Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jenn Yeo May 2014
He was a boy who I knew was special but I couldn't exactly pinpoint why at first
After talking to him I noticed I had started to gather pieces of him in the cracks of my skin and under my nails that I desperately tried to scrub off
I could not and would not allow myself to get attached and let him inside of me
But then it got worse because he spread to my head and in my heart in such large quantities I couldn't filter him out if I tried
And most of me no longer wanted to
Quickly he flooded my entire body and being
And the worst and best possible thing happened; it was love
Something I couldn't verbally admit but I felt it down to my core
He was so ******* handsome in the simplest ways
I fell in love with the corners of his mouth and how they'd lifted when he smiled and the dimples that were exposed
Or his eyes that could never lie to you because they always held so much raw emotion
It wasn't even his looks but his heart and his mind
I loved all the things about him he despised
I fell in love with the way he spoke up when he heard someone talking about something he was passionate about
and I fell in love with when he didn't speak at all and he'd look up from this trance he was in and he looked so lost and alone
When I looked in his eyes the world blurred out and grew quiet like it was only him and I
It may have lasted a few seconds but it was hours in my head
But it was even more special when I looked into his eyes the darkness in my body seeped out of my pours and the demons within me kept quiet
And maybe no being can cure what is inside someones head
etched into their bones
and sewn into their spirit
no being can battle others demons
but if you can make the noise in your head that been there for so long you can't count the years on one hand disintegrate
vanish into thin air
then my god, that it love
I'll be honest I'm terrified
Terrified to love someone as much as I love you
Because it's the big things, the little things, the things that are here and the unknown
It is everything about you that I love and it's hard to keep ignoring
I cannot imagine how awful it would feel to have my heart broken by you
Or to be the one to break yours
We are both fragile being one drop away from smashing
But I will keep you safe if you do the same for me
I'll hold onto you with two hands for safety
and if I ever slip I will gather your every piece and glue you together
And maybe it won't last but we could at least try
Love is not an easy thing
Even now I sit rambling over you, spilling these jumbled thoughts and using words that will never be arranged well enough to show how much I love and care for you
But I do it because I am filled with so much love I can't help but spill it out through my fingers out of fear it may fall out of my mouth when I'm not paying attention
This piece started off with a "he" but now if ending with a "you"
Because you are no random being, you are my everything and nothing
and all that lies between
When I look at you now, It's hard to see how you aren't special  
And I hope you look at me and feel the same.
Jenn Yeo Jan 2014
If I could go back one year today
I wouldn't have watched as you walked away
I would have followed you down that hall and kissed you goodbye one last time

If I could go back one year today
I would tell you what was wrong when you asked
I'd tell you how something didn't feel right; that you needed to stay home

If I cold go back one year today
I would have replied each text faster
I would have told you all the things I needed to before it was to late

If I could go back one year today
I would have stopped you
through the wind and rain I would have found you
and never let you go

If i could go back one year today maybe I'd still have you, maybe things wouldn't be this way

But I can't go back;
I can only go forward
*without you
Jenn Yeo Jan 2014
Today I feel empty
I feel sad
I feel lonely
I feel misunderstood
I feel weighed down
I feel hurt
I feel rejected
I feel remorse
I feel guilt
I feel shame
I feel angry
I feel ugly
I feel bare
I feel useless
I feel selfish
I feel torn
I feel depressed
I feel anxious
I feel pain
I feel endless pain
as each day passes more become added to the list and I wonder how long one can go on like this
Jenn Yeo Jan 2014
I know I spend too much time too late in the night thinking of all the things I said and what I did wrong
And I see that when I look in the mirror I think of what'd you'd say to me today if you would say anything at all
I find myself rehearsing lines that I'll never speak because I don't have the guts to do so
Running through moments in my head that will remain there because I know they'll never happen
I think of all the places you've touched me and they feel so different then the rest of me
When I close my eyes I can almost see it all so clearly
But here I am alone in bed writing words you'll never read, spilling feelings you'll never know and shattering my heart that was never whole.
Jenn Yeo Jan 2014
She watches you with careful eyes, a wicked heart and dreadful lies
Waiting until the moment when you can't bare to breath anymore
She walks in with perfect strides, movements so smooth as if she glides
and she comes to when you are collapsed in a heap on the floor

She tells you dear there is a place, somewhere off in time and space
She'll take you there if you agree, the trip is now and the ticket is free
All the pain will suffice and this she says is no lie
It is a world of no pain nor hurt and where all your thoughts can be heard

Everyone will be happier if you come with me she says; trust me your parents will understand
Think of the adventure, think of the peace, think of the opportunity, don't you trust me?
She pulls you in so close but her hands they feel so awfully cold.
She says I only want the best for you, come with me like I need you to

And so you agree to go because she's advised its best but you get this sinking feeling in your chest
You can tell somethings not right, as you journey father away and emerge in this light
At first you are blinded but all you hear is screams, surrounding you in a place of peace
but you recognize voices and you start to hear weeps; you find out soon it's your family

They know that you've left and you feel like you're going to *****, this was not what she had promised
You realize you need to go back but she ignores your pleas, even when you go down to your knees
You feel so angry, so weak and so torn but you continue to try to beg on the floor
Listen to me you scream but you loose your breath when you realize this woman was in fact death

Death can be beautiful, or so she may seem but inside shes rotten, cold and so mean
Don't do what she asks of you please; she's is all around us and your heart ache she sees
She will feed off of your pain, sorrow and emptiness until she can take one more victim off of her checklist
This is not right but this is the tragic end; remember death is the enemy and not a friend.
Jenn Yeo Dec 2013
Are you aware of how many times in a day I hear the phrase **** yourself or myself used?
I constantly hear it from my peers, friends, teachers, authority figures, family, and even strangers.
It's used in math class when kids complain about the workload.
And again when the teachers warn us to be safe in gym class.
It's said by my peers to kids over the internet in hopes they'll feel as terrible as they do.
Used when my family tell stories of embarrassment.
One may argue why it's such a big deal and this is what I'll tell you:
Suicide is not a joke; it's not something to casually throw around.
It's someones life forever gone and many life's changed because of it.
That's the big deal.
It's not okay to say "This makes me want to **** myself!"
or "You should just **** yourself!"
nor is it okay to say "Are you trying to **** yourself?"
I refuse to believe it is a part of modern day language.
Currently the Oxford English dictionary has approximately 220,000 words in it.
That means there's no excuse to use those words the way they are currently being used when you have that many options.
And if I have to ask one favour, it's to respect mental illness and the deaths every year that happen because of it.
Nearly 1 million people across the world die by suicide each year. That's 1 death every forty seconds.
All of whom pass away because of this have family and friends grieving.
Saying that is not only offensive but can be triggering to those around you.
It's not okay and there is no longer an excuse.
Take it out of your vocabulary.
More of a rant but I'm tired of hearing this everyday.
Jenn Yeo Dec 2013
I recall one night when we trespassed onto church property
To kiss on the wet grass until time got blurry
Or that hot summer day when we kissed on every surface of your home
All day long because we were all alone
Or when we'd go for walks and talk about wherever our mouths lead us
And our hands held without realizing and love seemed so effortless
A time when you were excited for me to meet your friends
You were not ashamed of my loose odds or ends
When you were the one who begged me to stay and promise things would work
But in the end it seemed although I was the only one hurt
Do you ever think of these memories too
Or am I still caught hopelessly fallen for you
Next page