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127 · May 2022
Punching
John Bartholomew May 2022
I ain't no looker but I'll always give it a go
Had the odd ****** with some they'd call a ***
Been dealt the ugly stick with my face blow by blow
I'll leave the ugly ones alone and not stoop so low
Talking at a pub, a bistro, a bar
I'd try the poshest, the fittest, the ra-ra-ra
The ones who'd say no just waiting for a ya-ya-ya
For the honeys with the money and the Eva Herzigova Wonderbra
But I'd scan the room and those numbers I'd be crunching
As the morning comes and a breakfast I'd be munching
No complaints as the taxi they'd be funding
As I always went above my weight in a fight I'd always be punching
Now I'm not saying this to be 100% true
A bit like Rita, Sue and Bob too
But I would always see the job right through
As once I even ended up with not one but two
Now as the world seems to live on a hotbed of lies
The majority just laughed and said their goodbyes
When some just gave in with a yes and a sigh
Because Lord only knows he loves a man who does try,

Punching
👊🏼

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
Records played, records sold, hard copy, not download
But the more I rattle on and raise my brow, I now sound really old
The pennies drop at the play of a song, mainly through Capitol Gold
Some still tour, Davies, Stewart and John
But no Rocketman could lift these boots, those days are long gone
Royalties from film now keep the bills ticking over
The price of fuel and heating costs, still driving my 2012 Range Rover
The odd bit of cash is always nice, if guest on Lorraine or The One Show
But I'm happy watching those days of the past,
as I have taken my last and final bow.

JJB
#rocknrollneverdies
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
It's a day we never know coming
Could be anything
ANYTHING
An accident
A car crash
A mafia whack
And you just think you'll go on forever
Well listen up
Today is Tuesday
It could be any day
But it is today
I won't say how
I won't say why
But it's going to be a today
Tuesday.
Who knew?

JJB
#todaysthedaythatallourdreamsaremade
127 · Sep 2019
Live with being poor
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
I look, we all do, how much are you worth?
No really, how much?
That car, finance?
That house, inherited?
That holiday, a friends villa?
That flight, Ryanair?
I'll carry on judging until I am corrected
And it is what it is as I rightly suspected
Your as rich as me, it's just a smoke screen and a false front
No wonder they say what they say as you really are a ####
I'm happy with what I've got and not living like the encore
As I can get on with this life and live with being poor

JJB
127 · Feb 2020
First
John Bartholomew Feb 2020
He was the first to score a hatrick on the newest astroturf pitch
He was the first on his new BMX to jump that ***** ditch
He  was the first to kiss the best looking girl in the school
He was the first that all kids thought he was cool

She was the first to have the Rainbow Collection of My Little Pony
She was the first to lend me her toys as mine were all phoney
She was the first to be picked for the school netball team
She was the first to date the boy on the bike we all thought was a dream

Looking back they deserved each other as they were the first to be divorced
A love so pictured, so fragile, it was almost movie scored
So no to be the first to everything in sight
I'm happy in my own little world just taking my own flight

From first to last, nothing will be remembered in the past

JJB
“If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.” - Dolly Parton

I am not gay, but if I were, I would be the first one running out of the closet - Dolly Parton

Guess what, I might be the first hippie pinup girl - Janis Joplin

I want to be the first. If they'd let me go to the moon, I'd crawl all the way to Cape Kennedy just to do it. I'd like to go to the moon, but I don't want to be the second man to go there - Evel Knievel
126 · Apr 2022
Phantoms
John Bartholomew Apr 2022
Draining away without a thought in the world
Sat on Standby in a constant power surge swirl
Without it our devices would all unfurl
Back to their start date and the way they were first made
Flashing the time reset before hieroglyphics in our caves
Imagine this everyday and the time we now save
But that unthought power reliance still costs us a few quid
A yearly debit sometimes close to the lid
But let’s be realistic, it’s a need we cannot rid
For a warming cable at night keeps every house right
Until the alarm goes a bing, and the bedroom light is bright
It’s a cost we will devour as it’s not worth the penny pinch fight
But if you want to have the will and the energy to lower
Then you my friend live in a state I cannot devour
For I will let them **** and slurp overnight on my lazy need,
As they are the phantoms suckers of our power.

JJB
#electricitydrain
126 · Jan 2019
Mixtape Memories
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
The C30
The C60
The C90
Depends how much thought you have
If it was just to get them into bed or real true love
The songs had to mean something in one way or another
If just to say sorry or to get them under your covers
A lyric
A phrase
A night that got you in a daze
Times of deleting and re-recording
A song not to long that could sound a bit boring
Something that had a beat, a pulse, to stop them from snoring
The tape
The CD
The download
For what was mixed will now never be remembered
It sits in the lost drawer with photos our schoolmates did lend us
Nothing to play it on as it won't mix with iTunes
A 90's tradition now lost in our bedrooms,

Mixtape Memories

JJB
Mixtapes are very personal, and they describe who you are better than an album sometimes - Theophilus London

Life is a mixtape in many ways - Anon
125 · May 2020
The Government says....
John Bartholomew May 2020
They make the rules up,
They break the rules down

The nation looks on with a solemn frown
This from the men whom wear this country's crown

JJB
125 · Jun 2023
Mattress
John Bartholomew Jun 2023
The time has come and our relationship is over
Our bed, our thoughts, our memories sat on it with our pup, Rover
Ten years is its limit according to the boffs
It had its positions with who was on top
But you cheated
Then Charlie bleated
That liar now on our mattress, his **** wrongly heated
We had our bounce
Ounce after ounce
Sweating, girating, that once **** flounce
But you have now left me in pain
Who's mark was that, now left a small brown stain
If propped up on the drive to washaway in the rain
So they have a thing called memory foam
If recorded lately it would just hear us row and ****** moan
From you snoring at a ghastly hour
To me just wishing and pleading
Bring back that love we lost
Thrown out with a taste
Now, oh so sour

JJB
124 · Aug 2022
#JustMe
John Bartholomew Aug 2022
I ain't no runaway from some American bank job
Nor no fisherman famous for his cod
Caught in his Cornish trawler with just nets and no rod
Rumour was I had I'd slept with over a thousand little birds
All making me breakfast in the morning with a slice of lemon curd
But seriously man, I'm just some gimp who's always been a nerd
From books of Harry Potter to even Where's Wally?
A shop for one in Tesco with a half filled trolley
Quick dash to the car on my own, such rain without my brolly
I'm happy living on my own without all your baggage
Holiday for one, a lighter plane to fill, without your **** luggage
With such weight lost, no cakes or thrills, soup just made of cabbage
Tuning my senses for a day without your pain
Its a hard long slog of which we have to sadly retrain
But a belonging I must one day regain
#JustMe

JJB
124 · Mar 2021
Never Normal
John Bartholomew Mar 2021
I don't think I have ever been 'normal'
One that ticks every box
Ever so pleasant and formal
But who does walk this never trodden line?
One so boring it'll never be remembered in time
As I like the path that ridicules and perceives
That man they always talk about,
A legend like Jimmy Greaves
Don't tow the line to just fit in like the rest
Be extravagant
Be that jealous talent
Be the ****** best

JJB
Do you want to do more or be more? -
Frank Sonnenberg
123 · Jan 2021
Reality TV (and repeat)
John Bartholomew Jan 2021
Guys! You have ten minutes. Ten Minutes!
A clatter as a pan hits the ground
The presenter looks with a smile but not a sound
A raised brow and a flurry of panic
The fear in their eyes all trying to cook organic

You won't believe it but Courtney was just necking Craig by the pool
Shut up! No way!
Seriously
After just telling us all he's gonna propose to Abbey when he gets out
And Abbey's watching this?
Uh huh
What a ****
You know that
A complete ****
It's gonna cause a spat
Unbelievable

I was told by my teacher that I had a voice
But working the tills at ASDA was my only choice
Then this lady heard me humming as I scanned through her Spam
She dragged me to her agent as we rode the Manchester tram
I sang
She cried
I'd never sang with such pride
And hear I stand with Ant and Dec
Cameras on with nowhere to hide

Guys! You have two minutes. two minutes!
Etc. Etc. Etc.............And Repeat

JJB
123 · Oct 2022
Life
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
What rhymes with Life?
Not a lot
Strife?
Knife?
Yes, and there it is
It stabs you
Dismembers you in time
Cuts you off from where you want to go in line
Every job I had was wrapped in slippery butter
Just couldnt hold on as I left with an obscene mutter
For I will always try and fail
As forever chasing my own tail
The label I will go by will always be a chancer,
For,
I am sorry my wife, my family, my friends
As I am seriously running out of good answers

JJB

:-(
123 · Jun 2022
One Last Dream
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
A thousand thoughts before my head hits the sack
Nothing can be changed
No going back
From what happened today all odd
To dissecting it in the land of nod
But if this is going to be my last dream
Then let me live it and feel what I did mean
To that private island somewhere in the Seychelles
Then living like the devil in a world of what the Hell
Sat on a bench about to kiss the girl of my dreams
Now watching the football with my one and only team
This is the way I would like to go,
no disease,
no cancer,
no cure,
no bore,
with that, goodnight, I love you, that being my final bow.

JJB
123 · Aug 2019
Inside a Comics Head
John Bartholomew Aug 2019
So its audience first
Hello
Scan
A quick joke
Scan
Chat
A short story
A heckle
I heckle back
Can I make you feel any smaller
I'll get your name
Your my go too guy
Another story
Racist maybe?
To an extent
Where am I?
I'm up north
Should be OK
Swig of drink
Gather yourself
Joke
A look to the clock
2 minutes left
Last joke
Walk off
Slight wave
Sit in car
Cry
When does this get any better
Drive home
#repeat

JJB
123 · Apr 2021
Trapped England
John Bartholomew Apr 2021
Flying on a plane when we could just get out
The freedom
The thoughts
The now

Then popped up this covid that left us all stranded
The lockdowns
The furloughs
The doubts

When no planning was needed and our thoughts all exceeded
Before the no's
Before the woe's
Before the who goes?

Just to have that clasp of unfiltered freedom
To just plan
To just expand
To just not give a ****

To just not be still stuck right here in this Government ruled land,
Please never let it happen again,
This,

Trapped England

JJB
122 · May 2024
The #### Family
John Bartholomew May 2024
Stood at the school gate waiting for your child
The parents mostly chatty but the odd one is overly wild
You know whose kid that is as it's probably that horrible little ####
His twin is almost the same, a litter of 2 gobby runts
And as the saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
The mother with her roll-up ****, yellow fingertip's, a necessity 
Father on the dole, looking for work, a lie he often pledges 
Smokes cheap baccy, Rizla style, far cry from his Benson and Hedges
Yet they turn up in brand new trainers and all designer clobber
While you struggle day to day and wondered why you even bother
As the world breeds these people daily and I don't mean to be blunt
But they are what they are and to be seen a mile off
They're just a family of ####'s

JJB
#theslobs #wayneandwaynetta #scroungers
122 · Jul 2024
If.
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
If.
If it all just ended now, I think I would be happy
Not stuck in some retirement home, surrounded by adult nappies
If I won the lottery, I'd be a real big spend winner 
Flash cars, piano bars, and no doubt a terrible sinner
If I went out fishing and didnt catch a single thing
I'd treat myself to cod and chips, just smiling at what couldve been
If I happened to be dating Claudia Schiffer or any supermodel
I'd wake up from my dream and order a blow up version from Yodel
If my cat spoke perfect English, I'm sure he'd swear like a sailor
He'd be in every film as the next best thing, I'd love to see the trailer
If,
If,
If,
Life is a daily grind of ifs and buts
As we crawl through our days with the bruises and cuts
Sometimes its good with an ending of lust
But until that day, it's knowing who and if we really can trust,

If.

JJB
#if
121 · Jul 2024
Signs of Life
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
What came before, said no one clearly
An explosion of life, the big bang theory
A chasm of chaos, as out come the stars
Planets and black holes,
up pop Venus and Mars
Galaxies are formed in a matter not ever known by man
As they stretch into infinite and further if they can
Are we here all by chance,
or is there a higher, godlike power
Throwing out orders since the start of time, from its heavenly, overseeing tower
All we can do is wonder in time,
until that day we finally die
And to think,
if we really get told,
after we say,
our final,
goodbye

JJB
#whatsitallabout
120 · Jun 2022
Perfection
John Bartholomew Jun 2022
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder
That depends on their vision and what drugs they sold you
Youve got a big nose
The size of a hose
But she still loves you and you're the one that she chose

Flowers make up for your imperfections
As they appear in lumpy homegrown sections
After years of built up unknown tension
It's in your eyes
Down to your thighs
But she carries on without you even having to try

We see the world in a different state
Ordering different foods all on different sized plates
Dating girls called Wendy to a transgender now called Kate
The size of His/Her hands
And the way She/He stands
If I got it right then did I actually offend?

So thats my take on the way we are going
New words to counteract as they are now just thrown in
Your Black/White/He/She but you're in the girls standing for a wee
But it is what it is
We all need a wizz
Life has changed depending on what we now see as strange

Perfection

JJB
120 · Jan 2021
Tomorrow
John Bartholomew Jan 2021
You ponder tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes.

You sit back and think.

Hmm.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Always,

Pondering tomorrow



JJB
Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
Lyndon B. Johnson

Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
Bil Keane
119 · Mar 2020
And Repeat
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
Same waking up time
Same journey to work
Same conversations
Same deadlines
Same holidays
Same meals every week
And repeat

(Wake me up when the difference takes place)

JJB
119 · Dec 2019
Odd Socks
John Bartholomew Dec 2019
Whether black or blue, white or brown
We all find each other in these quirky little towns
Love is a thing of a thousand discussions
If your English, Irish, French or Russian
Language is but a barrier as long as you trust them
Supporting rival teams but still laugh at the same stuff on the telly
She cleans his boots, takes a sniff, although he's properly smelly
Then makes his favourite desert, mmm, ice cream and jelly
For we all have our differences, let just make it fit
No room on the sofa, let's laugh, chat, here's somewhere to sit
As we don't have enough time to hold such grudges,
tick-tock
tick-tock
Because, lets face it, we are all really, just odd socks.

JJB
119 · Oct 2022
Double
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
In this world we all have a double
It's you with a growth of designer stubble
Only 2 foot shorter like Barney Rubble
Strutting the scene with a jive and a walk
But unlike you they've got the talk
And being a sworn religeon they wouldnt eat no pork
Do they have the same luck in life like me, I've had none
Or did they take a different path and become a priest or a nun
Maybe they might have robbed a bank and are still on the run
Who knows what we might have done in a time of another
A new life as an imposter acting as twin sister or twin brother
Or always acting as a fraud as life is just a cover
Your double could be the kindest soul but of that we'll never know
Just the luck of the dice in life we throw I suppose
Yet they could just be the rhyming reverse off this,
Not like you,
your double, trouble

JJB
119 · Oct 2020
Together Alone
John Bartholomew Oct 2020
We sat for 4 months alone
No friends
No family
Just Netflix and our mobile phones
We scattered around the serious subjects in life
Our jokes, our smiles, soon blended week after week
Until that river ran dry and fresh solace we did seek
For a couple can survive on meat and flinted stone
But without social company
It's hard to live
Together
Alone

JJB
#lockdown
#lockdownagain
John Bartholomew Nov 2020
He believes that one day we'll all travel in super speedy cars
Hitting speeds that'll burn up the roads tar
That we'll fly from country to country among the night skies
Landing a thousand miles away for American burger and fries
We'll speak through glass screens that he once saw on Thunderbirds
Have portable speaking devices invented scientists but used by nerds
Will break the speed of sound and stop fighting with swords
Only he dreamt this up now asleep on Concorde
What ever you believe just think it to come true
Because whatever you believe in then that dream is in you.

JJB
118 · Oct 2024
Broken Bridges
John Bartholomew Oct 2024
Some are broke and some just crumble
A heated row from a misheard mumble
Fall from grace that fell into a stumble
Kissed the wrong sort that led to that fumble

Let's rebuild this bridge and let our waters again ripple
A bottle of plonk, possibly a Pinot Grigio
As differences can be rebuilt after a chat and a tipple

See, that's how bridges often burn
So let's get it out in the open,
and give at another turn

Broken Bridges

JJB
118 · May 2023
Love Is (Part II)
John Bartholomew May 2023
Love is the stupidest of things
Like crossing the road and beating the sound
Thinking its loose change but turns out to be pounds
Love is the daftest of things
When you sycronise in union on a song you both sing
To sharing sweets from the bag and pretending with a Haribo ring
Love is also a surprise at times
From trying a new curry after saying you would never change
Now its Katsu all the way as the taste is lovingly strange
Love is also a monopoly and can be sometimes testing
From that one lost sole you met one night on the bus
Now divorce papers all the way and wondering about the fuss
But love is what love is, be it starting with a but(t)
Measuring against the last and to see if your friends smile or tut
From going through the rounds to who makes the final cut
Love is what love is and not just some passing faze
Lets just hope you make the cut as we all have our funny ways

Love Is (Part II)

JJB
117 · Mar 2020
Apocalypse Now
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
Streets now empty,
Not a soul to be seen
It's like I've woken up in a B-movie,
Or a very eerie dream

Best to stand apart now,
We've been given a 2 metre stance
I would love to give you all a hug
But I'd better not take that chance

Let's hope that it's all over,
Please let that time be soon
And hope this can't happen again,
Be it once in a blue moon

Locked in the same surroundings,
This will surely cause some rows
But look on the bright side of this mess,
We'll get through this apocalypse now

JJB
117 · Jul 2024
Ma's Cafe
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
Sugar in the coffee ***
Serves it warm, I like it hot
Perhaps Costa or Neros and pay a higher fee
A greasy spoon the place to be
Not refined but just fine
No frothy Americanos or skinny on the milk
Tetleys all day long, washed down smooth as silk
Across the way, Comedy Store, new comics where the crowd pan you
All else fails, nip over the road, a hot slice of Ma's lasagne 
Builders sat in the corner, tea break and a laugh
All day fry-up,
the best in town,
only at,
Ma's Cafe

JJB
117 · Jan 2021
I dont love you anymore
John Bartholomew Jan 2021
That shining light we both once had
It trickles to a dim flicker and into a fad
I would try and make these words loving and long
But like my love for you a hapless worry
Now unconvincing and just gone
Its so true and yes, Christ yes,
I'm sorry

JJB
117 · Nov 2018
Pictures
John Bartholomew Nov 2018
They tell a thousand words whatever's in the frame
If its Warhol down to a flower on a wall
That picture says one thing to some
And sometimes nothing at all

Get into the mind of the artist who framed it
Sitting by the canal just painting boats and eating biscuits
There was no great mystery behind that picture of yours
Any excuse from doing the household chores

Did Mona Lisa smile or was she thinking of something else
She may have been bored and just called from the street
Imagining what 2 nearby birds had just tweet
Soon on Da Vinci's bed, or on her knees and off her feet

The imagination is to anybody's discretion
Take it as far as you like, its up to your impression
Just know there is a line that we try to avoid
Of indecency and discretion as that is sometimes too rude

Pictures

JJB
The soul never thinks without a picture - Aristotle

A picture is a poem without words - Horace

I'm always in my pajamas, unless I know for a fact that people are taking my picture -  Bethenny Frankel
116 · Feb 2024
Gunslinger
John Bartholomew Feb 2024
I didn't come here to ****** you into bed
I came here to pump you full of lead
Those six suckers lying there now dead on the street
Wouldn't have to be so if they'd jumped my final beat
For this little town sat here in the Idaho heat
Didn't need no trouble from these two cowboy feet
As I'll **** any mother with a price on their head
A loaded gun, tobacco gum and a pistol full of lead
I'll track you down, tie you up and only take mercy from the sun
And when that bounty is filled, I'll hand you over to the paying one
Cos' I aint no cowboy set on life down on the ranch
I'm a mean son of a gun dealt nothing but his stance
Making money the only way he know best
A ransom, a fee, brought back dead or alive
But mostly, with a bullet in their chest

JJB
#yeehaa #sixchamberfriend #rideemcowboy
116 · Mar 2021
Cog
John Bartholomew Mar 2021
Cog
The world is a machine
Everyday running on human tasks
7 billion of us just the same
All wearing our Covid masks
It judder's to a start when we first arise
We stretch
We yawn
And work until its time for beddybyes
Now if that one person tells you they're not
A part of this operation all working as one
Then my friend they cannot see,
That they are its final component
In this megalithic device
For they are just,
a cog.

JJB
116 · Jan 2023
Disabled Daydreams
John Bartholomew Jan 2023
I roll into the shower and feel the heat
The hot water on my head, my shoulders, my soul, but not my feet
Then I close my eyes and wish this forever as my sleep.....


SMASH!

I look around and my baby has tipped over my catheters
Well she has only just turned one, God bless her
How could I wish for a life away,
When I now have her forever in my days

JJB
115 · Dec 2019
User
John Bartholomew Dec 2019
I took you in
We laughed, got drunk, smoked some stuff that was wrong
Went gigging
Stole ***** that we shouldn't have been swigging
You dragged on some **** of a ten pack of stolen ciggies

You used me but I overlooked this at the time
Maybe I used you as well but this worked out just fine
A free ticket to the singer of your choice
Friend or carer, you wanted my company but not for their voice
You had no money but I didn't mind helping you out
As I never asked for a dime in return, I could have gone to a tout

So now...
It's thrown back in my face from a man with no cares
He swindles a friend he's known for over 20 years
Lives life like a failed rockstar as some new hearts he'll now tear

Good luck to those who he'll now push from his window sill
As two-facedness is a very bitter pill
He'll never learn as failure is an option we look back in hindsight
Looking over the edge from these choices
But from from how many lies and to fall from what height

Thinking back it was everyone else who has always paid
So that's it now my once dear friend
Time to call it a day

JJB
114 · Feb 2023
The Other Side of Me
John Bartholomew Feb 2023
There is me
The Copper/The Nurse/The Firefighter/The man in black who drives that humble hurse
There is also me
The Mother/The Father/The Sister/The Brother/The off the clock non-decision maker
I'm paid to care
I'm afraid to even dare
You love me when I'm working
You see me hiding if not lurking
Always up the craic when on the beat
Always hiding away and crossing the street
For I am as two faced as you can get
So don't put your life in my hands or its something you might regret.

JJB
114 · Jun 2024
Am I A.I.?
John Bartholomew Jun 2024
I ponder the fact if I am man-made
If God lost his plans and I was part of the trade
Here you go computer brain, have a go on this
See if you can upgrade here, an upload from my GCSE brain list
You see, we download our knowing from everything we see
From TV programmes, Netflix, and the BBC
Onto our time at school and our parent's philosophy
Why study if I am DNA-made, who needs trigonometry
Then again, are my parents just an implant of imagination
Are my emotions really real, such as love and frustration
As I watch the news and the world as a nation
All governed by robots on a far away station
And to think, they'd even let me think this speculation
...
Wow
Am I different and the last man on Earth
Allowed to write this drivel as mother was the last to have given birth
Have I broken the code they did not want us to see
Or maybe thats it, the last man to haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavu;iogbo'ubou'bipbipbipoub
buo
uhbo;ugb
'ougb;i­uv
kjvb;iuvv
bkiuvbyvyyvvviy
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!!­

JJB
114 · May 2019
The Killing of Mother Earth
John Bartholomew May 2019
They were around for maybe 100 thousand years
Killing beasts to survive with flint made into spears
Regurgitating themselves onto a higher plane each time
They claim to have had a God that lived above with light he did shine
And a son who some did meet from a book they seem to revel in
If you did not believe these truths then forever live in sin
From here they spread around the world to places far and wide
They believed in being together as husband with his bride
Churning up the natural land as their need grew ever stronger
Inventing things such as cars and planes and onto what they could ponder
This Earth's oils are now low from extract they had to filter
The bain of life they did not see now swallowing up all that aorta
Chaos and unforeseen destruction now the catalyst for mans end
For ****** the planet of its natural wealth is a price man must tend
As now it is a quiet sphere which bubbles at its own beauty
Seas and plants will kindly grow in a wealth of natural serenity
Vanished is the man that put this destruction into first gear
As the animals now live in world of motion no doubt in silent cheer

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL WAITING ON PLATFORM 3. YOUR TRAIN IS CURRENTLY RUNNING 30 MINUTES LATE. WE APOLOGISE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE.

Oh great.
And this to make up for always being late.
Maybe its fate.
A love that was never meant to be.
Something that only the Gods of time can see.
A text.
What can I do but maybe make-up ***
A text
A wait
Now a reply of hate
Flowers in the bin and I won't bother
She'd be better with a more reliable lover
A girl with no watch and an absence of time
If available then join the back of the line
Time to defect and walk back down those stations steps
Always another girl so what the heck
There in the back ground whilst kicking some stones
The noise of an announcement far away from the stations tones....

WE WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE FOR THE RECENT MISCOMMUNICATION ANNOUNCED REGARDING PLATFORM 3. THAT TRAIN IS NOW PULLING IN AND IS ON TIME. AGAIN, WE APOLOGISE FOR THIS ERROR.

**** it.

JJB
113 · May 2019
Scottish Waffle
John Bartholomew May 2019
The noise, the harshness, as course as steel off-cuts
To berate, just one word, will have one man scared
From Dundee to Inverness and Clyde,
Just a sentence from a Glaswegian will make you hide
A friendly hello can sometimes sound like a fight
A nod of the cap, I won't upset you,
Let me just keep out of your sight
A pint in the pub with no eye contact at all
Hello, how are ye, what was all the worry
To be scared of such friendly people I have been a fool
The craic is mighty with the pub next to an aging brothel
Best mates now with the few I was so wary
As like most men drunk it all come out as Scottish waffle

JJB
Just chuck it in the **** it bucket and move on ...... A Wise Person
113 · Oct 2019
Puncture-proof
John Bartholomew Oct 2019
Come at me with what you will
I take no offence at your thoughts that are ill
Throw those words,
Bombard me,
Harass me,
Try and really hurt me,
Watch them bounce into the depths of nowhere
You'd better sit down as your gonna need a chair
As your words of corruption really do not scare
I have elephant skin,
I'll take it on the chin,
And find somewhere else to begin
As I do not deflate
It's just a thing called fate
Your endless dramas became a bit long in the tooth as,
These bones and skin are now, lets just say,

Puncture proof

JJB
113 · Jan 11
Hollywood Fires
A glimmer of hope
Through the lingering smoke
The cough I know as my wife's
As she ran to my arms
In the background smoke alarms
Still ringing like we couldn't see the fires
Whilst the news just made hearts sink
Of this, you really wouldn't think
In California, no technology, to battle such things
From the beach up unto the forest banks
Celebrity houses gone, Mel Gibson to Tom Hanks
No money can put out such ferocious natural turmoil
But there is always hope
So let's splutter through the choke
And rebuild after the fire and the Hollywood smoke

JJB
113 · Jul 2024
The Kings Peach
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
14 years under Tories rule
Cameron to Sunak with Johnson the bumbling fool
But now ruled by the Labour lot,
with waters promised much calmer
Raynor now craps the whip,
With her puppy dog, Sir Kier Starmer
A visit to King Charlie now head of the throne
His head now adorning stamps,
Soon on cash and any bank loan
But his real reason for this trip is to prepare for the King's speech
As we now have a fruitcake in charge with more faces than most,
Gentlemen and Squires, Lords and Ladies,
I give you,
The King's Peach 🍑

JJB
#notoneofyourfiveaday
113 · Sep 2024
Aint No Looker
John Bartholomew Sep 2024
I know I'm no oil painting and punch above my weight
But God loves a trier, as in life we make our own fate
Because the mirror ain't my friend, avoiding my reflection
I seize up quick, I seize up fast, not wanting no attention
Though some seem to revel in being a good looker
Broken nose, bashed out teeth, years me playing that rugby ******
It sometimes works with a certain type, the rough and tumble man
Not clean cut Ken, sunbed skin, always topping up his fake tan
It's good to be a normal bloke, not caring for too much in this world
Just to wake up happy, change my daughters *****,
and be in love with my one and only girl.

JJB
112 · Feb 4
The Quiet Man
Reticent, but with a few tricks
He picked his pulls, all brain stored licks
Watching, with an eagle eyed gaze
Scaning the room, to pick his weekly feed through the haze
Cheekbones as sharp as a knife
A model looking man, he'd known all his life
Playing on his suave, deep set demeanor
The female would brood, some subtle, others much keener
But always watching, keeping just still
Some like him to swallow, for their need, an easy pill
Others devour any chance they can
But some just want the silent type,
yes him,

The Quiet Man

JJB
112 · Jul 2023
Dump my Load
John Bartholomew Jul 2023
15 days on the side of road
Nowhere to sleep since I left my home
I just need somewhere to dump my load
Kicking up dust with the frogs and toads
I just need some place to dump my load
No lights or bedding to call my abode
I just need somewhere to dump my load
No right move in stalemate mode
I just needed some place to dump my load
Not one PC could break this code
I just need someone somewhere to dump my load
And when, I finally figure out, this meaning, I'm froze
Please little darling, just let me dump my load!

JJB
Not to be rude
112 · Jul 2019
They Say...
John Bartholomew Jul 2019
They say you should always wear sun cream
They say you should always follow your dreams
They say you shouldn't drive to fast
They say you shouldn't swear but then I cannot be arsed

They reckon that times goes faster the older you get
They reckon that No.1 is always a safe bet
They reckon that we landed on the moon
They reckon that he didn't meet Mr Spoon

They are 'the they' but who the devil are they
They are the guiding light in whatever they ever say
They are the ones who told us there was some kind of God
They are the ones with wisdom but I would rather believe my dog

They say wise things but not always right
They say we cant live forever but I will always shine like a light
They say so much within the rules that we all live by
But I'm sick of what they always say as I walk on with a sigh,

Believe your own truth

JJB
112 · Sep 2024
2 Gravestones
John Bartholomew Sep 2024
When you die, you leave behind two gravestones.
No.1. Your body and your bones.
No 2. The dreams you didn't put into practice and never did atone.
Don't be a dreamer.
Be a schemer and put those thoughts into throws.

JJB
112 · Jan 4
Little Creatures
Sitting, waiting, hoping
With my head in my hands
These little things in life
That no one understands
Your son
Your daughter
Your dog or your cat
The love you just lost
Looking at where they once sat
That empty space where no hole can ever fill
Recalling memories for a quick fix,
But no soul, could ever fit the bill

I still miss you

JJB
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