I'm sick of the nicknames
I'm sick of the lies.
I'm sick of this itchy,
And fading disguise.

I remember the smiles,
From times too long done.
I remember our laughter,
Our schemes, and our fun.

But now we just sit,
And study our books.
We study our peers,
And popular looks.

Everyone’s against us.
We sneak and we steal,
We try not to conform,
To others appeal.

But we lack motivation,
We lack that famed drive.
That when we were younger
Made us wish we could fly.

If we all worked together
To push ourselves up,
Instead of the poisoning
That makes us give up.

We could make the world see
That what they said was wrong,
We could control our own lives,
No matter how short or how long.

I’d stopped.
I HAD!
I promise...
But now it starts again.
New blades
New cuts
New problems...
But still the same old Jynn.
The scars add up to 81,
No, make that 92.
They never seem to go away
Stuck to my skin like glue.
I write this not with anguish
As oft' my poems are.
Just with simple curiosity
At the make-up of a scar.
It starts out with a split
In the gentle human flesh
The blood pours like a flood or stream
Or tidal wave. Nothing less.
The blood runs down
Then starts to drip
As you relish in the sting.
Then you realize
What a mess you’ve made
Grab some cotton ***** to clean.
Wash most of it downs the drain,
Wipe the rest off of your skin.
And once the bleeding settles down....
Pick up the blade and start again.

The rush
The motion
The perfect clarity.
When everything comes together.
It’s more than you will ever know,
You sing the words,
You tap your feet.
But I make it complete.
The familiar burning in my arms,
The aching in my feet,
I hear the notes,
I know the words,
And then,
I make the beat.
I nod my head,
I thrash my arms,
A mystic dance with every limb.
The amazing rumble in my gut,
That’s goes unnoticed by them.
I am the drummer
Through and through,
You’ll never get the things I do,
Oh singer with your voice so clear,
My singer and my friend,
I know I'm gone,
But I’ll return,
Not for my house, or clothes, or friends,
But to be apart of my favorite band.

Staring down the barrel of a 45
Looking straight into the dark
Knowing what lays down
This ghostly corridor
Could take the pain away

On the edge of this 20 story building
Looking down at the earth
Feeling like an angel
About to fall into hell
Hoping for peace to finally find me

This is not where I belong
On this corner of Life and Death
Pushing the remnants of my sanity
Waiting patiently for you
To tell me you love me

On top this ladder
Nuse tight around my neck
Looking for a way out
Of this reoccuring nightmare
Knocking heavily on Deaths door

Laying with this blades edge
Slowly placed on my wrist
Knowing this poisonous life in my veins
Will eventually bleed out
Bringing on the silent darkness

This is not where I belong
Here with Lady Death
I belong in your arms
Held close to your beating heart
Knowing how much I am loved

It doesnt matter
Where exactly I belong
But a future with you
And a lifetime in your heart
Is better than any mans heaven

I dont care
Where it is I belong
As long as you are next to me
Helping me save myself
From this untamed demon inside me

I've never had luck with blondes.
Well,
I've had lots of luck
falling ever so
deeply
in love with them.

With their eyes
of bright hues in
blue, green, and greys.
Going head over heels
for their charming smiles
that make your eyes linger a little longer
that what's permitted.
Dying
to feel their
godlike
comforting
powerful
touch.

That was easy.
Horribly easy.

But what surprised me,
kicked the backs of my knees
and made me crumble to the pavement
were that those handsome
heavenly faced blondes,
have no soul.

And I am sure of it,
because every
single
******* time,
they leave me...

Alone in the dark,
confused,
disoriented,
with not a single word.
Which leaves my thoughts
to echo in the emptiness,
rummage around inside my skull,
looking in the hollow cabinets
searching for clues
and slowly growing
frustrated
and angry,
angrier,
angriest.
But not at the blonde boys.
At myself.
As of what I did wrong?
Why did they go?
How could I let this happen again?

And every time,
I can never find the reason.
Those blonde boys
just appear in the rays of the summertime
with their golden locks of hair
and leave with their icy dark souls
in the cold breeze of the fall.

And I know,
they will be back next year.
With the sun,
and happiness
and my stupidity.
Until then though
I'm stuck with the abusive markings and stabbing aches.

I do not know how fast time passes by
but all I know, from the very first moment
that I was caught by your loving arms,
I know time will never come between us
to separate our hearts
into two different roads.

I do remember our childhood
when we used to be the best of friends,
we were lying on the grass,
while watching those beautiful stars,
waiting for them to fall for us,
but as we believed in each other’s side
and knew each other better,
I think I was the one
who have fallen in love with you.

After fifty years of marriage
love is always there to remind me
that it is a wonderful gift
to have a chance to live with you
to create memories that I can keep
whenever you would sail oceans apart.

I thought time will not be too rude to us,
but I was only mistaken!
And now, my wishes and prayers are too late
for Him to hear,
but I really want to be young forever,
for even if I will grow old with you,
there will be a day that it is either you
who will be left behind or it is I,
for even if I will grow old with you,
I know time will never be stopped anymore
from separating our hearts
into two different roads.

You're so scared of death but
don't you think you're the only one.
How do you see me at all
through scarred flesh
and pools of blood.

How do you see me at all
when your back is turned
and the snapping noise
of your spinal cord
is all that is heard
drowning out the light
in the room.

Blinding.
Please don't bleed anymore.

And if the sky wasn't falling
I never would have
left you there to suffocate
beneath the waves.

I took you to the edge,
hand in hand
one last time.

It's funny how
the weather always
knew the mood.

There was so much rain,
so much pain.

"I've always wanted to fly..."
You pulled your hand away
I crouched too close to the edge,

"If you jump...
you won't fly.
You'll just be falling."
I've never seen a face
so blank, so indifferent.

"I wouldn't be breaking a trend,
I've been falling,  my whole life."

I stood, wiping hair from your face,
kissed you once
and then grew wings.

Evaporating,
you are air
wrapping its feverish fingers
around my throat
choking me now.

Ain't it funny
when your little witch fingers
pierce my chest
rip out my heart
and crush it;
smallest movements.

Give it back
or God, take me.
I've never felt so empty.
Never been so on fire.

Chemicals will bring you back
become one with your skin
eating you from the outside
in.

I'll never be like you.
We'll never love again.
Stay away from me.
It's not my time.
You'll get your
******* satisfaction
soon enough.