How can my words explain
The lost love and all the pain
How can my words say
That I wish I wasn't alive today
How can I show you me
Without you judging from what you see
How can you say my name
Without me remembering pain

How can my actions speak
Louder than words that are weak
How can I live for the future
When I can barely make it through today
How can I stop choking
And figure out what to say

How can my heart
Not feel so heavy in my chest
How can I give you part of me
When there is nothing left
How can a needle patch me back together
When I have been stabbed to many times
How can my nerves be strong as iron
When I have been beaten and broken
How can I turn my face to the sun
When all I see is blood

How can reason stand above emotion
When this is bigger than both of us
How can I not fall to my knees
When I am weak from lack of care
How someone love me
When they are never here
How can my tears grow a flower to blow
When all I remember is gloom

How can you smile to the sun
Why I cry under the moon
How can your eyes run dry
When I just start to cry
How can the paper get wet
When it isn't raining
How can the water leave
When it isn't draining

How can my word make sense to you
When they are all jumbled in my head
How can you face the day
While I hide in my bed
How can you rise out of the ashes
While I get whipped with so many lashes
How can a smile be so hard to bear
When not a single person can say they care

How can a candle still shine without air
When I know that this life is not fair
How can you chose me out of the others
When I try to hide in the crowd
How can you hear my voice
When everyone else is so loud

How do you see me on the ground
With a all the people milling around
How can you love me or is it just pity
When I cant break the chains or be free

How can you see me as beautiful
When all I show is a disguise
How can you say you care
When there is nothing there
How do you make me wonder at your light
Instead of crying throughout the night
How can you give my heart peace
Instead of trying to fight
How can you love a wretch
When I am not strong enough for one

How do you say I am the one
That makes you better
How can you write the songs
And I write the letters

Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.

I'm talking to you in there.  
You know how special you are.
The way he looks at you,
and you know you've been looked at that way times before this one.
He looks at you, with utter compassion.
Holding back all he wants
Because you have yet to experience the pang of loneliness that is required in order to truly understand what it means to cherish another human being.

You may start a sad story about your life,
But do you realize that the saddest part
Is that you don't see yourself the way you should?

Most heroines are overlooked by their would-be suitor
and all see the tragedy in it.
That she is not valued by them the way she deserves.
She is not looked at and sought after the way she deserves.
But who is the other person in your life, Amy?
Who is the one person that will not appreciate how incredibly coveted you are?

You.

You and only you.

Those who care not for you have no interest in bathing in your excellence.
These people are not to be minded.
But there are many who are changed for the better just by knowing you.

Why are large animals so majestic?
Because they have the undeniable ability to ravage all in their path,
but choose to do so only when it is key to survival.  

You could easily spread a wave of grief across all around you by taking a detour off of this bridge.
But it is your decision to instead change lives that shapes you as a beautiful person.  

Death is much easier than life.  
But being selfish enough to cause pain for so many people would forever damage the soul.  
Even in the next life,
they would be cursed to only being able to cause pain.

This might be the turning point in your reincarnations.  
You have the option of selfishly leaving and destroying all hope for future lives.
You have the option of taking all your pain and promising to aid all others in pain so as to be healed yourself and lead to generations of joy forever.  

So when you look back at this, and ask what the best option is, remember the title of this poem.

I don’t want to write yet another poem about you
about your gorgeous words,
and how they trickle like honey down my neck.
about the sweet way you seem to like
to email me.
for no reason at all.
about your smile, your laugh
and the way they just suit your face
so well.
about the fact that you once surreptitiously
asked for my number.
about the way you under-state things.
about your eyes.
about the curves of your lips.
about your glasses
and braces.
it’s creepy.
i really need to stop writing
about you.