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John Bartholomew Jul 2023
Ripped from stem, like we had no life at all
Our petals just in bloom, now never to be seen fall
Yellow, red, or blue
It's life as true as you
Giving pollen to be carried out by the bees
To impregnate the hay-fever sufferer along with the trees
Just a passing phase once summer has gone by
To be planted in the shade by novices who do but try
But we regrow, we divert, we regain new powers
So never underestimate the strength we have,
us,
Broken Flowers

JJB

💐
John Bartholomew Mar 2021
You are not a song forgotten
Thrown onto the back downtrodden
Recorded to just fill that gap
Written after I'd had my nap
For the best of girls they always hide
Like a discovered song you only knew
On that sunny August afternoon
B - side (the seaside)

JJB
#nevertobeforgotten
#somememoriesliveforever
John Bartholomew Oct 2020
One word, I told you not to say it
It's hurt
It's pain
It's it
This cannot go on with any purpose to it's relevance
I'm sorry but you have always known not to mention
It's tension
It's hold
But you had to be bold
I am so sorry
The love of my life,

But Thats Where it Ends.

JJB
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
You look at the television, a new series is starting
Wife's making the tea, kettle boils, just waiting in the kitchen
3 minutes in, a face appears, it takes a minute to click
Honey, who's this guy, I've seen him before but it just wont tick

Hot drink in each hand, she steps in, looks, pauses and takes a think
Oh, he was in whats it called, that show with the family on the brink
He tried to ****** the mother to get the payout to feed the kids
No, different guy, he's in Corrie now emptying the bins

Keep watching, it'll come, this confusion that matters to nothing
But it's bugging, so frustrating, his face was definitely in something
What's his name, well I don't know, we'll have to wait until the end
Click on the info button, it'll show up there, I might even have to phone a friend

OK, nobody has mentioned him for a while, what was his name?
Been around the block a bit but not known for his fame
Appeared in The Bill, Birds of a Feather and Celebrity Generation Game
But a face you forget, an accent non describable and tomorrow you'd still forget it again

An every man, he fits in the plan, can take any role and just blend into the background
A speaking part, a bit-part actor, was even in some major films but never talk of the town
And then you look down in Tesco's, his name at last you see on a DVD in the bargain bin, great, its him!

But what was he in?!

JJB
“People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so **** frightening.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

“Nothing is more frightening than a fear you cannot name.” ― Cornelia Funke

“what you don't know, you don't miss” ― Cecelia Ahern
John Bartholomew Feb 2021
What is the purpose of this visit?
Is time on Earth just a phase
An appearance to say hello, goodbye,
I only popped in for a minute
For some people seem to transcend,
and not even say goodbye
While others just don't leave, please go, you've had your ****** time
Because sometimes I'd just like to appear without even saying hello
I've done my bit, toodlepip, its time for me to go

Cameo

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2023
Caring for the caring is a trait we should all be sharing
Be it a hug
A kiss
Or just a friendly pint for the craic
Their are some who have none and prey to have those back
This pandemic has hit the world hard
Dealt a costly hand to the weak and those in fear
But some have been angels who share a story with a friendly tear
So think of the few,
The help,
That lifeline belt
Who spoke those words that made you smile
For those are the ones who helped you fight on
And just take that extra mile

JJB

#Covid-19
#pandemic
John Bartholomew Sep 2021
Thats nice
Oh, I like that
It'll look good on the shelf
Now stuck in that drawer, gathering ill heath
The football programmes
The bottles of bleach from the Tenerife sun-tan
The school nativity play from your neighbour Stan
All shoved in the closet
With the receipt for the apartment deposit
Gathering dust for that day that you want it
Forgotten in the turns of time
Like that vinegar once bought decayed in brine
Stuck in the cupboard behind the lemon and lime
We look at it and always sadly mutter
I love it
I'll use it one day
This endless debris of useless, worthless, selfless,

Clutter
“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” ― Albert Einstein

“Clutter is my natural habitat.” ― Maggie Stiefvater, The Scorpio Races

“...that once were urgent and necessary for an orderly world and now were buried away, gathering dust and of no use to anyone.” ― Patricia A. McKillip, Alphabet of Thorn

“I like working among ‘creative clutter’. It gives me a sense of activity and achievement.”― Fennel Hudson, A Meaningful Life - Fennel's Journal - No. 1
John Bartholomew May 2018
Can somebody tell me just when did this happen
commentary on when the bean is ready to ripen
we had tea long before time
from China down through the Himalayas, our army marched on this stuff
we all now have a new flavoured taste, the humble cup of tea is now considered a crime

From the elegance of Earl Grey to the builder’s cup of Yorkshire
to be handed this over a mocha or latte, oh how those new snobs do sneer
seventy pence for that cup of drivel, I would rather die a thirsty death
a bit like shopping in Lidl, only at my last breath

Sitting down with paper in hand, let me look like I’m part of a movement
I’m one of you, were part of a clan, our work taking up life’s joyous fulfilment
Order a bagel or maybe a donut, take a box back for the guys in HR
I know I’m being ripped off, but best look like a toff, as I struggle to pay for my flash car

And there we have it and what we create, a brand now known in our time
from the mods to the rockers and onto the 80’s yuppie,
to be different is seen as a crime

They rock up to work, Costa in hand as they clock in with their key fobs
for these are the people of today and will always be seen
as the new age coffee snobs.

JJB
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

Tea, though ridiculed by those who are naturally coarse in their nervous sensibilities will always be the favorite beverage of the intellectual. - Thomas de Quincey

I always fear that creation will expire before teatime. - Sydney Smith

Thank God for tea! What would the world do without tea! How did it exist? I am glad I was not born before tea. - Sydney Smith
Cog
John Bartholomew Mar 2021
Cog
The world is a machine
Everyday running on human tasks
7 billion of us just the same
All wearing our Covid masks
It judder's to a start when we first arise
We stretch
We yawn
And work until its time for beddybyes
Now if that one person tells you they're not
A part of this operation all working as one
Then my friend they cannot see,
That they are its final component
In this megalithic device
For they are just,
a cog.

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2021
I'll give you dinosaurs
I'll give you world wide wars
I'll give you religions all to believe
I'll give you sights you can never unsee
I'll give you trends all to wear
I'll give you people for whom you won't care
I'll give you diseases for those who do stare
I'll give you a cure to avoid a wheelchair
I'll give you a choice if you believe all this to be true
I'll give you a minute and I'll get back to you

God.

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2022
We all undo and ***** into a pool or some kind of meaningless puddle
Where our thought escape, linger and dwell
When sometimes all we needed was a good cuddle
Starting at the end of a ready burst bubble
It shatters, it explodes into small catch-less pieces
Just what did it hold to make it suffer
That made it implode into a time with no buffer
And disapper like the Central Park guy, Gunther
We all have our thoughts of what comes next
All these Instagrams to share and get off our chests
Before they become non-fashioned in a time of manifest
Thinking of a money spinner to make our dreams come true
What could, what would and the Ikea enigma of mahogany or tained blue
Life throws us under a bus whether MENSA or just plaim dumb
Whatever way you look at it its always the same
Life is a conundrum

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2021
Half a million hits
Whilst the pervs progressively click
Lacy knickers on as there she solely sits
Bra on the floor just flashing her...oh my!
I'll let you fill in the rest of the bits.

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2022
Try and try and try again
They will never be your partner
They will never be your friend
Could be making millions
If followed the ongoing trend
Sunning off the coast with champagne and a toast
Surrounded by fools who turn up for any personal boast
As you will always be my friend whose lessons I have learnt
Just thrown to the passing crowd for I always do,
Watch them all fritter,
Tastleless,
Ruthless,
Bitter,

Crash and Burn

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2019
Waking up with that one goal
Achieving what's in your heart and your soul
The smallest of things
The largest of things
We all have our private crusades

JJB
John Bartholomew Aug 2021
A cupboard full of cups all of which are assorted
Some you like
Some you loathe
Some should just be aborted
Now I can't throw that away as it's not mine to drink
A present, a holiday place when at the time you didnt think
That football you team you despise but your partner just loves
Or their unicorn standing tall releasing turtle doves (come on)
But you frown and leave them to be
Pushed to the back so that no one can actually see
You pick the same 4 mugs on a daily basis
One for tea, one for lunch and your favourite, your secret
Its a sad state of affairs when you have your priorities
Which is best for a cup-a-soup over your mug of tea
But I think this is what makes us a total breed apart
We stop
We think
We look in the sink
As a cup of tea is the only way to start.

JJB
Tea is a part of daily life. It is as simple as eating when hungry and drinking when thirsty.” – Yamamoto Soshun
John Bartholomew May 2022
Comparing muscles at school after a dip in the pool
Who'd hit puberty first with some hairs around their tool
And wishing it would hurry up as being the bald fool
But these things pass and are all soon forgotton
The leaders will rise while some sink to the bottom
Let them lead as I'll get by with my broken foreign
As age chases us down in a time not so prepared
Living life without a care
We goofed, we played, we dared
Now comes the time that we did scare
The paunch becomes the launch of a middle-age crisis
No more nights of depravity waking with a no-name in the local Ibis,
Time to lose weight and sign up to the Weight Watchers list
Gone are the days of tight tops, slim jeans and a part of the MOD's
From a week on site, mucking up and carrying the hod
Pack in the the Friday treat, the chips, the curry sauce and the cod
For I now have the middle aged familiar thats said
Give up in the carbs, the rice and the bread
As I now have that of what I did dread,
Hello,

The Dad ***

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
We all have our favourite flavours, be it what you will
Add some stock or a can of soup, anything but chilled
Pick a pack from the shelf,
Carrots,
Celery,
Turnips,
A clove of garlic,
All good for your health
A side scoop of fresh mash, potatoes mixed with butter
Bought from the farmer down the road, Mr Smith with the tedious stutter
Straight to bakery for some bread, to soak up that lovely mix
All the ingredients clumped together, every box it does tick
Served with a feeling of a homemade dish, pretty simple when you know how
Delicious and tender and a joy to eat, especially that winter has come now
It warms you up, puts a glow to your cheeks, feels good and livens the soul
Now dunk that bread and sip that wine,

Delicious with Casserole

JJB
Food is an important part of a balanced diet - Fran Lebowitz

People who love to eat are always the best people - Julia Child

You don't need a silver fork to eat good food - Paul Prudhomm

Everything you see I owe to spaghetti - Sophia Loren
John Bartholomew Dec 2019
Sober.
It's an acquired state on mind.
A conscious
A quietness
A fondness
One may say, a heir achy, from you all.

Drunk.
Also an acquired state of mind.
A derailment
A letting go of it all
An unseen hurting inside

You don't know whats happened to that soul
An incident so unforgiving its led to this black hole
The judge in you thinks your above that sad being
But in their own self conscious, it's trouble they are fleeing

(Never judge what you never know)

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2019
Fat
Thin
Living with sin
Depends on how well you know me
My past misdemeanors
You could well take me to the cleaners
On discrepancies I've done in the past
I seem so nice and pleasant
With a smile that seems so repellent
Not even a fly would fear my charm
But it could all just be an act so decisive
That it has other means and devices
That keep me at reach from a length of your arm
But I can turn it on when its needed
Talking the bull with the waffle I'm feeding
And have them eating out of my palm
But that only comes when times can be hard
Concocting the odd story like a once well known Bard
But not as well known as the great Billy Shakespeare
For I am an honest man with the odd story that's a lie
We all have that in our depth even under a shirt and a tie
As times can be hard sometimes we all live in fear
See, you cant describe everyone with same artists brush
We can be rude, we can be transparent and some are just lush
If your looking from just the outside then what a great toosh!

Yeah, go on, I'd love you too,

Describe me

JJB
A bad system will beat a good person every time - W. Edwards Deming

I'm a good person, but with many defects. - Enrique Iglesias

I just want people to realize that it doesn't take much to be a good person. Simple things is all it takes. - Brian Ortega
John Bartholomew Aug 2020
No skills, just a passion for notability
They'd hang you from the nearest tree,
just to make a pretty penny
Lovable, but off in a flash
Could talk the knickers off the tightest of gowns
Sorry, was that my call, must dash
You know this fellow as they often once appear
A charmer, a lover, a chancer
And always leaves the girl in tears
John Bartholomew Jun 2019
Kicking around these parts of life
Its where you finish that matters
Travel the circumference of the world and nowhere counts
That smile and warm smell of where it engulfs you
Chatter, a taste, this is where I feel safe
A passing whiff of a well known must
Everything you love and fear, yeah that's the stuff
Waking with a slumber of never having any fear
Nights out with people you love, the taste of home made beer
It doesn't matter where you go this is the place where you've grown
From the Post Box on the street to the walls made of stone
This is the place you will always love,
Because this place,
Is home

JJB
“The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back.” - Anon

“Home is not a place…it’s a feeling.” - Anon
John Bartholomew Dec 2020
Long since being a kid, he dismissed his parent bought toys
The Tonka truck and football, they were just for boys
He rummaged through his mums cupboard, tried on her high heels
Feeling taller and more ladylike, he loved the way they feel
Putting on lipstick once, he was bullied in the school yard
The lads all gathered round, throwing sticks and a plastic bollard
Crying in the boys toilets, not knowing what he'd done wrong
Mrs Miller came in with an arm, humming a lovely song
Gathering strength, momentum and a new face
It's a life I want to live, even if I'm now called Grace
As this is the way I want to be forever,
Yes,
Diamonds are for Trevor

JJB
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, "Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe." - Joan Rivers

I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my *****. - Sarah Silverman

It ***** to be a boy having his period - Anon
John Bartholomew Aug 2018
If you've not done it then you are a liar too
The luxury of the able-bodied to have a sneaky little poo
Look left, look right, there's nobody about
A peaceful time for what's needed now
A better handwash and a cleaner surround,
from the ceiling to extractor fan
Even onto the white grout

I'm not one to judge as I'd been there before
From a night in Yates's where they want your key to sniff coke
These private, uncompromising rooms have a life of their own, with stories I will not joke

The people of most Wetherspoons have a disabled key they use on a daily basis
Nothing wrong with them all, the odd one with a genuine NHS bracelet,
I tell you now, you really do start to hate it

But it is nice to be away from the majority of the public in a life I did not choose
Occupied, red dial turned, out come a pair of girls mostly half drunk, always together as a two
That is probably why it gets me down, a daily occurrence,
it affects us all,

These,

Disabled bog blues

JJB
My disability exists not because I use a wheelchair, but because the broader environment isn't accessible - Stella Young

The world worries about disability more than disabled people do - Warwick Davis

"Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway" - Mary Kay Ash
John Bartholomew Jan 2023
I roll into the shower and feel the heat
The hot water on my head, my shoulders, my soul, but not my feet
Then I close my eyes and wish this forever as my sleep.....


SMASH!

I look around and my baby has tipped over my catheters
Well she has only just turned one, God bless her
How could I wish for a life away,
When I now have her forever in my days

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
I voted out
You voted in
Who would have thought what a mess this ended up in

No rules just lies
Some even on the street having a public cry
All we can do now is just try

I love this great land for all that its worth
From its music and history to football and its birth
Now we just fight over a decision asked by DC and his smirk

All we hear on the news is a choice of which way to turn
Article 50 may as well have been burned
We now need a leader to guide this ship with a hand that is stern

Decisions, settlement, judgement
Still up in the air that needs some stable guidance
Who's to be next to blame and sail to safer climates

As for now we just don't know
Who holds the dice and who's next to throw
For this land needs to come together and head for a new vision

As the last thing we need is this now,

Division

JJB
John Bartholomew Aug 2018
We all know each other, if just from sound and sight
If brown, yellow, green or white
But sometimes its hard to tell even if their jeans are worn too tight

We all know whereabouts on the planet they were roughly born
If not from their clothes or a place now politically torn
But to have knowledge of a race with a history once scorned,

Its an ace card to hold when dipping your toes
Lets not get with a being who's past we all know
For war is a past, sometimes a crime, they'd just like to outgrow

A canine has no clue with who'm they may mate
As a mongrel is mongrel until they changed the label and date
A Labradoodle to a Cockerpoo and now even a Schnoodle
Its getting so confusing, well thank the Lord for Google!

Well we all have to have one thing and that is a label
Just let the dog be and lay underneath the kitchen table
Its becoming so confusing with how they are supposed to grow
Let nature take its course, I mean,

Does a dog even know?

JJB
“Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.”– Orhan Pamuk

“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” – Charles De Gaulle

“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” – Winston Churchill

“My dog is half pit-bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip.” – Craig Shoemaker
John Bartholomew Jul 2021
Blagging it at 19 saying I was 23
Agencies believed me with no photo ID
Plumber with no certificates just taking a big chance
Stood my ground,
looked real good,
while taking this unknown stance
Got away with it until I crashed into my comeuppance
From earning big bucks to starting again,
lifes not good back earning just a tuppence
I gave it the large,
Six five with a shoulder barge,
don't even try and stop me
Now four foot ten
A midge amongst men
Starting all over again
But hey, I done it to myself
A life of ill health
Thinking I was impenetrable and of hard stealth
I left my love shaken and numb
For being so selfish and dumb
Life really does has it's unforeseen conundrums,
and I'm sorry x

Doing Life Backwards

JJB
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
In this world we all have a double
It's you with a growth of designer stubble
Only 2 foot shorter like Barney Rubble
Strutting the scene with a jive and a walk
But unlike you they've got the talk
And being a sworn religeon they wouldnt eat no pork
Do they have the same luck in life like me, I've had none
Or did they take a different path and become a priest or a nun
Maybe they might have robbed a bank and are still on the run
Who knows what we might have done in a time of another
A new life as an imposter acting as twin sister or twin brother
Or always acting as a fraud as life is just a cover
Your double could be the kindest soul but of that we'll never know
Just the luck of the dice in life we throw I suppose
Yet they could just be the rhyming reverse off this,
Not like you,
your double, trouble

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2023
What's left at the bottom of your pint
The disguards, the mouthwash, the unwanted kerfuffle
Measured up to society
A load of ****** trouble
The majority queued at the job centre
The dreamers, the wash-ups, old Ken still clutching his Fender
Better off in a tidal wave
I really hate to tell you
But that's life and has been since day one
They come and go, these forgotten days of fun
Sometimes you have money, others you have none
But think big, think tall, better days will always come

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2022
The wife says its Friday so work is dress down cool
But sat on the sofa everyday
Nobody wants this fool
I'm not annoyed so much as slightly bitter
Grades up until my eyeballs
Unfortunately you just don't fit here
Was it the interview and my calm, over rehearsed, relaxed speech
Or plainly just the wheelchair
Those heights I just cannot reach
So kneel down beside me to hear my lost crude witsome banter
You should try it on stage mate
What is it, a beer or just a Fanta?
As maybe I wasn't cut out for the suit and to dress everyday tall
This is what I am now,
Different, cut to size, and to some, a little bit special
I know I will never get used to being six feet five to WHAM,
Four foot and ******
But that is life
Some you miss, some you see,
and some times you were lucky to have just ducked.

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2018
Whatever is that urge, that unthoughtful splurge, to annihilate every last thought of that day
to drink to kingdom come, conversations with anyone, and spend all that you have been paid

what ungodly flicker of thought, has you drinking that last drop that you bought
until the sun rises, awake on a bench, lessons that really cannot be taught

Rewind that human clock, until a time when all was once well
hindsight on a wrong word said, tripped in conversation, drink brings up its show and tell
that marriage that you could have had, now stalked each day on Facebook
sent them a drunk friend request, regrets in the morning, crazy thoughts that overtook

I love you man, a Tesco ban, for stealing ***** after the midnight hour of twelve
we laughed and sang, kebabs and dips, only here once so what the hell
the morning after, 12 cans and draught ale, anything that doesn’t touch the sides
your head is thumping, hair of the dog is calling, Round 2 of this stupid drunken ride

But at what point do we put the brakes on, man’s liver this wasn’t built for, the older the less wiser
you’ve tried the lagers, you’ve tried the ciders, lets knock it on the head, time for the Tizer
for the greyer the hair the less you can bare, as our bodies are not getting any younger
now I love to be merry, but it’s a weight I can’t carry, as drink is a thing I can’t do any longer

Drunk

JJB
“ALWAYS DO SOBER WHAT YOU SAID YOU’D DO DRUNK. THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.” ~ ERNEST HEMINGWAY

“I COOK WITH WINE, SOMETIMES I EVEN ADD IT TO THE FOOD.”~ W.C. FIELDS

“A DRUNK MAN’S WORDS ARE A SOBER MAN’S THOUGHTS.” ~ STEVE FERGOSI
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
If you want to show them what your like then do
(Think about it now)
Let you be you
(Don't)
Get up and dance, ignoring the few
(Please don't)
You've been here 2 weeks, it's good to be true
(Seriously, listen to that voice in future)
The MD's wife looks alright, put out your hand
(What have I just done)
Get up my love, never mind him, let's dance
(Oh God)
Put your hands out to this beat, be it 60's or trance
(Seemed like fun)
Now I'm thinking back to what the hell have I done
(I told you)
A few drinks on the company bill, was only a bit of fun
(how can I avoid work on Monday?)
The start of the new week and what have I to come
(Are they smirking still at my boldness)
Sit down, computer on, Inbox half full
(OK, not so bad)
Usual junk and the odd serious email but there it is, lingering
(Let's hope he's in a good mood)
See me at 10, we need to have a chat
(**** it)

JJB
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. ...- Ernest Hemingway

It's okay saying sorry, but when you are drunk you say what you really feel -  Vidal Sassoon

An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men - Charles Darwin
John Bartholomew Jul 2023
15 days on the side of road
Nowhere to sleep since I left my home
I just need somewhere to dump my load
Kicking up dust with the frogs and toads
I just need some place to dump my load
No lights or bedding to call my abode
I just need somewhere to dump my load
No right move in stalemate mode
I just needed some place to dump my load
Not one PC could break this code
I just need someone somewhere to dump my load
And when, I finally figure out, this meaning, I'm froze
Please little darling, just let me dump my load!

JJB
Not to be rude
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
Times turn for that night on the town
All week at work and now it’s time to be found
This way or that way a few shots at the bar,
A pint or two now just settle the nerves
Skin on skin if it’s Sonny or Cher
A night back at mine for I don’t really care

You’re a desperate case of loving if that’s what you want
Anywhere will do if you drink from that font

Hello, from the ***** side of drinking
Hello, just what had you been thinking
Had enough, of this desperate kind of torture
Time to change, to a newer type of nature

A new you well that’s what you’re thinking
Giving up on highs and the ugly side of sinking
A road of new signs, travel now to somewhere
That new name, taken out of fresh air
Let’s build this man, another to mix with the yes I cans
Married with that job, no different from you and me man

You’re a desperate case of loving if that’s what you want
Anywhere will do if you drink from that font

Hello, from the ***** side of drinking
Hello, just what had you been thinking
Had enough, of this desperate kind of torture
Time to change, to a newer type of nature

So, this is me, fresh new eyes to a world of cynicism
The choices I once now made open to your scepticism
Times move on so let’s forget the mistakes I made
I was young and open to most things I’m afraid
There’s no next time so lets just try it now
You’re along time dead, just give it all a go
Its goodbye from me as I take my final bow,
Easy tiger.

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2018
Take a picture. Snap! Now show the world where you have been
That brilliant destination and all of the sights that you have seen
Be it Morocco and onto Timbuctoo, not a thing ever went wrong
The lies that we can tell whilst singing a different song

We live the perfect life as seen by the planet and its friends
Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, instantly removed in a millisecond
For what they can see is fake and often ******
A quick brush up, a digitized wipe and Instagram is oh so worthy

A story to tell your friends of that fantastic night out
Not to mention that later on the bouncer kicked you all out
Delete that girl in the background that you pulled after that shot
The town bike to all who know, never going back to that spot

For social media will always tell a different story
Best looking people in the frame, a night of unreal glory
Waking up with an STD, let’s keep that well away
Some **** at the bar not smooth and slick, forget the box of Milk Tray
For this never happened looking down at your feet
Hers or his, whoevers bed it is
Hence,

Edited

JJB
Often real life is boring and problematic. I love the edited version of it - Terry Gross

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited - Ambrose Bierce
John Bartholomew Mar 2023
200 million years since the last lot were here
AD,BC, not applicable
No religeon to now fear
For Earth has been through its toughest of showers
From the cosmos to the ice frosts
It slowly rebuilds its supernatural powers
As life as we once knew it
Steadily grows again from the ground
A third phenomenon now raises its heartbeaten head
To see what planet is left to be compound
What God of universal proportion could make this reoccur
Are they bored in their place of work
Twiddling their thumbs
Calculating their sums
Prodding with a fork, ideas of whats next, but mainly smalltalk
But something is now slowly growing
A breed to outdo the previous they had sewing
Life as they know it has a fresh new face
Something truly phenominal
To inherit this Earth and put life back in its place
Until that day
We continue to **** this planet of everything it has
Down to its very last natural fibre
From its oil and its wind and down to the sea
A home of now I could not, unfortunately, describe her

JJB
#saveourplanet
John Bartholomew Aug 2020
I can't cry at a human death
Yet ball like a baby at my cats last breath
Nothing stirs my soul if its on the telly
Yet football with one last goal can devour me to my belly
Its not an act to try and look hard
That's just me, myself and I
A complete,
Emotional ****** 😢

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
13 likes after nearly twenty minutes
Am I losing my skills or is my status not worth giving
My ex got 437 for just tweaking her fine ***
To most men thats never a quick pass
What can I update to just make me feel a little bit better
Anything will do just for that feel good filler
I think theyre all bored of the photos of my pets
They've seen the snaps of Ibiza that starts inside the jet
Well,
OK,
A flash of skin for some easy likes,
now thats a safer bet
So watch me rise with this post come boast,
It's almost living in sin
I just need that rush to my head,
endorphins,
I win
I win
I win!

#addictedtosocialmedia

JJB
John Bartholomew Aug 2018
A wrong word, a comma out of place
Misspelled, hyphenated, split into two
English sometimes a second language to me

A conversation taken too far
Stop! Don't tell that tale, now hindsight playing on your mind
What if they tell my parents, a big mouth I sometimes have

A joke, somebody's you heard on television
Don't try and make it your own
Its universal, you look like a fool, its out in the cosmos

A chat-up line, cheesy but sincere, will she even laugh
She smiled, now go away, try harder
Your persistence now overwhelming, time to cut that cord

The older you get, you then start to realise
Most things really are not worth it
The chase, the charm, what did you expect, no finish line in the race

To watch the ruler of the free world elected by the rabble
He says what he wants, laughed off in a tirade
But how long will he last by stating these massive promises

Yes we have all said something and thought back on that
Did that actually just come out of my mouth?
Yes, it really did, as on this Earth, hell,

Even I Make Mistakes

JJB
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” ― Albert Einstein

“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.” ― Salvador Dalí

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” ― Napoléon Bonaparte

“We learn from failure, not from success!” ― Bram Stoker, Dracula
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
Hold on to that last thought
It could be your best
Save yourself from falling
Gulping the air back from your chest
Every second of life
Is this all just a test
As were only here once so savior
Every last drop of breath

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
Death
  It happens
   No avoiding it
      Who's gonna miss you?
       Well lets stay and find out
       Fake it and hide at the funeral
      And see who really cared for you fool
       Who sheds a tear or who's just for a beer
        Your jokes were risky but with good humour
            Some walked away but no one would really tell ya
            You larked around and sometimes pushed the limits
            Well that's just life and that's just the way it sometimes is
           Never to grow up and still acting like one of the daft kids
           Living life without a care oh yes ignorance really is bliss
            even my neighbour turned up over my Uncle and Aunt
            Surprising as he hated my music well my Robert Plant
            Well even the Gooner turned up as football is respect
           He wouldn't even bite even if it was on a daft text
         So this is the showing that I have amount too
          Me stuck in a bush watching this rabble cry
            I'm actually flattered that they even tried
          Should I reveal myself to spoil the gig
          Just to show me to be a selfish pig
             I'm honoured I really truly am
              Shame about the sandwiches
              Pickled onions with Spam
            Think I'll stay alive
             As the foods bad
              No party now
               So overrated
               Is death
                R.I.P.
There are more dead people than living. And their numbers are increasing. The living are getting rarer - EUGENE IONESCO, Rhinoceros

Dying is like getting audited by the IRS--something that only happens to other people ... until it happens to you - JEROME P. CRABB, Death Quotes and Quibbles

Cowards die many times before their deaths
The valiant never taste of death but once - WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, Julius Caesar
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
We all want to live the high life, but few can ill afford it
The glamour the glitz to dining at the Ritz, a means to which we could all be easily adjusted
But the nine till five pays pittance for those shots in Hello and Vogue
The dreamer can dream their dreams while living off that hefty loan

The Range Rover, the Levante, the Lexus RX, who wouldn’t be jealous of a little luxury
The clothes to the house with security and lights, boy you must be worth a few pennies
Erroneousness and the falsehood of a life well concealed
Paying back that percentage rate from which you may now reel

The reality is your just keeping up with the Jones's
Penny pinching is a way of life but best not show the neighbours
Walk on with your head held high in the knowing that all’s not good
Struggling to pay the bills and sometimes even your food

So here comes the bail out from someone close by
Indebted to your eyeballs without the decency to even cry
The banks would laugh at your misgivings knowing the debt was in their hands
But you carry on, it’s a way of life hanging onto that final strand

You’re in the clear, all debt is gone, time to make a fresh new start
A second hand Fiesta, *** burns in the seat, what happened to my big shiny car
The mums at the gate all talking in sneers, now that I’m out of the pack
Fill out that online form, more credit to burn, time to get back on track,
and revitalize that false front.

JJB
The recession won’t be over till we raise a generation that knows how to live on what they’ve got. – Unknown
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
Monday
Its going to start
The diet
I'll try it
No
I'll blast it
How hard can it be
Nutrition
Carbs
Vitamins C through to Z
Go for a run
That'll be fun
Join a boot-camp 3 times a week
10 burpys
10 timed runs
10 press-ups
Bring it on
The short lived enthusiasm starts to wain
I work in an office everyday on the train
The mornings hurt
Oh the pain!
I'll try it again when the urge starts to ******
When the clothes start to pinch and its time for a wiggle
Everyday life just getting in the way
When the office is going for a lunchtime run I'd rather just sit
Bring on that day when its just a click of the wrist
Yeah, I know, whatever,

Far from Fit

JJB
One things guys have to remember is consistency... You can't make up for three years of eating poorly in just one workout - Apolo Ohno

I don't think you understand. There is no point in walking if I don't have my FitBit on! - Every FitBit user

Sometimes you just gotta say “**** it” and eat some pizza - Every gym user
We all have our favourite something 
Be it a piece of jewellery, probably your wedding ring
Some even a favourite parent
One from hell, the other heaven sent
Sometimes its a piece of fruit
Strawberrys on cereals? Blueberrys are a better suit
Or even a best friend
Some go on but others fit the trend
Whats your favourite film?
The one and only North by Northwest
Hitchcock also done The Birds, its hard to pick the best
Football has its one and only's
Once Premiership winners Blackburn Rovers or the mighty Burnley
Go on then, pick a colour that suits you
Depending on the weather, a nice bright pink or a moody dark blue
Your 'go to' shop or you fancy a change in perspective
Look at you go, a fighter that never quits
Hell, we could go on forever in picking our bestist habits
But its what suits now, not a forever in our all-time-favourites

JJB
John Bartholomew Oct 2023
Sat idle in my stand,
watching,
waiting,
on the rest of the band
A quiet wooden box of strings
Humble and shining, just ready to do my thing
They plod through the acoustics, oh such a bore
It's time to let rip baby, gimme some power chords!
As the hits keep coming, soon to take my bow
Let's deafen these crazed punters, let me start this row
As you thought that noise was Mr Marshall all at the wrong settings
Uh-uh dear listeners, it's my veins just over jetting
Pick me up you freak, finger me into some heavenly patterns
So let's rock,
let's roll,
and let this frustrated cut out do its feedback chatting

🤟🏼

JJB
#thatsrocknroll #feedback #turnitup
John Bartholomew Feb 2020
He was the first to score a hatrick on the newest astroturf pitch
He was the first on his new BMX to jump that ***** ditch
He  was the first to kiss the best looking girl in the school
He was the first that all kids thought he was cool

She was the first to have the Rainbow Collection of My Little Pony
She was the first to lend me her toys as mine were all phoney
She was the first to be picked for the school netball team
She was the first to date the boy on the bike we all thought was a dream

Looking back they deserved each other as they were the first to be divorced
A love so pictured, so fragile, it was almost movie scored
So no to be the first to everything in sight
I'm happy in my own little world just taking my own flight

From first to last, nothing will be remembered in the past

JJB
“If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.” - Dolly Parton

I am not gay, but if I were, I would be the first one running out of the closet - Dolly Parton

Guess what, I might be the first hippie pinup girl - Janis Joplin

I want to be the first. If they'd let me go to the moon, I'd crawl all the way to Cape Kennedy just to do it. I'd like to go to the moon, but I don't want to be the second man to go there - Evel Knievel
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
Pick a team from the local to the ten counties away
Inherited from your father or defiant like no other
Typical football fan that likes a bit of banter
No way I’ll be the same as my brother

Be it a County or a Town, there will always be days where you’ll have to frown
From striker to the keeper, mistakes are made where someone acted the clown
But when Saturday comes that will all be forgotten
Hat-trick from the Spaniard you’re once again smitten

The rivalries increase from City to United
Yours will always be the best team well that’s what your dad said
From the Celtic to the Rangers down to the Arsenals and the Hotspurs
Trouble has brewed for years without a kick-start or a stir

And then the billionaires stepped in and made it a business
Money to be made from the working class through to the Stubhub ticket
The tout on the street is an illegal source of income
Whack on a tax and the Governments blind eye is now looking handsome

So how far can this escalate with wages and ticket price entry
The first player worth a billion is only a few years away
Stadiums that hold a capacity where nobody can actually see
You think I’m making a joke, it’s all on the horizon believe me,
It’s a way of life,
Football

JJB
“I don’t believe skill was, or ever will be, the result of coaches. It is a result of a love affair between the child and the ball.” - Roy Keane
“Football is the ballet of the masses.” - Dmitri Shostakovich
“I’m a rock star because I couldn’t be a soccer star.” - Rod Stewart
"The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they don't know the game." - Bill Shankly
John Bartholomew Sep 2022
Some ages are well worth waiting for
Eighteen
Teenage dream
Twenty one
A bit more fun
Thirty
Starting to feel the derogatory of staying out and being *****
And then life comes tumbling down into an everyday frown
A ten year thought on what do I do next?
How to avoid the rat race and start myself, be the best
Kids start to appear as your Fridays soon disappear
Dragged into the everyday monotony that we always once feared
You start looking at petrol prices in comparison each other
Knowing its 6 pence cheaper so worth a trip to your brothers
But when you switch them around life was good at Thirty Four
Still managing to give it some on the dancefloor
But that all changes when we hit that number Forty
And then they just roll into an everyday synchronicity
As the days start to become meaningless
You forget what it was like to have that first kiss
And now I dwell on age that must have some hope over its hill
That has purpose, a light, a brand new skill
And I know that cause is my reason to avoid the pub and bar
For that ray of sunshine is my little girl
My one and only,
Clodagh

JJB
John Bartholomew Nov 2019
Not all yours but at first glance it looks like they are your fine pile
Lanzarote, Greece, even the Tower called Eiffel
Clumped together like a map of exceeding heats
From Lisbon down to Cape Town
Tell me of these differing seats

Did you really fly through the depths of the Grand Canyon
Or take a helicopter to that quiet place known as the Scilly Islands
Yet venture the climbing follies around Ben Nevis
And take a gondola ride around the canals of Venice

The adventure parks known as Chessington and Alton Towers
Where the rides left a taste that came out as sour
Your friends have bought you such distance as OZ and NZ
Where they'd be flying in the sky and you'd be at home in your bed

One day I will have the money and aspiration to fly to such a place
For now I will let the young adventurers fly away with such grace
As I seem to be grounded without the bank-to-fly
Do I really want to thoroughly say goodbye?

Hmm, Well I know what you mean
I'm slightly batty to have crazy yet ambitious dreams
So don't poke around my passport looking for stamps to check
As like lies on my fridge magnet door, I haven't been there yet

Fridge Magnets (most of them are fibs you know)

JJB
Do no take this poem seriously. If you do then you need psychiatric help
John Bartholomew Jul 2023
Sat staring at my computer screen
(The monotone)
Wondering if this really is all a bad dream
(Feels like a lobotomy)
Work so dull I just want to scream
(Someone please clobber me)
My thoughts so dusty and dry
(Bus ride home, some hellish geometry)
Blueberrys grow through the side of the fence
(Free food from our Gods own apple tree)
But somebody please put me into that long sleep,
And out of my own failed misery

JJB
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