I ceased to believe I exist
On a plane so devoid of bliss
For with every forthright step
And each grasp of reality I get
I sink like a ship, just a blip
On your radar, I've been hit
Mayday, mayday for someday
Maybe I will find myself able to stay
But, for now, I'm shuffling, stumbling
Through thick trees and weathering the rumbling
From the grazed grounds beneath me
The Sun, before me, merely setting
And I find myself wishing, wondering
Where it is I am actually heading.

You hit that note with grace
Every time, every single try
It puts a big old smile on my face
And you never ask, never ask why
Now I don't know exactly where it comes from
And I don't care to even try to find it out
But when you're here and your vibe starts to hum
You induce a phase of long lasting doubt in me

Because you're too good at what you're doing
Don't know where you come from, baby
You're too fine as you walk that pencilled line
Do t know whether to go or come now
That sound, the sound you make
That buzz, that hum for God's Sake

Strap your heart to your sleeve
Like a ticking bomb
You've been pressed to leave
But instead you stay
Gather your gear, it's time to bereave

Leave your things on the floor
Just get up and go
Hesitation's for the weak
Arrive at the horror show
When you realize nothing's for keeps
You legs have a mind of their own
Wolves cry like sheep
And on your sleeve your hearts still sewn

Can't comprehend the process of thought
Things flutter in and out but nothing's right
**** is thrown away before it's ever bought
You're ears aren't as prone as your sense of sight
So just take a second to think it through
Even if, in the end, it's not worth it
Everyone's taller but you never grew
So you accept your fate as it is
You never try to fight

You won't ever win with your mentality
You're so fickle with all your anxieties
You'll never learn, no nothing is registered
Because you're so numb and you float like a feather
I was there, yes I was waiting
To catch you when you left, you were falling
But no one accepts the help
Of the poor boy with no sense of self

Split in
Two
Flipping, flopping
Up, down
Writhing, squirming
The tongue
Grinning in
Agony, ecstacy
It
Does it's work

A grisly stab
In the back
A twist and ******
Of the blade
Like some
Ancient, sacred
Dance

Never believed
But now
I'm on my knees
And how
Did I get here
Without
Even noticing
Where am I going now?
I have no idea

Honestly
I'm ready
To drop out
And clearly shout
I'm through
I'm done
It's true
But I'm someone's son

It's what you say
It don't make sense
It's what you mean
Keep it present tense
It's what you don't know
It's what you believe

Looking up at you through
Cloudy eyes on a hazy day
It's forming something
That can be in the greatest way
Because when I touch you
I know you get goosebumps
Put your hands on me now
Let me know if you think you're stumped
I'm here to help
To be felt
Inside and out

You call me on the phone
I can hear the hesitation in your sound
I can pick up on it from a mile away
Baby, you're not the only one who's bound
To do something completely new
But if I've learned anything
It's that I'd rather have you
On a new plane
Heading to that plateau
I know it feels insane
But trust me to be the only one you know
For sure

Last night I dreamed a dream
A dream where everything
Wasn't at all what it seemed
Peering through a ripped screen
I liked hearing you scream
Only you know what I mean

Out of everything in the world
Tonight I wouldn't trade it
For anything else
Because I think I made it
To the top of my mountain
Through the brush and thick trees
I hope I can drink from the fountain
You see, a guy like me works up a thirst
That can never be fully extinguished
Riding high and dry inside my hearse

What you never see
You can never truly be
And what you are
Can never take you very far
So you have to go out
Climb up on the building and shout
For the love of your mother
And for your father and your brother
In the name of all that is holy
You will always be the one true and only

I promise
To do no harm to you
To never stray between the lines
Even when my light goes from white to blue
My foggy mirror will always show the truth

With that, I think
Through appreciation or disdain
What my brain tells my body to do
Should never cause any pain
Because what I commit myself to
Will no doubt take me for a fool

with all the stars in the sky
burning bright light, never ask "why?"
they exist just as you do and made of everything you are
but you wish, you wish that you could be that bright burning star
hanging, glinting effortlessly in black space without a care
with all the time in the world yet not a moment to spare

you sit in the grass while the sun hides for the night
and the moon, she asks that you take in her sight
the raging fire of the sun and the gentle cool of the moon take turns
and only if you ask of them you will know you have much to learn
so keep sitting in the grass while you level yourself with the frequency
and in the end and with their care you will no longer live in urgency

My cycle of thought goes round and round
Prodding at my blacks and blues
Thrown in the ring going pound for pound
Forced to do what I should be used to

But maybe I'm not meant for this time
Maybe I belong to a more tranquil scene
Desperate for a place to hide
People rush by one, two three
Brain waves crash and burn and
No one seems able to discern
All these things
That bother me

And oh my God
When they come to settle
There's never any room to breathe
In the darkness they breed and meddle
I'm prone to crumble and fall
The rope always snaps
Leaving me in this empty hall
With no one but myself

But the beauty in the downward road
The loneliness and the ensuing confusion
Usually feel like a heavy load
But in the end
Things always put themselves back together
Like an automated puzzle
With the fickle will of a feather
So I sail the open sea
Nothing really bother me

You've got to just run
Just ******* have some fun
Run until you beat out the gun
And go until you blank out the Sun

The moon hung
Snug in the sky
All knowing and saying
Always knows just what's on my mind
I swear she's telepathic
Because at any given time
She knows just what word will rhyme

You don't know it
When she wants to have a talk
But just take a short step outside
And take the moon for a walk
She never disappoints

She likes to tell me she loves me
We've known each other for a long time now
She comforts by throbbing head
Better than I would ever allow
But I trust her with my whole life
Sitting there, looking down
She tells me there's no reason to frown

She answers all of my questions
Never leaving a single one astray
She knows I am eternally grateful
Under her and her stars, I lay
Never met anyone who I trusted more
She knows the heart remembers the hurt
That my head always seems to forget
But she's got my back
In my black sky
She fills in what I lack

Now I will be ******
If I ***** this up again
I like your pretty words
You ignore it like you havent heard
You've got to know what you're doing
But you like to play the dumb doornail
Coming over to me, your voice washes up
Always, never, your plastic words can't fail

I don't know if we're meant for this
But I think I'm ready to try it
Sorry I got so ******
Over such trivial ****
I'll keep my head on straight
If you promise not to be late

I like to liken
What we could be in time to
Earth, wind, water and luck

The war took many things
Many things from many people
Possessions, money, life and love
In descending order.

I was unaffected
For I had nothing to begin with.
No family, no friends, no money, nothing.
And I wouldn't have minded if I was a casualty.

I suppose my nothingness
Could have been taken from me.
If I had lost my life, I might have had something.
But even today, no one knows what happens after your body gives out.

My squadron would be sent on menial missions.
To destroy the last remaining churches, temples, synagogues, mosques.
Only to ***** out the centers for those who still clung to hope.
They were "menial" because there weren't many of those people left.

With the Earth scorched and hope all but a wistful memory
I wondered why, for the first time, I hadn't taken my own life.
It seems unbelievable to live hopeless for so long and never consider it.
But now I fantasized about setting myself on fire, instead of that church.

Days came and days went and nights were spent dreaming of flames.
My throat would hurt from screaming so loud and I liked that.
I would wake up in a blissful daze, the dream replaying in my head.
Then I'd fall asleep again and wake up dreading the tasks before me.

One day, not long after my flame fantasies had begun
The Captain sent our Android unit ahead of us as usual.
Their main use was to scout the area and **** whoever was in our way.
But that day, that day was one I'd never forget.

The Androids hustled ahead and explosions were heard soon after.
The Captain radioed to them but received no answer.
Worry grew wildly on his face as he looked to us.
"ULB-5256... See what the trouble is. This is your prime directive."

I had a feeling I would the one chosen.
The Captain knew I no longer valued my life.
I had never spoken out loud about it.
But the Captain had a way of just knowing things.

I jumped up, eager and excited as ever.
If I ran ahead and got blown to bits, that would be okay.
If I ran ahead and shot everyone else to bits, that would be fine too.
But I had to see what went down because this was my Prime Directive.

My eyes have been deafened
At the sight of ****** ears
Floating hopelessly and tender
Through the sheared, speared, years
So spare me now for my contempt
And inability to connect
My heads gone and gone unkempt
Now I can't even tell you my best bet

I just wanna hang
Hang out with you
I just wanna hang
Hang in with you
I wanna hang
Hang with you

All these little feelings seeping deep in my heart
The whole is **** compared to all these tiny, hazardous parts
It might be time to buckle down and get a grip
But I've never known how to stop guzzling, and just take a sip
You smile sinisterly as you peer into my soul of souls
You reap the constant benefits of resurrecting these feelings of old

To leave you in the dust
And to love every moment
Is the remedy to this feeling
The way to lighten the atmosphere
The fuel in the space craft
And the juice in a glass of content

you're so gentle and you shed so much beautiful light.
but it's like we're driving down that dark road at night.
i feel you next to me, you put your hand over mine.
i was blind once, but you made it so i could see the sign.
i owe you more than i could ever put into words.
i've said it once already but it seems you haven't heard.

so when i break down, i need you to start me back up.
it sounds like a lot, but for you it won't be a problem.
and that's why, from the floor, i'm saying i need picking up.
i'm a child, i know, and you're a pretty pink blossom.
springing from the ground without a care in the world.
or a thought, and that's why i fear you'll be running away.
once you catch wind, once you hear what i'm trying to say.

a thought is thunk
while you
passively
go about
your work.

the thought dies
without a cry,
and so
mourning it
does not seem
necessary.

later on though,
when business
dies down,
it is revived.

like jesus christ
it comes back
to life.

resuscitated.
renewed.
you reign
it in.
you hold on
tight
this time.
grasping desperately
to the frail frame
and open your mouth.

but
nothing comes out.

Would you call me cliche?
If I drank Tanqueray
And then asked you to stay
For only another moment
Because I didn't want to ruin it
Because I only wanted another's second's
Grace with you, with me, in your presence?

Would it be a shame
If one day
We looked back
And realized we never quite made it
Made us out to be what we could have?
What we should have been?

Ever since I put
that knife to skin,
I can't stop thinkin' 'bout
how you've been.
No sense now in desecration.
Only gotta live and love,
but I'm havin' trouble with inspiration.
Seems she's gone, gone for good.
Yeah, I think she left the neighborhood.

My love at times
seems infinite.
And when I rhyme
she's right in it.
It seems, in time,
fires always get lit.

So now I'm truckin' along
through empty streets.
Tryin' to right all my wrongs
and rest my aching feet.
They moved so fast, now
I don't know how.
All I'm thinkin' 'bout
is where I'll show.

Why can’t I be you?
People stick to you like glue.
They just turn and run from me.
Like I’m something they can’t bear to see.
I’m not a ******* animal.
My tanks gone empty and it started full.
Just promise me you won’t leave.
My heart’s been plastered to my sleeve.

Take my hand.
Take my life.
Come to me, let’s just stand.
Together we’ll make them believe the hype.

Sometimes I just think too much.
I wonder if it’s just my luck.
But I feel like the hand I’ve been dealt.
Is just too ****** to even be felt.
So I contemplate the worst.
And picture the ******* hearse.
But then I think again.
About all the time left to spend
With you.

You drive me to insanity.
But youre the only one I want to see.
So I hope you feel the same.
And I hope this isn’t too lame.
But I just wanna spend all the time I have left.
With you and no one else.
So I’d really appreciate it.
If we can just talk and sit.
Forever.

Emmaleigh
Where can you be?
Oh, Emmaleigh
I've been slowly dying
Emmaleigh
I know you're drowning but I need you here with me

I'm lying in wait
In terrible shape
You're out there
Somewhere
Is it too much to ask where?
Heaven or Hell, I don't care
Emmaleigh, I'll meet you there

We were at the end of our rope
Minds and bodies weary
They took our disdain for a joke
Now their eyes are all teary
We knew more than they ever could
We were ahead of their thinking
If only I couldve taken a different track, I would
But its too late
Sealed, are our fates
Forever in this dreadful state

With my ear to the ground
It's time to soak in the sound
Of your voice from the top of that hill
You've never sounded more shrill
But things are constantly shifting
And nothing ever stays the same for long

So just hear me out now
Soak in my sounds
Try to block out the rest
You're being put to the test
Never felt so blessed

My dream is to to live
Live the life Thoreau told me to
To live among the trees and the leaves and just leave
The entirety of the society that told me I live blindly

Because I see everything
The doc tells me I've got me some twenty-twenty
Nothing goes over my head
Unless my body tells me I've bled
Or it feels like my head is being weighed with solid lead

Tell me I'm crazy or stop me if you've heard this one before
I need to get back in touch with the place that took me in
Had enough of the shtick and the schlep of the evil stores
That try to sell me **** and take me places I've already been
Over and over and over again

Oh dear Earth just take me back home
**** me in and welcome me like the son you know
Show me things that I should've already been shown
Free me up from this rigid Hell into which I've been sewn
And let me know its alright to want this

You put me down
You pick me up
You wear a crown
As I drink up
You walk on over
You say goodbye
I've blown my cover
Please don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye

You're in your car
You fiddle with your hair
You say you wanna hit the bar
As I just stare
Looking at you
And peering through
I'm looking through you
And now I know you
Now I know you better than before
And now I know you

With a sigh
I look away
Say goodbye
And I'm on my way
My eyes may be damp
But then soon they're dry
Never thought I'd date a *****
But no one can say I never tried
No, no, no one can say that
No one can even say I didn't try

wading through the water
think you'll never faulter
because it all comes together
through the stormy weather
when the waves crash, crash
it seems like it won't ever last
but it all adds up
yeah it all adds up

oh the math never burns out
you will never have to shout
i always understand what
it takes to have some fun
so let your hair come down
so let the rain touch the ground

"Write me something pretty,"
She said
"Something I can show my family
Tell me how you love and miss me
And how you can't live without me

Write it with your favorite pen
No, better yet
Write it in blood
With your hand trembling and heart burning

Put it all out there, every last word
Maybe write it standing on your head
Or on the edge of a fifteen story building
With one foot hovering over violent traffic below

And after you've done that
Give me everything
I want everything
Your head, your heart, your brain, your lungs, your soul

Give me everything until nothing's left
Until you can't breathe
Put it all on the table and then
Put a smile on your face

Yes
And when it's all there
All splayed out on the cheap, plastic table cloth
I'm going to rip it off.

You better hope your love is balanced,"
She said.

From an innocent boy
To a bitter man
Growing so incontent
As the days lay waste to the land

On the winding road
Where thoughts become words and things
I slip so often

The tears that make streams on your face
Are nothing I haven't swam through before
And the years I spent a broken mess
Are everything of lore
The times I saw your face
The times I never thought to think twice
Are the times I miss the most

No regrets
Just thoughtful rememberance
The times are something I cherish
But it's done with
And I'm ****** up
More than I can ever say I've been

So cut the rope
And let me fall
And drown in a river of my own blood
Don't bother to call
I'll be too deep to even hear
The words through your teeth
That were too often unheeding
Just let me go, let me go
And in time, you'll know
It was for the best
To let my heart rest
After this beating

We walked in silence. Through the water and the dirt and the mud. We avoided eachothers' gaze as we gripped our rifles and let the thought of death pass through our brains with ease. We'd learned to come to terms with the blood. Knowing what we know, we have but no other choice. We have to be comfortable with the uncertainty of death. And in that, we find a sad peace. A solemn look on the face of the horrors hidden deep. A straight gait to disguise the anxieties of dying at the hand of a man with no real knowledge of what it is to die before his time.

And so we marched on, eyes squinting and mouths puckered. The air filled with the fumes of agents designed to poison and ****. Nothing is right here and, yet, nothing is wrong. This is who we are, who we're meant to be. And when the final shot has rung out, we will all know that it was all for something, all for security, all for the greater good. A life for the lives of the innocent. Lives for the life of the powerful. In the end, we know... It's all for nothing.

And when they find this, if they find this, they wil take it as just another note scrawled on the blood-stained pages of man with a duty to uphold and nothing but a life to give.

I coughed up a lung
Trying to talk to you today
Looking at you over there
I know what it is you're trying to play
But right now, I'm leaving
And I'm not sure I'm gone
And then I'm in my car and weaving
Through the icy streets with the heat on

I really thought I knew who you were
The 1 to my 1 that makes one two
I just shook my head when I heard for sure
I don't know how I didn't have a clue
All my walls are dripping navy blue
Down through the waves just trying to get you

You are my sweet double-etendre
But where do you start and begin?
You say one thing and start to cry
Where is the place that we're headed?
You never hear me out and you never tell me why
Is it that you've been having second thoughts again?
I'm packing it in not because I want, but I have to
Will you think of me in the future as a friend?
The end seems bitter but the bitter isn't always the end

i can really see the altar now
draped in black, got me wondering how
i could trip for so long and still stay on my feet
forever ago i could've sworn i was beat
the clouds of ash blocked out the sun and filled up my ears
couldn't see a ******* thing because of all the ******* tears

i made the assumption and i was wrong
thought i was weaker than you all along
but now i'm growing and rising up
kiss me slowly as i sit here and pour up

I got a secret that'll make you sick
I know something that'll make you think
I'm always there when the air gets thick
I'll be there to fade your red to pink

I know you know
That I know what you know
As confusing as that sounds
Nothing matters when you've hit the ground
But getting up running is what I've learned to do
If I learned it from anyone, it's got to be you
What does it hurt to make someone's day?
Oh, what bad is there in doing the right thing?

Just let me know when you need what you do
Cuz I'll be right there no matter what I'm going through
I'll try to turn the light back on, try to flip the switch
Try to pull you up and outta that ditch
The only thing I ask for in return
Is for a place in your heart, down the roads I turn
Making my way, doing my thing
As you bleed all over my heart-string

one night to prove to you
not everything is blue
one day to pave the way
i need a reason to stay

calling on higher powers
to ease my mind
can't wait for the time it takes
to walk this thin line

so many colors around
all the greens and grays
our ears pick up the sound
we lean, we lay

we won't be here forever
this i know
in front of us, our lives are tethered
this i know

Because there's no chance in Hell
Fires burning for a hundred nights and a day
No future as far as I can tell
Inside my warm bed where I lay
So just leave me alone
Yeah just walk on your own

Things broke in the morning
When everything was cool
I thought I was yearning
But your touch just makes me shudder
I had to leave the spot
And just let it die where it was
Because when things get too hot
I'm not one to stick around
No, I'm gone without a sound

in the war
they teach you
in the war
they beat you
in Afghanistan
they strip you
mold you
glue you
back

a new man
a true man
a great man
a dead man

The melancholy of the city
It propels, it repels me
The darkness of the streets
At night when we meet
Is all I've ever wanted

Street lights glowing maniacally
Above cars zipping inherently
Owing their lives to these people
Moving, shuffling, toppling sheeple
Money is the name of the game, this game
Either you have it or you don't... but it's all the same

You see, your face is something interesting
To me I've never really felt as if this thing
The pump of my heart in rhythm with
The steps you're taking and you don't give a ****
But it's all alright because I've got no respect
For anything and I never care to check

                  To see
                             If you're like me

Eyes glazed over.
Sitting down.
Staring away
at the ground.
Tracing my knuckle
with my finger.
Having a chuckle,
good thoughts linger.

The air around my head feels light.
The ground below my feet feels right.
Soaring above, looking at the ants down there.
When I'm actually just sitting in this chair.

I know I'm coming off
As whiny, you scoff
At my childishness and
How I refuse to bend
But it just seems to
Me that all of it plus you
The whole world operates
In the opposite of what you dictate

You can't push too hard at all
Because you only end up on the floor
Clutching your hair and humming
Crazy on the doorstep, punching the door
You always end up punching the door

there is
and
then there isn't.
an ephemeral specter
that glimmers
and then sparks
in the low, yet vibrant,
glow
of the mother moon.
cycling,
repeating,
rotating omnisciently.

what was
is
and then is gone.
what is dead
is
what the living need.
why is it
that
we reject the way?
what once was
becomes
what is now.

Here's to thoughts
Here's to words
Here's to communication
Here's to discourse

Here's to rationality
Here's to logic
Here's to what we know
Here's to the truth

Here's to the wrongs
Here's to the unfortunate
Here's to the let-downs
Here's to moving on

The film burnt out
With the past
Your eyes glint
In the moonlight
I saw my life
Light up
With the strife
Of the everyday struggle
When your therapy
Enraptured me, enraptured me

Your mouth
Showed me
Introduced everything
Of what was in store for me
It allowed the flow
Of the blue current
To take hold
And I appreciate
Your whole and bold
Poisons and gifts
To take me over
To show me
To allow me
To see
What I was meant to see

In a place
Where the blood
Flows like wine
And the wine
Tastes of poison

Things seem so
Complicated
On the surface
But beneath
The thinned skins
Lies the stuff
Thats brings knees
To floors

i saw her standing there, laughing and smiling
i looked down and filled my lungs with clean air
it was funny how in her smile i could see her crying
i looked up again and tried my best not to stare
she looked my way and ran her fingers through her hair

her pretty clothes looked a little old but i could see
that she didn't care because if she did she would cease to be
as i came closer then i could feel a sense of urgency
from within me i tried to quench the flames of unbridled glee
she smiled wider then, white teeth glimmered back at me
"what's your name?" i said, standing like a willow tree

as i heard her words for the first time, already hoping it wasn't the last
the vibrations from her throat caressed my eardrums violently
a little shaken and surprised i could feel the mistakes of my past
as they rose up and greeted me rather harmoniously
i realized i knew that they now meant nothing to me

No, I'm not really scared
I don't see the point in being frightened
Being strong can't compare
In the end you are enlightened

I'm just so happy to see you here
Nothing can curve my mind now
Baby there is no fear
Don't be afraid, I can show you how

Looking back in anger is so tempting
But at the end of the rope is nothing
When you've completed what you've been attempting
It's so fulfilling to know that you're the only thing
Still standing

Because all you have is you
Trust is a trait that the naive hold dear
And you know it's true
The only thing is you that you have to fear

The great lengths that you endure
Are what the lines in your face stand for
So just keep the light flowing through
Just keep on being you

i ate up your love
and i threw it up in the street
with eyes on setting suns
so uncomfortable in our seats

i dug up your treasured chest
couldn't believe what i'd found
i thought you were the best
standing atop your muddy mound

why does it always seem
like i can't handle the truth
think i need jack nicholson
to knock out my favorite tooth

but it's over and done
over and out, it's been fun
i still swear you're a ****
but my eye's still on the sun

I don't get a weekend
Cause I'm stackin' bands
Hope I get to see you
Once my flight lands
Been up in the air
For too long
I just wanna touch your hair
And sing you a song
So this ones for you
Out there in shades of blue
I hope you know it's true
When I say I love you

I never really thought
it'd come to this
A war hard fought
And you, I missed
I'm past trying to save face
I can't hide the feelings
I'm here and I hate this place
I'm done with trying and failing
You pop up in my head again and again
The way you move and you talk, baby, I'm a fan
I just don't know when my flight will land
Crawled too far up and you're buried in the sand