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She lifts her head

She lifts her head
But a few inches from pillow,
Where head, a blonde mess,
Has night time rested

Is it dawn or day,
Sky or rain,
Time to rise, coffee make or time to lay
Back down.

I answer all,
For I've been up for h/ours,
(You know doing what),
Place my hand  'pon her head
and gentle it back down.

Pillowed, I thrown in a few kisses
To that tangled mess,
For my hands, my lips,
My writing utensils,
Write her poem,
This poem,
And answer all her questions,
never spoke, never asked,
N'ere a single word out loud passes.
At 5:45 AM, just now.
some say we should keep personal remorse from the
poem,
stay abstract, and there is some reason in this,
but jezus;
twelve poems gone and I don't keep carbons and you have
my
paintings too, my best ones; its stifling:
are you trying to crush me out like the rest of them?
why didn't you take my money? they usually do
from the sleeping drunken pants sick in the corner.
next time take my left arm or a fifty
but not my poems:
I'm not Shakespeare
but sometime simply
there won't be any more, abstract or otherwise;
there'll always be mony and ****** and drunkards
down to the last bomb,
but as God said,
crossing his legs,
I see where I have made plenty of poets
but not so very much
poetry.
Mia
There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
I'm sure you've seen her before,
Maybe in a message of tea leaves,
While she's been living in the lines I write,
And in the threads of my seams.

She's a creature of the sea,
Washed ashore in a dream,
Living life that's unkind to her,
But unkind to everyone it seems.

She's careful and careless,
Articulate and aloof,
She walks along my collarbones at night,
Leaving no footprints for proof.

There's a girl with curls in her hair,
Smelling of cigarettes and ice cold air,
She's the sun to my earth,
She's a small crying child,
She's the tangy sweet juice,
From an orchard on fire.
The days blur from one shade of gray to another
haphhazard heart only beats when the possibility of entering your atmosphere nears,
and even then, reality is quick to set in.
abandoned left to my own devices in matters concerning love
how easy it would be,
if it could leave you and nestle back into my heart again
ready to flutter off and settle on some other worthy occupation
bursting with colours like your eyes rivers of warmth like your smile
you walk through me as if I didn't exist
you build walls as you walk creating a maze around you
and yet, memories must linger, sparking  as you catch them in my eyes and smile into my soul, another torturous moment,
Perhaps, on purpose to check in with your prisoner.
Cleary, I have nothing but trophy status gathering dust.
An urn with the ashes of our love smoldering with no air
I wait for the last ember to burn off white
but that's the miracle of love,
it exists on nothing at all
and still stupidly, I design our reunion with not even a hope at all
and nothing to gain,  except living once again, lost in your eyes,
for a lighter shade of gray.
Author's Notes/Comments:
 Dec 2016 Joe Adomavicia
Matt
I love powerful quotes.
Here are three I found
In Pamela Rae's profile

I found them to be
Quite true in my own life

“We are each of us angels with only one wing. We can only fly by embracing one another.” ~ Luciano de Crescenzo

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”― Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Leave the past behind,
Cast it out of mind,
Relish what you see
For it soon will shape,
who you aim to be.”—Joe Adomavicia
 Dec 2016 Joe Adomavicia
River
Listening to rap
Okay
Well it makes me feel invincible
Wonder what it feels like to be up
On that stage, thousands cheering your name
I would love it
Because I thrive on people's attention
I'm always finding a way to get it
And it drains me
Attention isn't love
It's superficial.
 Dec 2016 Joe Adomavicia
River
Feelings flooding in like
Iridescent waves
Sparkling in the fiery sunset
I call out to an abundantly vibrant,
pulsating life: I love you!
Because, I truly do.

I saw these glittering eyes,
Ones that mesmerized
I said hi
Then their were myriad goodbyes
But infinite hellos
With you, I can never really tell
Where the time goes

Your chin is like honey
Escaping the beehive
Dripping down the grooved bark of an oak
Your eyes are two dazzling blue jays
Penetrating my inquisitive eyes
You look deep into my eyes
I ask you questions just to sustain eye contact
You answer, but your eyes tell me stories that your mouth fails to speak

I'm staring at a clock,
And how it ticks away,
It's sort of quizzical,
Wouldn't you say?
See, all we have is today, tomorrow and yesterday
And I wonder what all these days will amount to,
And I wonder will I end up with you?

I have to separate my ego from my soul
Because my ego makes decisions selfishly
But my soul knows what's best for me
And I rather follow in
What brings me joy
I want to be in love
I want to love
I want more
Of this beautiful,
alive, pulsating life
I want you, I want me
I want everything to be merry
I look inside my mind's eye
And I revel in paradise

I enjoy you,
I truly do
Desire is a flame
I must be careful not to burn you
I must retract my claws
Restrain my ego
From trying to take what's not rightfully mine
I'll sit in silence
And wait patiently on peace
And I'll let God direct me
To the path of love and joy.
<>

Hebrew calendar says Summer Sabbath,
the day of rest has, as scheduled...arrived

wryly, ironically, bitterly,
poet rhymingly thinking nowadays...survived

more apropos,
#even survived alive,
for therein is a concomitant, under-the-surface implication,
of the uncertainty of forecast  future,
for no matter how theoretically normalized and organized,
even a trip to a shopping mall...deadly

survive - a far, far bitter...but better fit

not sure of the why-well of my being here,
poem composing scheduled, always on this day of pause,
this week-ending demarcator of the who I am

I am among the many of little understanding,
who having garnered no solace nor rest,
that a seventh day supposedly, is purposed to beget,
for the world is in a ****** awful mess

with neither the rhyme or the reason,
the single breath I expirate, as proof of life,
is this season's perfect, sufficing hallmark,
symbolic of the reign of unceasing confusion that has left our minds
damaged and contused,
secretly selfishly thinking to oneself,
#my life matters


this Sabbath, I speak German,
the language of my father and his father's,
all my ancestors, even unto the years of the Age of Enlightenment,
today, spoken in the ironic dialect of Munich

Am Morgen borning glorreiche
the morning borning glorious

poet seeks an answer, mission to permission,
to rightly explain
how he visions in unsightly confusion
how he divines loving in Munich's tribulations

sitting in the poet's nook, upon the ancient Adirondack chair,
nature listens to the poet discordant chords
of musical tears upon musical chairs,
wet-staining flesh

all around, the other noise makers gone quiet as well
for they are pityingly, eavesdrop listening for what happens next

The Chair speaks:

"this day,
I am happily,
made of wood,
my living cells
long dispatched,
so that I can no longer
weep in time
with my poet-occupant's
struggling lines,
verses upon the decomposing
of the worst of times,
though in compathy,
my silence, by and to him,
is gratefully unnoticed"

the poet  has no visitors this fine day,
none human or divine anyway,
but not alone

for a gaggle of old ones have early come,
from Rebecca's and his mother's Canada dispatched,
my regular geese guests southbound have returned for their
summer stopover,
but so early,
for the calendar must be telling lies,
it says these are the days of July,
so named  for all  to recall
another murdering assignation~assassination,
that of a fallen Caesar,
another-man-who-would-be-god

my summertime flying audience comes yearly to share the bounty
of this, my sheltering isle,
good guests who in payment for their use of our facilities,
honk Facebook  "likes" in appreciation
for every writ completed in the nookery

this year of fear, the geese are newly self-tasked,
seeking solace to share and understand the world weariness,
so strongly encountered in the roughened atmospheric conditions
newly facing all of us

everybody's needy for respite from the next

where next?

a plump audience of eleven
on this grayed sunny day,
greet me, honking, feverishly, excitable honking, but!

auf Deutsch,
in German


full of questions about predatory man
which I fluently comprehend but of answers,
have none completed, none sealed as of yet,  
any writ by my hand to give away or
even keep

so when the temperature cooingly cools,
on their way further south, them,  it sends,
they will not be burdened with the empty baggage
of inexcusably and poorly manmade
naturalized, pasteurized, synthesized,
crap excuses

the poet's own reflection in the fast moving bay waters,
is not reflected,
these, no calm pond waters, but his own internal reflections,
beg him, explain this poem's entitlement,
this designation of confusion and its inflection,

confusion as something lovely?

no good answers do the witnessing waters or the winds sidebar provision,
the geese, the chair, all unfair,
only have similar quarreling questions for him to dare

foremost and direst first,
where is there loveliness in confusion the poems sees?

poet stands on the dock, as if in the dock,
noticed, the waters pause, the winds into silence, swept,
the gulls grounded, the geese aligned in rapt attention,
all to the poet, as jury, they steadfastly attend
to his creation, this poem's titled curse,
an answer even barely adequate, some solution?

In Munich,  ****** born and welcomed,
Dachau, the very first death camp,
sited a mere ten miles away

one could conceivably could demand that

this poet, this Jew, this could-be-Shylock,

having seen a pound of flesh extracted,
might accept this balancing as a compensation
of history's scales weighted by the concentrated demise
of millions of his very own flesh and faith

but he does not...

a nation takes in a million strangers and refugees,
not without peril costly,
visible now, these side servings of risk,
that noble gestures so oft bring

what he feels, why he cries is for the

loveliness of forgiveness,

he unashamedly honest borrows the words he confesses,

any innocent man's death diminishes him

now the winds kicks up, the waters refrosted frothy,
the gulls go airborne, the geese fly away,
searching for another poet to respirate, infatuate and inspire,
clearly, neither satisfied or enchanted with the one
presently available

only the aged Adirondack fair, his aged long time companion chair,
remains moved - but unmoving,
in the domaine of their unity, in the vineyard of
their conjoined, place of quiet contemplation

a woman observes tear stains upon his cheeks,
noticing them upon the chair's open arms now all-fallen,
tho a surface wood hardened,
the tears are softly welcomed and storingly embraced,
absorbed

the three,
the woman, the chair, the poet-me,
all as one, tearfully, no longer cry in vain,
having  found a white coal seam amidst the black bunting
that decorates their glum apprehension of tomorrow's tidings

<>

Saturday,
July 23, 2016
10:29am
Shelter Island
<>
"I am learning a little—never to be sure—
To be positive only with what is past,
And to peer sometimes at the things to come
As a wanderer treading the night
When the mazy stars neither point nor beckon,
And of all the roads, no road is sure"

Experience by Carl Sandburg

<>

summarizes my life, the fits and starts,
at every fork, the wrong road taken

and I lean back,
pensive from my shame,
knowingly confessing
that I would make the
wrong choices again

maybe, sadly, most likely...

the maps they provided early on,
were ok, but I never lived
on their edge,
never went far enough,
warned off,
all bordered in the red of
"go no farther,"
so stuck to the worn and grooved paths,
ventured out,
but retreated to safe center court
covered with the wounding cuts of
self-castigating tears,
for my lack of courage
and the waste and burdens
engendered permanent

maps for me,
are now no longer necessary,
for any road of mine is
closer my god to thee,
and my notice that
"the-show-is closing"warning
is a nearing destination,
slips quietly into my back pocket

now, I permission routine
to drive my simpler life,
where easy, gentling kindness
of the usual, the regularizing
steady as she goes,
are my comfy shoes upon
to tread the familiar road of surety...

that sates but doesn't fully satisfy

for the harsh hanging judge,
my resident permanent
on the top floor of my brain,
sentenced me as a young man
me to life imprisonment
in my very own self-built
asylum insane,
where all the tempting ladders were
maps that led to
This Way Out

was so fearful
to grasp and vault
from the top rung to
the uncertain pleasures
of the unknown of the other side

only here,
in the paths of my poetic words
do I venture across boundaries
and back over lines
that dare and
dare not
be refused

the great exposition
the great expiation
the great explication
of one man

words are my living will,
my testament,
my behests, my bequests,
my medals of discourage and
urges not followed,
tarnished but worn proudly

left to my
children's children
as a lesson plan
of one man

of a life poorly well and almost lived
these words are the rebar to build,
to cartograph,
to illustrate
new maps,
better ways,
signed posts
to take the risk of writing,
go gadget go abroad,
create new poems, new styles,
better than those
I that live~leave-left rightly
behind for
fellow travelers,
grandchildren,
who will - who must!
use them
to unmake the errors
I herein freely confess


12:07 Sunday July 10th of his sixty fifth year
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