I write and I write but it just doesn't fill the holes of the absent anymore. My emotions are on hold and my train of thought is, well, malnourished. I need to be productive, more ambitious, and, I guess, a little less occupied with showdowns against the moon. I use to have dreams, and goals, I use to be happy. Now I have blocked memories of empty bottles and a love slowing healing from being shattered to the bone.

This is my own fault yet I can't fix it, not back to what it use to be. There will always be a scar layered with uncertainty. I can give my sincerest apology but that's more like a bandaid with ointment smeared all over it. I feel like you deserve more than that but I'm not sure what to do or give as a replacement. Though I hope you know I would do anything in a heartbeat if it would mean you had the slightest idea of how truly sorry I am.

I want to come out of this barrier I've put between myself and the outside world to get a job, yet I don't have the nerve to really leave the house. I wish I could find a way out of this mess of my mind because I feel more than ready to start the new chapter to our life. But I think I need help, a shove here or there, to get back on my feet. I need to feel like I'm needed, and less like I'm expected. I need an open window to escape this haze I call my daily routine. I need to try and be better than what I am today, if not for me than for you.

So here’s another story of he and she.

Half world was imaginary.

She lived in stories and tales,

Sung with characters, held their hands and laughed with them.
She’d sit in the garden uphill and read and smile and cry.

Until one day he passed by and their eyes smiled.
The stupid Cupid moved his wand, shot the arrow and went away looking for his next prey.

Now they would read together under the tree in the same garden.
He was a mystery who never spoke his mind
But fell in love with her little chaos inside.
“Let’s be fictional,” she said.
His eyes said yes.
Eyes could talk, who knew until now?


On page ten, they fell in love, irrevocably this time.
Page forty-one, they kissed.
Page eighty-seven, they danced in rain.
Page one-hundred and fifty, they shared the warmth on a winter night.
Page two-hundred and twelve, it became madness.

Who wanted this book to end?
But all books do end.
Every book has a last page, last sentence, last word, last letter.

And so came page three-hundred and fifteen

He had to go now.
Where?
We don’t know.
Why?
Nobody would ask.
For how long?
Forever, perhaps.

It was madness again.
A sickening melancholy madness.
She’d still sit there under the tree uphill,
Knowing he’d never come but still waiting for him to pass by.

She’d pick up her pen and write everyday; scribble anything.
The blue ink and the white sheets heard it all and she’d tell them everyday,
“It takes madness to fall in love and it takes madness to fall out of it.”

people, stop killing
each other for god's sake; then
we will live in peace

Walking down the valley
with a monk
come across a tall tree.
I said, "This one is very tall."
He replied, " Its neither tall,
nor short."
and he left,
I was confused with
his statement and walked
further,.. then I saw
another tree much taller.
Now, I understood the
meaning of his……..

I know the little boy
that walked for miles
in everybody's shoes
and I know the Man
who speaks only
when he chooses to

I've met the laughter
I've wiped away the tears
I've sat silently
as he diligently walked
through broken years

I've met the comedian
I've met the larrikin
I've met the musician

I've met the old soul
that tells tales of woe
but cries silently
counting every tear

I've met the body
that wakes up every day
angry with the universe
but with nothing to say

I've met
the troubled heart
the irreverent lark
the messed up kid
but comforted
the messed up adult

I know my best friend
and I'll be the one
to tell those
that just saw
one side of him

That they didn't look so deep
they have no right to keep
their memories that are shallow

I've met my best friend
and...
you're wrong
just so you know

I know him
he's so strong

Stronger than the shadows
that haunts him in real life
I know him,
*he's stronger than you or I