justine grace

justine grace Jan 1

goodbye 2024

i don’t know how to feel, to be fair,
anxious thoughts linger, heavy in the air.
the boys stay the same, unchanged, unkind,
no remorse, no growth, no peace to find.

i hoped for growth in the time apart,
a shift, a spark, a different start.
but the mirror shows the same old face,
pulling me back to that unkind space.

the morning speaks in knots and twists,
a familiar ache i can’t resist.

two bad dreams, that’s all it took —
to unearth the truth i’d overlooked.
no more dwelling, no more weight,
just quiet resolve to close the gate.

i thought time apart might bring some change, maybe a bit of growth, but it feels like nothing shifted. all it does is remind me of the person i used to be around them—someone i’m not proud of. and now, here i am, waking up with that same uneasy stomach, like a ghost of old patterns i thought i’d left behind.

#friendships #broken

justine grace Dec 2024

familiar

do you ever attach yourself to a car—
the way it smells, the way it drives—
as if the engine hums a melody
of memories you wish to forget but cannot?

you step into one just like theirs,
and it’s as if the past breathes again,
each seat, each scent, a ghost of what was.
you think, maybe if i own it, i can rewrite it.

buy the same model, the same colour,
but this time, let the road carve sweeter stories.
let the wheels turn away from pain,
and the engine sing a song of healing.

perhaps it’s not the car at all,
but the need to drive forward,
to leave the haunting behind
and replace it with a journey that's truly yours.

maybe, just one day - i might forget those memories.

#heartbreak #relationships #sadness #memories

justine grace Jul 2024

your partner’s a reflection of you

I will always look for that green light, that green flag, or a sign that love will happen to me, no matter how many men come and go from my life; no matter how long it takes; no matter how many heartbreaks I have to go through. If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm stubborn, and if I want something, I'm going to get it. But unfortunately, love isn't like going to the store, picking whatever I like from the shelf, and bringing it back home with me. I need to take time to figure out how to let another individual into my life again without feeling taken advantage of and fooled as my walls come down.

There’s this quote I’ve been living by this past year in my so-called “healing era”: "Your partner is a reflection of how much you love yourself." And boy, in my interpretation, if you keep loving someone who treats you like crap, that shows how little self-value you have. So for the past year, it seems that I have turned into him or at least see a glimpse of him in me—and when I say glimpse, I don’t mean the good sides of him, I mean the bad sides. Whatever I wanted him not to do, I am now clearly doing. And though I am doing it as a single person without lying to anyone, it still feels off. That temporary high and happiness don’t seem to make me feel anything, and if there’s anything at all, it’s definitely steering me in the direction where I'd rather keep having fun than wait for someone good for me.

That said, there’s a lot of baggage in me. I’m still grieving that one true love relationship I had despite how long it’s been. And right after that relationship, I still give myself **** for falling for a traitor and selling my soul to the devil for what I thought was “love” and the right person.

I don’t know when the right time will be. I don’t know when I will be ready. As much as I want to fall in love again and have someone by my side, I have to slowly believe the words I say: I want to love myself first. I know I do, but I think I need to give myself more grace and accept that I have made mistakes in choosing the wrong men in the past, heal, and move on.

Time after time, I want to do what's best for me, but it seems like I keep making mistakes along the way and end up getting thrown into a dark hole with no way out.

#heartbreak #healing #selflove #care #broken #hurt #damaged

justine grace Dec 2023

a wish for your soul's radiance

may the day dawn when the warmth of a cup of hot chocolate cradles your hands, invoking memories of the laughter we once shared. and in that moment, my deepest wish is for your heart to overflow with pure contentment, untainted by shadows of the past. may the scars of your inner child find solace, no longer tethered to the lingering pain of darkness.

as you awaken each morning, may you draw back the curtain, inviting the sun's rays to dance within your room, illuminating your soul with a profound happiness that resonates through the echoes of your being. may the purity of your intentions radiate, touching the hearts of those around you, who come to know and love you for the genuine beauty that resides within.

wherever and whatever that may be, may you always find peace and comfort

#love #kindness #gratitude #self #care

justine grace Sep 2023

––– i'll be honest

in the shadows of retrospection, a somber truth unfolds, draped in the shroud of honesty. it's a reality i must face; it's better off this way.

you were already broken, a fractured soul wandering through the desolate corridors of existence. yet, you made a choice, a cruel decision, to shatter me as well. it's a harsh reality to digest, for nine months seemed too brief a span to bid farewell.

but now, looking back, those nine months appear as a mirage, a deceitful illusion. the person i thought i knew, the person i fell in love with, was nothing more than a phantom masquerading as reality.

our late-night rendezvous, the echoes of our laughter lost in the void, our spontaneous road trips to escape a mundane world and the culinary escapades that once ignited our senses - all of it, mere fragments of a fabricated tale.

our weekly staycations, where the world faded into insignificance, replaced by the universe we created, now reduced to the ashes of fiction. it dawns on me that it was all too good to be true.

in this realm of disillusionment, i find solace in the brutal honesty that it's better off this way. for sometimes, darkness unveils the most profound revelations, and in this darkness, i must find my light.

it's better off this way

#relationship #heartbroken #shattered #messy #breakup #sadness #reality #truth #lies #facade

justine grace Aug 2023

The art of relearning tranquillity

In the quiet expanse of time, I find myself grappling with truths and untruths, wondering if I deceive even my own heart into believing I've attained tranquillity. Indeed, I am in a state of well-being, owing to the strides I've taken on this journey of self-betterment. Yet, the undulating waves of emotion persist – highs and lows interweaving like threads in a tapestry. Perfection remains elusive, and perhaps that's the beauty, for I've poured my essence into every endeavour.

Now, as I stand at the crossroads of zero, an architect of my own renewal, I embrace the task of rebuilding from the ground up. Metamorphosis courses through me, rendering me unrecognisable even to myself. Laughter spills more freely from my lips, though occasionally restrained by the shadows of doubt. Tears flow more earnestly, yet at times, I still restrain their cascade. Solitude becomes a cherished companion, a realm I delve into to nurture my soul. Simultaneously, the embrace of friends becomes a celebration of my being, an affirmation of the love I hold for myself in their company.

In this delicate dance, I witness the scales of life gradually finding equilibrium. The pendulum, once erratic, now sways in a harmonious rhythm. The art of relearning tranquillity unfolds before me, a masterpiece in progress, painted with the hues of experience and wisdom.

Time, the patient sculptor moulds each fragment of my existence. And in its embrace, I find solace. For while the road ahead is veiled in uncertainty, I stand here, resilient, embodying the truth that healing is a symphony of seconds and seasons.

And as I mend, I extend to you, a wish that your heart finds solace too. In this dance of existence, in shadows and light – may we emerge stronger, taking flight.

And as I journey towards brighter days, I extend my hopes to you in myriad ways. May your heart also mend and mend anew, in time's healing grace, may you find your hue.

#love #relationship #pain #hurt #amends #trust #loyalty #self #care #experience

justine grace Aug 2023

the show must go on

amidst the melodies of bruno major's art,
a symphony of emotions stirred in my heart.

his songs, like whispers from a distant star,
speak to my soul, no matter how far.

they teach me of the ebb and flow,
of relationships that come and eventually go.

but through it all, the show must go on,
no matter how the struggles silently plead.

a mask may veil the pains we bear,
yet beneath it, strength we wear.

for the show goes on, a resilient display,
a dance of emotions in night and day.

so let the music guide my way,
through the highs and lows that sway.

bruno's tunes, a companion true,
echoing sentiments both old and new.

happy birthday.