Jimmy

Jimmy Nov 2018

He sits by his window staring alone at a brick wall that will not answer his call
Each night, he drifts farther from home, each second a free fall into the into the core of his resolve

Each day his hometown moves father away, the more miles the more the guilt piles without decay
This concrete jungle told them 'come on' before the saw blade made it's way

That's part of the trade, he heard the old woman say. "You put your life on your back and keep the stack of grief until your dying day"

He asked Him why his home is gone and his pain persists. He told him he was searching for a place in his heart that doesn't exist.

Jimmy Nov 2018

843

8 weeks ago you looked me in eyes
You spoke slow. I could see through your disguise
Your lies, your *******, whatever you intend to call it
I saw the pain, but the anger came and left
Zero serotonin in your synaptic cleft

4 times I tried your cell
No answer, figured you said **** it and bailed
this excuse of a community
I just wanted to share an idea new to me
Per usual

3 times I knocked on your door
Maybe you were in there feeling boorish and down on yourself
But to be honest, I wasn't there to offer help
I was too late

And then it clicked.
Have you ever felt like you were forgetting something?
Or maybe had this thing on the tip of your tongue, an answer to the test that you didn't think of until the bell rung?
It all made sense. I ignored your pain.

And here's the ******* rub
8 weeks ago I saw you. I could've stopped you bleeding out in the tub
At the very least delayed
You were always the one to persuade me to take a righteous path
The antithesis, the person I could have been if not for social math
I needed you. I felt alone before you. You may not have given me company but you gave be hope that I could cope with the solidarity that comes with being on the far end of polarity,

I knew you. You knew me. Every now and then I start dialing your number
8-4-3....
But you ain't accepting calls no more
The pain you must of been in
The pain that I let you sit in.
*******, you scared to death to fit in,
But I knew.
I pushed it back because I didn't want to deal with the fact the world isn't mine
As I sit here and whine, I could've done more. I could've done something
**** I need to tell you about this epiphany, let me call you up
8-4-3...
You don't know what you meant to me
But I don't know what to do with your legacy

#rhyme #legacy #blame #guilt

Jimmy Oct 2018

Don't Blink

Do I love you or do I need you?
Whats the difference between the two
Do you love me or do I just feed you?
Where's the difference between the two

Johnny, you better start running
Having regret for your cunning?
Johnny, swing set sitting on your land
Certainly Johnny, daddy was a rich man
He was important, see? A judge
And your mama showed you love
But your karma is catching up
You best start running
Before the rest of your family starts shunning

Johnny, you were born a null-man
But you were sworn to be a law man
Scorn so strong, knocking over the less fortunate's beer can
The darkness in you, kids call you peter pan
Perfect man to hey-mister, the guy that touched on your buddy's kid sister
You best run

Faster friend!
Feeling free is false, even if you promise not to do it again
Keep carrying on until the commas in your bank account are long gone
Run.

Well, you've made it
Old age hasn't been gracious
That gun in your drawer is looking flirtatious
Why do you keep it?
A secret? Well if times get tough you can seek it
Or maybe your scared someone knows your address and are about to leak it
At least tell yourself that, let the invisible ink show, add jest and hope neither are true

You could have been so much Johnny, but you are you.

Work in progress -- big time

Jimmy Oct 2018

Sebastian

I get a lot of calls from Sebastian,
They're always calls to action, and attempt to do a fraction of damage I used to be capable of
Or they are sometimes him in traction looking for a place to stay when he's kicked out of the cabin
But this time was different.
He left a voicemail, and his tone was solemn, so I decided to call him.

He asked me for a favor
I knew he would sooner or later,
He said high upon the mountain top
where it is quiet enough for a pen to drop 20 feet
That's where I would find him, calling with the same message on repeat, to the rest of his friends

Who knew. Driving up from the coast had me anxious
I hadn't the faintest idea of what Sebastian's pain is

I drove up and put my car in park
A petty insult was the last thing I got out before Sebastian would start
slurring sober thoughts into shouting words
"Forget about forgiveness, I lived for this business, I understand the the impact I've had.
I wish I could've been there for my sister and dad
I wish I could've been there for you two. Jimmy, you too
Now, you see, I'm gonna be living for my true father, and that father needs me to be a martyr. A warning sign for anyone who thinks they can slip behind enemy lines and not be deranged. Guys, I love you, everything has changed for me, when I'm gone please keep your sanity."

I looked around at my friends faces,
they were frowning, with a look of pity, no disgrace
The fire was crackling as the voice of Sebastian faded in and out again
I glanced back down.
If this clown is trying to bring around a new beginning for himself, he is obviously misguided.

Why is everyone sitting there, why is no one wound up and excited?
This guy isn't a Mohammed.
Typically I'd let this slide, but Sebastian about to throw his life away, and I'm sure as hell not going to be standing at the grave with a bouquet, okay?
"Sebastian, let's take a second"

"No I don't need to second guess it, I've had minutes at midnight running on candle light, and I have just enough energy for one more fight. It'll be what's right.

"No"

"You know these honor killing ain't nothing but sleeping snakes, ready to get their heads chopped off as soon as they wake"

"Sebastian, you ain't gonna change culture overnight"

"Maybe, but I can put up one more fight, goodnight"

These mountain winds take me back to your ghost again. It's a shame you didn't win, Sebastian.

Jimmy Sep 2018

See you again

Hey old friend
I would love to see you again
You used to be so care free
But now you just carry
The weight of the world eating off your dinner plate
Pour the passion out
Fill back up with hate
Throw the dreams out and
Find some second hand fate
Then get fired from your job and pack up your crate

You're a fake
Because this ain't you
You of all people letting fear dominate your life? That cant be true
No one made the choice but you
You're trapped in freedom
How the hell you going to lead 'em?
You promised !

You swore to sing their songs,
you swore to carry on,
you swore that when they were weak,
you'd be strong
What if you were wrong?
What if you don't belong?
What if that desire is gone?

Is it too late?
Oh I know, maybe you should contemplate
That'll get you
somewhere,
somehow,
someway
Ha! There went another day
You sat in the class and gave your word you had things to say
But now the cats got your tongue, your sword has been swung
The only thing left for you is the enternal beating of drums

Hope it was worth it
I did mean it
I would've loved to see you again

Jimmy Sep 2018

Freedom

I can't afford to be free

A dance with the devil might cost a whole life
But a kiss from an angel only lasts for night

Have you ever heard an honest man lie?
Have you ever heard a warrior cry?

Have you seen the beggar put up a fight?
Have you seen the thief do what's right?

Saint Peter was called upon after saying he couldn't deny
George Washington was asked to be king and he said 'not I'

Man is born free, yet everywhere he goes he's in chains
You have no control of fate, from Rousseau to Nietzche its in flames

At least that's what the devil whispers in my ear
Yes I may dance with the devil but I do so in fear

Of the alternative

Jimmy Sep 2018

Choice

Hamlet missed his chance
Antigone would've ousted Creon quicker given the stance
Had Lenin the foresight he'd have placed his bets on Trotsky
What options does that leave me?
you can know you're not them

The voices in my head speak softly as the man I want dead paints what it would cost me
To exact revenge
Make his world end
And mine, its a fine line to debate on crossing
You could let it go

I'm blameless here, no?
He's the one who sold his soul
He landed a hit, but he better have another punch to throw.
Swing at me!
I promise you I won't go gently
You can forget it

What would the wise say?
If you turn away there's a price to pay
An eye for an eye and
a lie for a lie
This cuckold better say goodbye
You can forgive

Do you think Montresor has any regrets?
There was no tell-tale heart beating when he laid himself rest.
Was he satisfied?

I know what I'm doing
I'm passing this test
The wise can watch his demise
Game
Set

Fine, you've made up your mind, enjoy your story being lost in time.
Enjoy your rhyme or reason for convincing only yourself this man is guilty of treason.
You're going to take a part of yourself with this, you've let your temper grow.

Hey, where'd you go?