For years, I dreamed of a real kind of love. The kind where two people can talk things through without everything turning into something bigger than it needs to be. Sure, a little merajuk here and there is normal, but not the kind that turns small things into painful fights.
For the longest time, I had to pick myself back up and slowly rebuild the person I used to be before life broke parts of me. I had to relearn trust, relearn love, and honestly, I never thought I’d ever get all of that back again.
I’ve always been a hopeless romantic but somewhere along the way, I told myself to be a little more realistic. So for a while, I just focused on living. I did things I never thought I would, things I needed to do for myself, just so one day I could say I really lived and gave myself a chance.
And then...out of nowhere,this stranger walked into my life, and somehow the rest became history.
I’m still healing in many ways. I still have trust issues, still have habits and defense mechanisms shaped by childhood and past experiences that I’m learning to unlearn. But so gently, he’s teaching me what it means to love someone the right way. He’s showing me what respect in a relationship actually looks like.
Sometimes I look back at what I once accepted and think…what the hell was that?
The things I used to think were “too much to ask for” now show up so naturally. Even something as simple as him making my plate for dinner feels so big to me and I find myself extra grateful for all these quiet little acts of love.
It’s funny how love can find you when you’ve stopped chasing it. And somehow, it gives back parts of yourself you thought were gone forever.
Aahhh~ who knew love could feel this soft.
May 13
May 13, 2026 at 2:59 AM UTC
Tonight feels like a quiet love story
the kind you almost miss
because nothing explodes,
nothing announces itself.
It just…happens.
And I’m writing because I’m afraid
if I don’t,
it might slip through my fingers
like something too soft to hold.
It began simply.
Durian with my girlfriend.
Laughter.
Then just us.
I thought it would be another ordinary night –
his presence, my comfort,
nothing more than that.
But at a red light in Taman Sea,
in the hush between cars and street lamps,
he looked at me the way he always does –
gentle, unguarded –
and said my name.
"I love you."
Once.
Then again.
And again.
Like he needed the words
to land somewhere permanent inside me.
When we reached my house,
I asked him to stop the car.
Just for a moment.
I told him when I started loving him quietly –
how the words lived in my head
long before they dared reach my mouth.
He listened.
Really listened.
And his eyes filled.
Seeing him like that –
so open,
so soft –
made my heart ache in the sweetest way.
Then he asked.
Not dramatically.
Not loudly.
Just honestly.
“Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
I said yes
the way shy truths come out –
soft, almost invisible.
He teased me.
“What did you say?”
So I said it again.
Louder.
Clearer.
Yes.
I would love to be.
After that, the world felt new.
Soft touches.
Lingering glances.
Smiles we couldn’t hide even if we tried.
We laughed.
Completely stupid.
Completely happy.
2.18 a.m.
A soft turning point.
A quiet beginning.
That was it.
That was the moment.
I don’t think I’m in love.
I know I am.
I’m in love with him.
Only him.
And somehow –
oh my god–
I’m a girlfriend.
And he
is my boyfriend 💛
Dec 18, 2025
Dec 18, 2025 at 8:57 AM UTC
this year has been a whirlwind.
what’s happening now feels wild, unexpected, beautiful.
it started off rough.
injuries one after another,
my mind tangled in its own chaos,
facing the same demons on repeat.
but i’m back.
i feel like myself again.
the old me wouldn’t recognize this version,
yet somehow, i do.
all the lessons, all the pain,
the karmic weight i carried —
they’ve led me here, and it feels like home.
Nov 25, 2025
Nov 25, 2025 at 12:38 PM UTC
sometimes i wonder how the universe works
how it lets two paths cross
quietly
without warning
i feel lucky in ways i cannot explain
like something gentle chose me
on a day i was not looking
and maybe this is nothing
or maybe it is everything
i do not know yet
all i know is
when things are good
my heart forgets how to stay calm
and i get anxious over the smallest things
as if i am afraid to want too much
but there is a part of me
that hopes
if it is meant to be
it will stay
soft and steady
like a promise whispered
only the soul can hear
and i try not to feel more than i should
but feelings grow quietly
like light slipping through a window
even when i tell myself not to let it in
so i let myself be grateful
just for this moment
just for the way my heart rests
a little easier
when you are somewhere in the world
without ever knowing
you are the reason why
Nov 23, 2025
Nov 23, 2025 at 3:06 AM UTC
What is he doing to me?
Sweet in ways I did not expect,
Gentle in ways I forgot I deserved.
It is familiar, yet it is new,
Still fresh,
Yet it feels like I have known him for ages.
I did not think I would miss this feeling.
I thought I had gone numb,
But somehow,
He is patient,
Soft,
Steady,
And he is taking down my walls,
Brick by brick.
I am terrified,
And I am excited,
And all I want
Is to be good for him.
Nov 11, 2025
Nov 11, 2025 at 12:15 PM UTC
Remember how my dad was always up my *** asking where I’d been?
How we’d sneak away and fall in love under the moon like it was just ours?
Remember how I couldn’t even stay the night, not even at a friend’s place?
**** how times have changed.
Now I leave the house whenever I want.
I live wherever I want.
My amazing friends, like family, are back in my life,
some married, some buying homes, some always on a plane somewhere.
Life’s changed so much for them,
and it has for me too.
I’m still growing, still figuring it out.
Not quite where I want to be yet,
but I’m getting there financially and emotionally.
And for once, I’m happy.
I really hope you are too.
There’s this new man in my life.
It’s still fresh,
but it feels like I’ve known him forever.
Remember how I said I might never love anyone like I loved you?
Well, he gives me those giddy feelings just by looking at me,
and honestly, that’s pretty scary.
Two years I chose myself after walking away from a toxic life.
I never thought I’d be alone that long,
but it was the most healing thing I’ve ever done.
I like him. He likes me.
It’s scary, but I’m ready.
Ready to love someone more than I ever did love you.
I meant it when I said I’m over you,
and I’ve made peace with everything we were.
You played a part in who I am today.
So yeah, I’m happy.
And I hope you are too.
Oct 9, 2025
Oct 9, 2025 at 9:39 AM UTC
i’ll always keep a part of you with me
not with sadness, but with gratitude
what we had doesn’t hurt anymore
it just reminds me i was lucky to love that deeply
the warmth of us still walks beside me
not as a shadow but as a light,
you shaped a piece of who i am
and for that, i’ll always be thankful
some loves aren’t meant to last forever
but they leave you better than before
and even though our story is done
i carry it with peace in my heart
Sep 20, 2025
Sep 20, 2025 at 6:21 AM UTC
that neverending stab
again and again
from the very ones
you’d take the blade for
so you switch off
cruise on autopilot
wait for the next hurt
to fall on you like clockwork
you ask yourself
why can’t you go home
but where is home
every door has a price tag
and somewhere along the way
you sold yours cheap
the returns feel cursed
blood money
burns heavier than hunger
trust, betrayal...
they call it strength
as if being broken
was some kind of gift
but they never knew
the roots have been aching
long before the leaves ever did
you whisper tired into the night
wondering if you sinned in another life
to deserve torment in this one
you can’t change people
but how much of yourself
are you meant to carve away
just to fit their fragile mould?
Aug 19, 2025
Aug 19, 2025 at 7:50 PM UTC
i don’t know how to feel, to be fair,
anxious thoughts linger, heavy in the air.
the boys stay the same, unchanged, unkind,
no remorse, no growth, no peace to find.
i hoped for growth in the time apart,
a shift, a spark, a different start.
but the mirror shows the same old face,
pulling me back to that unkind space.
the morning speaks in knots and twists,
a familiar ache i can’t resist.
two bad dreams, that’s all it took —
to unearth the truth i’d overlooked.
no more dwelling, no more weight,
just quiet resolve to close the gate.
Jan 1, 2025
Jan 1, 2025 at 4:14 AM UTC
do you ever attach yourself to a car—
the way it smells, the way it drives—
as if the engine hums a melody
of memories you wish to forget but cannot?
you step into one just like theirs,
and it’s as if the past breathes again,
each seat, each scent, a ghost of what was.
you think, maybe if i own it, i can rewrite it.
buy the same model, the same colour,
but this time, let the road carve sweeter stories.
let the wheels turn away from pain,
and the engine sing a song of healing.
perhaps it’s not the car at all,
but the need to drive forward,
to leave the haunting behind
and replace it with a journey that's truly yours.
Dec 22, 2024
Dec 22, 2024 at 4:44 PM UTC