justine grace

justine grace 6d

i’ll always keep a part of you with me
not with sadness, but with gratitude
what we had doesn’t hurt anymore
it just reminds me i was lucky to love that deeply

the warmth of us still walks beside me
not as a shadow but as a light,
you shaped a piece of who i am
and for that, i’ll always be thankful

some loves aren’t meant to last forever
but they leave you better than before
and even though our story is done
i carry it with peace in my heart

there are days you come to mind and i can’t help but smile. we shared so many moments in that half decade, and we reached the dreams we once spoke about when we were together. you may no longer be the love of my life, but you will always hold a special place in my heart. it doesn’t ache the way it used to because i have healed. love can be tragic, love can be beautiful, and what we had was our own beautiful mess. as long as i live, i will keep praying for your happiness, and i hope wherever you are, you have found it. me, not quite there yet, but don’t worry, i am on my way.

#relationships #healing #movingon #memories #happiness

justine grace Aug 19

but where is home?

that neverending stab
again and again
from the very ones
you’d take the blade for

so you switch off
cruise on autopilot
wait for the next hurt
to fall on you like clockwork

you ask yourself
why can’t you go home
but where is home
every door has a price tag
and somewhere along the way
you sold yours cheap

the returns feel cursed
blood money
burns heavier than hunger

trust, betrayal...
they call it strength
as if being broken
was some kind of gift
but they never knew
the roots have been aching
long before the leaves ever did

you whisper tired into the night
wondering if you sinned in another life
to deserve torment in this one

you can’t change people
but how much of yourself
are you meant to carve away
just to fit their fragile mould?

for 29 years, i believed in change. for 29 years, i had hope. and when i silently forgave them, it made me believe that they don't deserve it. time and time again, the hurt against me gets worse. i don't know what i did so wrong in the past life that i deserve this pain. everyone else loves me, everyone else sees the real me and accepts me for who i am...why can't they? why can't my own blood treat me like how they should? disappointed is an understatement.

#family #broken #relationships #hurt #trauma

justine grace Jan 1

goodbye 2024

i don’t know how to feel, to be fair,
anxious thoughts linger, heavy in the air.
the boys stay the same, unchanged, unkind,
no remorse, no growth, no peace to find.

i hoped for growth in the time apart,
a shift, a spark, a different start.
but the mirror shows the same old face,
pulling me back to that unkind space.

the morning speaks in knots and twists,
a familiar ache i can’t resist.

two bad dreams, that’s all it took —
to unearth the truth i’d overlooked.
no more dwelling, no more weight,
just quiet resolve to close the gate.

i thought time apart might bring some change, maybe a bit of growth, but it feels like nothing shifted. all it does is remind me of the person i used to be around them—someone i’m not proud of. and now, here i am, waking up with that same uneasy stomach, like a ghost of old patterns i thought i’d left behind.

#friendships #broken

justine grace Dec 2024

familiar

do you ever attach yourself to a car—
the way it smells, the way it drives—
as if the engine hums a melody
of memories you wish to forget but cannot?

you step into one just like theirs,
and it’s as if the past breathes again,
each seat, each scent, a ghost of what was.
you think, maybe if i own it, i can rewrite it.

buy the same model, the same colour,
but this time, let the road carve sweeter stories.
let the wheels turn away from pain,
and the engine sing a song of healing.

perhaps it’s not the car at all,
but the need to drive forward,
to leave the haunting behind
and replace it with a journey that's truly yours.

maybe, just one day - i might forget those memories.

#heartbreak #relationships #sadness #memories

justine grace Jul 2024

your partner’s a reflection of you

I will always look for that green light, that green flag, or a sign that love will happen to me, no matter how many men come and go from my life; no matter how long it takes; no matter how many heartbreaks I have to go through. If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm stubborn, and if I want something, I'm going to get it. But unfortunately, love isn't like going to the store, picking whatever I like from the shelf, and bringing it back home with me. I need to take time to figure out how to let another individual into my life again without feeling taken advantage of and fooled as my walls come down.

There’s this quote I’ve been living by this past year in my so-called “healing era”: "Your partner is a reflection of how much you love yourself." And boy, in my interpretation, if you keep loving someone who treats you like crap, that shows how little self-value you have. So for the past year, it seems that I have turned into him or at least see a glimpse of him in me—and when I say glimpse, I don’t mean the good sides of him, I mean the bad sides. Whatever I wanted him not to do, I am now clearly doing. And though I am doing it as a single person without lying to anyone, it still feels off. That temporary high and happiness don’t seem to make me feel anything, and if there’s anything at all, it’s definitely steering me in the direction where I'd rather keep having fun than wait for someone good for me.

That said, there’s a lot of baggage in me. I’m still grieving that one true love relationship I had despite how long it’s been. And right after that relationship, I still give myself **** for falling for a traitor and selling my soul to the devil for what I thought was “love” and the right person.

I don’t know when the right time will be. I don’t know when I will be ready. As much as I want to fall in love again and have someone by my side, I have to slowly believe the words I say: I want to love myself first. I know I do, but I think I need to give myself more grace and accept that I have made mistakes in choosing the wrong men in the past, heal, and move on.

Time after time, I want to do what's best for me, but it seems like I keep making mistakes along the way and end up getting thrown into a dark hole with no way out.

#heartbreak #healing #selflove #care #broken #hurt #damaged

justine grace Dec 2023

a wish for your soul's radiance

may the day dawn when the warmth of a cup of hot chocolate cradles your hands, invoking memories of the laughter we once shared. and in that moment, my deepest wish is for your heart to overflow with pure contentment, untainted by shadows of the past. may the scars of your inner child find solace, no longer tethered to the lingering pain of darkness.

as you awaken each morning, may you draw back the curtain, inviting the sun's rays to dance within your room, illuminating your soul with a profound happiness that resonates through the echoes of your being. may the purity of your intentions radiate, touching the hearts of those around you, who come to know and love you for the genuine beauty that resides within.

wherever and whatever that may be, may you always find peace and comfort

#love #kindness #gratitude #self #care

justine grace Sep 2023

––– i'll be honest

in the shadows of retrospection, a somber truth unfolds, draped in the shroud of honesty. it's a reality i must face; it's better off this way.

you were already broken, a fractured soul wandering through the desolate corridors of existence. yet, you made a choice, a cruel decision, to shatter me as well. it's a harsh reality to digest, for nine months seemed too brief a span to bid farewell.

but now, looking back, those nine months appear as a mirage, a deceitful illusion. the person i thought i knew, the person i fell in love with, was nothing more than a phantom masquerading as reality.

our late-night rendezvous, the echoes of our laughter lost in the void, our spontaneous road trips to escape a mundane world and the culinary escapades that once ignited our senses - all of it, mere fragments of a fabricated tale.

our weekly staycations, where the world faded into insignificance, replaced by the universe we created, now reduced to the ashes of fiction. it dawns on me that it was all too good to be true.

in this realm of disillusionment, i find solace in the brutal honesty that it's better off this way. for sometimes, darkness unveils the most profound revelations, and in this darkness, i must find my light.

it's better off this way

#relationship #heartbroken #shattered #messy #breakup #sadness #reality #truth #lies #facade