I recall that sunny day in late March… we sat on your porch step, as you pressed a cigarette to your lips.
Our legs pressed together, we sat there calmly and relaxed as “stay” played softy in the background from the neighbour.
You were the most beautiful guy I ever laid eyes on. The way the sun hit you, I knew you’d look striking in that California sun you always dreamed of being in.
I knew from that exact moment you inhaled your last drag, that I loved you

Don’t tell me it’s just a phase,
I’ve been sad for 3 ******* years.
This isn’t just a phase

Maybe there’s a reason why you forgot about me
Maybe it was the way I was never okay
or how my hair was always messy
my eyes were always heavy
Perhaps how my thoughts were usually jumbled
or other people interested you
and you didn’t know what to do
It could be how I cared too much and maybe I still care too much

you’ll never stop loving him,
it’s impossible

I wanted to rip your name off my tongue, it no longer tasted sweet. It was expired and replenishable to another girl rain-checked in line. I didn’t fight back, I let them claim their prize. Every girl needs a you in their life, a man to flood her thoughts every second of everyday, a man to teach them that loving someone who doesn’t love them back is painfully repulsive. It had to be real? because who could love someone, and keep loving them without being loved back? Me. It hurt too much to be anything else… it burned my heart to see you love someone else who wasn’t me. It made me braver, it made me stronger, it made me realize that sometimes love is letting go, yet your heart is wanting to be stitched back up. The choice was once mine, before losing became my loss, I was there, but then I was forgotten, only to be rephrased of who I was to you

Fall is so beautiful, but everything’s dying for a fresh start.
To sacrifice yourself to have a new life, to be able to start again. To be able to forget what you’ve seen, and felt from memories and to let those leaves fall from their branches, only to be blown away by the winds of defeat of weakness. You slowly let me fall like the one last leave in mid november that didn’t want to detach. But you let me. the autumn breeze kissed me, when all you ever did was push me further.