Years ago, 3 am is the time where she's in her deep sleep. Everything seems peaceful and quiet, maybe she was dreaming about something good so it made her sleep with a slightly up-curved mouth.

Months ago, 3 am is the time where she tossing and turning in her bed. Maybe she was dreaming about something bad that's why she even frown although in her sleep.

Weeks ago, 3 am she was not in her bed, instead, she was dancing in a crowd, drinking with her so-called friends. Trying to fit in them, so she wouldn't feel lonely or being left out.

Days ago, 3 am she was back in her bed, hands over her mouth so she doesn't cry sound, tears flowing down her cheeks and she asked herself "what's wrong with me" but only the silences in the room replied her

Hours ago, 3 am she was laying on her bed gazing out the window. The desolate look on her face broke my heart. Still, she looks peace and quiet. But I know, her heart and mind are going through the same war over and over again.

Now it's 3 in the night,
she was sitting on her bed, missing the old her.


*I kinda miss the old me

He paints color on me
No fears drown me anymore

Window down
She cried loud
Her heart tightened
Sunglasses On
So no one see her tears

Hopefully one day,
he will be more responsible for someone else,
someone but not her anymore

Hopefully one day,
she will be more mature for someone else,
someone but not him anymore

They gave each other a lesson,
so they move on,
learning the old mistake and try to be better

I carry the bad you away with me,
Just so, the good one can treat someone else right in the future,
and not repeating the same mistake you did on me.

At least we used to love each other with everything we could,
maybe we leave scars on each other soul,
But I hope you stop crying and

I love you.

The sky is crying for you,
striking the land hard,
pushing the omber hard,
letting it hit the shore,
again and again.

The sky is crying for me,
raindrops on the girl's shoulder,
soft but sad,
rain hits her tears,
cold and warm,
why is that pretty girl doing in the rain?
letting the warm liquid running down her cheek,
but at the same time,
letting the rain wash it away,
again and again

I guess you lost in the who love more game,
But why do I feel like I'm the biggest loser after all?

I starting to get worried, about people around me. I'm afraid of what if some of them can't stand the stress or problems.
They end up ending their life. I've been there, it wasn't easy to hold on and I almost make a wrong choice too.


I should have known,
when I break into an argument with her. In the end, I always shut my mouth, because I'm gonna burst into tears. We were in the car that time, he turned and pat me.
"You've done well."

I should have known,
Whenever I'm upset, he always appears and sends me a long text that motivates me. He always reminds me that I'm good enough when I think I'm not.

I should have known,
He doesn't just notice it, but he actually feels it. Because he is in it, so he is trying his best to pull me out and not make me into this field of depression.

I'm so sorry.
Now, **** happened.
I'm not even allowed to ask
"Are you okay?"

My mom said
"Don't ask him about it, pretend you don't know"

You sure, mom?
What if it's too late in the future,
For me to just ask
"Are you okay? Bro."

I'm suffocating in my own thoughts,
the one I used to get so proud of,
I shout for help,
so please,
please don't just cross your arms standing by the side,
staring and do nothing.

There’s a place built at corner but always fill with bubbly life.
If you come by,
Laugh is the main thing you’ll hear,
Smile is the first thing you’ll see,
Happy is the biggest thing you’ll feel,
Sometimes, a wave of anger will just strike thru your morning and ruin your mood.
But if you treat them well, you can probably turn their anger into something.
Maybe doughnuts? Coffees? Tarts? Or cakes?
Most of the time, It may look like a war
But where come the glory,
Without the glorious fight
With the greatest knights.

Dear Puddin, this is for you. I actually wrote this long time ago, but I just keep adding more and more things I feel about you, cause you're a total enigma and yet there are more for me to explore about you.
Remember the time I told you that I'm really afraid of people leaving although they promise they won't? that's one of the reasons why I only post this now, cause I'm scared that you gonna leave after knowing so much about me. But now, leaving is just unknown and so why not I just cherish and enjoy every moment we have? Be bold they said.

It's strange isn't? Two lonely souls met through the network and who knows you could be someone so important for me? A song reminds me of you, not crywank, not flatsound, not whatever you think of.

I knew this would be love, by Imaginary future

It's funny how we met on the telephone
You and I on the edge of the unknown
Oh, in only a moment's time
I knew my heart was yours and yours was mine
....
There were days when I thought I'd lost you
I read the letter aloud, what could I do?
Now, we're right back where we belong
Don't second guess your heart, it's never wrong.

The day you told me that I made you buzzed a smile in front of your screen and that actually made my heart skipped a beat, who knows I could make someone feel that way? When you told me you're a very emotional person and you've been down the bottom in your life for two years, although with a funny tone, I can still feel you. Imagine how struggle is you for that two years and I'm glad that you actually back on track and I get to meet you after all.

As you wish, here goes the peom for you

The room is dark and quiet,
You sent me a message and it popped up,
lighten up the room together with a cheerful ring of tone.

I smile whenever I heard that,
cause I only set that tone for you,
With my half-open eye,
squinted at my phone screen,
Smiling again.

Show me, James.
Where did you learn the magic from?
The magic that easily put on a smile on me,
The smile that from the bottom of my heart.

Tell me, James.
What did I do to deserve you?
The care you give me to hold on,
The words you say to heal my scars.

Hear me, James.
Just to let you know,
every moment we spent together,
I take it to heart,
these memories deserve a place to stay
they can stay in my heart forever.


I remembered time that
I want to be alone,
cause I thought I was made to be alone,
he came by telling me that you will always be here for me.

Words are not enough to tell you,
How important are you to me,
I will show you

*one day,
Promise.

"Come on, I know you've been through *****. I did too, you can definitely make it through"
Don't said that,
You're not me,
I don't even know whether I'm strong enough to make it through or not
Because there's no reason to keep me up to make it through.
What happens after I make it through?
tell me
will I be better?
will I?

I love you
You love her
She love him
And everyone start blaming each other for being too complicated

I always wonder,
How do I even end up in second or way back behind,
Although I already tried my best to stay at first.

Don't you think it's hurt?
That you drop from the first choice and
then to  second/third/fourth,
way back behind.

In the end,
you become none.

Sad to say,
but by the end,
no one actually gives a **** to you.

Things are going so well. Why do I feel like everything is just going to fall apart soon after?*

Sometimes, when we have experienced pain and hardship, it can be difficult to believe that good thing can happen, and when they happen, that they can last. Because you've been in a dark place, you feel like the light might go out at any time. It's not going to. You are the one who controls the light switch.

Sometimes we fear the unknown. Embrace where you are and take things day by day. I'm sure you'll be great at whatever is ahead.

When life is feeling great and it's something you're not use to, it can bring a sense of worry like you're living the calm before the storm. But, once we learn to live in the moment that sense will go away, and make this positive time more likely to stay.

I hope sadness doesn't exist,
Cause it doesn't just hurt me,
It hurts people around me too,
Although when the world is against me,
There are actually a few people stay and remain by my side,
Trying to cheer me up,
They try what they can do or even more to make me feel calm
But in the end, I still friend with sadness.
I ******* hate it,
I don't want to let them down,
I ******* don't!

It's not fair to them,
They did their best,
But I still trapped,
I always try to recover my best self,
Hope that one day,
I could walk out from the darkness and give them a big smile,
The smile from the bottom of the heart.
And a big heart.

*Thanks for being by my side always, always

You're gone like you never been here,
no trails left behind.

I always wonder,
Can the right people with the wrong timing
got at least a second chance?

If so,
I will choose not to meet you

It's heartbreaking when you realized both of you are not the right person.
*don't blame the time

Hey, promise me you will hang on it right?
No matter what happens,
Just do me a favor,
Hang in there okay?

The alarm clock by her bedside,
It shows 11:11,
She cross her fingers like she usually did,
Ready to make a wish,
But after a moment of pause,
She uncrosses her fingers.


She smile and shook her head,
"**** haha, it's like 11:11 gonna fulfill my wish? God can't see me, remember?"

Turn the alarm clock to the other side.
Staring at her wrist,
Speak in a low tone.

"Maybe I'll wish one more.
I hope I can wake up tomorrow and I hope you finally see me."

Don’t tell me how lovely is the star and moon,
I wanna hear our story,
The one that makes them jealous.

Hate me for being so kind,
When I'm not even that type of person,
I'm so fake,
I can't stand it.

People either soak themself in a pool of sadness,
Or they will try their best to find joy throughout the journey.

Although it doesn't seem to work out now,
Believe me,
It will, in the future

Goodnight goodnight, it's time now to sleep
how many times,
before I close my eyes,
I have to stare at the ceiling,
Wondering who is gonna leaves tomorrow.

It's stupid isn't?
The crowd sometimes drew your attention away,
teaching your mind how to lie,
You're not alone,
You're happy,
You've got lot of friends,
They're not gonna leave you.

The next moment,
I'm awake
The emptiness of my heart try to drown me down silently
You didn't see me struggling for help, flapping my hand above the water as like I'm drowning
You didn't see me
You don't see me

It's sad that no one actually realizes how sad you are*

right?

Does it make you feel better if I say I don't love you anymore?
If yes,
I don't love you anymore.