Always a believer
Always hopeful
That there are intelligent beings somewhere
Out there
In the universe.
Because clearly there are none here.
We are simple.
Neanderthals.
All of us.
Mouth-breathers and dinosaur bashers.
Simple.  So simple.

This warmth surrounds me
because you are near and so
dear to my wizened heart.

It’s my memory
so I guess no one would understand
what that gesture
meant
to me.

All those years ago.
1975?
The prairies.
Grandpa and Grandma’s house
We congregated
Kids left to their own devices but sometimes
Grandpa would walk us to the park and sit with us in the knee-high grass.
We’d talk and play and he would say-go pick  those yellow flowers
I will pick them too
and bring them back to  me.

I did. I was so intrigued. The rest ran off to play

I dutifully brought my bounty back to him.
He took those dandelions
And braided them into a crown
and put them gently on my head and said, you are a princess now.

He said I could be a princess
For just a moment
With a smile and a lot of love he made me a princess for just a
Moment
In time.

And for that, Grandpa,
I’ll always be grateful.

I miss you

Autumn Haiku

It is dying time.
The leaves are giving way to
the end of summer.

Black Widow

I pity the fool
that falls in love with me.

I'm sorry you got tangled in my web.
Yes, I cast it,
and I was looking for you.

And now I'm just going to collect you
like the others.
Store you for now.
Devour you later.

And then I'll start over.
Move on.
Cast a new web.
Find the next one.

Watch for me,
carefully now.
Watch for me in the shadows.

You put it there
Mother, Father,
And so I must endure it all.

Cobwebs

Just before
the night claims me,
errant thoughts usually traipse across the landscape of my mind.
There's always
bits and pieces from my conscious day that play out and then there's the bits and pieces that creep and crawl  in
from the cobwebs of my subconscious mind.
God, how these thoughts plague me, harangue me.
And it all twists and turns internally in the twilight of my dreams and I battle through it all.
I fight and I struggle and I break through the surface and I breathe.
And I awake. I stir, I struggle, and then,
and then, I decide
that this day
is another day
that is worthy of my time.

Colour Blind

I don't see the colour of your skin.

I see
the colour of your heart.

Is it dark and putrid or
is it the color of a soft and lilting tune?
Is it filled with warm tones,
or cold?
Hues of ice and snow,
or gold?

Do you give or take?
Do you love or hate?

I don't see race or faith,
I just see you-
your energy, your words, your actions.

I see you; I just simply
see you.

Come to Me

For shelter. For love.
Come to me when you are in
dire straits -when you
are as hollow as a shell. When you are but an echo of your former self.
Shapeless. Hapless. Forgotten.
Come to me.
I will wait
for you
in the shadows of your soul.

Conflagration

Inferno.
Firestorm.
This is what I feel
in my heart of hearts.
It burns
and consumes
and turns me to ash and then,

like a wave,
my emotions
break and beach
and wash over you
and drown you.

Push and pull- these are the
the tides of my emotions,
and the moon is the cause,
and I moon over you and it pushes and pulls the waters on the shores of
my pathetic, insignificant
little soul.

Corpses


The wind whispers and whimpers and wails
throughout this ******, ****** night.
It cries and calls out and it cackles a cacophony of croaking, dying voices.
It hurts, it hurts and bleeds.
This night echoes voices- the throaty
voices of the dead and the gone.
The dead and gone and
the gangrene and rotten, ruinous souls that haunt us all.
The rotten.
The ruinous.
The souls we've left behind.

Elsewhere

In the
Nether regions
Of my mind
I remember
I feel
I live
It all. Every moment
In time
No matter
The pain
The cost to
My soul.
I just keep
Living and
Enduring
It
All.

Doldrums

I’m down in them. I am.
Sigh.
Time to bring myself up
by the bootstraps or by
some other means.
I’m tired of this place.
It is so dark and desolate.
I want
to feel the sun on my face
once again.
Oh I do. I do.

Bumped into an old flame the other day...inspired this nasty little poem...;)

Oh first love,
how I want to crush you beneath my heel.
Grind the little pieces of you into the dirt until the soles of my feet bleed scarlet red rivulets of my blood-my life-my energy-that I wasted on you.
Come on over-
I’ll take you up in my arms and crush you against my chest-break your ribs and smother the air out of your lungs. Crush you against my body until you fall limp and then I’ll release you.
Let you slump in an inconsequential heap at my feet.
Exactly where you belong.
If you ever come back to me
I promise you this fate.
You took me up back then and
pulled me all the way down.
I scrambled up and out of that pit of despair you condemned me to so don’t.
Don’t come back to me.
You’ll regret it because I’m ready and willing to make things right.
Square things away -
so just don’t.
Don’t you come back to me now.

Forgiving

Children are
So forgiving.
Maybe it is because we forget -
we parcel away
all of those awful things
the adults did to us.
Maybe that’s why.
We forgive and forget.

Can be found
anywhere but mostly
in places
you wouldn’t expect like
Right here
Right now.

Haunted Haiku

I will wait for you
in the darkness-in the still
of this wicked night.

I am Lost

My soul resonates
with the prettiest and darkest things.
I feel and hurt
and live and rejoice
and die and hate
and forgive.
I do it all
in a whirlwind of emotions so no wonder.
No wonder
I don’t know what’s forward or backwards or even what to say
Or do next.
I am so lost.

I Don’t Cry Anymore

What does that mean?
Have I lost my soul?
The thing that makes me human?

I don’t cry anymore.
Something dies right in front of me -
I mourn. I lament.
But I do not cry.

You throw barbs at me.
You are hateful and unkind.
I look at you with empty eyes and I am silent, but by God
I do not cry.

I don’t cry anymore.
The well has run dry.
I am but a withered and weathered
thing.
Twisting in the wind.

I Don't Want to Fight Anymore

I don't want to fight with you
anymore.

I am just projecting
the ugly tangled thoughts
that plague my mind.

It's easier to make you hurt
than to feel it myself.

It's easier to access the ugly
than embrace the beautiful.

Most of the time,
it's easier to just hate you
instead of give you the love
you so deserve.

I Feel

I feel my way through life.
Always have and I always will.
I listen. I reach out. Feel
Hurt
love
live
despair
hate
all of it all of it.
I feel
I feel
All of it
Every
Day.

I Have All Kinds of Words

...that I can express
poetically,
or pathetically,
or with apathy.

Which of these would you like?

I’ve Had to Say

Goodbye.
A few times lately. Covid and the ravages of time.
Age and days
that have worn and weathered
our weary population.
Lots of goodbyes
Lately.
So many
goodbyes.

The sun rose and set
And here we are again
It’s a beautiful day.
Smiles and acts of kindness
It’s just
Nice.
What a beautiful day.

I’m ruminating
Reminiscing
Remembering

I am
I can’t help it.
Those days were
So pure so precious
I miss them
I miss you
Forever and always those days
Are gone I know it but I won’t
Stop loving you
remembering you
missing you no never ever
I won’t

It's Still a Beautiful World

...full of beautiful people.
Even though the news tells us otherwise.

So let's come together-
those with hearts that
radiate
love and kindness.

Let's embrace the angry and the forlorn
instead of fear them
and hate them
because we cannot, have not
walked a mile in their shoes.
Just stop.
Think.
Breathe.

Reach out.
Extend yourself in kindness and
maybe then,

maybe then we can staunch the blood
that flows from this wound
we all created.

I’ve Come Undone

Unravelled.
Unspooled.
Undone.
Once upon a time, I
was tightly woven.
A part of the fabric of society but now.
Now I’m frayed. A loose thread.
Pull on me and it will all come
Undone.

I've Got Wings

I could fly away
from you,
but you clipped them, didn't you?
You want me
to be caged.
This is how you like me.
Flightless.
Without hope.
But they do grow back, you know.
These are the secondary feathers that have no blood vessels so you can't really hurt me or keep me
flightless.
I can still fly and I can still navigate and find my way
past you.
I can find
my way
home.

I write
from all the corners of my heart.
I write from every chamber,
from every ventricle that pumps the blood
that circulates throughout my soul.
I write
when I am succeeding as a human being
and I write
when I fail,
and sometimes,
I fail on a grand scale,
but at least I write.
I write.

I Write

I write it down.
Somewhat poetically.
Spill my guts.
Somewhat poetically.
And then I read it later and I’m promptly ashamed
to read the truth of it all
so then I delete it and
go about my day
And then night comes and I look for it but I got rid of it so I write it again.
And the cycle continues.
Emote
Delete
So I don’t have to absorb it
and live the truth
or deal with the  things
that are eating me
from the inside out.
I guess that’s just the way it is.
I guess
that’s  poetry, baby.

Late

It is late, this I know
because I feel the chill of it
in my bones.
I hear the wind and leaves
tearing away,
stem to stern.  
It’s dying time,
It’s the fall,
It’s the ruin
Of us all.
The sun fails and
night prevails
winds wail and
then
It’s over.
And
Another day
Comes.

Life is Messy

I love you deeply
and greatly
but lately
I'm lost
and floundering
and fooling
myself
that I'm sane
and I try in vain
to straighten my path
and still my wrath,
but alas.
I
have
failed.
I have faltered, my love,
and
I do believe
I have completely
fallen
apart.

Look at Me

My countenance,
my mien
says
leave
me
alone.
It says I am stoic,
stone-faced. Shut
down.
All doors are locked.
Do not enter.
No trespassing-
but it's all a farce.
I need you.
I need somebody,
here,
now.  
I'm no good on my own.
Truly.
I'm no good at all.

Lost

I'm so lost that I cannot be found.
No one will ever recover the bits and pieces
of me.
I gave way to the night awhile ago.

I let myself be buried
many moons ago.

And now
I'm just a bit of the dust and dirt and earth beneath your feet.

Look down now, and you'll find me.
There I am.
There I am.

The touch of your hand
Upon the small of my back
Is all that I need.

This is what
I feel for you.
I love your smile, but
I hate your grin.
I love the sin
you involve me in.

I hate your snide
remarks.
I love our
insignificant talks.

I love you.
I hate you.

So here we are.
Stasis.

Love, hate, love.

Love is Blind- a Haiku

Love is blind, they say,
but I saw you so clearly
all those years ago.

Mirkwood

This is my forest.
My Middle-earth.
My fantasy woods filled with wicked things and winged creatures.
It's the dark forest of my imagination.
It's the little annex, attic of my mind.
Mirkwood is where I go when things are darkest and when I need to delve deeply
into my soul.
It's where I go when all things go awry, when they go so awfully awry.

I cut you out.
Dad. Mom. Children.
Pretty house, big kitchen and lovely bedroom suites.
I used to cut out the
things I wished we could have
and then I would tear you up and hate you because I couldn't have you or be you- so go to Hell, Sears catalogue.
Go to Hell and die like I died a little every day when I realized that my little paper dolls were the best that I could ever have.

Poetry is the
private musings of the soul;
the songs of the heart.

There are so many
Indignities that I have
endured in my time.

I pick up the pen
and I write
because I need
to bleed my emotions
on paper and sometimes I
write
just for the hell of it and sometimes
I write because I just need
to talk to someone anyone
I just need to talk.

Stand Up for Equality

Guess what?
You can be white
and hungry and
underprivileged.

You can be African American, Mexican, Asian, Indian... and on and on and
be hungry and underprivileged.

We are all in this place.
We are all human
and struggling
and wanting so much more.

So let's do it.
Let's break down these walls-no, we won't build them.

Let us break down these walls and embrace our humanity and our inherent love for one another.

Let's just give each other a helping hand for once.
Let's all just stand up
for each other.

Let us just stand up
for love
and kindness.
Let us
stand up.

Watch Your Step
so you don’t trip and fall
or worse.
Watch your step, my good friend.
Step
Lightly.
Carefully.
Carefully, now.
I’m
watching
You.

Stitches

How can I weep
for something I have not yet lost?
Perhaps it is because I can feel it slowly, surreptitiously
slipping away from me, and
I do not want to let it go.
I truly am endeavoring
to stitch this tear in my bedraggled heart,
but I am no seamstress.
I do not know how to mend or make amends with myself,
and I really don't know
if I want to.

The Sun Always Rises

and the dark always
gives way to the light.
Remember that,
in turbulent and troubling times.
Like these times
right here and right now that we are immersed in.

We are wading through this sludge with trepidation and angst and with the fever
of revolution.

Do we fight? Retreat to our separate corners?
I say fight.
Be bold.
Be ****** and resolute and be belligerent in thought and word.

Do move forward, kindly, and with the spirit of all that have ever been repressed- with the spirit that breaks the chains of uniformity and oppression.

Fight for freedom.
Fight for love.
Fight for a hopeful future.

That’s where I like to escape, often.
Pick up a real book-this thing with paper and a cover and bindings and a frontispiece and I just dive right in.
Turn off all the background noise and I just waltz right into that exposition and sit myself down and watch. Listen.
Become a part of the narrator’s carefully crafted tale.
Cheer for my protagonist and wish the worst for my antagonist.
I hear it all, and feel it all,
eat and breathe those words, those scenes, that rising action.
I’m right there for the ******
and falling action and the eventual denouement.
And then I let go.
I set that book gently down on my bedside table and I let myself come back here. Regretfully, always, but at least I know that another world
is just a page or two away.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be a better day.
It's such a beautiful sentiment, really,
that I want to repeat it again and again in my mind.  
And I'll listen and hear it anyways-
even when things go crooked-even when my light gets diffracted and when everything goes upside-down.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
I know it.
I believe it.
Tomorrow
will be
a better day.

...but instead, we chose to be lovers,
and that
was the beginning of our end.
Laughter
turned to bitter tears
and cruel words.
The comradery so quickly
became incompatibility.
What was once so fruitful
became barren.
Desolate.
And so we both went our own ways,
lonely and hurt.
Searching.
What fools to attempt such a thing
when
we could have just been
friends.

Gentle giant.
I sit in the oasis of your shade.
I peel your bark, and
it is like skin.
Transparent.
I rub your skin between my fingertips and feel calm;
I feel your energy.  
You are a healing tree.
When I sit in your shade,
I feel peace and contentment.
However, your song is one of despair,
and so sometimes,
when I sit beneath your limbs,
I lament.
I hurt and I feel
for all things that have passed.