We all have that friend
Who drives you around the bend
That says that they can have anyone in the bar
But ends up asleep in the back seat of your car
Often a brag to what they have done
And thinks the world revolves around their stories of fun
Whose delicate touch can make some girls quiver
But also their brashness can send them a shiver
For that friend is often a case in the making
Whose head needs turning away from this faking
Now look in the mirror and tell me it's not you
As that friend is a lie so please just be true

JJB

70 miles from the beautiful English coast
Some days that's the only place I'd rather be the most
Throwing chips to the gulls whilst sat outside with a lovely chilled beer
Not thinking what's the quickest way to Northampton from here
Or to drive west and dream over the Irish Sea
As there are other places where I'd rather be
But maybe it's just this and its stuck in my bones
Middle England is me and time to get used to it being my home

JJB

He was the first to score a hatrick on the newest astroturf pitch
He was the first on his new BMX to jump that ***** ditch
He  was the first to kiss the best looking girl in the school
He was the first that all kids thought he was cool

She was the first to have the Rainbow Collection of My Little Pony
She was the first to lend me her toys as mine were all phoney
She was the first to be picked for the school netball team
She was the first to date the boy on the bike we all thought was a dream

Looking back they deserved each other as they were the first to be divorced
A love so pictured, so fragile, it was almost movie scored
So no to be the first to everything in sight
I'm happy in my own little world just taking my own flight

From first to last, nothing will be remembered in the past

JJB

You can see it,
The groupies, the girls, the finest guacamole
All there for the taking
All made by 4 friends who are really phony's

12 tracks fine tuned to almost perfection
Grown men sobbing, at what they are hearing
Only their God could write a better selection

That speeding intro, the slow down, the pick me up with an ending so delicious you could eat it for breakfast,
The London Symphony Orchestra lending their hand, slow down tiger, those searing strings are gonna get you

For this has always been the dream inside this head of mine
Holding back, maybe tomorrow, another day will be the right time

But a dream is a dream and sometimes they'll never come true
I can't even play an instrument, sat here dreaming on the loo
For all this to me is a page that needs writing,
Not by me, but by someone new

The Greatest Album (Never Recorded)

JJB

Remember when I could count a lot higher up than you,
When all you had was 30 and I was at 102?

Remember when I stayed up until 10:30pm, with this being a school night,
And now I stumble home from the pub and it's just getting light

Remember when on the toilet reading what was in a bottle of shampoo
Now we read our Facebook while taking that quick poo

Remember when looking for anything that resembled some sort of ****
Now it's in your hands and on your phone, not hidden in dad's shed at the bottom of the lawn

Remember when we drunk that bottle of 20/20, sneakily on the park bench,
Chewing gum and you really hummed, thinking no one could smell your ***** stench

Remember when you told your mum you only cycled to the local shops,
When in reality you just carried on because you didn't want to stop

Remember when eating a bar of chocolate, nothing else would ever really matter,
Now you read the content and what's inside as you don't want to get any fatter

Remember when no one gave two hoots about these sweet little lies,
Now Big Brother watches over us like some silent untrustworthy spy,

Remember when...

JJB

The power within,
Embroiling my sins,
Holding back what can't be released,

A scream with no sound,
Digging for what can't be found,
All I need is a realm of my inner peace

To take over my world,
A power that can tame when unfurled,
On you that I need to unleash

JJB

Sat looking at the clock
Everyone around you always in such a rush
What thoughts to have of nothing but this job
When I have dreams of such getaways away from this poxy jaunt

Surely I'm not the only one with dreams of pastures new
These guys have been here for so long they must be overdue
Grey and rescinding, worries of money and the mortgage
I just want to be on a beach, cocktails with closed eyelids

Now I am starting to think these things don't just fall onto your lap
40 years man and boy, first you've got to wade through the crap
So there's the thinking, the breakthrough, that one inquisitive thought
An idea that no one must ever think, the one that can never be bought

As I lay here in my tree swing bed just watching the blue sea
Those fools back home still thinking hard, of what might be might be
Because it clicked one day, that idea I always had when I was a teen
Hidden thoughts are ready to pounce, just waiting for a dream

JJB

Wake up
Check
Any updates
Check
Give it 2 minutes
Log back on
Check
My god, she added last night
Check
14 new comments
Check
***. I cannot believe she posted that picture
Check
Best look on Insta
Check
No Way!
22 new pics
Who is he?
Check
Her ex? Again, no way!
I'll give it an hour
5 minutes pass.
I might have missed something
Check
Nothing
OK
Not OK
No pics of me yet
Why no pics of me?
Did I look that bad?
Better check
Check
Nothing
This could have been a mistake last night
Check
Check
Check

Fear Of Missing Out

JJB

For he drew whatever was the scene
Of Northern towns and sometimes swings,
Of wherever he had been
The detail not always riveting like a Van Gogh or a Constable
But always on set, and you could always bet, simplicity is a sacred tool
If the stroke portrayed kindness,
And each drawing a wellness
To how we lived in other times to now

L. S. Lowry

JJB

I don't know how to keep disguising the fact,
That when someone asks me how I am,
I don't like to say,
But,
OKAY,
I'm not OK

JJB

Arriving like a flash of pure light,
A buzz,
A whiff,
A, look at me, I'm not here just as a gift

Momentous,
Crucial,
Pivotal,
Names I have plundered, on a Sunday morning call

Historical,
Far-reaching,
Consequential,
Fateful, all in a book, no author may dare claim

Evidenceless,
Timeless,
But always on trend
Oh Lord, how can it already be the end?

JJB

I took you in
We laughed, got drunk, smoked some stuff that was wrong
Went gigging
Stole ***** that we shouldn't have been swigging
You dragged on some **** of a ten pack of stolen ciggies

You used me but I overlooked this at the time
Maybe I used you as well but this worked out just fine
A free ticket to the singer of your choice
Friend or carer, you wanted my company but not for their voice
You had no money but I didn't mind helping you out
As I never asked for a dime in return, I could have gone to a tout

So now...
It's thrown back in my face from a man with no cares
He swindles a friend he's known for over 20 years
Lives life like a failed rockstar as some new hearts he'll now tear

Good luck to those who he'll now push from his window sill
As two-facedness is a very bitter pill
He'll never learn as failure is an option we look back in hindsight
Looking over the edge from these choices
But from from how many lies and to fall from what height

Thinking back it was everyone else who has always paid
So that's it now my once dear friend
Time to call it a day

JJB

Sober.
It's an acquired state on mind.
A conscious
A quietness
A fondness
One may say, a heir achy, from you all.

Drunk.
Also an acquired state of mind.
A derailment
A letting go of it all
An unseen hurting inside

You don't know whats happened to that soul
An incident so unforgiving its led to this black hole
The judge in you thinks your above that sad being
But in their own self conscious, it's trouble they are fleeing

(Never judge what you never know)

JJB

Not all yours but at first glance it looks like they are your fine pile
Lanzarote, Greece, even the Tower called Eiffel
Clumped together like a map of exceeding heats
From Lisbon down to Cape Town
Tell me of these differing seats

Did you really fly through the depths of the Grand Canyon
Or take a helicopter to that quiet place known as the Scilly Islands
Yet venture the climbing follies around Ben Nevis
And take a gondola ride around the canals of Venice

The adventure parks known as Chessington and Alton Towers
Where the rides left a taste that came out as sour
Your friends have bought you such distance as OZ and NZ
Where they'd be flying in the sky and you'd be at home in your bed

One day I will have the money and aspiration to fly to such a place
For now I will let the young adventurers fly away with such grace
As I seem to be grounded without the bank-to-fly
Do I really want to thoroughly say goodbye?

Hmm, Well I know what you mean
I'm slightly batty to have crazy yet ambitious dreams
So don't poke around my passport looking for stamps to check
As like lies on my fridge magnet door, I haven't been there yet

Fridge Magnets (most of them are fibs you know)

JJB

If the BBC...
Knew how we all really do talk in the car,
Of our real opinions,
Our views,
Of what we think of certain people in life,
How our daily chat is embroiled in what they don't report,
Our loves that don't include politics,
A real box to tick,
Who we hate,
Who we really do rate,
And who should go into that next big seat at No.10,
Then the BBC should speak to the man on the street,

The British builder,
The factory worker
The delivery driver
The plumber
The average office worker
The struggling student and not those whose parents have money
The small towns near Grimsby,Bristol and those in Newcastle
The real man
The Nine til Five and then the Seven til' Eleven
The every penny earnt and still they are struggling

If the BBC actually reported on this,
Then this would be the real Britain they would be showing,
Yet,

JJB

Come at me with what you will
I take no offence at your thoughts that are ill
Throw those words,
Bombard me,
Harass me,
Try and really hurt me,
Watch them bounce into the depths of nowhere
You'd better sit down as your gonna need a chair
As your words of corruption really do not scare
I have elephant skin,
I'll take it on the chin,
And find somewhere else to begin
As I do not deflate
It's just a thing called fate
Your endless dramas became a bit long in the tooth as,
These bones and skin are now, lets just say,

Puncture proof

JJB

What to wear on that specific day;
Smart
Skinny
Super Skinny
Bootleg
Oh what the heck
Should they be trousers, jeans, combats or chinos
What if the crowd are all smart come casual
My Converse boots or my polished Italian Tino's
I don't want to stand out like a sore thumb
A shirt and blazer is how I think I should come
The tail end of a wedding can be a confusing matter
As you don't want to be seen as the talking point of their chatter
These tartan cotton threads can be worn on any occasion
Dark yet understated, I'm not one for too brazen

JJB

Ideas
So many ideas
Stemmed from the root of my brain
Many can be pretty boring but some are **** insane
A spiders web without any pattern
Some as small as Mercury but could be as big as Saturn
Life has no pattern on whom you may meet
From walking one day to being sat in this seat
But where do I start with a thought oh so new
There is no God I can trust to speak words that are true
It's just a stroke of luck as to what direction
No rota can guide you with a choice or right rotation
It's always down to the person who has the next best thought
For this life and its guidance is something that can never be taught

JJB

Bless me Lord for I have sinned
As I once grew a haircut that I shortly binned
But I knew at the time it was thoroughly wrong
Because these things happen when you grow it that long
A look in the mirror and you think it looks alright
Seriously man, that really isn't right
Laughed at behind closed doors and always behind your back
Yeah, it's true, you do look a complete ****
If haircuts were numbered you'd be looking at a one
As the village idiot would even shave it off
That bundle
That irresponsible
That monstrosity to the back of the human head
The Man Bun

#youknowwhoyouare

JJB

You take it for granted when it's stood right there
Playing with your kids without a single care
These moments they ground you in a time that's now past
Thinking these memories will always everlast
But where does it go in a life that's fast and always unread
Almost ten years ago as you think it through now lying in your bed
A jigsaw of pieces that somehow all interact
Now putting them together to make a perfect fact
Cast them in the river as they are all attached to the same line
As fishings not my thing, I'm just awash in one's own time

For a friend

JJB

I look, we all do, how much are you worth?
No really, how much?
That car, finance?
That house, inherited?
That holiday, a friends villa?
That flight, Ryanair?
I'll carry on judging until I am corrected
And it is what it is as I rightly suspected
Your as rich as me, it's just a smoke screen and a false front
No wonder they say what they say as you really are a ####
I'm happy with what I've got and not living like the encore
As I can get on with this life and live with being poor

JJB

Hold on to that last thought
It could be your best
Save yourself from falling
Gulping the air back from your chest
Every second of life
Is this all just a test
As were only here once so savior
Every last drop of breath

JJB

Work toilet
Just staring at yourself in the mirror
I hate it here
What's beyond all this
Behind this wall
A man stands tall
An alternative phase on your future
I only came here for a ten minute break
I'm fake
Any excuse I'll take
To dream of another place than here

JJB

It's a different way of life being big
I don't mean eating until I want to be sick
I mean my height, my clothes, still as tall as you when I sit
Not being able to buy the shirt I want because they all say Slim-fit

That pair of jeans I want but not your off the shelf clobber
My wife looks high and low bless her, as nothing will stop her
A pair of shoes to fit in with the latest fashions
No size 13 sir, you'll have to look online, that's where they usually stash them

I fly to America where they know how to treat me right
Trying on a Medium shirt, hell, its not even very tight
The only thing is their taste in shoes here
I'll order online as I wash it down with a beer

Even getting in a car can be a pain with a certain model
Head space, leg room, come on Mini, us lads want this at a doddle
And what is it the smaller woman that finds you such a pull
Hell, I'm not complaining, look after me and wrap me in wool

For I'm not violent in any which way at all
But get a man who thinks he's big and you'll get it with a bar room stool
Little man syndrome is our worst curse of them all
There is always one you thinks he's hard so has to act like the fool

But I like being a big bloke as you gain a respect for no reason at all
Some look up to you because your big and rather tall
But at the end of the day were just the same as me and you
Finding it hard in everyday life, and a love that is oh so true

JJB

It's a funny idea, of course this I know
A life of moving symmetry, around me they all do flow
None come up near me as it's a puzzle to you all
You wouldnt understand my strange brain, the deeper you would fall
I watch you peer as you drive, does he live on there alone
My small garden, one pear tree, guarded by my green gnome
I still pay tax, all common bills, and work not like some hermit
It's the way I live my life, just because others do not see fit
The drive as small as a room, just space for 2 small bins
But drive in forwards, never reverse, for this would be a sin
I sometimes regret what I've done, but hey, you're only here once
No friends visit here anymore, maybe I acted the dunce
For a life of peace, quiet, no neighbours, it really takes some beating
But if the boiler breaks, no plumbers come, I'll live without the heating

JJB

Circling
Waiting
Sniffing
Preying
In for the ****
We all know one
Nothing better to do
Hated but sometimes loved
Monstrous but also as peaceful as a dove

Attack
Ripped
You had been tipped
Blood on the carpet yet to be cleaned
Off they swim with teeth that now gleam
Tails swagging as they have done their job
Everyone looking as they are the top ****
Nice as pie later on as they buy you a pint in the pub
You take it as its them but would really rather snub

For they are the ones who love they're own bark
A little fish who thinks they're as big as the Cutty Sark
Looking up they love you to know they are on the lark
As they are the ******* who ruins your day
For they are what we all know in life as

The Shark

JJB

Oh look, it's what's his name
He was in that thing with...
Corrie?
No, well he might have been
Oh, you mean on BBC one a few years ago
Yes
He played a copper along with Denis, oh, I forget
Waterman?
No, he was in the Sweeney
That was the Seventies
He's old enough
The Bill?
No, that was ITV
Well, you've lost me
Google it
Google what?
His name?
Well you don't know his name!
Oh I give up
Hopper?
On BBC one?
He might have been in a film
Hmm, maybe
Right...it must have been Dennis Waterman
I'm telling you, it's not Dennis Waterman
Well, I give up, and so does Google
(2 minute silence watching the programme)
I've got it! Bill Paterson
He looks nothing like Dennis Waterman!
Same age...ish
Your mad
(A shrug of the shoulders)
Right, I'm going out
Yeah...see'ya

Thinks to herself...Bill Paterson...I think he was in a film actually

Oh, that's him in...

JJB

Chasm
That's the space you want to fill
Looking out of the window whilst serving on the till
People buying those tickets for a load they only dream
Lotteries around the world letting off that mystic steam

Waiting
Maybe they'll pick you up that unknown multi millionaire
Living a life now in a dream without a single care
Your thoughts of a dramatic career basically now a flop
So why would that man of influence be shopping in co-op?

Dreaming
Looking at the Cava thinking its only cheap Champagne
What should I wear to Sharon's party as that top is now stained
Who's going to be there I suppose the usual bunch of boys
Then he pulled up in front of my door, a Silver Rolls Royce

Hello
Older but not by much he stumbles through, such a panic
Do you have anything to get this stain away from such fabric
Hot water, a good scrub as he ripped it off down to his tum
I took it, soap and then some, you'd be the kind of girl to meet my mum

Someday
Dried under the blower in the ladies toilet
I'm sure if I got with him he'd have my life summed up
So thankful he threw it on and told me I was his hero
I blushed, felt good for a while but then back down to zero

Again,

Someday

JJB

There once was a time when the time was now
Make this your plan, your goal, your forever be
But it lapsed
It'll come round again you say
Thinking of that smile and joy
Laughing because they actually liked you
But know its on relapse and that time is gone forever
Seize the minute, the hour, the non forgotten past
Embrace what it was and never let it go
You may meet again in a time when now is no good
Or hear a song reminding you of how they did sing
For there will always be,

Unfinished Everything's

JJB

They say you should always wear sun cream
They say you should always follow your dreams
They say you shouldn't drive to fast
They say you shouldn't swear but then I cannot be arsed

They reckon that times goes faster the older you get
They reckon that No.1 is always a safe bet
They reckon that we landed on the moon
They reckon that he didn't meet Mr Spoon

They are 'the they' but who the devil are they
They are the guiding light in whatever they ever say
They are the ones who told us there was some kind of God
They are the ones with wisdom but I would rather believe my dog

They say wise things but not always right
They say we cant live forever but I will always shine like a light
They say so much within the rules that we all live by
But I'm sick of what they always say as I walk on with a sigh,

Believe your own truth

JJB

Snap!
And there it all went
Life
In the crack of a bone
But I hadn't kissed the girl of my dreams
I hadn't scored that goal for my football team
Left or Right I never knew which way to lean
This cannot be that, it has to be more than it seems

Nope

So that's it. All gone. It's over?

Yep

But I had so much more to give!

Do it while you can then kid, cos you ain't coming back

****

JJB

That darkness, that coldness in the air
Today has been a bad day for us all
Never prepared for such shock all at once
A man so loved now gone without despair
The suddeness, so quick before our plans
His ideas a bloom and so plentiful
Taken in seconds from such a blow
He wandered, he thought, he drew
No replacing his thoughts played out in Manga, sometimes Disney too
For he was a closed book with thoughts of his own
A testament to nobody but a world now never shown,

as are

Angry Skies Above

JJB

That first step
A launch into the unknown
Who knows where it could lead
Life's predicaments all in your montage
Dreams of a dream we all had that once
It's a journey of an utter unknown
Could last for years or be over in the snap of a bone
So why do you predict a happy and fruitful life
I just want the best of whilst living as sharp as a knife
Smiling like a fruit-fly who is just here to have some fun
Watch me burn, watch me fly,
But most of all honey,
Show me how you run!!!

Remembering when you thought 30 pound was a lot
Remembering when your mum would wipe your bot
Remembering when the World was big and pretty
Remembering when life was ace with nothing ever ******

Remembering when people were fun and playful
Remembering when nothing was a handful
Remembering when asking for a sleepover
Remembering when I shared with my dog Rover

Remembering when I couldn't spell my surname
Remembering when all I wanted was fame
Remembering when I first passed my test
Remembering when I thought my car was the best

Remembering when we first had our kids
Remembering when we took them on their first trip
Remembering when they both left High School
Remembering when they often played the fool

Remembering when I fell over in the garden
Remembering when this all first happened
Remembering when the van first took me to hospital
Remembering when the acceptance was futile

Remembering when I first forgot my wife's name
Remembering when that put me to shame
Remembering when the nurse then changed my sheets
Remembering when I was hoping for that last final heartbeat

JJB

A blink of an eye
That's how quick life can change
From free and easy
To medication, an uncontrollable bladder and to feeling almost queasy
A spinal trauma that went from tap onto snap
Laughing inside that thank God you're not like that
Now join the band where the view is now half the horizon
From standing up to sitting down with your legs permanently frozen
But these things happen although surely not to you
I used to enjoy my half an hour in the toilet, reading the paper and doing a poo
Now the procedure, the timings, the suppositories waiting to melt
Gloving up that hand and finger until it's time to smell that smell
Hey, thats now what I call life
It's a trauma, it's a story on an everyday basis
But would I change it back for the normal life?
Hell yeah, it's those long paper read poo's that I really miss!

JJB

There is always a place for regrets
To store them, to leave them
Come back to them when necessary
Sometimes their storage is a mistake
Remembering things you wish you'd never want too
Mistakes once said in the depths of an argument
Now you shudder for once speaking out of term
But that's what regrets are made to make you feel
A flippant remark or an unsought comment
Words on a text that they should never have seen
Taking them places they should never have been
As regrets,
We've had a few
Lets not make that mistake again labelled number two
Stepping back into that wrong sanctimonious queue
As now we know whats right and whats true,

Regrets

JJB