Coldish
Tepid
Slightly warmer than the fridge
Drinking from the garden tap back when we were kids
Can't have been much fun to have gained this world renowned name
For running my hand underneath the tap and pronouncing it all same
Don't touch my flannel and then onto face
Think you'd better call a plumber out if this is always the case
For its not quite hot
And it's not exactly cold
It's that kid who never done what he was told
Unenthusiastic
Indifferent
Slightly heated,
Just the way he was born
Warm
Luke Warm

JJB

We all undo and ***** into a pool or some kind of meaningless puddle
Where our thought escape, linger and dwell
When sometimes all we needed was a good cuddle
Starting at the end of a ready burst bubble
It shatters, it explodes into small catch-less pieces
Just what did it hold to make it suffer
That made it implode into a time with no buffer
And disapper like the Central Park guy, Gunther
We all have our thoughts of what comes next
All these Instagrams to share and get off our chests
Before they become non-fashioned in a time of manifest
Thinking of a money spinner to make our dreams come true
What could, what would and the Ikea enigma of mahogany or tained blue
Life throws us under a bus whether MENSA or just plaim dumb
Whatever way you look at it its always the same
Life is a conundrum

JJB

From buying my first guitar
To watching strippers in the corner bar
So much can happen
In a street not that well known
A name change now The Broadway
Even this cannot change its sodden ways
Rileys now a place to lose weight
Some games I had when I'd lost my stake
The dive bars now a place to skin up
A Caribean twist with a Guinness to sup
Installing the refit to the Clipso hairdressers
To having a row with the fella who worked there
As to most it will always be the Harlequin cut through
But to us kids in the 90s it was a place of scandel and curfew

JJB

Waking up and checking the battery on your unplugged phone
(why did I check Facebook at 3am and not plug it back in?)
74%
The start of any relationship at blistering pace then the brakes apply
(It happens to us all and we don't know why)
74%
That dream holiday, the arrival, the meet the people, the leaving to head home as youve just had enough now
(With the bragging that just ends up in a row)
74%
Discovering new shortcuts on that upgraded mobile phone, I'll never get bored of this!
(A month now gone and someting better already on the list)
74%
Augusts new car off the line and youre proud to say its yours
(January hits and its now become a bore)
74%
Netflix has a new hit and its grabbed the worlds attention
(It's now series six and its falling to bits and needs a formal suspension)
74%

We all seem to plod on at this number on a daily basis, and it does us all well.
You don't need to be one hundred percent all the time, or we'd all just mope and dwell.
So raise a smile when needed, and speak to those who sometimes need it.
For life is too short to for hang ups and woes, it's just led how you see fit.

JJB

A cupboard full of cups all of which are assorted
Some you like
Some you loathe
Some should just be aborted
Now I can't throw that away as it's not mine to drink
A present, a holiday place when at the time you didnt think
That football you team you despise but your partner just loves
Or their unicorn standing tall releasing turtle doves (come on)
But you frown and leave them to be
Pushed to the back so that no one can actually see
You pick the same 4 mugs on a daily basis
One for tea, one for lunch and your favourite, your secret
Its a sad state of affairs when you have your priorities
Which is best for a cup-a-soup over your mug of tea
But I think this is what makes us a total breed apart
We stop
We think
We look in the sink
As a cup of tea is the only way to start.

JJB

Those automatic doors slide aside
A nod from the cashier sat reading a TV Guide
You don't want food but it's always worth a look
Ten glass doors of refrigerated crap
Might have a bite and forget that diet book
From a Ginsters cheese and onion slice
To a Scotch egg with Coke, I wouldn't think twice
Still forty five miles from wife and my home
This'll plug that gap, from some microwave dinner and her everyday moan
A quick glance at the mags including Readers Wives and the over Sixty Fours
Hell, why look up there, that's what the mobile phones are for
So sat in my Volvo XC90 in the car park just stuffing my face
We've all done it knowing its a selfish disgrace
That secret pre eating of food which we all really and truly embrace
And of the self rightous it would really really annoy
But you only live once,
you naughty naughty boy.

Garage Food

JJB

If coffee is your pick me up
Some toast, brush your teeth and then a sup
of course, from your favourite cup
A little toing and throwing
Once that storms been brewing
Then stick the telly on for the daily stewing
JV with his band of ever ready journalists
Some too gobby, some too shy, the odd one taking the, ahem
All settled down by that voice from the Scottish mist
Men seem to sway to the sound of her calming charm
The women mainly agree after the wake up of their alarm
Still sat on the sofa in your quilt, just to keep warm
A pick me up for your everyday commit
Two hours of fun, frolics, politics and while you just sit
And think about how to keep going and just to keep fit

A Storm is Brewing

JJB

One word, I told you not to say it
It's hurt
It's pain
It's it
This cannot go on with any purpose to it's relevance
I'm sorry but you have always known not to mention
It's tension
It's hold
But you had to be bold
I am so sorry
The love of my life,

But Thats Where it Ends.

JJB

I voted out
You voted in
Who would have thought what a mess this ended up in

No rules just lies
Some even on the street having a public cry
All we can do now is just try

I love this great land for all that its worth
From its music and history to football and its birth
Now we just fight over a decision asked by DC and his smirk

All we hear on the news is a choice of which way to turn
Article 50 may as well have been burned
We now need a leader to guide this ship with a hand that is stern

Decisions, settlement, judgement
Still up in the air that needs some stable guidance
Who's to be next to blame and sail to safer climates

As for now we just don't know
Who holds the dice and who's next to throw
For this land needs to come together and head for a new vision

As the last thing we need is this now,

Division

JJB

It's hard to find a word that rhymes with the legend that is, Ron Burgandy
As that man lives a different life,
with his own selective philosophy
Men have a bigger brain than women,
And that is fact
But if you want to fight the News Team,
then watch them **** well react
Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland and Champion "Champ" Kind,  
They'll kick your *** and leave you with a sore behind
London Gentleman or Black Beards Delight
Those ladies deserve best, over which they'll probably fight
As these guys only wear the best, lets not be that chancer
It works 60% of the time, all the time, hell yeah, *** Panther
To sway these guys from the top, up steps Veronica Corningstone
Knowing how to rule the roost, and knock Ron from his thrown
Because, San Diego is a city that can only have one news team,
being proud of America's red, white and blue
And if you don't believe me, well, I will fight you...and thats no lie

Anchorman

JJB

An animal that we learnt to trust
Its cunning, its planning, a must
A lot of mammals are not a fan
But look at the potential after building that dam
The river now flows to a part of ruin
Let's celebrate this genius on the wood that they've been chewing
To build a habitat for this beast of some distinction
Who has made life for others without bragging on completion
Oh, and its also what men call their wife's nunny
Strange how words switch to mean something funny!

******

JJB

Its been a long night
The ones you fancied have left in fright
Anything'll do now
A fat one,
A badly dressed one,
A four kids at 22 one,
A Mackie Dees for breakfast one,
A ITV2 is my favourite channel one,
I just need reassurance and some fake love
Enough to just top me up
To keep me going from the break up I never saw coming
For this is now a kingdom with no rule,
So my love,

Get your coat (you've pulled).

JJB

I saw a tiredness in her face
Years of gossip
Some snide remarks
But a laugh I could not replace
What goes on
What went on
Is a tale she'll always know
If not subject to social smear
Just ask her (for) blow by blow
But don't get me wrong as she is a light not to diminish
She'd buy you a drink
Shot by shot
Under the table til the craic is all but finished
Not to leave a story unaccounted and two ends left unturned
She'd make something up on the spot
Even if future scorns and leaves her slightly burnt
For the word on the street is her everlong racing beat
What happened and where was her everyday scare
And for bones that unwrapped and to be laid bare
Had taken its toll on her face that now shows its tears

Tired

JJB

Bowels of every life are made in this department
Think about it
The movement, the progression, the here after
From humans to dogs, trains on a track then the newt to the frog
This region is overlooked, so much can happen here
Its what makes us move, thrive on and even shed the odd tear
A ******, from some you don't trust, a night of lust
Needed by some, just a bit of fun, a kid hits you like a ton
For it is not just us who move on from this region
The engine, the hair pin, every corner a story
Keep the vehicle on track, life's journey does not lack
Those moments of grandeur that sometimes bore me
We rally on, just keep on moving, this machine always accelerating
Legs are running, if still not working, the brain always thinking
The depths of mortality, the human psyche, keeps on breeding
Even our mode of transport, the way we move, all has its engine
A beast that roars, if between our legs to a plane that can soar
Pipes that can fuel, carry this source to the brain that controls
Stephenson's the Rocket to the phone in our pocket
Machines that roll paper for the game that end up as our ticket
All have a base, a frame, what is known as the building blocks of life,
As we all stem from what is our essentially known as,

Undercarriage

JJB

Caring for the caring is a trait we should all be sharing
Be it a hug
A kiss
Or just a friendly pint for the craic
Their are some who have none and prey to have those back
This pandemic has hit the world hard
Dealt a costly hand to the weak and those in fear
But some have been angels who share a story with a friendly tear
So think of the few,
The help,
That lifeline belt
Who spoke those words that made you smile
For those are the ones who helped you fight on
And just take that extra mile

JJB

#Covid-19
#pandemic

What is judged on those who live days so pure
Who lay awake wondering on life
If doing good now leads to a heavenly door
I might stop swearing
I might take more care
I might imagine a life not bearing
I might
I won't
I wouldn't dare
For those who abstain from the rough
The cautious
The caring
The rare
Are an animal of which there are few
And a life I couldn't bare

The Pure

JJB

Ideas
So many ideas
Stemmed from the root of my brain
Many can be pretty boring but some are **** insane
A spiders web without any pattern
Some as small as Mercury but could be as big as Saturn
Life has no pattern on whom you may meet
From walking one day to being sat in this seat
But where do I start with a thought oh so new
There is no God I can trust to speak words that are true
It's just a stroke of luck as to what direction
No rota can guide you with a choice or right rotation
It's always down to the person who has the next best thought
For this life and its guidance is something that can never be taught

JJB

Chasm
That's the space you want to fill
Looking out of the window whilst serving on the till
People buying those tickets for a load they only dream
Lotteries around the world letting off that mystic steam

Waiting
Maybe they'll pick you up that unknown multi millionaire
Living a life now in a dream without a single care
Your thoughts of a dramatic career basically now a flop
So why would that man of influence be shopping in co-op?

Dreaming
Looking at the Cava thinking its only cheap Champagne
What should I wear to Sharon's party as that top is now stained
Who's going to be there I suppose the usual bunch of boys
Then he pulled up in front of my door, a Silver Rolls Royce

Hello
Older but not by much he stumbles through, such a panic
Do you have anything to get this stain away from such fabric
Hot water, a good scrub as he ripped it off down to his tum
I took it, soap and then some, you'd be the kind of girl to meet my mum

Someday
Dried under the blower in the ladies toilet
I'm sure if I got with him he'd have my life summed up
So thankful he threw it on and told me I was his hero
I blushed, felt good for a while but then back down to zero

Again,

Someday

JJB

HEADLINE NEWS!

That first glance catches the eye
READ ALL ABOUT IT!
Rarely too happy, a story to make us cry
GET YA STORIES HERE!
Could catch us out in more ways than one
A terrorist plot or some fool just having fun
We soldier on, our face in the cracks
Ignoring what he says from the media hacks
But a quick peep up and you see the most beautiful face
On the front of a chinwag, you really are to my taste
Without meeting I would do as I am told
As you are the most beautiful of beings,
and definitely,
Above the Fold

JJB

And why do you wear just one sock Tom?
Hey, that's for me to know, and for you to find out.

The other sock?

That was worn by his brother, Ronald.
And his nickname?
Go figure

JJB

I've been hit
All of us have but in different ways
Depends on how you recover
Waking up and that feeling of utter dread
Where do I look, are the answers in some book
The wife may know or do I ask my lover
A turning point where all is seen in a brand new way
The justice, the injustice, the must have must haves
I'm only here once
A front bigger than Brighton, always on the blag

Maybe I deserved that thump of unfair life
As been a naughty boy and relished in the past
God has his ways, I'll catch you one day you *******

But the hill has a summit as for which I now climb
I toppled, I lent to far, I took my eyes from the prize and crashed that ******* car
But these matters are just a hiccup, a step in the wrong direction
Strive on young man,
Having eliminated those who now do not care
Throw at you what they want, spread your tales online,
For social media is there for us all to bear

But no,
Hold that light of what really still can come
As you ignore those mutters from the downtrodden and those on the everyday rat-run
The horizon has a future yet to be discovered now feeling almost new born
Hold your head up high, banish the clutter that really doesn't matter as you carry on,

Through the Storm

JJB

Mr Bartholomew - it's unlikely you will ever walk again 

Hard-hitting
Forever sitting
A life too young for me to be fitting
Twenty-seven and I just swerved heaven
Who knows if it's a place I'd get in
We've all done naughty things
But not too much to dance nor sing  
From six foot five to me now hardly seeing
Now to contemplate me forever being
Self-evacuation, front and rear
Uncontrollable accidents, my biggest fear
The loss of real friends and those who can trend
An easy decision to make to those who wouldn't watch me mend
But life goes, Jeez does life roll on
My amazing wife and daughter who I adore
Who gave me fresh life and opened closing doors
But I won't go all soppy and repeat as a bore
For life is an adventure not a governed guided tour.

Life Goes On

JJB

There once was a time when the time was now
Make this your plan, your goal, your forever be
But it lapsed
It'll come round again you say
Thinking of that smile and joy
Laughing because they actually liked you
But know its on relapse and that time is gone forever
Seize the minute, the hour, the non forgotten past
Embrace what it was and never let it go
You may meet again in a time when now is no good
Or hear a song reminding you of how they did sing
For there will always be,

Unfinished Everything's

JJB

No reaction, just a ripple of shudder
Nearly 30 years, could of done less for ******
Maybe paper, a pen and then just write to her
As a guy once said, its now dead in the water

Remember those days when I finally caught her
Hearing old songs as Waterloo Sunset and Paperback Writer
Now worlds apart with no connection to light here
As I dwell with thoughts just sipping my can of cold beer

Time is an unseen evil in disguise
Falling in love then can't wait for goodbyes
I honestly thought she was the one and I'd finally caught her
But, in the end, she trickles away
Just like punching water.

JJB

I sit and think, is it just me?
I say a sentence which makes perfect sense to be hammered down again
I try to stay positive but my thoughts are never on trend
Sometimes I stray as this life's not all it's cracked up to be
I wander into my unknown, a place where I start to see
My thoughts and my vision see a different kind of light
It's just not one that others like, a mentality they try and fight
As I like another kind of state, where people are kind and free
Not the hang ups and the moanings all barking from the same tree
To hear a song and get its rhyme and rhythm
Let your mind settle, drift away in the clouds while I sit back and listen
Don't start with your patronizing along with those why's, what the hells and woes
Let go of those worries as well as the past, remember when I swept you off of your toes
Then you think back and there were good times that we once had
So why all the complaining now, times move on from the good to ever approaching bad
Maybe it's not you as this is how it's now spelt
It's the everybody disagreeing with you and what's right now, hence,

It's Everybody Else

JJB

They come, they go, they order what they know
Some dressed in hi-vis, pin stripe,
even those in miniskirts, hi heels with their toes on show
A hard night's graft, taken in from the draft
Five minutes they'll never remember
From the morning rush
Some late without a brush
A breakfast forgotten in the depths of hangover
Old biddies sit and chatter
The price of life now their natter
And their tea now costing a small fortune
But to socialise and talk
To just sit and then a walk
Is the highpoint to some people's day 😉

The Cafe

JJB

I could speak to you tomorrow for an hour or two
See you next week and wouldn't know it was you
Any distinctions go right over my head
From a great big nose to something you said
You could stand out in the crowd
With a rainbow telling the world you are proud
But to me you are just another forgotten face
No recollection of time nor place
You could be the nicest of guys or a bit of a ****
No matter what, we should all wear a name tag

#IthinkIhaveaproblem

JJB

I think the title is a little less than needed
For you live a life begging from daddy,
For more I've always pleaded
Grow up stupid girl as your balance is always red listed
As you flick through those sites so fast on things you can't afford
Your fingers now have blisters
Dreaming of a life fulfilled, good food and well bred horses
Now stuck in a house in the middle of nowhere, teaching her kids the same of a times that she endorses
For her car is a Range Rover with a spate battery in the footwell
Advertised on Exchange and Mart as a car that

Any food to suit your taste
So always wear an elasticated waist
The calories pile as you seal your own fate
Christ I love it on a Sunday
The all you can eat extravaganza
Curry for breakfast followed by scones and tea
It says it in writing, eat all you can see
Leaving so full that will do you for the day
I'll be back same time next week,
at the all you can eat buffet

JJB

Split!
Now I aint talking bananas
I'm relating to the time that the Yanks just ended it
Not of Gods nature to mess around like this
Scientists should look for all cures
Not dabble in the extreme whilst taking the p*
It's not an episode we want to ever see again
The spread of its explosion
Of which still leaves some in pain
No megalomaniac could start again with Eve followed by Adam
Unless they went utterly delirious,
Yes,
Up and Atom!

JJB

What to wear on that specific day;
Smart
Skinny
Super Skinny
Bootleg
Oh what the heck
Should they be trousers, jeans, combats or chinos
What if the crowd are all smart come casual
My Converse boots or my polished Italian Tino's
I don't want to stand out like a sore thumb
A shirt and blazer is how I think I should come
The tail end of a wedding can be a confusing matter
As you don't want to be seen as the talking point of their chatter
These tartan cotton threads can be worn on any occasion
Dark yet understated, I'm not one for too brazen

JJB

I look, we all do, how much are you worth?
No really, how much?
That car, finance?
That house, inherited?
That holiday, a friends villa?
That flight, Ryanair?
I'll carry on judging until I am corrected
And it is what it is as I rightly suspected
Your as rich as me, it's just a smoke screen and a false front
No wonder they say what they say as you really are a ####
I'm happy with what I've got and not living like the encore
As I can get on with this life and live with being poor

JJB

Records played, records sold, hard copy, not download
But the more I rattle on and raise my brow, I now sound really old
The pennies drop at the play of a song, mainly through Capitol Gold
Some still tour, Davies, Stewart and John
But no Rocketman could lift these boots, those days are long gone
Royalties from film now keep the bills ticking over
The price of fuel and heating costs, still driving my 2012 Range Rover
The odd bit of cash is always nice, if guest on Lorraine or The One Show
But I'm happy watching those days of the past,
as I have taken my last and final bow.

JJB