It's the only page in your diary marked as free
As none of us know when that day will be
Who will turn up as I'm lowered into the ground
The landing of box to soil being my final sound
As life only has one certainty and that sadly is death
For nobody knows what lies beyond as we take our final breath

JJB

I didn't come here to ****** you into bed
I came here to pump you full of lead
Those six suckers lying there now dead on the street
Wouldn't have to be so if they'd jumped my final beat
For this little town sat here in the Idaho heat
Didn't need no trouble from these two cowboy feet
As I'll **** any mother with a price on their head
A loaded gun, tobacco gum and a pistol full of lead
I'll track you down, tie you up and only take mercy from the sun
And when that bounty is filled, I'll hand you over to the paying one
Cos' I aint no cowboy set on life down on the ranch
I'm a mean son of a gun dealt nothing but his stance
Making money the only way he know best
A ransom, a fee, brought back dead or alive
But mostly, with a bullet in their chest

JJB

So, I heard you want to be Middle-Class?
Jet-setting in the sun with an afternoon siesta
Not Karen from accounts still driving her 05 Fiesta
Starts to read The Telegraph, not the red top Daily Star
Cocktails at lunch in trendy Morrelos, not the 2 for 1 deal in a Wetherspoons bar
Credit card explosion on the latest pair of Nikes
You wouldn't catch me shopping in Primark, go on, take a hike
Possibly a change in friends,
names like Beatrice, Bijou, and Arrabella
Not the kids on the street, dressed in 90s trackies, still listening to old Paul Weller
No, a change is needed if I want to climb the ladder in this world
A Waitrose loyalty card and sandwiches from Marks,
now a proper Middle-Class girl

Middle-Class Me

JJB

Thoughts -

The stuff you bought 
The language you taught
Those fish you caught
Your balance stuck at nought 
All will change, all are temporary 

Love -

A proposal on the Nile
That night you went wild
Ended up on the tiles
And those times you both get riled
But from all these emotions comes one thing,
Love

Your child

❤️

The time has come and our relationship is over
Our bed, our thoughts, our memories sat on it with our pup, Rover
Ten years is its limit according to the boffs
It had its positions with who was on top
But you cheated
Then Charlie bleated
That liar now on our mattress, his **** wrongly heated
We had our bounce
Ounce after ounce
Sweating, girating, that once **** flounce
But you have now left me in pain
Who's mark was that, now left a small brown stain
If propped up on the drive to washaway in the rain
So they have a thing called memory foam
If recorded lately it would just hear us row and ****** moan
From you snoring at a ghastly hour
To me just wishing and pleading
Bring back that love we lost
Thrown out with a taste
Now, oh so sour

JJB

Growing up
Not giving a ****
Those days I really miss for the kick
Not rightly thinking
Out all night drinking
Not a care to who I hurt or what I did
Stumbling home from Batchwood
Just fifteen miles to Watford
Please God just send me to bed
Now in my forties
So much time just plain naughty
Never acting on those dreams I had in my head
All I need now is that final dance
To prove that I really do stand with such emphatic stance
And to banish those acts and to get rid
This is no begging letter
Because I know I can do so much better
Just one last chance to ride that horse I fell off as a kid
Into the setting sun
Where you can watch me as I run
Take flight on adventure,
into my final bid


JJB

If it all just ended now, I think I would be happy
Not stuck in some retirement home, surrounded by adult nappies
If I won the lottery, I'd be a real big spend winner 
Flash cars, piano bars, and no doubt a terrible sinner
If I went out fishing and didnt catch a single thing
I'd treat myself to cod and chips, just smiling at what couldve been
If I happened to be dating Claudia Schiffer or any supermodel
I'd wake up from my dream and order a blow up version from Yodel
If my cat spoke perfect English, I'm sure he'd swear like a sailor
He'd be in every film as the next best thing, I'd love to see the trailer
If,
If,
If,
Life is a daily grind of ifs and buts
As we crawl through our days with the bruises and cuts
Sometimes its good with an ending of lust
But until that day, it's knowing who and if we really can trust,

If.

JJB

Of what decendants do we come
Were we first
Are we last
Scrapped from the depths of his doledrums
Just a test and game for him to play
Does he have other worlds
Full of creatures that might make your toes curl
As gruesome as your inner most thoughts
Or a brother and sister of whom he may have taught
Do we coinside with a billion other types of universe
Spinning and just whirling
All kept in a case
Just shelved to keep them smiling
And answer me this young thing of whom I know not speak
Who watches on him who thinks he guards us
His
Master
Also
A
Reclusive
Mystic
Thing

Gods

JJB

I still wake up every morning, hoping this paraplegia has left me
Spinal paralysis a condition, with no get out fee
To walk, to run, even kick a football for fun
Are dreams I still crave, when doctors say I have none
But the brain will always desire,
for that day as I grapple and *****
As we all have our dreams in life,
and mine will always be that one thing,

Hope

JJB

What's passed has passed
It's all in the past
A quick thought on time gone by
No looking back
You've cut your slack
Move in
Move on
No time to wallow
For long lost goodbyes

JJB

Our Liz

I really don’t care if you like Royalty or not,
But our Queen was always too hot to trot
Not a Royalist myself but I still know right from wrong
When I heard her song last play, I knew her time had come
Seventy years doing a job only she knew best
Find me another soul who could take this time, this underserving, Godlike test
From an **** horriblis to her poor husband dying
She kept our spirits high even through lack of trying
When jumping from a plane with 007
You still looked cool and to even outwit your agent from heaven
So, thank you Ma’am as you have been that servant to us all
That you promised us even after just leaving what seemed your time at school
You showed them how, and showed them what, in times of deepest peril
As you will never be replaced
Always the time, always the place
To be our leader in any such haste
For you kept you chin up, kept this ship afloat and never left us in a fizz
As you will always be our Queen, our guide,
Our never forgotten Liz

JJB

Rummaging round the cupboard and the smell was getting rife
There he sat, proud as punch, that bear made by Steiff
1920's since he'd last had any play
Just sat in the corner looking benign, and that's where he'd stay
A move of his arm under that cardigan they'd had knit
Legs that dangle and now lose, let's get him fighting fit

Rotten to the core his fluff now to be rebuffed
A filler of modern type, now that's the kind of stuff
Eyes that hang on from the nimblest of thread
A cuddle and a kiss and this bear is ready for bed

A story he could tell of the Germans and how they did slaughter
Dropped in the corner by the village mayors daughter
Just left to rot until it's new owners undamaged his house
Feet now nibbled and left to rot, all by the local mouse

Love can come in many guises and this new life is so sweet
It's new owners place him proud with pictures for their tweet
Now a star of the telly on a show by BBC's The Repair Shop
Thanks Julie and Amanda,
You've given me a new life,
Please don't ever stop :)

Teddy Bear (in worn out wear)

JJB

I can feel it
Is it the place
Is it the company
Is it the time
Is it the day
Something is coming
Something very soon
I'm telling you
I can feel it

Somethings Happening

JJB

She up and left
without a breath
Was it something I said?
That morning kiss
Such small things I miss
As I lay alone in our double bed
Your annoying 7am alarm call
To that lingerie that made me just drawl
I still can't believe you are gone
But I must move on from your memory
Such new adventures still scare me
As I am,

Lost without love.

JJB

Flying on a plane when we could just get out
The freedom
The thoughts
The now

Then popped up this covid that left us all stranded
The lockdowns
The furloughs
The doubts

When no planning was needed and our thoughts all exceeded
Before the no's
Before the woe's
Before the who goes?

Just to have that clasp of unfiltered freedom
To just plan
To just expand
To just not give a ****

To just not be still stuck right here in this Government ruled land,
Please never let it happen again,
This,

Trapped England

JJB

The Turkish barbers are moving in
We've left it too late, better take it on the chin
Like sharks circling blood with that killer fin
Soon to be tarred trash as it falls into the bin
What has this once great land now sadly become
As I count down wearily from my finger to my thumb
And how the WOKE brigade have dampened our cheeky fun
Whilst migrants land daily and straight on the run
I repeat so sadly
Oh, my England 
I say goodbye my old chum
Oh my Lord, what have you become...
Goodbye England

JJB

What came before, said no one clearly
An explosion of life, the big bang theory
A chasm of chaos, as out come the stars
Planets and black holes,
up pop Venus and Mars
Galaxies are formed in a matter not ever known by man
As they stretch into infinite and further if they can
Are we here all by chance,
or is there a higher, godlike power
Throwing out orders since the start of time, from its heavenly, overseeing tower
All we can do is wonder in time,
until that day we finally die
And to think,
if we really get told,
after we say,
our final,
goodbye

JJB

Reading that title I suppose you think I'm on about the garden
No-Siree, this type lingers in grass but never without a pardon
How did they know of all things that were supposedly secret
When half the world now knows without putting their foot in it
Only an hour has passed since they secretly broke the news
An internal affair between the management and who they do choose
But one has the gossip and clearly loose lips
This kind of behavour can drown a sinking ship
So who is this individual who is clearly a pain in the ****
As nobody likes this kind of behaviour in present company
Put simply,
A
Grass

JJB

She broke my Hert in Beds
So time to get my own back onto which this spree it led
I spread my love all around the Shires
With some still left hanging on the wire
From Dorset to Devon were the ones from heaven
Losing count in Cornwall but sure it was near eleven
Never crossing the mire to the depths of Wales
And not considered the trip across the channel,
I prefer a fry-up to a plate full of snails
Through the Sexes onto God's garden Kent
Posh girls aplenty so time to build my tent
But the North was always great and a whole lot of fun,
from the bland to the bold and even up the...Oh Matron!
Glasgow slid to Edinburgh and then onto Perth
I tell my friends that these are the cities to unearth
Now time to delve back south to the places I know best
I just needed a midlife crisis to get it off my chest
Now to add the county back to the Shires I forgot
Jeez, there was a fair few, Bucks seems like a fair good shot!

JJB

13 likes after nearly twenty minutes
Am I losing my skills or is my status not worth giving
My ex got 437 for just tweaking her fine ***
To most men thats never a quick pass
What can I update to just make me feel a little bit better
Anything will do just for that feel good filler
I think theyre all bored of the photos of my pets
They've seen the snaps of Ibiza that starts inside the jet
Well,
OK,
A flash of skin for some easy likes,
now thats a safer bet
So watch me rise with this post come boast,
It's almost living in sin
I just need that rush to my head,
endorphins,
I win
I win
I win!

#addictedtosocialmedia

JJB

Some ages are well worth waiting for
Eighteen
Teenage dream
Twenty one
A bit more fun
Thirty
Starting to feel the derogatory of staying out and being *****
And then life comes tumbling down into an everyday frown
A ten year thought on what do I do next?
How to avoid the rat race and start myself, be the best
Kids start to appear as your Fridays soon disappear
Dragged into the everyday monotony that we always once feared
You start looking at petrol prices in comparison each other
Knowing its 6 pence cheaper so worth a trip to your brothers
But when you switch them around life was good at Thirty Four
Still managing to give it some on the dancefloor
But that all changes when we hit that number Forty
And then they just roll into an everyday synchronicity
As the days start to become meaningless
You forget what it was like to have that first kiss
And now I dwell on age that must have some hope over its hill
That has purpose, a light, a brand new skill
And I know that cause is my reason to avoid the pub and bar
For that ray of sunshine is my little girl
My one and only,
Clodagh

JJB

We see them and think a thought
Is that really what you sought?
She is tanned, tight top, an old fashioned Dolly Bird
He's just scruffy, unshaven, wearing a top you have never heard of
But whatever is your thrill, than thats what fits the bill
And then there are those who wear their matching jackets
With way to much money, probably a horse, shop in Hackett
These are the strangest of beings
In their partner themselves they are seeing
No mould needed to shape their prey
Butch, brazen and depending on the mood, a bit gay
For no seed is planted to grow our exact tree
In most cases its a matter of what will be will be
If you see a looky-likey of what deems to be yourself
Look somewhere else please, further along the shelf
Why date a replica of you and dressed in the same fashion
You may as well kiss the mirror or marry a shop mannequin
But hey, its not my call to who or what you might be kissing
Just to know you read my notes first,
and in future, you might just listen

Odd Couple

JJB

I will walk to the beat of my own drum
If you want me there then I'll probably come 
Having a mind that is no better than yours
I will do my own thing not the tourist tours
I'll turn right when the crowd turns left
Probably for the wrong but I know what is best
I'll have a hairstyle thats always been on trend
As you'll have whats cooking and to never ever offend
They'll all have a starter but I'll wait until desert
Drink until I'm stupid and fall headfirst in the dirt
But I'd rather sit back and watch the world go by
Shorts on with my flip-flops, sod the shirt and tie
Just lounging in the sun whilst I top up my golden tan
Because I am me and you be you,
as I'll always be,

My Own Man

JJB

You can't make love fit
It is what it is
A mould
The occasional broken fold
Fakeness is always seen
Remove them quick, it's going to hurt
A broken heart, your ruptured spleen
They've come, they've conquered and they have been
Close that door and throw away that key
As you can't hold hands as the unfitted two's
Kick them off, throw them in the bin
Yeah you,
Wearing those wrong size shoes

JJB