are the future of this world

i like partying every single day

i used to buy beer out of every ounce of my pay

bills were being paid, but i was to young and cool to care

but you change but there is one thing for sure

i will never stop being a party dude

i am not a hypocrit, never a hypocrite, but i am not a parent either

and i party while i say, PARTY ON DUDES, and never give in to what conservative parents think

PARTY ON, and say ROCK AND ROLL PARTIES TO THE RESCUE, dudes

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

then they go off to the pub and say wanna beer to you

i didn’t know what to say at first

these people do like me, yeah

they think i am cool very very cool

yeah they enjoy my company a lot

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

ya see the aussie thing

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

and a hamburger with the lot

ya see ya go to the footy and the first thing you hear is

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

then you go off to the city

to a nightclub, a man blows his cigarette smoke right in your face

you say what, are you doing, then

you say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you see you think your a man but you look like a hooligan

yeah, your aussie mate true blue

you look rough and ready to punch the guy next to you

and then you say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

better being a true blue

you see they look ***** and very very rude

as they say

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you go to the footy and then the cricket

and then off to the pub and park illegally and you get yourself a ticket

the police have arrested you, then they let you go

and the first thing you say is

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie thing to do

you see there is nothing wrong with the australian way of life

as long as they just leave me to do my own thing

i would love to have a packet of crisps

but i hear this

wanna beer wanna beer wanna beer

the aussie the aussie the aussie thing to do, MATE

hi dudes

ya know these yobbos really make me sick

and i want to give them the kick

saying all this crap about supporting ****** women

it sounds so ****** un called for

just because they are drunk, does that give them an excuse

saying it’s not them talking it’s the *****

ya know i hate being a man because they say real men do this

why, why the **** would they think this

you see women look younger and heaps happier

and these drunk men have the right to verbally hurt them

you see these yobbos, you see these yobbos

throw them in the bin along with their drink

you see they have no right to say all this crap about women

you see these men go out saying we support ****

you see they support the dreaded hooded cape

they use to hide their own identity

so the women can’t see who they really are

i don’t support what these drunken men were chanting

they can ******* back to the pub they drank in

and keep their crap off the street

i believe in doing chants, but not like that

i believe in joking around, but not against women

i believe i believe in loving life, oh loving life

i don’t believe in saying any racial or ****** remarks

which could get people upset

hi dudes hi dudes, how are you doing

are you chanting about ****** women

i ****** hope not, i ****** well hope not

you see people said i was a larrikin as a child

but i never used racial or ****** actions against anyone

**** is bad **** is bad, shoot rapists into space

i ain’t paying them a compliment i ain’t paying them a compliment

i just hate ****, i just hate ****

anyone who supports these drunken chants, by all due respect

should be taken off to the psych ward or jail

they got the chant off the simpsons

dig me a hole dig me a hole

and put a nerd in it and put a nerd in it

please drunken louts, STOP DOING THESE ****** CHANTS

you are getting drunk and telling women they deserve being *****

i reckon you louts deserve being locked up, but please just let me say

they are people who don’t love life

the drink is their home sweet home

and singing chants about ****** women is their meat and potatoes

i think it’s total *******

i hear people saying to me that i am worthless heap of ****

and i am a waste of space and i have no duty on this earth

and they say i should **** myself to get a better life

i told them i love my life too much to be bothered by that

i am not putting up with being called a worthless heap of ****

i love life more than anyone i know

i tell them i go for walks and art and writing groups

and yes i feel good

for whatever i did in the past i am reformed

i don’t believe in jesus because i have a previous life

where i got kidnapped, i hate the feeling of people

saying i hate life, you see i am not a worthless heap of ****

i am too happy for that

i love life

i love life

i love life, too much to end my life here

i will just grab a nice cold drink to keep me cool

you call me a worthless heap of ****

i love life, i am too positive to let it bother me

i love life

i love life

i really love life too much to let you bother me

you old misery guts

i really do love life

the little pink paper clamp


you see once upon a time there was a little pink paper clip

which had three anchors on it, one of them is blue, and

2 are black.   the anchors mean it keeps the paper from blowing

away, you see it opens really widely and it keeps all of your

personal papers from blowing away, but what i am doing

is saying, what will happen in the anchors wanted to move away

from the paper clip, like if one moved, it will lose 1 third of the power

and if it lost 2 anchors, they would lose 2 third of the power.

if it lost all three of the anchors, the power of the  paperclip will

lose all it’s power and the only way to get the anchors back is

go the ship dock and take some of the anchors there, sure it

might mean the ships haven’t got anchors but this paperclip needs

it anchors because it needs the power of which it brings.

at present the little pink paperclip without the anchors is sitting

at the bottom of the stationery desk hoping that one day the anchors

will come back so he can keep paper in a folder.

this was going to be a hard job, as the people thought the anchors

were way to heavy to carry home, despite the anchors being small

on the clip, so one man went out on a boat who was doing whale watching

and when they threw out the anchor, which incidentally was blue, and he had

to stay by the anchor, so when the tour was over, he took the anchor away

and the blue one goes in the middle of the paperclip, and then he walked around the

other ships to find 2 black anchors to give the paperclip a lot of power to keep the paper

down, but there was only one black anchor on every boat, so he rang up the company

to find a black anchor to make up the 3, but he took one black anchor to bring back to

the paperclip and it got two thirds of the power, but they were having a hard time

trying to find the other black anchor, you see they found a pink anchor, the same colour as

the paperclip, and they found a pink anchor but it was far to light, they found a green anchor

but it was like green cordial, so he went out again and he got a orange anchor, but no it wasn’t the one

and he bought a purple anchor, the same colour as black, but no way, this wasn’t working, none of these

anchors fitted on the paperclip, so they looked hard and wide, hoping they will find a black anchor

you see they needed to keep the paper from blowing away from everywhere around the office, and just

as we gave up for day, we found the second black anchor and we put it on the paperclip and it worked

the paper was tightly on the folder, and that is how they gave anchor power to the paperclip, but the only

problem is, the ships will miss their anchor, so we must go out to buy some for them, and we did, and

our paperclip hooked the paper together and every boat was anchored down, and everyone is happy.

6 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 2 little babies came back

5 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 4 little babies came back

4 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 3 little babies came back

3 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but only 2 little babies came back

2 little babies went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

only one baby came back

one baby went out one day

over the hills and far away

mother said come back come back

but none of her babies came back

sob sob sob sob

mother wanted to find her babies

so she went over the hills and far away

she yelled so loud come back come back

and all of her little babies came back

she counted each one to make sure they are there

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6, they are all there my friend

this is the relationship that will never end

now when the babies wanted to go out one day

mother will come too with them in a pram, oh yeah dudes

party zone with the two johnny’s


johnny brown’   hi dudes and welcome to party zone on this sad day

in the history of comedy, yeah ronnie corbett died today

and now i bring out the second johnny who is johnny kensape

who was a fab of ronnie corbett and the magpies beat the tigers

by 1 point and we have tom with his jingle about that

tom’  good old collingwood forever dude

playing footy is what we do

side by side we stick together dude

we go after the tiger with a mighty swoop

can’t you hear the crowd singing dude

singing a loud song oh yeseree

the crowd lift up their voices and cheer for

the good old collingwood

johnny matheson’  thanks tom and here is a special jingle for ronnie corbett

sorry, the two ronnies ain’t so hot

the frost report brought up my dinner

the memories i get from that great man

ummmmmmm ummmmmmm ummmmmm the great man is dead

death is an end to suffering by us, only kidding by him

you see he had a cool style of comedy

everyone liked him oh yeseree

ummmmmmmm ummmmmmmmm ummmmmm  RIP ronnie corbett

and now it’s time for the news, the sad passing of a great british comedian

ummmmmmm ronnie corbett rest in peace

johnny brown’  ok dudes, here is ron kennetth and he has a jingle about ronnie corbett

ron’    i love you i love you i love you

your a great man/comedian

you were an excellent entertainer

and told us a lot of jokes

why did ronnie cross the road

because he wanted to live a long and fruitful life

i hope you meet up with ronnie barker because the two ronnies was my favourite show

i love you i love you i love you

you said good night from me and good night from him

you dressed up as so many medieval characters and told jokes about that

i love you i love you i love you

RIP GREAT ENTERTAINER ronnie corbett

johnny matheson’   what show did ronnie corbett regret doing

none of them ‘sorry’ ‘bout that

ummmmmm you performed in a lot of great musicals

even graham norton got to speak to you in person

and i guarantee he enjoyed the experience

it was only recent too, you are a great man ronnie

and death hasn’t stopped you

you will go up to big comedy festival up in the sky

and party on till your next life mate

johnny brown’ and now here is a song by red tape about the late great ronnie corbett


red tape’  

i heard you tell some jokes dude, man you are so cool

and you played medieval characters and dressed up in funny clothes

you were in the good show sorry, and the great show now look here

you see you made us laugh and thanks to youtube you will never die

i went to the stand up comedy shows

and laughed at you like i was losing my teeth

you see it’s nearly anzac day, and you won’t be able to lay a wreath

i find you were like charlie chaplin, the 70s and 80s version anyway

you starred in cinderella back in the year 200 yeah

you did a sketch book show about the two ronnies

he had his own supper club

and mate he had a party in buckingham palace yeah mate yeah

ronnie i wish i was you, ronnie i wish good things for your next life

corbett is on the honour role ****** oath he deserves it

and we sau, no, that’s me over here saying it is sad when the great entertainer dies

ya old dog

johnny matheson’   and now time for the news

a man died yesterday, yeah a man died, it was ronnie corbett

johnny brown’  a religious freak was thrown into the lake

and when he found out that the lake was prohibited to swim in

the man said, he is a jesus freak, he should walk on water

johnny matheson’  google cardboard plastic is the world’s first 'actual reality’ headset,

this video shows how it works

what’s realer than real?  nothing, that’s why google is launching the first ever headset

johnny brown;  pimple popping videos are gross - so what it is that makes us watch them?

johnny matheson’  news flash, john f kennedy has risen from the dead

only to fall over and die again

johnny brown’  that is enough news, so it’s good night from me

johnny matheson’  and it’s good night from him

the two johnny’s together’  and goodbye RIP to our great pal ronnie corbett

i hope you reunite with ronnie barker

good bye from party zone catch ya later dudes

florence white or better known as mumma rose gets captured in ron’s psych ward



after losing her mate harold stone  in 2011, florence ‘mumma rose’ white started

to show the screws that she is a changed woman but she can’t resist, escaping from the secure

psychiatric unit and then started to search the web to find tasha andrews, so she can have

ella white, who is the chosen one, but this time mumma rose was determined to win, and

mumma rose decided to bring her commune to the web and she would trick everyone who

looks like they can help her into joining the computer generation, which was the name of her

new commune, and florence wanted to find tasha and ells, and she would do anything to get

help to find them.

ron was searching the web and wrote on google after having problems with the web and

‘what is wrong with the computer generation, and surprise surprise, he came across mumma rose’s

website, but it was secure, because florence didn’t want no irene roberts to stop her plan, but

ron was unsure about whether this was a lead, so he searched for any way of finding a date of when

this website was found, but he couldn’t find it, but ron forwarded the websie over to the police and

then ron was called in, with the police saying, where did you find this site and ron said, i was searching

for something i like and i then accidentally googled what is wrong with the computer generation and

this was on the top, and the police said, yeah well, this site was built in 2012 in the hope of capturing

tasha and ella once more, and it looks like she is off her medication as well.


ron left the police station and went to his usual place and there was one of mumma rose’s computer generation

buddy’s having a cup of coffee and a cake, and he said, my friend mumma rose wants me to bring ella white home to her

after that evil tasha andrews and irene roberts took her away from her, and ron said, listen, do you know where she lives

and mumma rose’s buddy said nothing, not even his name because he can’t see the evil in mumma rose but ron wanted

to trial a new medication on her because the one she was on wasn’t working and the man said, why the **** are you doctors

trying to shove good people on drugs, and she is a good person, you know who the real villain is.    it is that evil irene roberts and

tasha andrews, or she wants is to have her baby brought back to her.

ron said, she has manipulated so many people, and she is dangerous and the man said, ‘dangerous’  a wild dog can be dangerous

a tiger can be dangerous.  better still a knife reeling bandit is dangerous, but mumma rose is ever so gentle, and the computer generation

are protecting her from you quacks and cops.

ron sat there and took a photo of the guy with his phone and sent it to the police and then went to his HDU and the inmates were getting restless

and charlie chaplin said did you hear the news, they caught mumma rose, and she should be back in her psych ward soon and ron

said, when did this happen and before he can say anything else, mumma rose was walking into his HDU, and florence said, hi, my name is

florence white, and i was arrested for having a website, just imagination in this day and age, getting arrested for having a website.

ron asked mumma rose, you were a NSW lady, what brings you here, and mumma rose said, i had a sure plan to get my daughter back

from those evil so called family people irene roberts and tasha andrews, i was ready to pounce till i got a visit from the police, and ron asked her

did you have a lead, and mumma rose said yeah, there was this little 9 year old girl really got hooked on this website and i thought, ella, this is ella

i know it, she is my daughter who has been taken away by irene and tasha and i am ever so determined to reach out, and when the police came

i lost all hope of ever seeing her again, so are you happy mr ron cooper, and mumma rose added i am not taking any medication, because there is

nothing wrong with me, give tasha and irene medication and send them in here, and let me go, i have my new found friends to look after

and ron said, ‘NO’, you are staying here and while you have still got thoughts in harming that child, you will stay here as i prescribe largactil to you

with a dash of serenace and mumma rose walked away saying, i am not participating in any childish games until i get out of here, i will take your

wonder drug, to get me better so i can be with my daughter again and ron bought out the lunches and mumma rose had nothing and charlie said

eat this, it’s great and mumma rose said, if i wasn’t missing my daughter, i would punch you and patty roe went up to florence and said i am

george washington and florence said ‘SHUT UP’, and went over to the television yelling at every word said on the television, and that meant a

lot of yelling and ron tried to settle her down and brought her medication to her, and mumma rose said, my daughter is out there with evil

and ron bought out the sandwiches as well as the rest of the medications and mumma rose went up to charlie chaplin and grabbed him

and said to ron, i will **** him if you go home now, ron said, no you haven’t got any weapons so ron went home, but when ron went home,

mumma rose continued with her threat to **** someone and she killed george washington, saying go back to the USA in a coffin and the nursing

staff rang ron up and ron came straight away and went into mumma rose’s room and said, you ain’t going to see your daughter if you **** everyone

in here, ok and after yelling at florence ron went to his office and put a do not disturb sign on his door while mumma rose was pumped full of drugs/

i hate these people on youtube

picking parts of my good writing

and using it against me

yeah i have made mistakes

and yeah i have problems

but i don’t care, boy don’t i care

you see i don’t remember swearing at 11 year old girls

i wish people would understand i am being cool

no, i support women’s rights

and probably people are living in the past

you see the computer is living in the past

why are people living in the past with me

i am the coolest dude in canberra

i hate donald trump because he is an idiot

who is always putting someone down

i hate tony abbott because he talks so much crap

and i liked julia gillard but it was a revolving door

and yes, i said revolving door, it doesn’t mean i vote liberal

i am an ALP voter, always will

i hate geeks who just get on the computer just once and say i hate loving life

i drink orange juice and i am no longer a coke drinker

i am still a youtube ****** but these past living geeks think they are big tough robots

but yeah they are tough, and i don’t want to fight anyone

i am not gay, even if i may have targeted boys, i was a ******

but now i am battling those voices but i was a bad person

but that doesn’t mean i am still a bad person

no i am a nice person, who really loves life

i see men smiling as if i hate life, they are wrong

you see, i wish buddha would allow me to get out of my past

i don’t want to dwell in the past, but, dudes, i think these people don’t have many friends

so they are trying to express themselves on the internet

they might be poor, they might be rich, but they pick a comment and say

you are not a nice person, and i say, i am nicer than them

you see the other day i looked like my friend, hearing his voice saying goodbye

maybe he was teasing me about everything he said

but i liked him, because he was nice to me

it seems ever since my awful day in 1990

i have been treated like someone i hate, but i am too cool to **** myself

despite hearing voices of me not being welcome on the earth

but that is just a load of complete crap because i belong on this earth just like them voices in my head

i like canberra, because i know how to get home safely

dude, i like tim min chin, i know he sings about very delicate issues

but he knows that and he just let’s it out

you see, i remember not knowing about the names young dudes call their victims

and sometimes their victims can’t cope and they **** themselves

and i know they go to another life but still, these bullies don’t understand

i love life, because i say what i want and if you really having problems

just listen to me past livers, if you have something to complain about

get off the computer and get back to the table, because you are obviously spending too much time on the computer anyway

i am a red red robin who said, live life to the full

i might not be a good fighter but i don’t try to fight,

i am showing you my unique style of poetry sort of like tim min chin

i hated being treated like the worlds little teasie

but overall i am cool, it’s the past living computer geeks that has the problem, mate

my dream house



you see my dream house is just by lake burley griffin

and as you walk in there is a coke machine at the top of

a big escalator, and at the bottom of that escalator there

are two doors, 1 door is the offices where people work and

on the other side there is my front door and i know it sounds like every

young persons fantasy, but as you enter, it was like, well the first thing you

see is the hat rack in front of the first door to the gymnasium which had a treadmill and a rower and a bike

and as  you walk further you enter the lounge room where there is

a nice comfy corner lounge and a LED TV and a big stereo where you can

listen to your favourite music and as you walk further, there is an internet station

where the computer is an apple with iPads and iPhones  and the internet server was

iinet wireless broadband, and as you walk further on, you see the kitchen where they had a built in

dishwasher and stove and fridge, and it had all the latest kitchen gadgets that money can buy, yeah

that sounds so cool and it has built in hot and cold water jets as well as normal tap water, and as you

walk further you see the bathroom with a shower sink and toilet with a clean air contraption, to get rid of

oopsy smells, and the bedroom was right near the other side window looking over the wonderful startrack oval

but i can’t see in because of the grandstands around it, and there was a walk in wardrobe which rarely got

messy, and i had round the clock help with cleaning and cooking, yeah this is absolute paradise, but it will

always remain just a dream house

the 2 little easter bunnies



the 2 little easter bunnies

sitting on the table

one in a red suit and 1 in a green suit

both with a blue and white collar

they are happy as they bring

easter joy to boys and girls oh yeah

you see the yellow ears

showing they love gold

and they shine it oh, so bold

you see you don’t see it yet

but these bunnies can do a little dance for you

1and a 2 and a 3 till a 32

you see they travel throughout the world

partying singing their songs

the easter parade is coming

watching the bunnies and the chickens dance

the easter parade is coming

these 2 bunnies are heavily into romance

i want candy, what about the dentist bills

i want candy the doctor said candy can ****

but who cares, these 2 chocolate bunnies

say to one another, eat me now, dudes

the easter bunny is coming around hooray hooray

coming to every house in town hooray hooray

you see the easter bunny is coming round

to give the kids chocolate oh yeah

yeah mate yeah the easter bunny is here again

you see the easter bunny starts in new zealand hooray hooray

then goes to australia hooray hooray

then he passes every country dropping

chocolate in their houses yeah mate yeah

the easter bunny is so cool

he crosses over england and france hooray hooray

then he goes from the carribean coast to the mighty USA hooray hooray

overall he delivers 300 million easter eggs

there could be more but who gives a heck

then the easter bunny can enjoy his chocolate milkshake

and an easter egg, saying overall he did a very good job

you see i am a famous bunny who loves to fly

around the sky, you see at the end of easter, the easter bunny

takes a well earned break

and now he can relax now everyone is eating chocolate

one day there was this beer drinking *****, who loved to

get drunk and be silly, you see he got his drinking vision

from his father whe drank all the time, the *****’s name is Peter

and his last name is Jorklet, and he loved to imagine life drinking

while sitting on a wing of a parrot.

You see he will sing drinking songs like 100,000 bottles of beer

on the wall and 2 fat gentlemen met in a lane, and he really loved to sing

roll out the barrel and when he sang let’s have a barrel of fun, it was really loud

so loud that his voice was heard in every pub in town, and when the barman said

let’s stop this man, he is too loud, all hell broke loose,the barman decided to go out

and make a complaint about his loud voice, when he found peter, he said, peter, your loud singing voice is electric and

ringing in my ear, and peter said *******, cause peter thought he has every right to sing, for it’s a free country

the sun is shining and the birds are singing, so why can’t i sing, then the bar manager said, yeah but, we can’t

hear all that because your voice is so loud, and then peter said to the barman

how about you give me a nice cold brown lager and the barman said, sorry, but i think you’ve had enough

because you could get aggressive if i let you have a beer now. peter said, why the hell not!

i am not drunk, it’s in my character to be this way, and you need to understand if i don’t have that beer, it will turn out worst than

if i had a beer.  but the manager said, i’m sorry, but if i let you have that beer, i will be going against everything i believe

in and peter said *******, and left the bar and was walking on the path singing

100,000 bottles of beer on the wall but his drunken mind was muddled and despite him keeping on fighting himself to remember the next number

and then he said blow it and walked the rest of the way saying nothing and finally he got home  and vomited in the toilet and then went to bed and slept for 10 hours.

when he got up he had an enormous hangover and mixed egg and whatever else  he needs to fix up a cure

.  after that he went to the school oval and whilst he was playing he saw a parrot trying to fly

with his wing and that made him think, ya know, next week i might do it again, , it’ll be fun it’ll be hard if it is like this time

but i can do it, so he took the parrot by the wing saying i will do it again that will be nice.

party zone with johnny brown



johnny’ hi dudes and welcome to another party zone

and we did well last week for our celebration to jon english

and tonight we are just being normal and here is olly with his

haiku poems

olly’  we are partying

in and out of cool nite clubs

drink heaps of bourbon



i really like beer

it gets me drunk all the time

i am really blind



johnny’  thanks olly for those poems and now here is robert with his jingle


let’s party right till the end

driving the oldies round the bend

making them really sick of us

you should take them for a ride on the moonlight bus

we sing rock and roll music

if you wanna party like you want to use it

swing your hips babe right to the end, dudes

partying is so much fun

except if your at your parents house

as they play taxi driver because they are drunk

ahhhhhh!  i want to party at every party event

whether it’s out on the lake or beach

to friday night in this classy club

johnny’  thanks robert and i want to party to,,how about tomorrow night at sky fire

robert’  i will be there with my picnic lunch, dude

johnny’   ok here here is fred with haiku about sky fire



sitting in the park

waiting for the fireworks

loud and wonderful


johnny’   thanks fred that was a great haiku poem and now here is roslyn with her jingle


roslyn’   hey, oh hey baby ooh aah ooh aah i want to party with you here every night

you see on my way to this niteclub yeah

i see a lot of people say

hey you cutie, you look so fine

my friends didn’t show up for dinner  and said do you wanna dine

i want to tickle yo baby team oh yeah dude

come on people the nite club is over there and there is no line

he said he wasn’t into clubbing and i called him a yuppee

and then i head straight to the club and i heard this voice

and it was coming from the fire man

i yelled out how much fire can you put in your mouth

he said 15, oops where is my manners, my name is ralph

i said my name was roslyn and then said come to this niteclub

after you finish

he said i won’t finish till 5 in the morning

i said what a shame and went into the nite club to dance pretty wild dance moves

and i feel cool man, cool you

roslyn’  before i go, i have a haiku

johnny’  ok tell us


roslyn’  


walking through civic

people partying in there

get down get down bop


johnny’  ok thanks roslyn and now here harry with his jingle


harry’   once a jolly party dude was going to the club yeah

buying beer and heaps of spirits

then he will show his moves on the dance floor

the foxtrot and disco and rock and roll

mrs fran belle said i love you to bits

i think you are the sexiest man

i said yeah i am fran and would you like to take me by the ****** hand

partying in civic partying in civic

getting heaps of alcohol down ya dude

partying in civic in the nite club

after having a slap up meal

in came the bouncer to see if we are behaving

one person isn’t and out he goes

he said, i didn’t mean it, please let me stay

the bouncer said no and threw him out

as we go

partying in civic partying in civic

getting heaps of alcohol down ya dude

partying in civic with the chicks yeah

every song is played with a good sound

it’s 4 am and last drinks were called

and you have collapsed near the dance floor

the girls say, just one thing to me that really makes sense

and that was come over to our house and sleep it off

as we go

partying in civic partying in civic

just from 11 to 4 am

partying in civic after drinking endless alcohol

now off to your mates house to sleep it off

johnny’ thank you harry that was a great party song, and i hope the copyrighters

don’t zoo you

harry’  they won’t, i hope

johnny’  ok that is it from party zone we will see you here next friday night

but i am going to sky fire tomorrow night, where we can have a lot of fun

CATCH YA LATER DUDES

you see when i go out to the garden

i feel like just looking up

and daydreaming as i held the hose

and as i mow the grass

i look up to the sky and say

give me power, give me power

and i do the front lawn and the back lawn

and i am ever so lazy

and i want to have a drink

after i finish, i look forward to that

but my brain is pushing me into a faze

where i look up and around

mostly because i get very bored

but i really want to daydream

i can’t control it

but i want to just be lazy

as i mow and do gardening

i can never do commercial gardening

cause i am too **** slow

the boss would yell at me

saying c’mon brian hurry up hurry up

but i just want to look lazy

i don’t care how slow i am

my eyes will look up into the cosmos

and i can’t control it, oh i can’t control it

i like being a lazy gardener

cause mate that is how i like it

2 naughty teenagers captured in the psych ward


all people who do crimes are mental, at least that is what ron thought as

he watched the news and saw 2 teenagers push a train seat onto the traffic

under the bridge and ron thought that he would like to place them on medication

so they can be punished for what they did, so when ron woke up, ron went to the

cafe to say his piece about the teenagers who pushed the seat out the window,

and after he left, he felt better but it soon went away as he arrived at the HDU and

the group of teenagers were on their way to his HDU, and ron said, yeah they need

medication but they will be a hard case, because they probably believe what they were doing

was the right thing to do, but the nurses said, no they are on their way here and we are going

to give them all the help they need and ron said, we will try to give those trouble makers the

help they need, because the medication won’t work if they don’t want it, and believe me it needs

to work, they must learn what they did was wrong.   ron went out to give the morning medications

and the teenagers entered the HDU as ron was finished and ron said i am going to talk with these yahoos

so can you bring this back, and when ron approached them he said, ok, you guys think you did the right thing

by pushing that seat outside the train door onto incoming traffic, and john who was the ring leader said yeah

it was what this city needs, and then ken who videoed it said, that was the most fun he ever had and ron said

well, if that was the most fun you had, you area very sick individual and we need to have a chat on why you

think that it is cool to do that, john said, my dad doesn’t care for me and he loves the railways, perhaps he loves

the railways more than me, so i wanted to spoil his precious railways and ron said, i am sure your father loves you

but it’s hard to love you when you do a stupid thing like this, you could’ve caused an accident and killed many people

and john said, who cares, and ron said, yeah you are sick if you think taking out your aggressions on those poor drivers

and ken said, you haven’t met his father, all he cares about is his trips on the railways than him, he once yelled at john

for accidentally spilling the milk and i was there to see it, but ron said but is what you did hurting your father, well maybe but

you could’ve killed many people who were driving and john said ******* fucken ****, you are supposed to make me better

but instead you point out that i was in the wrong, and then john said, you know nothing about us, we are not mental, we are real

men dealing with stupid parents and ron said, ok i can’t keep you on the medication but while yopu guys are here you are taking

medication and ken said, cool, we are finally taking drugs, and then ken said how about you guys give me ****** or mariguana, that

will make us good little angels and ron said nice try, i will place you on seroquel, which really will open your brain and make me understand

why you kids would do such a horrible crime, and then ron asked john, have you seen the macauley culkin flick, the good son, well you

yahoos are just like him, maybe worst because it’s the real world and john said, are we just, well just for that we won’t take your ******

medication, and we will make it harder for you are your nurses as well as any other patient who gets in our way and we will tip the water over you

when you bring out our medications, because what we did was fun, and we ain’t mental, there is nothing wrong with us and ron said, well guys, if

you don’t take the medication, you won’t get better and be released from here, and ken said, we will escape from here, you see we will grab the

keys from a nurse or yourself, and then pick up a sharp object, and you screws will never see us cool dudes again, and ron said, do you guys really

think this was cool, you could’ve killed somebody and ron went away and told the nurses, to have a security guard with them when you go into the HDU

and keep no sharp objects in their way because these yahoos need to understand what they did.     john and ken went to watch TV  and charlie chaplin was

watching cheers and ken said i want to watch ben 10 and charlie said, no, cheers is better and ken said, listen you fucken ******, get out of here so we can watch

ben 10 and charlie said ******* you fucken yahoos, i was here first and john walked over to him and picked him up and said, hey ******, are you going to move

or are we going to kick you out you old fogie life loving ****** and ron came out with a security guard saying, you guys aren’t the boss here and ron brought

ken and john to their rooms and locked them in saying, you don’t get to watch your show boo hoo and john and ken yelled out help help kidnap kidnap

help help kidnap kidnap but ron took no notice of them and went back to get the medications, for everyone even for john and ken despite them not wanting it

but both john and ken took the medication but declared they ain’t mental but they want to be free, and once we get free, we will stop taking the medication

because they ain’t crazy, they just wanted to get out of the ***** loving HDU and ken said to ron, don’t ever talk to us ok, we ain’t talking to no screws, you might

be helping the other patients but you can’t help us, so we will make you happy to take your happy drug, and be goodie two shoe so we can be free and ron

gave them the medication and went to his office and clocked off and bought pizza and retired to the couch while john and ken practiced being good despite wanting

to call charlie chaplin and patty roe retards but they bit their tongue, john and ken aren’t unhappy for what they did, they still thought it was cool but to be free to

do it again was what they were thinking of and that was what ron was worried about and that messed with ron’s brain making him say i am here to help but john and ken

were just bad people and can’t be cured, ron thought maybe jail might be better for them, oh well we have to give them a chance, they are only young

party zone with johnny brown, tribute to jon engish


johnny’  how are you going dudes and welcome to this very special tribute

to one of our most popular entertainers, jon english and our first jingler is pam

pam’  i am wandering through the hall of fame and i see so many things

but nothing was better than when i met jon english

he had songs like hollywood 7 and six ribbons, how ace

and jesus christ superstar and the great performance hairsprsy

you see, jon, your the greatest man that i have ever met

and mate heaven is a waiting you to fly up on your jet

jon english, mate, is a great man

singer and actor of stage and screen

i was not born for against the wind, yo

but jon english is all together now with all his great stuff

johnny’  ok thank you pam and now here is peter with his great jingle

peter’  you see he was travelling for miles miles

everyone thought he was cool

you see all the strangers and his close friends said jon your rad

you see i wonder if jon english ever went to hollywood 7

or is it just a song to sing about forever

and is jon english a great actor or what

i remember watchig all together man, that was funny oh yeah

and against the wind was one of his most serious roles

ya see jon english is our man and his name in heaven goes up in lights

everyone is invited to his opening shows up there, pretty cool aha

he will play a 3 hour concert on first night and 1 hour in the second

jon english will charge for the concerts about 7 bucks a night

which makes it 14

johnny’  thank you peter and now here is john with his jingle

john’  if i *** a singer like jon english is

i will sing the songs that made him famous

you see i will sing six ribbons with so much class

and hollywood 7 will show so much class

i will start by singing yesterday was a memory

it might have been when rock and roll never forgets

forgives and regrets making it all together now

and if i had made it to the number 1

i will buy a jon english album to learn about the many songs he sang

johnny’  thanks john and now here is red tape to sing hollywood 7

red tape’
She came in one night from Omaha, worn out
'Cause she never could sleep on trains
She took the bus to Hollywood
Lookin' for a room in the pourin' rain
With her hair so blonde and her eyes so brown
She thought she'd take this town and turn it upside down

Well I was livin' in a hotel just off Sunset
She moved in across the hall
And she said she'd be a movie star
And waited every mornin' for the ca-all
So I asked her in to share a drink
But she hardly had the ti-ime
A call might come tomorrow
She had to learn her li-ines

On Hollywood Seven
Rooms to rent till your name goes up in lights
Oh-oh Hollywood Seven
You can dream your dreams for seven bucks a night

Well, the months went by without a job
The money that she saved was nearly spent
So she started bringin' strangers home
Tryin' to find a way to pay the rent
Well she'd sit down and drink my coffee
With nothin' much to say-ay
Just busy rehearsin' in her mind
The scenes she'd never play-ay

On Hollywood Seven, rooms to rent
Till your name goes up in lights
Oh-oh, Hollywood Seven
You can dream your dreams for seven bucks a night

Well I found her there one mornin'
When she didn't come for coffee when I ca-alled
She'd gone and brought the wrong one home this time
There were crazy lipstick marks up on the wa-all
Now she's goin' back to Omaha but not the way she'd pla-anned
There'll be no crowd to cheer her on, no welcome home, no ba-and

On Hollywood Seven, rooms to rent, till your name goes up in lights
Oh Hollywood Seven, you can dream your dreams for seven bucks a night
On Hollywood Seven, dreams to rent, till your name goes up in lights
Oh-oh Hollywood Seven, you can pay your dues for seven bucks a night

johnny’  and now dudes let’s sing jesus christ superstar


everyone who performed’ jesus christ superstar

your mate jon english is coming up to join ya

jesus christ superstar

and when he arrives there will be a big a party like you have never seen

you see i miss you jon, you are too good to die

but up there in eternity there is no flies

and the music is hot and you are great

up in eternity you feel like you made sacrifice

jesus christ superstar

your mate jon english is coming up to join ya

jesus christ superstar

and when he arrives there will be a pig party like you never seen

and now as we move up to the top of the world

you are planning to sing hollywood 7 oh yeah

why would a room be 7 bucks a night jon english

only you will know

jesus christ wuperstar

your mate jon english is coming up to ya

jesus christ superstar

and when he arrives there will be the biggest party like you never seen

joihnny’  thanks dudes and now here is seven year old katie whyslat singing six ribbons

katie’    


if i were a minstrel, i’d sing you six love songs

to tell the whole world of the love that we share

if i were a merchant i’d bring you six diamonds

with six blood red roses for my love to wear

but jon english was a simple man a great entertainer

so i will take those six ribbons to tie back my hair

if jon english didn’t die, it will not be as sad

he will still be singing great songs oh yeah

but the bad news he did die, the great entertainer

so take me six ribbons for eternity to share

johnny’   thank you everyone for putting on a great show

and thanks for wearing jon english wigs and  now let’s lift up our voices

and sing

for jon english was a very good person

for jon english was a very good person

for jon english was a very good person

and so say all of us

and so say all of us

and so say all of us

for jon english was a vert good person

and so say all of us

johnny’  whether it’s the hollywood 7 or jesus christ superstar

or against the wind or even all together now

jon english was a very good fellow

and he made each party great

johnny’   catch ya later dudes

oranges and lemons the bells of st clements

and it makes you feel so divine with a nice glass of wine

you see we are all together now

i watched it twice ****** kapow

you see buddha helps us

onto the suburban bus

taking you all around the suburbs

of this small city

you see i don’t believe in god

but i am no atheist oh no

death is more uplifting seeing we all do it

yo beautiful people goes the great wayne from the 80s

you see i think jon english will be sadly missed

and i perform my music with the great man himself

yesterday was a memory it might have been

when rock and roll ever forgets, forgives and regrets

and the parties of the 70s were the greatest i have ever seen

except for the parties that everyone was driven home

no, i hate them, because nobody enjoys themselves

jesus said something wonderful jesus said something true

it’s the truth that jesus never came

jesus’s light is more powerful than you

help me if you can i am feeling down

help me get my feet back on the ground

i know george martin didn’t sing with us

but he was the best **** manager in this ******* land

and then i sang the song

daisy daisy give me your answer too

i am half crazy over the love of you

it won’t be a stylish marriage

i can’t afford a carriage

but you’ll look sweet upon the seat

of a bicycle built for tea

oh batts batts bat your kids are fat

what are ya going to do with that

if you feed donuts to your obese children

they will regret them when your in your teens

mahna mana do do do do do

let’s party on and listen to tim minchin

let’s party to the sound of

don’t stop me now, cause i am having a good time

i am having a great ball

hey kids if you are one of these loners on the gates of oblivion

hitch a ride with brian allan, the coolest young dude of the 90s

this is a disco hit, and we write so many songs waiting for neighbours to begin

and look at amy robinson, yeah she is so nice

you got myself a crying talking sleeping walking living doll

take look how it feels it’s real

i will party with these young dudes cause their cool

oh yeah bow bow, c’mon let’s party

ummmmmmmm, he lit up our screens when he appeared on against the wind

ummmmmmmmm, where he created the song six ribbons

ummmmmmmmm,   he had such great songs such as turn the page and hollywood seven

ummmmmmmmm, as well words are not enough and hot town

ummmmmmmmm, he played bobby rivers in the hit show all together now

ummmmmmmmm, he was in pirates of penzance and jesus christ superstar as judas

ummmmmmmmm, he was in big river are you being served dads army and paris on the great stage

ummmmmmmmm, he played pontiffs on his second jesus christ superstar

ummmmmmmmm, he appeared on hairspray and sparnalot where he played king arthur

ummmmmmmmm, he won heaps of awards like the logies and entertainer of the year at the mo awards

ummmmmmmmm, he was a talented man but now it’s time to be sent off to his next life

ummmmmmmmm, john, you will be sadly missed by us all

ummmmmmmmm, it’s a shame to lose such a wonderful entertainer and person

ummmmmmmmm, ummmmmmmmm, ummmmmmmmm, ummmmmmmm,

buddha will give you the perfect next life for such a great entertainer

i was watching ovation yesterday evening and i was looking forward to checking out the

new show shift out, thinking it will be a show packed with all the fun on the internet, because

dudes, there is a lot of fun you can have on the internet, there is stuff on for all likes and dislikes

like the shaytards and bratayley and old episodes of prisoner and tim minchin songs as well

as the young ones, and hello poetry which i am johnny georgy brown for the budding poets

and there are a heap of writing websites that i used to all never belonged to, there is art colony

where i am under brian allan and i have opened my mind with the world, i have a lot of youtube

stuff from aaa youtube tv and aaron clayton, and i am upset that the ovation show shift is so ******

conservative, i get it that people are thinking this guy isn’t young, no i am in my 40s but i am still

good on the internet, i want to save the world, i have been put on this earth to save the world,

and it would be great if shift wasn’t so ****** conservative, because you can interview youtube junkies

as well as bring people from youiube to appear on your show to sing, you see everyone on the internet

including me have special talents, everyone on social media including me have special talents, better than

some of these losers you get on australia’s got talent, but some of them a pretty good too, but i am just saying

that i expected shift on ovation to be a new saturday night variety show showing us entertainment on the web

because it was supposed to go on from 7.15 to 10.30, but it was boring because it only lasted from 7.15 to 7.22

if that, mind you if shift was an internet based variety show, it would be really cool, because there is a lot of cool

stuff as i said over the internet, you can even play concerts from your favourite bands on youtube, and one week

could play a concert from youtube or bringing in some youtube entertainers to entertain us, i realise that there is

a lot of copyright being done, but that is because everyone wants to have fans, like me, i watch my stuff on Facebook

and other stuff and realise i have fans, and there is nothing wrong with having fans, and if shift was what i thought

we could bring you tubers close to their fans all over the world, boy would that be ever so radically awesome

what i am saying, the internet is a big place, and shift should explain what entertainment you can find over the web

rather than little things, everyone on the web, is a computer dude to, but they ain’t getting what they want

i want to ban shift because they only show computer geeks and not computer dudes like myself

party zone with johnny brown


johnny’ hi dudes and welcome to party zone and tonight the sydney swans were

beaten by the west sydney giants and we have the GWS canberra cheer squad

to sing that great theme song

GWS Cheer squad’  we have a sound you here as we are enjoying our beer

that is the sound of the mighty giants

they beat the swans after pushing and pushing

i ask the barman for a pint

you see as cheered they kept in front, faster than the rest

we are the greater western sydney giants best in all the land

we beat the swans tonight, though, and we gave us all a hand

GO GWS YOU ARE THE GREATEST

johnny’  thank you, that was a great song and now here is olly with a party jingle

olly’   the party is beginning

and the cool dudes are drinking

yeah it sounds so cool

oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

you see i ride my motorbike

to every party in this town

saying let’s party let’s party

right till the end

nobody dares to tease me, cause i like to party

i prefer to party than be square my friend, because squareheads die lonely

you see i can understand

that everyone in party town is cool

i am trying to improve the world

through the eyes of reincarnation, party on to improve existence

and people who don’t party, can kiss my hairy ***

you see i had a nice kalua and milk, ever so tasty

and then got on the dance floor and danced the chicken

and now i can party all night

johnny, thanks olly, when you say, the chicken dance or do you just cluck like a chicken

olly’  i just cluck like a chicken

johnny’  jolly good, now here is kenneth

kenneth’   the party train is on the track

ready for anyone that has got the knack

you see being on this train is so much fun

by drinking beer and tequila

and don’t forget to have a wine

and say, i don’t want to whinge

you see mate, i prefer to drink beer

on the party train yes i do yes i do

because when you drink a nice cold beer on the party train

you feel the ice cold reaction on your face

you see the party train has a drunks area

for them to sober up

and this will be a very long time

but the party train is cool

you see there is a carriage where you can party to

jimmy barnes twisted sister and kiss

the party train has a kids carriage with hannah montana and justin bieber and one direction

and they have a queen carriage, party to queen all night long

c;mon dudes, let’s party on the party train tonight

we have top class security guards so nobody gets into a fight

the party train is on for young and old

c’mon dudes let’s party

johnny’   thanks kenneth, and we hop aboard the party train and now here is freddo frog with a short number

i am freddo frog and i drink a lot of cans of beer

i know i do drink so much beer

i personally know it is better than the kids drink coke

you see after a beer i drink a cup of coffee and add sugar and milk

and i will do more next week

let’s party dudes from freddo frog

johnny’  and now our last song by harry

harry’  i am a big strong guy

but i don’t wanna fight

i am strong in my mind

i say yes to loving life

i say no to beer cause it’s fowl

i say yes to coke and orange soda,

cause it makes me party

just as long as i don’t drink too much

ya see i have fucken will power, man, enough to say no

i am very strong in the mind means

i will fight my body, if there is something i wanna eat

but i never get tired, i am a party dude

i will party to keep me alive in this world

and when i do die, i will party in my next life too

LET’S PARTY DUDES

johnny’  great poem harry and now that is it, there ain’t no more

unless you come to this club and party till 5 am

catch ya later dudes

you see before i moved to canberra i moved to woodberry, woodberry, a place where

if you have a mental illness you are declared CRAZY, you see i was hearing voices

when my brother was joking around with me, the voices were saying, your a **** and your crazy

you don’t belong in this world, i know i belong in this world, i love life so much, but all the time

i was hearing voices saying you are a yeah mate yeah kid buddy, ya know a nerd, and you don’t belong

anywhere on earth, it was a crazy country town, you see i remember getting a taxi to school, getting bullied

in the taxi, which made the voices go completely crazy, dad kept on saying don’t be shy brian, i never liked that

but in hindsight, he was trying to get me to have fun, you see i used to in sort of a way never telling lies

oh well, that all changed when i moved to canberra, but i needed a way to calm the voices, of we don’t like you

you don’t belong in this world, i know i belong in this world, i am a lover of life, you see i remember hearing that

same bully say to my brother kidnap yourself buddy, cause you realise you are from that family, he just wished

i was aware, but all my life i have been hearing voices, maybe it was me pooling my pants, i don’t do that anymore

you see, what i don’t understand, why can’t people respect me when i say i am a nice guy, and that is what lately people can’t

respect that i wanna move on, i have had more teasing than anyone, i need a break, but as soon as i moved to canberra

the voices left my head, but when they gave me wee and locked me in the storeroom, oh well, the voices started up again

and every time i got teased by anyone, a voice came into my head saying, i might kidnap in a minute, i remember a voice saying

i am going to bash you up, i hated every negative voice that cam into my head, my mum and dad liked how i never told lies but

i needed to get on with my brother, so i played with him, but what i didn’t understand was dad was suffering with my constant yelling

and he probably went to his grave thinking what he was doing back then was wrong for me, i am reformed now, and i am on medication

there are voices in my head saying, take brian’s pension away from him he’s not like me, i said as a joke, and give me superannuation

but i at that stage, very much of a ******, i hate this other voice saying, you are the only one who is getting hassled, i never hassled

anyone like these voices are hassling me, i understand paul berenyi if he is dead hassling, because i was staring at him, i used to stare

at everyone, but i am trying to get reformed, i used to stare at my family as well, and that is why dad lost his cool, saying i don’t want to be cool, how weird is that

you see, i hated being treated like a man to a tease, because it was ******* me, i was starting to think that these voices were just voices, but outside the

charnwood inn some dude grabbed me, i struggled and ran up the stairs, you see when daniel pederson died he got inside my head to make me a big man

too uncoil for his family, but i don’t really like being a big man or a big young dude or a big kid or a different person, you see when i was at school i said

i was different, but that was just school talk, it’s hard being treated like a different person, like tonight, i was walking over to the sink to do the washing up

and i felt fatigued and i felt fatigued when i bought the garbage out and the voices were saying, you are easy to tease, i don’t want to be easy meat

i want to reform my brain enough, you see there is a movie group i went to as well as a writing group but i can’t socialise because of the buses and

my blasted voices, there was this other voice saying as i said, i want to be normal, the voice would say be like us then, i don’t want to be treated like my brother anymore

i am like one person and that is brian allan,

why has he going to bed early,

leave the kid alone buddy he is only tired, that’s all

but he should’ve been doing this lately

why is he going to bed

leave the kid alone buddy, he’s not like us

he has been doing writing and art, he is trying to be like us

but he used to be such a **** and a woosey

leave the kid alone buddy he’s not like us anymore, behave yourself

come on buddy, get out of bed, you are not like us

you are a loser baby, why can’t you save me

leave the kid alone buddy, he has been looking ****** tired

woosey woosey woosey woosey, you are a woosey dude

come on, leave the kid alone, he is trying to sleep

i don’t care if he is trying to sleep, i don’t care if he is on medication

he never respected me back then

leave the kid alone, buddy, he’s not like us, he is on medication, dude

please leave him alone

neh, as i said he never respected me back then, so why should i respect him

he is a fucken **** and i hate him

hey, leave the kid alone, he is trying to sleep, dude

neh, i wanted to get my housework and i wanted to sleep back then

and he didn’t let me, so why should i leave him alone

leave the kid alone, buddy, he wants to bury the hatchett

i don’t care, if he wants to bury the hatchett, he never respected me, so why should i respect him

leave the kid alone, buddy, he is not like us anymore

yes he is, woosey woosey woosey, shut up ****, your not like me, your not a cool kid, i am anyway

cool kids muck around mate, heh heh heh only yeah mate yeah kids go to bed mate yeah mate yeah

c’mon leave the kid alone, buddy, he is sorry for what he did to you back then

i don’t care if he is sorry, he is too woosey to be like me

leave him alone, he doesn’t wanna live in the past

SHUT UP, YOU AIN’T A COOL KID

WHY DON’T YOU SHUT UP, and leave the kid alone

neh, he is still like us, buddy

briano alliano performing on saturn


hi dudes and welcome to my show, today i am performing a few numbers for you

the first number is saying that i perform these songs so i can spread the word

that death is uplifting, i show you how much i live my life

the first song is coke is nice


coke is nice and redrafted my body

and made my tongue a bowl full of jelly

you see athena says coke is a medicine

and takes the stress out of my body

you seas i was walking down the road

the stress of what doctors tell me was making me dwell

you see i do believe in coke to cure you

and i also believe it can make you happy

because in this life you will die anyway

so what is the problem in dying happy drinking coca cola

medicine of the gods

you see i want the stress to stop, oh dear

and i want it to completely disappear

because dudes, ya see i am so low stressed

you see, i will never get the job i eant,

because they only want the young

you see i believe in happiness

and not feeling very sad

so please leave me alone, ya dead old hag

coca cola is the best medicine, dudes


that was a great number, and now dudes, here is the second song

called 16 pounds


16 pounds to buy a car with

it is a very cheap car if it costs that much

ya see a dollar bill can buy a car mat

it really protects your car floor from looking really bad

the australian cent isn’t around anymore

cause you can’t buy much with it, so i chuck it away,, my friend

a japanese coin is a wonderful coin

i notice there is a hole in the centre

so you can stick your finger in

$16 is a lot ya see

you could buy an expensive tub

of honey from the bee

so if you spend all this money now

just remember the old tune from yello in the 80s with oh yeah bow bow



thanks dudes, and now this next song saying, i am a family person

i am a family person and pretty **** cool

and i am too nice to break any golden rule

ya see i love life and i never stray, yeah i am a family person, dude, anyway

you see with me, i never get stressed cause i am a positive person

i believe in loving life almost every day

nothing can stand in my way

i believe in buddhism because i respect my friends and family

and that makes me alright, i guess

if i see anyone treating me like a hooligan you should freaking get a life, dude

cause i am a family person who loves life every single day of the year

ok dudes as we are partying up here on saturn, here is the spider milkshake


spider milkshake is good enough for me

spider milkshake is such a tasty treat

just catch a spider in your bug catcher oh yeah

add some milk and vanilla and have a party

at the mall i am sitting here having a nice vanilla slice

and suddenly it hit me, i need a nice cold drink

i cloud choose pepsi or coca cola man

but the only drink i can drink

is a spider milkshake yeah

spider milkshake is good enough for me

spider milkshake is such a tasty treat

just catch a spider in a bug catcher tray

add some milk and vanilla and have a party

you see this weekend i am going to live it up is sydney

i am going to darling harbour and manly and circular quay

you see i will head to the coffee shop to buy myself a gift

and that is a spider milkshake very tasty heaven forbid

spider milkshake is good enough for me

spider milkshake is such a tasty treat

just catch a spider in a bug catcher yeah

add some milk and vanilla and have a party

you see as we sit here and eat some nice humble pie

and one kid said i will never tell a lie

and as the time came for after school he said

please give me a delicious spider milkshake, oh yeah

spider milkshake is good enough for for me

spider milkshake is such a tasty treat

add some milk and vanilla and say to each other hey

this is the time that we really party

that was a great number, how many of you dudes want your earth bodies to drink a spider milkshake

and here is our next number for you


oh dear what can the matter be

oh dear what can the matter be

oh dear what can the matter be

i haven’t got much money to share

you see i go on holidays across all  the highways and byways

i wish i could have money oh yeah

i have been lost at the fair

i cheered for sydney at the SCG

as they won the big match oh yeah

oh dear what can the matter be

using all of your grey matter be

the devil is upon the bad people yeah

johnny is long at the fair

i went to the park

to play catch with a dog

the name of the dog was little fog, ya see

he was a very adorable dog

oh what a wonderful dog

oh dear what can the matter be

oh dear what can the matter be

i wish i was about 7.3

so i can go off to the fair

i called the police on my mobile

because this ******* was annoying me

i wish they would leave me fucken be

i want to be left in peace

oh dear what can the matter be

i think he thought i was someone else ya see

because i don’t want to have voices that are crazy

i am so long at the fair


hi dudes, that was my new numbers and i will see you in the cosmos next time, catch ya later, dudes

captured in the psych ward the cool heavy metal fan winds up being captured in the psych ward



you see while ron is busy in his hdu trying to look after everyone, in werribee, there was this man

playing heavy metal really loud, and the real **** of a bloke came out to complain about it

the heavy metal fan told him to get nicked and put it up even more louder, and this bloke rang the

police and the police came down in 45 minutes and the heavy metal fan said, dude, i am only sharing

the music i like the best, and it is good music he said, but the police said, TURN IT OFF, and when the

heavy metal fan refused and also spat right in the cops face, and the policeman grabbed him and

put him in the back of the paddy wagon and sent to the lockup, when he got there, he stopped swearing

and became suddenly good, actually forgetting about why he is there and this prompted the police to
‘
put him in the HDU, saying he is a danger to himself and others, but he became very defensive when it came

to defending his music, he punched charlie chaplin and patty roe, for saying his music is crap, and ron

went into his room to try and get his name, and he said it was axil slash bone, and ron didn’t believe that

was his real name, but it was hard to get his real name out of him, so he called him axil, and ron said

do you know why you are here, and axil said, i was listening to my cool heavy metal music and this big fat

rich ***** came over and threaten me into turning the music down, i refused because heavy metal is made

to be enjoyed and ron said, have you been on any medication in your life, and axil said, medication, are

you calling me crazy, only crazy people take medication, and ron said, well, for what i heard, you might need

something to calm you down, and axil yelled out THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, and ron said

maybe not, but you have to control your behaviour, axil told ron to get ****** saying, i am not like these

******* in here, i am a cool heavy metal fan who deserves a break, ron was prepared to break it for a while

but at dinner he yelled at the dinner table threatening to bash charlie, saying, you are crazy, you do know

that your not fucken charlie chaplin don’t ya, charlie said, leave me alone you idiot and except medication

and axil picked up a metal knife and started chasing charlie around with it saying come here ****

come here ya bleeding **** and charlie yelled out, HELP ME, HELP ME, the mad man is after me

and ron gave axil a shot of ****** and put him to bed and went to the nurses office saying axil needs

to be trialled on medication, he won’t like it, but we might have to convince to him, his behaviour was

disruptive and needs to be placed on a drug, so when the dinner dishes were picked up and they

bought out the sandwiches for supper, then ron bought out the medications and he had some risperidal

for axil, and when he reached axil, axil yelled so loud, I DON’T WANT ANY MEDICATION, THERE IS NOTHING

WRONG WITH ME, and ron said, yes you do, and you are going to take this medication even if i have to

force-feed this down your throat, and axil said, why do you care so much, all i was doing is playing loud music

there is nothing wrong with that, ron said, you got aggressive with the man, so the police bought you here

and while you are here, you must take medication, and as he did it, ron said, what is your favourite music

axil said, i like AC/DC and twisted sister and WASP and guns and roses, and that is where i got my name from

and ron gave him the medication with a glass of water and left the HDU and went to the pizza hut, to buy a super

supreme and retire to the couch to watch TV.

i wanna piece of ****** piece of ****** food

i wanna piece of ****** piece of ****** food

says the homeless person, as he is collecting

abuse from the big mean rich *****

i wanna piece of ****** piece of ****** food

you see brian the cool person

will make sure that all the homeless people are fed

with lettuce and tomato from the garden

and sausages and steak and lamb chops

sounds so radically awesome dude

you see i want the poor to be looked after

**** the religious wannabes, i am a buddhist

buddhism isn’t really a religion

it’s a sign you should be nice to one another

respect one another, be cool with one another

not call each other names of verbal abuse

i wanna piece of ****** piece of ****** food

i wanna piece of ****** piece of ****** food

but the rich arrogant ***** lookout for number 1

and say that is mine

the fucken ****** **** he is

i wanna piece of ****** piece of ****** food

to show the ***** i mean cool

you see i party in front of my box

while all the good folk are cleaning for the *****

you see i clean when i want to, and there is nothing wrong with that

all the ***** are teasing cause they wanna push me back

just a few more hours of listening to the cool band kiss

where you have a few hours trying to clean your house

oh yeah i party, like brian the cool person does

i am not ***** like the rich ***** are

i wanna rock and roll all night and party every day

the ***** only party when they have approval by the big power of attorney

just a few more hours, before this concert is over

and maybe i will tidy up, but it’s always clean when it needs to be clean

party party party let’s fucken have a party dude

and rock and roll all night and party every day

oooooohjhjhhhh black diamond

you see i am a poor man, never gets what i want

from the big fat rich arrogant ****

i believe in loving life, even if people tease me

cause brian the cool person can handle anything

you see i hate those rich conservative *****

they don’t care for us poor people at all

i say i need money, the ***** say, here is a ball

you see i hate those ***** all so much

they don’t care for that we’re poor

as i said they will just give us a fucken  ball and tease us, saying play with it

here we go round to help the poor help the poor help the poor

here we go round to help the poor is brian allan’s philosophy

you see brian allan helps the poor helps the poor helps the poor

you see brian allan helps the poor by becoming one of them

you see brian allan has made mistakes made mistakes made mistakes

you see brian allan has made mistakes, which made him one of the poor people

you see brian allan loves being around the poor being around the poor

being around the poor

you see brian allan loves being around the poor

helping the poor is what brian allan loves to dude

brian allan helps the poor by designing homes designing homes

designing homes

brian allan helps the poor by designing homes

a homeless shelter for everyone who is poor to share a meal

you see brian allan is a god scent to the poor people more than anyone

brian allan is a god scend to the poor, yeah he is helping everyone understand

the poor are people too, and they are well looked after, dude

here come the brumbies here come the brumbies

the ACT brumbies they beat the hurricanes 52 ,=10

here come the brumbies here come the brumbies

the mighty mighty brumbies

it was a great game oh yeseree

you see those brumbies you see those brumbies the ACT brumbies

we will fight from the start till the end yeah

you see those mighty brumbies yeah those mighty brumbies

we will fight from start to finish, yeah mate yeah

50 ****** 2 was our score, the brumbies are the best team of the super rugby

and those mighty hurricanes are licking their wounds

what ever happened why did they lose my 42 points

here come the brumbies here come the brumbies

the ACT brumbies the ACT brumbies

we beat the hurricanes by 52 to 10

go the mighty brumbies for victory

i want to party with the young dudes

cause they are very very very very hip

i will party with the young dudes from now until next week

by playing a bit of poison and def leopard too

which will be ever so ****** cool

put your sunshades on and we can party with every young dude in town

you see we go and drink taquila

and we gulp it down real fast

then we try a bit of bourbon

and add some coca cola yeseree

yeah, maybe we will try a bit of ***

yeah a real party drink that is

and then add coke to have so much fun

that will be so freaking ace, man

you see as i am partying with the young dudes

it’s the best thing that i ever did

partying with the young dudes is so cool

my mate yeah mate yeah it’s cool

i am a happy dude and i am a party dude

who likes the idea of being reformed from my sins

i love life a lot enjoying my walk around the block

and that is why i am a party dude

i go into the party clubs and i write party stories

and i have a lot of fun because i believe in being a fun loving guy

who lives life to the full

and i used to have friends to take  me to concerts

now i watch them on youtube

and some took me to parties and there was a stripper bubba bubba

i wriggled my body up to her beautiful body

you see i am a happy dude and i am a party dude

last night i watched twisted sister and alice cooper

and i was singing the song poison with the poison effect

cause those bands are so radical, dude

i partied to the music like a real lover of life

you see if i were a billionaire i would build a night club in my apartment block

so all of us cool people can party all night and day

you see i am a happy dude and i am a party dude

i party on youtube all the time, watching great bands i knew so well

people say they are bigger people than me

i say i am a bigger party dude writer and artist than you will ever be

happy dudes are cool

and i am cool man

way back in the dark ages of the 800s, there was this big ship which carried

prisoners who committed harsh crimes, and the man who ran the ship was tom beatrice

and he had the job of making sure all of the prisoners were safe and put in line.

the first prisoner was

1  barney lumpstone, who was a convicted murderer of 3 women and 5 children in chile

the next criminal was

2 harry broad smith who was in because he murdered the king of france, and he needed to respect authority

so the police put him on the ship to be taught discipline

3 and ten there was rodney parkes who sexually assaulted 3 teenage girls and was put on the ship

with the crowd hoping it will sink making rodney scared for his safety

tom said, you are ****, rodney, you are complete ****, and you need to understand what you put your victims through

4  and then there was tom hunter who robbed the local bank and took 2 hostages with him for security, because he didn’t trust nobody

when the police caught him, they put him on tom’s ship and tom, made sure his prisoners were kept busy making handbags and wallets

and even fishing for fish for the folk on the island, and mind you tom beatrice was a strict officer, anyone who stepped out of line

will be severely dealt with like tom would hit them with a stick till they are behaving themselves, and tom made sure all the jobs were done well

and the prisoners knew that tom meant business, each prisoner tried to work as hard as they could, but it wasn’t easy because tom was such

a slave driver and no prisoner would dare escape on the islands, but barney tried, but it wasn’t easy as tom knew his way around all the islands

and tom had it in his mind, that barney will be found, and under a whip, he gets the other prisoners to comb the island to look for him, and after

a few hours searching they eventually found barney and when they all got back to the boat, barney was given 14 lashes with the whip till he understood

that escaping wasn’t an option, the other prisoners thought after seeing what happened to barney, they felt kidnapped away from civilisation for a while

at meal times, tom fed each prisoner to how hard they worked, if they worked well, they will be fed a banquet and if they were slack they got bread and water

you see barney was a slow learner, which is why he killed those women and children, tom knew he was in a battle with barney, but one thing he wasn’t going

to put up with is a slacker, barney wasn’t always in the mood for tom’s discipline, and decided to play up much to the other prisomers dismay, because they

just wanted to spend the remainder of their time on the boat with no problems, but with all the fights there are on the boat, mind you tom wasn’t going to put up

with any tom foolery, but sometimes he had to sacrifice his beliefs to avoid a prisoner strike, but nobody even thought of striking because tom was strict

as anyone who spoke up, will be sent to solitary and bashed by tom, and this made the prisoners think, if they step out of line, they will be bashed in solitary,

you see, each prisoner was roughed up a bit, but tom wasn’t afraid to **** if he needs to, to keep up discip[line on the boat, and then barney and harry and rodney and tom parkes

decided one day to take on tom, saying, he is just a person , and there is 4 against 1 and tom came in to send them to bed, the 4 refused and used force to stick up for themselves

tom got his gun but barney grabbed the gun off tom and the 4 prisoners ran all over the boat trying to find the engine, but the prisoners were getting tired from all the work they did

but still wanted fight tom’s harsh discipline, but there was no escape and then rodney noticed an island about half an hour swim away but it was there when tom cornered them

and each prisoner said, we must jump and risk our lives, and barney jumped in, then rodney then tom hunter and tom caught harry and took him to the whip room, meanwhile harry

managed to say, go save yourselves, but it was hard as harry had to do all the work by himself, and tom used harsh discipline, and for barney tom and rodney, well rodney was eaten by a shark

barney made it but was tied to a stake and killed, and tom hunter joined the pirates but after 3 months was killed in a pirate war and for harry and tom, well harry was worked too hard from tom

harry killed tom and threw him to the sharks and then jumped in after tom to make sure the sharks **** tom, they did, and they killed harry too, and for the boat, well it was left there for 300 years

till the pirates took over it, to hold their many hostages.

party zone with johnny brown

pictures on brian allan's Facebook page profile tapestry

johnny’   hi dudes and welcome to party zone at the royal canberra show

and we have just been entertained by the team d max and boy were they

exciting and the two wheel wheelies were pretty cool as well

and now we have people with some jingles about the show

here is the first from young peter

peter’  i like the show ever so much from the side show to the

fun in the arena, i really like the cars, yo it’s fun and the whip cracking is the the coolest around

you see we have barbecues and chips and chips on a stick and fish and chips

and mate, there is plenty to drink and later there is more fun in the arena, yeah mate yeah let’s party

dude, yo let’s get down

johnny’  thank you peter for that great jingle and now here is harry with his jingle

harry’   party on yeah party on

the time to have fun is now

with show bags and side show alleys and stuff on the arena too

i saw the cars, ahh so rad and i saw the heritage area too

that is the most exciting thing i have ever done

canberra canberra canberra

show show show

the best show in oz

johnny’  thanks harry and here is josh morgan with his little jingle

josh’  oh come to the canberra show and enjoy the rides and ****

and enjoy the cars doing the dirt burnouts, yeah that sounds so cool

and don’t forget to watch the fashion parade

and we can really enjoy that

you see i won a teddy bear and i will give it to my missus

hoping she will really like it, i think she will

this is the best show on the east of australia

come on and party from start to finish

at the royal canberra show, yo dude

johnny’   hi dudes and now we are around the young farmers for the challenge heats

and they all sing their little jingle, here it goes

young farmers

we are the greatest my friend

we will show who will win it till the end

and we are about to play in our challenge heats

and each one will be pressing to win

and mate we are the young farmers

and we will triumph over all mankind, young farmers

johnny’  this is a great day at the canberra show and here is john with a jingle about the young farmers

john’   you see we throw a boot in the bucket and we do it well

and we plant our own seed and we must know the seed

and we unwrap the swag and then we milk the cow, yeah that is cool

as we grab the potatoes and we hammer the nail

and who does it all first wins the battle wins the battle wins the battle

yeah, now we have done all that

we should party hardy dude

johnny’  thanks john and now we see the presentation and it is a good team who won

Johnny'.     Welcome back to party zone and we just had

The ford v Holden ute challenge and here is Daniel is giving

Us a jingle about what he saw

Daniel' gentlemen start your engines

As the ford is going to splash all the stones on us

The Holden does the same thing on the other side

You see as the burn outs and then trying to get around

The witch's hats without knocking them over, they fail miserably

Then as you are in the crowd trying to enjoy your ice cream soda

Yeah mate yeah the car kicks all the stones all  over you

And now after doing so many laps to please the crowd

They go off and burnout once more past us,

And I will tell you all on party zone, yeah it is the right time for partying oh yeah

Johnny'.  Thank you Daniel and now let's find a decent party somewhere, dude

Johnny'.  Welcome back and we are currently watching the harness racing and these

Horses are fighting fit, as we are waiting for team d max and Showtime fmx and there is

No rain, which is good, and now here us young Toby Mitchell with his jingle

Toby'.  It is getting darker and we are preparing for a great night ahead

You see I am sitting here with my fave food, banana bread

It is not too hot nor is it too cold, and we are never to old to enjoy ourselves on this nice Canberra night

You see we are at the Canberra show soaking up the atmosphere

I am at the start saying Canberra show is the best fun you can have


Johnny'.  Ok and now it's time to go, from party zone

From the Royal Canberra show and the fireworks are lighting

Up the sky and weren't the Utes and motorbikes great, yeah

And here is Fred to do a poem about

Fred'.  You see the motorbikes go up and meet

Each other, and then they go down the other side

And they chuck wheelies and so did the ute

Yeah mate yeah it is so fucken rad

And I really like the ute doing a two wheel wheelie on the side

And I went away to buy fresh lemonade and fries

The side show alley was just as cool

You see I chucked up all over little ole you

You hated it and you gave me a wollop

And I gave you a lemonade with ice cream dollop

Johnny'.  Thanks Fred and now here is another act for you

From ken

Ken'. You shook Canberra all night long

And you partied all fucken day

And that's the truth

Johnny'.  Good bye from party zone catch ya later dudes

you see i want you to sit there

because me, the man wants to tease you after all these years

ya see, i didn’t get to tease you when we were kids

so, i will ****** well tease you now

you see i don’t care if it hurts your feelings

i don’t care if you don’t want it

because, mate, you tried to be like us, back then

and the victim said, don’t tease me, cause i am a better artist than you will verve

you see you are a negative little ****

who doesn’t care about us, ya know you are the victim i am a bully

then the victim said, why do you like bullying

only baby men bully, cool people like me, do art

bullying is for no hopers like you who is just jealous of my talent

bullies are just jealous cowards who hate life

you see i will never be a bully, cause i love life to bits

i am better than bullies and i am better than the teasing men

you see those teasers are saying, your still getting teased or bullied

but i say, only baby men tease or bully

people who want to go to jail

you see i am cool man, they say cool you i say cool me

your a bully and i am a filthy slob, at least slobs never go to jail

i will say i am a slob forever and the bully is a little baby man wa wa wa

you see the beaumont children were kidnapped and murdered back on january 26 1966 in Glenelg Adelaide

and in case you are wondering, their next lives made it up to an adult, you see it was a plan for the heavens to

trap cronus, and they ran up a series of problems for the 3 children, you see at the quick moment that the

beaumont children had died, they were ready to re enter the next life, and anna, who was the middle child

was reborn on April  13 in 1970, and she was named Ricky Schroder and Jane was the great Danny Ponce

who played one twin ***** hogan on the hit series Valerie and the Hogan Family after Valerie Harper died

Grant was Brian Allan who lives in Canberra because Patrick dunbar wanted Brian Allan to be worried about being an adult, so his family can avoid the USA

at any cost especially when the great Ted Bundy was causing problems for a lot of women over there

and when Brian watched silver spoons for the first time, he noticed that he needed to be kidnapped, but

he only got kidnapped in dreams, because, Jane wanted Rick Schroder to teach Brian that kidnapping is wrong

Brian also watched the hit show Valerie and the hogan family and looked at ***** hogan’s legs but it was because

he was having problems, you see Brian was kidnapped in wisconsin when he was Patrick Dunbar in 1950 by a nasty witch doctor

which made Brian a tad scared of witches when his mother read stories about the wicked witch, even though it was just a story and

then he was kidnapped as Greame Thorne in 1960 and then he was kidnapeed as Grant Beaumont and during his life

he noticed there was a concection  between Danny and Rick and Brian Allan, as they are the reincarnations of the beaumont children

this sounds weird as Brian Allan isn’t gay, but he was weird, and voices in his head said Brian’s Strange and another voice

saying i might kidnap Brian in a minute when Brian was going around Canberra grabbing kids, and as soon as Brian ******* a boy, Anne and Jane came down

and said, you hated it when they got us, so why are you doing it to another, those killers are in jail now and do you want to go to jail too

and Brian didn’t want to live in his delusions saying he is not a crazy person and Jane, who was Danny Ponce and Anna who was Rick Schroder

left Brian to drown himself in self pity, and then Brian knew he had a problem when he met Brendan who was asking for smokes all the fucken time

and he kept showing his Manly legs as he played basketball in Brian’s yard, and Brian who lived in the back yard of his parents house, was really worried

and he thought that everyone is leaving him, but then he saw a version of Lonesome dove, which had Rick Schroder in it, who was Anna, trying to teach

his reincarnation of her little brother who was having a few problems, with the ghost of ted bundy capturing him and Brendan, and then after a few more years in

2007, Brian moved out because every time Brian was having mojo issues every time it looked like he was improving, and when Brian moved out, he started to feel great

and Rick Anna made her reincarnation join the show Strong Medicine, to teach Brian how to deal with the health system, because Brian was struggling with his illness

and Brian was a tenpin bowler for about 12 years and he got quite a lot of great scores, and Brian is still alive today, a bit fat, but still alive, and so is Danny Ponce and Rick Schroder

you see way back in the 1960s, it was hard to cope, for Brian as he was kidnapped and killed 3 times before Brian Allan came into existence,

you see Brian has to now to stand up for himself because he can’t expect Rick and Danny to look after him forever, you see when Brian was running he tied himself tighty to his bed

to try and get a good story out of it, and you might have known that i have a few stories about kidnapping of ***** Hogan and Ricky Stratton kidnapped by the kids and the one about

me being the one to kidnap the sports boys, which i did, but I feel bad about grabbing the kids and yes i hated the father yelling at me, but i hated the idea of scaring the kids, and

i have been struggling, I can’t get a job where I need a working with vomerable persons check, and it was my fault, and I wish if i had my time again, i won’t make the same mistakes

as I did, you see it was good having my previous life’s sisters coming into my head when I was in jail, and i had to do the right thing so I don’t go to prison.

you see Anne and Jane, decided to help Brian who was Grant to make sure he will be sorry for what he did.

how would you feel if you were made to drink wee

how would you feel if a mate was strangling you wanting to be your friend

how would you feel if someone yelled at you for doing harmless teasing

how would you feel if you were locked in a room thinking you were going to be there all night

how would you feel if people said i am going to break your arm

how would you feel if people choose you to stick drawing pins in the behind

how would you feel if you wanted to be a cool kid and your peers wouldn’t let you

how would you feel if some dude calls you a *****, when you know that you are not a girl

how would you feel if someone calls you a dicjk and visits your motel room trying to grab money or clothing

you see you say you can beat these people, well, how do you think i feel, i tried to be cool

how would you feel if people teased you on and off in your head, and if they don’t you end up being a crazy person

how would you feel if people treated you like a crazy person, when you know you don’t

how would you feel if your peers kept on borrowing money off you and played keepings off with your wallet

how would you feel if your brother teased you, i had to do something

how would you feel if people call you a woosey because you act like a rough dude

how would how would how would you blasted feel

how would you feel if your only mate is crazy

how would you feel if men called you a great big ugly snout

how would you feel if some dude grabs you by the feet

how would you feel if drinkers are yelling at you because you wanna share your drink

how would you feel if they chose you to do a lll that, you will hate it, won’t you

what is a word, what is a geek

it’s someone who is stupid or stuck up

you see a nerd is a self obsessed word for someone obsessed

what is a dweeb, a real dweeb

shut up geek ya dweeb, you really big dweeb

in there **** you girl you big girl

i was born a guy, so i am no girl

you see i like computers, so i might be a nerd

i like sport, so i can see the commotion of why people don’t like me on the computer

shut up turk, you are a fool, what is a turk, anyway, it’s just a word that people use

to get the better of people

what is a ****, what do you say if someone calls you a ****

or *******, my head doesn’t look like ****, your head looks like a ****

you see what is a dweeb, does it sound bad, it sounds like a word you don’t wanna use

i go to the mall and have a milkshake and you hear the word dweeb ringing around ya head

you see dweeb is not a problem word

everyone knows about the fact that you shouldn’t worry being called a turk or dweeb or geek or nerd

because really they are just words that should be ignored

what is a faggert, just a word young dudes use to be different to the coward calling old men

you see it’s the same as crazy people, who try to keep little cool kids from the family

you see i don’t know what a faggert is despite being told

i hate when men bash women or women bash men or men **** kids and women and women **** kids and men

i don’t like being treated like an animal, i wish they would treat me like a human being

**** is a word and faggert is a word and  **** is a word, i don’t get offended by it

i never get offended except for people who have got the wrong impression of me, you see they are crazy people, aren’t they

i like music especially heavy metal, i like sports especially baseball and aussie rules and rugby league and cricket

i do what i wanna do, nobody can tell me to shut up, unless they wanna look like my daddy

dude, i am the coolest dude in canberra and i like sky fire it’s radical