I want is to die.
And not like I failed my math test or my boyfriend broke up with me die.
Or not even die when you feel the blood rush to your cheeks because you'd never been more embarrassed.
But die as in I no longer want to live and no longer feel guilt because of it.
Because this earth has nothing for me left and nothing it can say to keep me.
I want to feel my last breath burn my lungs as it slips through my lips and into the earths air never to be found again.
I want to feel my heart beat slow and forever stop cold and empty in my chest.
Humans are born with this fear of death etched into their bones but I don't think I was born with such a gift because I honestly can't think of a beautiful thought than to die.
Its not because I refuse to see the beautiful, little things in life because I've been surrounded by beautiful bright lights at night, even experienced love with the kindest of souls.
But even that sometimes is not enough.
People have told be its selfish to end my life but I think its just as selfish to keep someone here when they don't wish to be.
And people have told me its cowardly to **** myself but sending yourself to an unknown place with unknown consiquences seems pretty brave to me.
And so we get back to there's nothing you can do or say to save me.
Well I never asked to be saved and I see no reason to be.
I welcome death.

I cut my skin in patterns to feel something again
which some find disgusting and others can't comprehend
but let me tell you this when you ask about my scars again
at least my razor blades know how my day went