let us give up something worth getting
in the first place

you remember things that
never make sense
& she writes elegies for
the living
before they even consider their
deaths

you are not the wrong
remedy
& she would dare to spend
the rest of her life
proving it
by taking far much more
than she owes
& holding it all in her
open palm

on a windy day

I could make up some aesthetic intro
about how the rain is falling
& how the air tastes
but they’ve read it all at least
a thousand times,
at least.

it’s “spring” in Kansas and it’s rainy
& cold as **** for May
not much poetic about it unless
you’re like Shirley Manson
I guess
storms used to terrify me but
now I adore them;
transient and full of intensity
& beautifully


unpredictable


I haven’t really tried to write in so long
I had to force myself to pry open
the dusty laptop --
only because I knew I’d be too impatient
putting thoughts with pen
onto paper

I get why Buk relied on his typewriter
I just wish I had his mental fortitude to write
through complete writer’s block
at the edge of my
wit’s end

the world has not improved, as we kind of
all suspected
the supreme court is dipping their toes
into overturning roe. vs. wade

& all in the midst of the worst inflation
I’ve ever seen
(and a formula shortage)
it’s all a stage and we’ve all been
the puppets for years

but the fourth wall is coming down,
albeit slowly.



I wonder what he would have had to say about it.

enough, I’m sure.

I was not born for the
cold-weather days.

My arch-nemesis is
the old man winter himself
& his pale clouds
Of silent bitter reckoning

We fight with
wind and heartache
& we're always too tired
to carry on
so we become still
& try to understand one
another

you'd think we were in love
but I was not born for him

& he doesn't love back.

just bad days turning
into worse here
just cold metal sinking
into bone
we are what we speak
& he's a *******
monster
& I am petty
moody
indifference
fluttering in and out
of concern
for our
verbally battered mentality

we had a lovely dinner
last night

asiago and roasted garlic tortellini
a glass of merlot

it won't matter if you say you
don't mean it next time
I'll already be





*gone

her breath
was lost in the
beauty
of woodwork
that housed
the contents of
her previous
heart

every beat was
a gasp for
the air she so solemnly
beckoned

a taste of its
pressure before all
that broke
her

well, the ****** thing
was locked shut
in a former haze of
lunacy

& she'd taken full
advantage
of lush-ridden amnesia
to summon the
combination

cirrhosis sounded like
a fantasy ride
compared
to a resurrection of
the past year

& she can't open
the safe
she cannot open
what was
safe

but she's grown enough
to cling onto
courage
like it's her last
cigarette


& she doesn't even
smoke

Caught.
Trapped again in the
Rotten, ******
Hellfire
Of those hard gazes
& subtle longing
"When did you stop burning
Bridges?"
But she knew it wasn't
A "when"
as much as
A "why"
& they can't remember
How they had never
Lived like this
Before
With such coexisting
Qualities
While the wine always
Tastes
Just as sad and wanting
As ever before.

someday she'll teach herself
how to get past
all this
*******
sentimentalism
she inherited from her
mother

until then its
            
want  

want      
          
want

& can't have

when you go for so long
giving
& never getting back
only to find that
recently
the receiver has
some kind of heart
for repayment
but you don't know
where it lies
& you'll never ask for
the dreadful, dreadful
fear of the
consequence

well, then you start to go
a little bit

crazy

& the things that no one
should ever know
start to shimmy
out of the
carefully manufactured
woodwork
we call self-preservation

its a lonely
lonely

                                            lonely­ night

in the prairie

shame
shame on you, visceral decree
second sight's corrupted
now you're the same as me
crave
crave you 'til the very end
come love
& join the falter
a tribute to the dead

the cost is blood
sullied calamity
once a humble servant
twice as much
for greed

martyr
save your breath
& let's begin
I'll give the grace
to guard you
while I live under
your skin
bewitched as I
you have sealed me to
my grave
oh, our reckoning's
still coming through
in waves

oh, to want you
is all that I do

take it all under skin
& burn it all away

to want you
is my hell
too

gold and gold
& glistening
prescription fire
for the blistering brain
to ashes
to dust
to fog he smiles behind
when I am asleep

leave this city

my dream-catchers stopped
working
& the sandman laughs at my
so-called nightmares
then steals my
covers
& puts me in a horrid
disposition

I am desperate for dance
but
I am fearful of chance

I was careless enough
to leave him in
the garden
alone

he carved himself
out through his
own skin
& bone

I know now to keep
a weather eye on
that clever
boy

all the plants have been
eaten away

& all
the bloodied roses
destroyed

he has a smile






that could make
Aphrodite's
knees tremble

the shifting season engineers
my essence
sighing becomes more
articulate
& less derived from
aching

our rugged hearts
still manage to
sail above
the cresting waves
& the spice of laughter
at dusk
fuels our late lit
flames


I could ask for nothing
more

contradict my colors
carry me with your cause
I'm building this house
on love, sir
& I bleed out
violent flaws

calm the wounded widow warrior
change the picture on
your page
I've burnt all I can of
the exterior
& they're booing me
off the stage

cherish only what you love
charity and all that grooves in the night
don't give one listen to what
you've heard of
about the man who lived
with his own
fright

I love his little bursts
of excitement
the sound of delight
resonating
in the back of his
throat

the languor of love
that lingers
on his tongue
like a slow-spun record
on a hot humid
day
when all there is to do
is just
dance without
clothing
& listen without
loathing

'cause
for hate we've not any
vacancy
in our third-story
palace of
peace

she took you for
granted
on the edge of the
meadow


said you'd never
want her
'cause that's not how
far
a friend would
go


& the silence
rang
through the cool
night in late
winter


I just wish you could have
seen her


how many sighs have
made their
farewell descent
past her blushed
& bothered
skin


to protect the impression
you've kept her
within?

If only every grievance
Was as much fun to
Bear
As this happens to be
This past is ever
Fresh
On my misguided
Trail
& our clever slips
From reality
Are far from over
Even though I'll always
Be cast far from
Consideration
My patience gathers in
Shallow waters
At the foot of your bed
& you've kindly given me
The cold to go
& grow along with it
I can hardly be
Satisfied with the change
In my endeavors
As long as the dark
Beneath my eyes
Has a place
To call its home
& you can hardly be
Bothered
With the taste of my
Warning
When I failed to mention
That all you gave
Will never be
Enough.

I want you to
Belong
To me only on
Rainy days
While my bones are
Weary without
Notice

Today I shall
Call you my
Pariah
& you will
Sleep underneath
My wings

You always had your
Right to know,
Honey
But they'll steal your
Right to
Dream
& your heart has
No place
Tacked to the
Corkboard

You hid the poetry potion
Too far beyond the
Shelf
& she still caught you
In the glow of
Green
& all the beautiful
Things
Never made sense
To us.

Ribbon-wrought
A package brought
Greater interest to her stairs

Such little luck
Curiousity struck
When she saw its nameless flair

The package bore a pair of eyes
To better see the sunny skies
& the window-perched man glancing down

The latter, who, unnoticed knew
How harsh her nearsight quickly grew
As his sunny eyes met hers of brown

Curiousity killed Miss Catherine Ryde
As struck by a car, she instantly died
With thankful eyes locked to the windowsill

Of a man whose heart so deeply wept
Crossing the street, love's life was swept
& her farsight kept forever still
To the window-perched man upon the sill.

unnatural senses
& a shot to the
brain


we all make mistakes here
take smaller doses of
that courage before it feasts
upon your flesh


forget your belongings
but don't forget your
place


someday you'll see
Jupiter
when you least expected
her


your head is resting on
the high chair
& when you can learn how to
reach it
she'll learn how to shine
a little brighter


but until then you can
go stand
in the corner,
mister

she woke up by the water one day
porcelain fingers
no feeling in her feet

she saw you on the other side
she could swear you were singing

you just kept dancing around in your
blanket of sunshine
she could never understand
why you kept it
so close

in a drunken stupor
you casually kissed her neck
the fragile borderline
between your world
& hers
wine spilling into
bread
now the ants will come
& steal the supper

the tide was flowing through her hair

she'll never lose you here



but she'll never keep you near

I like to tell stories
of other people
when I no longer feel
interesting

I like my men
with longer hair
& he loves his women
with shorter skirts

sit by the pool
cuddle your glass of scotch
until you feel bold
enough to slip right in

or take ***** shots with me
in the middle of the street
'cause there isn't anyone driving
for miles
in this small and quiet
town

he's a lot kinder to his liquor
I ignore mine for a time
then I come crawling back
crying
for just a sweet taste
of what its like to forget
who he was

oh, how I'd love to
go back
& drink his pain
red eyes at my eleven o' clock
doorstep
red eyes on the tile floor
by the pop machine
defeated
almost invisible

speak up, sweetheart
no one can understand you
when you think out loud

he never understood
how she could give her love
to another man
I never understood
why he forgot she ever
did that

they got married in a
not so distant fever
I reacquainted myself with
my shower rug
a giant bottle of wine
& a handful of pills

I fake gag when they kiss

God, I'm glad she don't
come around here
any more
but I always dread
seeing him at the door again
when I smile
& he doesn't smile back

you'd think I'd be over this
by now
but the cards never add up
& he always hits on me
when he's drunk

there's just something about the
way our stars aligned
our entire lives


we always meet in the middle
again
shaking hands and hugging
for too long

how can I
set you

free


& still keep you?

remember when
I could do no
wrong?







yeah, me neither.

I want to breathe
fire
& watch it ignite
all it collides
with

I want to deal
damage
& walk away
unscathed
& unburdened

I think I deserve
that much
but a compassionate
soul
is forever a tortured one

I want to
love
& actually be
loved
in return

one look at that girl
& you knew



she was gonna die young




if not by her hand
then by the forces
of her nature








she won't float forever
stop sewing sails
send her out in a boat
filled with
roses





& promise me
you won't go after
her

I like it when you make
things
personal
the disregard for space
between
bodies
the shift in your
hip
the quiver in my
lip

there was an art to your
comfort
something that couldn't be
printed into text
the look in your eye
& the tone of your voice
sincerity cannot
draw
on this board

you're too kind to the girl
who envies to the
core

you're too ******* yourself
when love is at your
door

there exists not much else
I could beg for other
than the sight of
his candle-lit
skin
draped sparsely
with sheets

a sculpture in
waiting
a Romanian
king
blessed with the full lips
of all that monarchy
brings

I would roll in gold
with him
just as I have rolled in
dirt


I shall never part his
side



even underneath
the earth

where the **** is she?
how long does it take to get three things at the store?
finally, there she is.
thanks, now I'm going to be late for work!
& I don't even have time to eat now.
there was a long line?
sure there was.

sure, whatever I'll take a sandwich
uh, why are you trying to hand this to me?
I'm getting ready for work
where the **** is my shirt?
what do you mean you don't know?
you had to have moved it
its never where I put it
are you ******* kidding me?
why would you set the sandwich on the couch?
that's just stupid

did you see how much gas was left in the car?
WONDERFUL now I'm gonna be even more late
it doesn't matter if you were in a hurry, you could have checked

oh my shirt was by my chair where I left it
okay, so that was ONE thing you didn't do wrong today
& I'm still the one with a job!
you don't try hard enough to get one
tell me how you do
tell me





tell me

oh oh oh
carnal instincts are beckoning
give it one last try
he saw you in the proper moonlight
he saw your hopes die

its drawing him in

I wonder if he knows
I wonder if he feels
deep blood drawn in the shallow end
throwing rocks at muddy water
the taste of his bare skin

curiosity crests just before
the dawn

& if you take the slightest peek
my dear
you can bet
he'll soon
be




gone

his shouting at some game
woke the baby
woke her
fury

& hers is a silent type
latent and laced
with a promise that
it'll come back to him
someday




someday never comes




she wept into the porcelain
edge of the bathtub
believing she was at fault
for all her faulty
relations
who'd want such a
fragile mess
in the
first place?


she thought she heard his footsteps
& quickly wiped her
tired eyes



"its a bad night to be
alone



but that's the way it
goes"

when I was not
in solitude
I was out setting fires
to any little
thing
that would burn

there was nothing much
to do
in that town

I drank alone quite often
in my last year of
high school
'cause sometimes the
taste of it was
sweeter
than the words you
would leave me
with

I felt cursed

like you came back
for the sole purpose of
punishing me
for finally forgetting about you
when you had been gone
two years

so I figured
"eye-for-an-eye"
& I took my ticket to
college
the blissful cleansing
of my memory

but life brought me
back home
three years later
& decided to give you
a job at the same store I go to
every week

my gypsy blood is becoming
adamant that this was
in the stars
but we are still so
far apart
from the days we
drank on the midnight streets
& talked about how lovely
music can be

but you are just
so far
from me
& when you're around
its the only thing
I'm imagining

"yes, I'll have one
lobotomy
on the rocks


pretty please."

take it by the blood
take it through the teeth
take it under chaos
under magic
underneath

you shine the brightest
when no one's watching

except for me
hidden in the trees

I gave myself away
one day
singing about your
light

you were angry for
a little while
but you laughed again
that night

empty pill bottles
broken bones
I'd found you on the
floor

"where are you love?
where are you love?"



still ain't got a clue
who you were looking for

it was the calm before
the summer storm
when their lips
met
now the smell of the
warm rain
would forever be associated
with him,
she thought
another ****** memento

to hell with it

she let those courageous
hands
make their journey
across nervous flesh and
bone
& sighed when he
promised
to be gentle
their hips would crash
together as
waves in a sea of
angry passion

she thought to remind herself
to wear that dress
every day
for the rest of her
golden life

She took your angry clash of chords
& put them on the shelf
In cabinets that aren't as empty
But you could never tell
She ends the day with scattered laundry
& eyes that aren't quite clear
She'll dream that she's a different soul
With a different boat and pier
The words of long ago
Have let you seem
You're only as tall as the door
Will let you be
The touch of one hand could
Change your future
So why won't you
Let her?
She caught you when your
Guard was down
& failed to believe in
Tell-tale sounds
That sang your name
To her so sweetly
In the midst of her world
So greedily
She forgave herself for your good graces
& peace of mind
While you swore to understand
The meaning behind
Every unabashed lingering
Whisper
That spoke to you in pure
Remembrance of her.

she had dreams about the world
coming to an end
but she quickly forgot them
as she never cared for
final farewells




for the first time in years
she wasn't afraid to walk through
the damp and ***** earth
past the train tracks
for a taste of true beauty
if only you'd been there to see




she longs to sleep underneath the sky
she longs for stolen breath
that cleverly crafted first move
whether it be a look
a touch
a kiss
hell, even a word
to stop her lungs for just an instant




speak of all that's unforgiving
in this land
speak of your hands
upon her thighs
she'll promise to keep it
between you
the earth
& all the stars

she's mostly in a mood for the blues
spring is springing
here in slow bunches
trees are budding
grass molding from pale
yellow to lush green
sun beating majestic warmth
along every pore

reminds her of the field
& everyone drinking
a stage set up in the middle
guitars louder than whispers
& drums replacing heartbeats

jello shots for everyone
& dancing just for the lady
'cause she thinks no one's watching

we all watch in the woods
but there's too many bugs out here
& she loves the taste of summer
so much she forgets
about the bite

sink the whole bottle
& sink our feet into the clay
sing a swamp song
sing for our sin and gin soaked souls



hope it lasts forever in the
never in my veins

Her eyes are burning
& nothing is turning
Just how she felt
It might not
She dreaded the best
But hated the rest
Through thoughts of
Intolerable use
It helps to feed
Rather than need
Which is what
She has not
& has been
Demonstrating
Jumping the gun
She touches the sun
Without any coercion
Or care.

losing it again
& again
left with only
wanting
I roamed the aisles
no track of time
no sign of life

anticipation like sunrise
he lit up the horizon
& my heart rose
to greet
the boy in black
the subject of my eight year
melodrama
so dark today
but his smile just
like heaven
just like always
he had found me at
long last
how many weeks had
it been
since he graced
my weary
eyes?

"How are you doing?"
my knee-**** reaction
was to always tell him I'm well
but the way he stared
so quietly
told me I'd been caught


I correct myself
with a sigh
& a smile

"I'll be okay."

one can never be
too careful
in open recollections of
what they see when
they are sleeping

we sat in one of the
middle pews
in a church I attended
as a child
you held my hand
& kissed my hair

then we were on
my couch
while my fingers traced
the back of your neck
bare
& so forgiving

real or not real?

could have sworn you looked
happy

but they say everyone in
your dreams
is only a reflection of
yourself

which is very clear
to me
when I wake up and you're
not around

it makes me feel
obsessed
pathetic
mad
vicious
& weird with want
a criminal
laden with a seven year
desire

& the days spent
thereafter
are anxious and very
low

they really ought to
medicate me
too much truth for my
tongue to be telling
maybe soon I'll start calling
you by your
name

music
daydreaming
summertime
sappy romance
liquor
chocolate
& the occasional
good laugh

are what command me

put your hands on the wheel
& your heart at this helm
--
we'll see where we

*end

Regardless
Of the evidence
She played the happiest
Music
As loud as she could
& danced
Her soul is ablaze
& its not yet
Springtime
Just wait until the sun
Truly shines
Then you'll see a show
That woman
Will ignite her brilliant wings
& soar to places beyond
All imagination
& budget
All from the comfort of her bed
In the mental
Institution.

everything turned to nothing
summer simmered down
blood boiled up

I can scream into my pillow
the whole world will still listen
& pretend not to hear

I've become everything that
I feared

stupid
lazy
child-like


I built a house of hate
drop of a hat
insta-rage


coffee doesn't sharpen
wit
& liquor left me little
lip



lost hope for the one who
knew better

but never
quit

you can't know
the trouble that rests within
my heart

all the blank sheets of
paper
that I fear to
fill
you cannot know


& yet I am still so inclined to show
the love I keep
buried in between the curtains


save me for a
rainy day

save me from the
hurricane


its coming



so don't pretend
you haven't seen my
plight



my love
we are setting sail
on this night




& we can't afford
to ever look
back



you know
& I very well know



what we mean
with our second glances
& your arm around
my neck


I could have kissed you
if I dared
but I never step a inch forth
in the wilderness
unprepared

Tomorrow could have been another sunrise
Tomorrow eagerly placed beneath her subtle languid breath
Tomorrow could shake the moon in her eyes

To save her from such a wondrous depth
To keep him in her favor until the end of this
To catch up to his adoration, though ages apart

She never planned adornments or bliss
She never planned such devotion and art
She never planned presumptuous regard

In any other instance, she might have kept color
In any other dream, she might have been marred
In any other life, there wouldn’t be a lover

He met her in a cold December, changing her dress
& if he hadn’t said he loved her, they wouldn’t be in this mess.

I was going to write a poem
about a boy
& a girl
but I got quite *******
this evening
& I'm feeling quite proud
of my curls

I dashed away a bit of
***
& thought
I'd rather have tequila
he touched my
hips
& his tongue slipped
"well, I'd rather
be your
dealer"

then deal me down
& send me
to the sharks
for I've lost my taste
in winning
I'll lick your sweet
disdain
whenever the rain
comes so you'll
know


*its only the beginning

Something short of
Reasoning
Kept me tethered to
This place
A little breath for
Giving
& a brilliant change of
Pace
If you speak
A little low I may just
understand
But the more
You sink into my
Bones
The more that I
Demand
You're quick to laugh
As I'm fast to feel
& If we call each other's
Names
So spins the aching
Wheel
We see the tide as it
Creeps in to sing its
Gorgeous depth to us
& I'll forever wonder if
You intend to be so
Inconspicuous
We'll never know what time
Will tell
In all that's harsh and true
So promise me that
By the bell
You'll bid your sweet
Adieu.