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justine grace Jul 30
I will always look for that green light, that green flag, or a sign that love will happen to me, no matter how many men come and go from my life; no matter how long it takes; no matter how many heartbreaks I have to go through. If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm stubborn, and if I want something, I'm going to get it. But unfortunately, love isn't like going to the store, picking whatever I like from the shelf, and bringing it back home with me. I need to take time to figure out how to let another individual into my life again without feeling taken advantage of and fooled as my walls come down.

There’s this quote I’ve been living by this past year in my so-called “healing era”: "Your partner is a reflection of how much you love yourself." And boy, in my interpretation, if you keep loving someone who treats you like crap, that shows how little self-value you have. So for the past year, it seems that I have turned into him or at least see a glimpse of him in me—and when I say glimpse, I don’t mean the good sides of him, I mean the bad sides. Whatever I wanted him not to do, I am now clearly doing. And though I am doing it as a single person without lying to anyone, it still feels off. That temporary high and happiness don’t seem to make me feel anything, and if there’s anything at all, it’s definitely steering me in the direction where I'd rather keep having fun than wait for someone good for me.

That said, there’s a lot of baggage in me. I’m still grieving that one true love relationship I had despite how long it’s been. And right after that relationship, I still give myself **** for falling for a traitor and selling my soul to the devil for what I thought was “love” and the right person.

I don’t know when the right time will be. I don’t know when I will be ready. As much as I want to fall in love again and have someone by my side, I have to slowly believe the words I say: I want to love myself first. I know I do, but I think I need to give myself more grace and accept that I have made mistakes in choosing the wrong men in the past, heal, and move on.
Time after time, I want to do what's best for me, but it seems like I keep making mistakes along the way and end up getting thrown into a dark hole with no way out.
justine grace Dec 2023
may the day dawn when the warmth of a cup of hot chocolate cradles your hands, invoking memories of the laughter we once shared. and in that moment, my deepest wish is for your heart to overflow with pure contentment, untainted by shadows of the past. may the scars of your inner child find solace, no longer tethered to the lingering pain of darkness.

as you awaken each morning, may you draw back the curtain, inviting the sun's rays to dance within your room, illuminating your soul with a profound happiness that resonates through the echoes of your being. may the purity of your intentions radiate, touching the hearts of those around you, who come to know and love you for the genuine beauty that resides within.
wherever and whatever that may be, may you always find peace and comfort
justine grace Sep 2023
in the shadows of retrospection, a somber truth unfolds, draped in the shroud of honesty. it's a reality i must face; it's better off this way.

you were already broken, a fractured soul wandering through the desolate corridors of existence. yet, you made a choice, a cruel decision, to shatter me as well. it's a harsh reality to digest, for nine months seemed too brief a span to bid farewell.

but now, looking back, those nine months appear as a mirage, a deceitful illusion. the person i thought i knew, the person i fell in love with, was nothing more than a phantom masquerading as reality.

our late-night rendezvous, the echoes of our laughter lost in the void, our spontaneous road trips to escape a mundane world and the culinary escapades that once ignited our senses - all of it, mere fragments of a fabricated tale.

our weekly staycations, where the world faded into insignificance, replaced by the universe we created, now reduced to the ashes of fiction. it dawns on me that it was all too good to be true.

in this realm of disillusionment, i find solace in the brutal honesty that it's better off this way. for sometimes, darkness unveils the most profound revelations, and in this darkness, i must find my light.
it's better off this way
justine grace Aug 2023
In the quiet expanse of time, I find myself grappling with truths and untruths, wondering if I deceive even my own heart into believing I've attained tranquillity. Indeed, I am in a state of well-being, owing to the strides I've taken on this journey of self-betterment. Yet, the undulating waves of emotion persist – highs and lows interweaving like threads in a tapestry. Perfection remains elusive, and perhaps that's the beauty, for I've poured my essence into every endeavour.

Now, as I stand at the crossroads of zero, an architect of my own renewal, I embrace the task of rebuilding from the ground up. Metamorphosis courses through me, rendering me unrecognisable even to myself. Laughter spills more freely from my lips, though occasionally restrained by the shadows of doubt. Tears flow more earnestly, yet at times, I still restrain their cascade. Solitude becomes a cherished companion, a realm I delve into to nurture my soul. Simultaneously, the embrace of friends becomes a celebration of my being, an affirmation of the love I hold for myself in their company.

In this delicate dance, I witness the scales of life gradually finding equilibrium. The pendulum, once erratic, now sways in a harmonious rhythm. The art of relearning tranquillity unfolds before me, a masterpiece in progress, painted with the hues of experience and wisdom.

Time, the patient sculptor moulds each fragment of my existence. And in its embrace, I find solace. For while the road ahead is veiled in uncertainty, I stand here, resilient, embodying the truth that healing is a symphony of seconds and seasons.

And as I mend, I extend to you, a wish that your heart finds solace too. In this dance of existence, in shadows and light – may we emerge stronger, taking flight.
And as I journey towards brighter days, I extend my hopes to you in myriad ways. May your heart also mend and mend anew, in time's healing grace, may you find your hue.
justine grace Aug 2023
amidst the melodies of bruno major's art,
a symphony of emotions stirred in my heart.

his songs, like whispers from a distant star,
speak to my soul, no matter how far.

they teach me of the ebb and flow,
of relationships that come and eventually go.

but through it all, the show must go on,
no matter how the struggles silently plead.

a mask may veil the pains we bear,
yet beneath it, strength we wear.

for the show goes on, a resilient display,
a dance of emotions in night and day.

so let the music guide my way,
through the highs and lows that sway.

bruno's tunes, a companion true,
echoing sentiments both old and new.
happy birthday.
justine grace Jun 2023
here i am on a train ride
on it for the first time in years
when it was supposed to be with you this year
we made plans to travel more together many times
and we wanted to make it work this time around
but now it ***** that you ain’t here

maybe it’s for the best
maybe it’s meant for me to make memories with my girls
maybe we were not meant to make any more memories and be each other’s first time for everything

you were great, but you were broken
and you dragged me down the pit with you

as selfish as I can be as a person
you were way worst than i can ever be

i loved you with you all my heart
but now all I have left to offer you is my rage
i don’t wish you the best
i don’t wish you happiness
i wish you'd cry
regret
suffer
for all the torture you’ve put me through
it's been three weeks and i'm still in hell but deep down, i know that i am slowly healing from the heartache. days feel like nights and i feel helpless at times. but it's okay, time will heal this pain. they said you should not regret the past memories that used to make you happy, but with all my heart – i regret meeting you. i regret loving you. i regret dumping everyone for you. and i regret for not seeing your true colours since day one. i wish you the worst in life. karma might hit me but honestly, what you put me through is already feeling like i'm in hell so i'm good.
justine grace Jun 2022
6 months.

it only took six months and a scare for me to look at you differently. to face reality that we weren't meant to be.

if i knew what was happiness before? i was wrong. i was dead wrong.

our memories made me happy. you? not so much.

i appreciate you for all that you've done but it's about time i moved on.

it's about time i call it. that this is done for good.

that i'm done for good.

it was great while it lasted.

but until i'm fully healed, i don't think i can ever be around you.

be happy, love. you deserve it.

and i know i will be happy too.

that both of us would walk passed each other with our new love of our lives and think deep inside, "you were the reason why i found my soulmate."

thank you.
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